“My hands hurt,” Sara whimpered while we walked through the woods beside our house.
“I know, but if we get plenty now, we won’t have to come back out here for the rest of the day. Just stop whining,” I scolded her and put a few dead branches in her arms.
I hated hearing her complain—my hands hurt, too. The wind whipped across my skin and all I wanted was to just get warm.
“Jackpot.” I spotted a pile of brush a few feet away. I knew it was dead enough to burn easily, and I wouldn’t have to fight to keep the flames going. The thought of warmth caused me to move faster. I ran as quickly as my frozen legs would take me to the treasure chest we’d found and scooped a few more branches into my arms as swiftly as I could, anxious to get back inside and out of the wind.
I squatted, then dropped to my knees, my legs buckling beneath the pain of the frigid chill in the air, and I noticed Sara bouncing back and forth from one foot to the other.
“What are you doing, weirdo?” I asked with a small giggle before turning my attention back to the task at hand.
“I have to pee. Shut up,” she barked at me, her bouncing becoming more pronounced by the second.
My worry took front and center as I stacked the dead brush against my chest as fast as my aching arms would allow. I had to get her back to the house before she had an accident. The thought of that happening made me nauseous. I knew she must have kidney problems or something—she had way too many accidents for a nine-year-old. The school nurse even sent a note home to Mama, but there wasn’t much she could do. Doctors were expensive, and we just didn’t have the money. It made me sad for my sister because I knew she got embarrassed, even though she’d never say so. It also made me sad for Mama, because I knew she wanted to make my little sister better, and she felt helpless.
I glanced toward the house and spotted the old, beat-up car that belonged to Duane and knew we had to get inside before Sara wet her pants.
“Come on, let’s go. Hurry.” I nudged her with my shoulder, and with increasing speed, headed toward the house.
“Is this enough?” she asked, but didn’t hesitate to follow right behind me.
“It’s fine.” Although, I knew it probably wasn’t. I’d have to come back out here later when Duane barked orders at me. God forbid he actually try to help our family stay warm. But right now, his selfishness didn’t matter; I had to get Sara to a bathroom.
It was the evil that coursed through his veins I had to worry about. I didn’t want her to deal with him if she wet her pants. He said horrible things to her and would almost make her cry. She never shed a tear, but it was written all over her face. He’d make fun of her—like a bully she couldn’t escape. I hated him with every breath I took—I’d never understand why he was so mean.
Sara dropped the branches on the front porch and barged through the door, running straight for the bathroom. I said a quick prayer that she made it in time. I said a lot of prayers. Most of the time, nothing changed, but I kept praying. God had to hear me at some point. He was busy, but I needed His help, too.
“Quit running in the fucking house!” Duane’s voice roared through the stagnant air.
I kept my mouth shut as I carried a load of wood into the living room, dropping it gently into the bucket that sat next to the fireplace. I didn’t make eye contact with him, although I could feel him staring at me. I glanced sideways, noticing the rusty car part that sat on his lap. He constantly worked on crap like that. I always wondered why he didn’t use all that free time to get a job and help Mama out. But I never said that to him—although I wanted to. I kept my opinion to myself as I turned on my heel to grab the rest of the branches Sara had left at the door.
When I dropped the second load, I stood and started to walk back to our bedroom, hoping to avoid any type of interaction with him. My stomach began to turn.
“Where are you going?” He gave me a vomit-inducing grin. His chapped lips surrounding the yellow in his teeth almost made me cringe, but I knew I had to hide it.
“To my room; I have homework,” I lied, my voice hardly a whisper. I just wanted to get away from him. Mama was at work, and I wanted the protective barrier my bedroom door provided. My body trembled from the inside as I shuffled away from the fireplace and him.
“Oh yeah, I forgot. You’re the smart one. The one who thinks she’s better than everyone.” He began to ramble, and I knew I should stop and wait for him to finish ranting. He always got pissed when I tried to walk away.
But I didn’t stop, I just kept moving.
“You ain’t shit,” he emphasized as I turned the corner and closed the bedroom door behind me, letting out a shaky breath.
I glanced over and saw Sara standing in the corner, fear covering her face. I didn’t need to ask when I saw the wet spot that covered the front of her pants.
“I tried to make it,” she whispered so quietly that it was almost inaudible.
“It’s okay,” I answered, hoping to ease her worry. “Just change, hurry.” I glanced behind me, saying another prayer that the door didn’t fly open.
“But I can’t wash them, he’ll see.” She started to panic while sliding out of her pants as fast as she could. We had to wash our clothes in the bathtub since the washing machine had broken a few months ago. Duane would know exactly what happened if he saw her. And then he would break her down with words, and she didn’t deserve that.
“Just hurry,” I whispered, pulling a small, tattered blanket from the top of our closet before grabbing the soiled pants and panties out of Sara’s hand.
I wadded the dirty clothes and wrapped the blanket around them, hoping to shield the smell, before shoving them under our bed.
“What if he finds it?” The fear in her voice was undeniable.
“We’ll wash them when he leaves,” I mouthed as Sara slid into a pair of clean sweatpants.
“Okay,” she replied, and I could see the worry fade just a little.
“Just forget about it for now.” I turned on the radio that was attached to my alarm clock. The channel was full of static, but it brought some sense of life to our room.
“I want to go watch TV.” She stood and started to walk to the door.
“Don’t.” I couldn’t hide the aggravation in my tone as I flopped down on the bed with my library book, anxious to escape reality.
“Why?” she whined.
“He’s in there. Just don’t,” I begged, not wanting him to notice she was in different pants and put the two together.
“Fine.” Her shoulders slumped in defeat, and she let out a huff before falling onto the bed next to me. “I wish he would leave.” Her eyes darted to the door, fearing he might hear her words.
“Join the club,” I muttered and opened my book. “Now be quiet.” I needed to escape, if only for just a little bit.