“Thank you so much for looking after her.” I nodded at Glenda, the home-health nurse who was perched on the rocker in the corner of Mama’s bedroom reading a magazine. She was an older woman with a soft demeanor and a bowl haircut. She always dressed in scrubs with pink Crocs and matching pink lipstick. Mama seemed comfortable around her, and that made Sara and me feel better about leaving her occasionally.
“It was my pleasure, sweetie. That’s what I’m here for.” She stood with a bit of a grunt and ran her fingers down her pants before straightening her posture.
“Any problems?” Sara whispered, glancing over at Mama whose attention was focused on the television screen in the corner. I wasn’t sure if she had even noticed us walk into the room.
“Not a bit. She just watched TV, and I gave her a snack. I offered to read to her, but she wasn’t interested.” She glanced at Mama lovingly before turning her attention back to us.
“Did she sleep?” Sara asked, and I could see the obvious concern on her face.
“No, not a bit,” Glenda replied, completely oblivious to the worry displayed on Sara’s face. Most people wouldn’t recognize it, but I knew better. Worried facial expressions were a normalcy growing up and never went unnoticed between the two of us, even to this day.
“Okay, thank you.” Sara smiled and led Glenda out of the room.
“Hey there, Mama,” I spoke quietly, not wanting to alarm her since she was so engrossed in her show.
She shifted her eyes in my direction, gave me a nod, and patted the bed beside her. I took my place next to her as she settled her head on my shoulder.
“I remember this episode,” I whispered as I stared at the old western series on the screen. Just a couple of minutes went by, and I noticed the evened breathing on my bare shoulder and knew she’d fallen asleep.
Part of me took comfort in knowing Mama was at peace enough beside me to fall asleep so fast. The other part of me worried that she knew her nightmares were going to take control, and she didn’t want Glenda to witness it.
The thought of that made me sick to my stomach. I remained perfectly still for a few minutes before Mama began to stir, and I knew she was in an uncomfortable position. I slid a little farther away from her and helped her to the feather pillow nestled on the bed. As I pulled the comforter over her frail body, I watched how tranquil her face looked as she slept and only hoped it would stay that way.
“Want to stay for dinner? I’m making fajitas.” Sara glanced over her shoulder from the open refrigerator before pulling out an armload of ingredients.
“No, I’m going to head home. I have soup in the crockpot.” I gave her a smile, even though she could read my thoughts.
“You don’t have to go home. You’re welcome to stay here,” she offered while pulling the cutting board from the kitchen drawer.
“Thanks, but I guess I’ll just face him. I can’t run away every time we have a fight.” Although, a huge part of me wished I could run from him and never look back. It would be so much easier than dealing with him most days.
“Okay, but the offer always stands.” She gave me that familiar gaze that I hated.
“Don’t look at me like that.” I rolled my eyes.
“Like what?” she snapped.
“Like you feel sorry for me. Don’t do that,” I snapped right back.
“I’m not. Fuck.” She groaned and shook her head but didn’t look at me because she knew I was right.
“Call me if you need me. Love you.” I pulled her hair as I walked past her to grab my purse from the counter.
“Love you, too, bitch.” She smirked but still refused to make eye contact.
I hated that she pitied me and my life. I never wanted that from anyone, especially my little sister.
I walked out the door and slid into my car. The heat took my breath away as I started the ignition.
Once I got on the road, I cranked the air as high as it would go before turning on the radio.
I wanted to drown out the thoughts starting to whirl around in my mind. I wondered how drunk Jackson would be tonight or if he would even be there when I got home. Maybe he wouldn’t come home at all. Sadly, the last scenario gave me a little comfort, which made me realize how miserable I was in my marriage.
But the sound of my phone ringing through my speakers jerked me away from my thoughts. I’d just left Sara’s a few minutes ago, and she was already calling, which surprised me. I hadn’t even had time to get home.
“What’s up?” I answered the call and waited for her reply.
“Mama had another nightmare.” She sighed into my ear, and my stomach plummeted to my feet.
“Man, already?” I bit the side of my lip as a distraction to keep the tears from forming.
“Yeah, I heard her cries as soon as you left. I just got her calmed down, but I hate that it’s happening so frequently.”
“Me too.” I shook my head as I pulled into my empty driveway, killing the ignition but staying put. I refused to get out of my car until I had my full attention on my surroundings.
“I just fucking wish she would talk to us and tell us what’s going on in her head. Maybe we could help her.” Sara sounded angry, but I knew it was a mask for her pain because that’s how she worked.
“Me too.” I wasn’t sure what else to say. I agreed with her wholeheartedly.
But I had other thoughts running through my mind that I didn’t want to share with Sara. Mainly because I didn’t want to say it out loud.
Part of me feared Mama could feel him close. That somehow, she knew he was awake and out for revenge. I glanced over at the gun case sitting in the passenger seat of my car and vowed to myself to protect my family from him and everything I knew he was capable of doing.
He might have had the upper hand when we were kids and defenseless against his evil ways. But those days were over.
I patted the case before pulling it to my chest.
He would never hurt us again.
That was a promise I would make sure never got broken.