I weaved my way through the walls of stone, and crisp grass crunched beneath my boots with every step. I caught myself on a cross made from rock when the lumpy ground caused me to lose my footing.
“Fuck,” I growled, regaining my composure. I squinted my eyes against the setting sun and tried to make my way to my destination. When I saw her come into view, a sigh of relief escaped my lips.
I slid down in front of her, ignoring the cold stares he sent in my direction even though I could feel the weight of his disapproval boring into me. Fuck him.
“What’s up, Ma?” I smirked, forcing myself not to make eye contact with him in favor of focusing on her.
She refused to answer—it pissed me off, but sometimes it happened. But I wasn’t going to argue with her, not today.
I stared at her, watching and waiting, the only sound around us was the wind whipping through the trees. I pulled my copper flask from my back pocket and twisted the cap. The potent smell invaded my senses just before I pressed the cold metal to my lips and allowed the liquid fire to slide down my throat. The familiar burn filled my chest and brought me comfort.
“I know you tried. I know that now.” The words fell from my lips much slower than I intended.
Rachel would stare at me with disgust when I got home because I liked to have a drink every now and then. I couldn’t understand how she got so fucking judgmental. I took another long pull from the flask to get her out of my head. I hated the way she looked at me sometimes—or rather, looked down on me. She wasn’t any better than me; we were both fucked up.
She used to know that—hell, we talked about it all the time. But somewhere along the way, she changed. Now all she cared about was her sister and that fucking job—she loved both of those things more than me.
“Quit fucking staring at me!” My voice echoed in the empty graveyard as I stared at him. I threw the flask as hard as I could against the stone to my left and watched the amber liquid leak onto the engraved numbers. Panicking, I snatched the metal container before the contents were gone and savored the remaining comfort.
I could almost hear him laughing at my pain, but that was nothing new. He deserved everything he got.
But she didn’t.
I pressed my face against her resting place, wishing she was here with me instead of in a casket, six feet under. She wasn’t perfect, but she loved me. Maybe she couldn’t always protect me, but she didn’t hurt me. Not like he did.
And once she was gone, all I had was Rachel.
“Jackson, I’m so sorry.” Rachel clung to my arm as they wheeled her lifeless body away from the house. I knew she had been sick for a while, but she never went to the doctor, so we didn’t know it was that bad.
Until she didn’t wake up that afternoon. I just stared at the scene playing out and watched as the EMTs put her in the back of the ambulance. They pulled away without even looking back at me. No one even cared that I had just lost her. She was just another body to them.
Fuck them.
Fuck all of them.
We stood in silence as the dust cleared, and we were left alone in the driveway.
“Is there anything I can do?” Rachel pressed against me. Her firm tits rubbed against my chest, and my dick got hard from her touch.
“You can marry me. We can get the fuck out of this place and start a life of our own. Forget all this bullshit.” I couldn’t live in a house with him any longer. I wouldn’t.
“But I don’t turn eighteen for another month, and I have to finish school.” She stared at me with a confused expression that pissed me off. She always had a reason to disagree with everything I said, questioning my ideas.
Why did she have to be so fucking difficult? I had to force my rage down deep, knowing if I let it show, she’d never run away with me. And I needed her. She was all I had left.
But my anger was festering and causing my insides to tremble. My palms began to sweat, and my breathing quickened. I inhaled a deep breath before slowly releasing it.
“As soon as I finish school, I’ll marry you. I promise.” She pressed her face against my chest and gripped me tightly, and the anger fell away, but it was only temporary, and I knew it.
“Swear?” I squinted my eyes at her, trying to read her.
“Swear.” She stared at me, and I wanted to believe every word she said, but part of me thought she was just telling me what I wanted to hear.
“I have to go. I don’t want to be here when he gets home.” I turned away from her without another word. My feet helped me escape into the woods without looking back. I knew she would head back home anyway. There was nothing there to keep her away anymore—I envied that about her.
I stared at the sky. The memories grew fuzzy thanks to my trusty companion I held securely against my chest. It always knew how to do its job…whiskey never let me down.
I tilted my neck further until I fell backward, and my head smacked the dirt with a thud. The dead grass stabbed at my skin as I sprawled out in front of Ma. The heat sizzled against my flesh as though it were determined to drive me away from my mother. But I wouldn’t allow it.
“Stupid sun.” I chuckled and stuck my middle finger in the air, giving it the salute it deserved. I’d leave when I was damn good and ready. Nothing and no one was going to dictate what I did.
Not even Rachel.
“You’re doing good, son. You’re doing everything right,” I heard Ma whisper in my ear, and I laughed, thankful she’d finally decided to talk to me. I pulled a cigarette from my pack and lit the stick between my lips before throwing the lighter at his grave.
“Fuck you,” I hissed in his direction before waiting to see if Ma had anything else to say.
I let the smoke billow around me, engulfing me, cradling me. I could feel her everywhere.
Laughter escaped my lips and the cigarette shook, causing hot ash to spill onto my shirt, but I didn’t care.
I didn’t fucking care.