I sat and watched the time for the last few minutes of the day, waiting for Jackson to call me back at five o’clock. The voicemail I had left for him emphasized it was important. And although our relationship had gone downhill lately, I had enough hope to believe he would at least return my call, regardless of how much we had fought.
“You can go ahead and cut out of here. I’m just going to make a few notes before I leave. There’s no reason for you to stay.” Amie had poked her head out of her door and startled me, drawing my attention away from the clock on the wall.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll stay,” I insisted and grabbed my notebook to try to keep myself busy.
“Honey, it’s only fifteen minutes. Get out of here.” She laughed and waved me off before retreating into her office.
“Thanks, Amie.” My voice rose loud enough for her to hear me as I gathered my belongings. I made my way out the door, hyper-aware of my surroundings as my feet scurried to my car.
I pulled into traffic heading to Sara’s when the ringing of my phone caught my attention. A small part of me sighed with relief when I saw “Husband” flash across the screen.
“Hello,” I spoke into the receiver just as I came to a complete stop at the red light.
“Hey.” His voice was low and cold. This wasn’t a call he was excited to make, he made that obvious with just one syllable.
“Um, listen, I’m going to stay at Sara’s tonight. I just think we need some distance,” I uttered the words I’d rehearsed over and over throughout the day. I didn’t want this to escalate into another fight, but I knew I didn’t want to be around him, either. Not right now, anyway. I needed time.
“What makes you think that running away from me is the answer?” he snapped in my ear.
“I’m not running away from you, I’m just taking a breather.” I pressed my foot on the accelerator when the light turned green and checked my surroundings at the same time.
“It sure fucking seems like it.” His voice was like nails on a chalkboard, screeching in my ear, and I hated I felt that way.
“Jackson, look, I’m trying to get some distance before we do or say something we can’t take back.” It was the truth.
He was all I’d ever known, but the thought of being without him was growing more appealing by the day.
“Is there someone else?” His left-field question almost made me laugh, but not quite.
“Are you kidding me? Did you really just ask me that?” The sarcasm spewed from my lips like hot lava, and I was in utter shock it came out of his mouth. He’d never accused me of being unfaithful before, not even as teenagers. This was ridiculous.
“Yep.” His one-word reply almost caused me to throw my phone at the windshield.
“I can’t believe you’re trying to turn this around on me, Jackson!” My pitch squealed into the receiver, and my hands shook as I gripped the steering wheel, my knuckles turning white.
“Forget it, Rach. Do what you want. Go where you want. See who you want. Just fuck it,” he retorted, and then there was dead silence on the other end of the receiver.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumbled to myself as I pulled into Sara’s driveway with Jackson’s words on repeat in my mind.
I threw my phone into the passenger seat and pressed my face against the steering wheel, trying to gather my composure before I saw Mama. I wasn’t sure if she would notice anything was wrong with me, but I didn’t want to take any chances.
I got out of the car and grabbed my keys and purse at the same time, and then double checked the handle to be sure it was locked.
“You okay?” The voice behind me caused me to jump and drop my keys to the ground.
“Shit! Jake, you scared the hell out of me.” My voice shook as I leaned down to grab the keys from the concrete.
“Sorry.” He chuckled, stabbing a small shovel into the dirt that lined the driveway.
“What are you doing?” I glanced at the dirt covering his shorts and T-shirt.
“Thought I’d plant some bushes. Your sister doesn’t think the outside looks ‘homey’ enough.” He rolled his eyes and used his fingers to make quotations.
“You’re a good husband,” I proclaimed and walked toward the house, leaving him to his work.
“What my baby wants, my baby gets.” He shrugged and started to dig in the dirt once more.
Thank God Sara had a good man in her life. I refused to be jealous of her happiness. I just wished things with Jackson hadn’t turned out the way they had. We used to be happy.
“Hey! I’m here!” I yelled, closing the front door behind me. The living room was empty, but the sound of the radio led me to the kitchen.
“Hey!” Sara’s bottom was poking out from the refrigerator. The counter was lined with all the things she’d removed.
“Need some help?” I asked, handing her the condiments as she lined them in perfect order according to color.
“Nah, I have a system.” She stared at the jars before grabbing them two at a time.
She always cleaned when she was stressed; it had been that way since she was a teenager.
“How’s Mama?” I glanced behind me at her door. It was open but no noise came from it.
“She’s been asleep most of the day. It’s been quiet.” She didn’t make eye contact with me as she organized the drinks on the top shelf.
“Are you okay?” I asked, handing her the sodas as she reached for them.
“That picture is just fucking with my head. This whole thing is fucked up. I wish he would’ve died that day. Why did someone have to find him?” She shook her head and bit the inside of her cheek.
“I’ve asked myself that same question so many times throughout the years.” I wished with everything inside of me that I could tell her what all had happened that day.
“Anyway, I don’t want to talk about him. I’m trying to distract myself. Obviously,” she said, holding up her cleaning spray.
“Well, Jackson thinks I’m cheating on him, and that’s what’s wrong with us.” I smirked and put my head in the palm of my hands with my elbows resting on the counter.
“Are you shitting me?” She cocked her left brow and shook her head with a small laugh.
“Nope.”
“So he’s taking zero responsibility?” The scowl on her lips caused me to laugh, although none of this was funny.
“I just don’t understand how he doesn’t see it.”
“Um, because he’s a drunk. Sorry, sis. But it is what it is.” She shrugged, and I couldn’t disagree.
She was exactly right.