Jesse took us on a drive down some smooth, straight, deserted roads so that Jane could try out her new wheels. He drove back to her house about a half-hour later, and we parked next to her in the driveway.
There were three other cars because Ivy was there with the baby, and Jane had roommates—not roommates, per se, but housemates. She lived in a house that had been broken up into three apartments. Jane and Shelby shared the biggest one on the main level. They had downstairs and upstairs neighbors, but they all had separate entrances and the people living in both places were quiet.
I glanced toward the house as we parked in the driveway, and I could see Shelby through the living room window. Jane got off of her motorcycle, but Jesse didn't follow suit. He also left his bike running, so I stayed where I was, holding onto him to steady myself.
Jane looked at her brother with a curious smile. "Are y'all coming in?"
"No," Jesse said. He glanced curiously over his shoulder at me. I meant to look at him and then look away, but I got entranced by his green eyes and stared for a second.
"Do you want to?" he asked, grinning at me.
"Want to what?" I asked.
"Go inside," he said.
I shook my head and then shifted my attention to Jane. "Congratulations on the bike," I said. "You look really good on that thing."
"Thank you," Jane said. "I'm so excited about it." She reached out and hugged her brother. "Thank you and Dad for working so hard on it."
Jesse smiled and nudged his chin at her after they hugged. "You're welcome," he said. "I'm glad you like it."
Jane hugged me and then looked at Shelby who was glued to the window, smiling and waving at us.
We all three waved back.
"Thanks again, brother," Jane said. "And thanks for taking me out on a ride."
"My pleasure, sister. That ride was the highlight of my day." He was being sweet to his sister, but deep down I hoped his enthusiasm had been directly caused by me riding with him.
"Mine too," she said, waving at us as she took off toward the house.
I hadn't talked to Jesse at all since I told him I ended things with Barrett, and I was nervous and scared to finally be alone with him.
I thought he might say something to me while we were still sitting in Jane's driveway, but he didn't. He just turned the bike around and took us back onto the street.
"Are we just not gonna talk about it?" I asked, leaning up to get closer to his ear as we drove.
He reached back and put his hand on the outside of my thigh as he turned to speak to me from over his shoulder. I stretched upward, putting my ear as close to his mouth as I could so I could catch the sound.
"We'll talk about it," he said.
His hand remained on my leg for a few seconds after he said it, and he moved his thumb a little, rubbing me gently before he finally let go and turned around. The contact felt protective, and it made me hold onto him a little tighter. I rested the side of my face on his back, feeling like the moment was honestly too good to be true. I could just hold on like this forever not ever get off the bike or have to explain feelings, or breakups or fears.
Unfortunately, the dream scenario only lasted a few minutes.
Before I knew it, we had arrived at the garage and Jesse was parking next to my car. I got off of the motorcycle, taking off my helmet and running a hand through my hair in the process. Jesse did the same, hanging both his helmet and mine from his handlebar.
He stood up and turned around to lean against the side of my car, taking me into his arms in the process. I gasped when he did it. I had never in my life experienced this level of intense pleasure.
"Jesse."
"Rose," he said.
He pulled me closer using a hand around my back. My knees got weak, and I felt a warm, rushing sensation.
"Jesse, we can't," I said.
He pulled back and stared down at me—his green eyes penetrating right down to my heart.
"I thought you said you broke up with him," he said.
"I did."
He shrugged. "And you know you've been thinking about me for the last two months, anyway," he said, casually looking at his fingernails, which made me laugh and fake-pound his chest.
"You're right, I have," I admitted.
He smiled. "I know."
"The only reason you know is because you were, too."
"I was what?" he asked.
"Thinking about it, me, whatever. I can't say words right now."
"You don't even have to say words, Rose. I can tell by the way you look at me, by the way you act, that you feel the same way I do."
I felt myself blushing, and I buried my forehead in his chest. "I do, and it scares me, Jesse."
"Why does it scare you?" he asked.
I glanced up. His face was only a few inches away from me and I sighed as I stared at it. I reached up and touched his cheek with my fingertips. I let them trail across the hollow of his cheek and onto his jaw.
"This," I said. "This scares me." I glanced at his mouth, but I dared not let my fingers touch it even though I wanted to. "You scare me," I said. "We're family, Jesse. We can't mess around with each other's feelings."
Really, I was just scared about my own feelings. As someone who had remained single through his early twenties, Jesse had been out with his fair share of girls, and as much as I wanted to give way to the romance of it all, I didn't want to end up on that list of girls whose hearts he broke.
"Surely you don't think I'm trying to mess around with your feelings," he said looking at me with a sincere expression.
He drew me. I felt physically drawn to him like there were magnets involved.
"Honestly, Jesse, I'm scared that this is wrong. I'm scared because right now I don't feel like I've ever felt before. It's too good, isn't it? It's gotta be wrong, I think." I glanced down at my own arms and chest, trying to think of a way to describe the physical sensations he caused. It was like nothing I had ever felt.
"Rose," he said, leaning down to get my attention.
Our eyes met, and I smiled. "What?"
"I know you. I know other girls, and I know you, and you're the one I want."
My heart was beating so quickly it felt more like it was buzzing. My ears were definitely buzzing. I looked around, having the sensation that we were being watched even though nobody was around.
"If only it was this easy," I said, dreading any possible awkward reactions from our family.
"It is this easy," he said.
He reached down and put his lips to mine.
He did it.
Jesse kissed me.
It was like nothing I had ever felt. His warm lips met mine, causing a whole host of things to happen inside my body. I had the feeling that I might melt away into nothingness. His mouth was exactly what I imagined it would be—warm and soft and perfect. He licked his lips before kissing me again.
The second contact caused a wave of intense desire to crash over me, and I squeezed his arms. "Jesse, promise me we're not doing something wrong," I whispered breathlessly.
Jesse pulled back, putting his hands around my face and regarding me with a sweet, contemplative expression. His hands were warm, and his stare made me feel amazingly content and secure. "Rose, baby, there's nothing to worry about. You and I do not share any blood. Your dad was adopted."
I bit my lip. "I know, but won't people think it's weird?"
He stared at me like he was genuinely confused. "Who? Who's gonna think it's weird?"
"My parents? Your parents? Jane? Everyone?"
"I don't think that's true."
"How can you be sure?" I asked.
"What do you think about it?" he asked. "Do you think it's weird?"
I shook my head. "No."
"Me neither," he said. "I don't think it's weird at all. In fact, if you want, I'll go inside and call my family to tell them what's going on. They're probably still at Jane's."
I leaned into him so that I could whisper near his ear. "And what exactly is going on with us, Jesse?"
He kept a gentle grip on my face as he stared at me. "What's going on is that I'm about to do something that's long overdo, Rose."
"You already did," I said, breathlessly.
He shook his head. "Not like I'm about to."
He let go of my face, bringing his hands to my back again, and I grinned as I leaned into him. I reached up and touched his cheek.
"What are you going to do?" I whispered only inches from his mouth. I had been waiting for this moment to arrive for so long that I felt as though Jesse would never do it.
Every second seemed like an eternity.
He squeezed my waist, pulling me even closer as he leaned down, making full and unapologetic contact with my mouth. There was no doubt or fear or guilt present in Jesse's kiss.
He kissed me so deeply that I went boneless in his arms, causing him to hold me tightly as he leaned against my car. He pulled back and smiled at me, and then he kissed my lips again like it was a genuinely fun thing to do.
"Guess what," he said. "I love you, Rose. And not just in the way I've always loved you." He placed a kiss on my cheek. "But in other ways, too."
I was so in love, I felt giddy with it. I stretched up and put my cheek next to his, smelling him and taking in all the emotions tied to this moment.
"Guess what?" I said into his ear.
I waited for his answer. I knew he was going to say 'what', and when he did, I was planning on telling him that I loved him too.
"There's Mom and Dad," he said. "They must've forgotten something." I turned to see that Jesse was staring over my shoulder in the direction of the street. My brain was so focused on other things that it took a second for me to realize what Jesse had said and that the truck approaching contained Ivy and Michael.
I instantly stepped away from Jesse, looking at him with a startled and somewhat terrified expression that reflected my true feelings.
He gave me a beseeching expression. "Rose," he said.
I shook my head at him, trying to play it cool since his dad's truck was getting closer and closer by the second.
I smiled—it was a rushed, cousinly, fake smile that didn't reach my eyes. I knew in my heart we weren't related, but it was impossible for me to let Aunt Ivy see me parked out in front of the shop, kissing her son.
I just couldn't let myself do it.
"Rose, it's not a big deal," Jesse said, seeing that faraway look in my eyes. "Don't worry about it; I'll talk to them."
He tried to reach out for me again, and as much as I wanted to go to him, I just couldn't.
I smiled and turned around just as Michael pulled into the lot and parked a couple of spots away. I held the smile, waving at Ivy and Michael as casually as I could. I glanced at Jesse who was still leaning against my car and looking at me like he couldn't believe I wanted to pretend nothing had happened.
Michael stepped out of the truck, but he left the driver's door open so that Ivy could talk to us from her spot in the front seat. They were both smiling and looking at Jesse and me like they thought the situation here in the parking lot was normal, so I figured they had no idea what had just been going on.
This made me breathe a little easier.
Michael went toward the shop, and Ivy shook her head, smiling at her husband. "He thought he might have left something plugged in," Ivy said, explaining why they were there.
"I always do that," I said nervously. "Well, I better go," I added with a sigh. I waved at Ivy and then turned to wave at Jesse. I tried to give him an apologetic expression, but he just looked at me like he didn't understand why it was going down this way. He attempted to reach for me one last time, and I high-fived his hand, stopping him in motion.
"Thanks so much for the ride," I said casually.
"I'm glad you stuck around, Rose!" Ivy called from the truck. "It was good seeing you, sweetheart. And thanks for what your doing for the shop. Michael's excited about it."
"I'm excited too!" I said.
I started retreating toward the driver's seat, trying my very best to make it seem like everything was on the up and up and this was just a normal goodbye.
I glanced at Jesse who rubbed his eyebrows. He turned and looked at me from over the car once I got over there. I positioned myself where his head was blocking Ivy's view of me, and I gave him a sorrowful expression. "I'm sorry."
"If you're sorry, then don't go right now." he said.
"I have to."
"Then you're not sorry."
I was sorry.
He had no idea how sorry I was.
"I am," I said as I opened my door. "I am sorry. I really do wish things were different, Jesse."
I started to get into the car, and as I did, I remembered what I was about to say to Jesse before they pulled up. "I know this doesn't make sense with what I'm doing right now, but I love you, too, Jesse." I said it hurriedly while I was in motion getting into the car, so I wasn't certain he heard me. Numbly, I started the engine and took off, smiling and waving but barely even looking at them as I drove away.