I called Barrett's mom before we left the cabin. His family lived in Arkansas, and I didn't know her number by heart, but I had it written down in my purse, so I called her while Jesse and Pa busied themselves, making sure we were ready to go.
I shook as I pushed the buttons to dial the number.
"Hello," a man's voice said.
"Hello, this is Rose, Barrett's girlfriend," I said. I couldn't help but feel a little awkward when I said that phrase in front of Jesse, but my concern about the accident overruled my awkwardness.
"Is Ms. Hall available?"
"She's already left for Tennessee, sweetie," the man said.
I had no idea who the gentleman was. Barrett's mom was a single woman who lived with her sister and I hadn't expected a man to pick up.
I cleared my throat. "I'm sorry, but I've been out of town, and I, uh… was there an accident?"
"Oh yeah, baby, there was," the gentleman said sadly. "It was bad—a bad one. But we heard Barrett's stable, thank the Lord. His mama's already talked to the doctors. They've got him in surgery and should be done by the time she gets there. I think it's his leg. No internal damage. That's what Sheila was saying."
"Is everyone stable?" I asked.
I couldn't get the idea of there being casualties out of my head, and I needed to know.
"Are you talking about the others in the accident?" he asked.
"Yes, you said Barrett was stable. Is that true for everyone?"
I cringed as I waited for him to answer.
"Oh no baby. It was a real bad accident. Two of the boys passed away for sure, and I think one is in critical condition."
"Where are they?" I asked. "Where's Barrett?"
"Memphis. At Methodist Hospital."
I was so overwhelmed that I didn't even ask him who had passed away or for any of the other details. I just thanked him and hung up the phone so I could get in the truck.
We we're collectively silent on the way back to Memphis. Pa talked for a minute about how fleeting this life was, but Jesse and I weren't really responsive, so he dropped the subject pretty quickly. Jesse and I both had our own things going on, so we opted for silence. He turned on the radio and we just listened to music.
We were about twenty minutes from Memphis when we heard the news of the accident on the radio. They said the two names of the guys who had been killed in the accident, and I honestly felt like I was going to throw up when it hit me that these guys actually died. Tyler and Vince. They were two of Barrett's best friends, and honestly, my body didn't know how to respond to the news. I felt nauseous and anxious, like the whole world had turned on it's axis and suddenly I, too, was in danger. I glanced at the speedometer to see how fast Jesse was going just to make sure we weren't about to crash.
The rest of the trip went by in a complete blur.
I cried some and Pa said some comforting things, and before I knew it, we were pulling up at Methodist Hospital.
Jesse hadn't said a word the whole time. I shouldn't have cared enough to notice that, but I did. In the midst of everything that was going on, I still cared about Jesse and wondered how he felt.
Pa got out to let me climb out of the passenger's side, but I stopped and looked at Jesse first. He gave me a little noncommittal smile that said he expected me to smile back before I left.
"I'm sorry we didn't get to finish our conversation," I said.
He gave me another courtesy smile. "It's okay," he said.
Maybe I wanted him to be more disappointed than he was because I hesitated for a second or two even though Pa was waiting for me to get out of the truck.
"I don't know what's waiting for me in there," I said.
"It's fine," he said, glancing out the window at the hospital entrance. "Go do what you need to do."
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
Jesse looked at me. His expression was completely unreadable. I wished I knew what he was thinking. I hopped out of the truck and regretfully waved at him. He gave me a little two-fingered salute, and I turned to find that Pa was standing there with his arms out, waiting for a hug. "I'm sure your parents heard about it, but I'll call and fill them in," Pa said.
I thanked them and hugged Pa before heading inside to see what craziness awaited me.
During the next three hours I stayed with Barrett's mom in the waiting room. I spoke to my parents and got a more detailed account of what had happened in the accident. Apparently, there was bus trouble, so the team could either wait for them to straighten that out or get their own ride home. There were six guys in a rental vehicle when it went off the road and crashed into a tree before flipping several times. Two guys had passed away, two were in critical condition, and two had minor injuries. A guy named Vince was behind the wheel. He and Tyler had been in the front seat.
It was a huge deal with the whole town, and there were crowds of people outside the hospital, lighting candles, holding signs, and bringing flowers. There was already talk of memorial services, and my head was spinning with feelings and details before I even got to see Barrett.
You can imagine how I felt when I got to his room and saw him with his face in his hands like he was crying. He was usually a big, tough athlete who didn't care much for crying.
I glanced at the nurse who had been the one to come get me and lead me to the room.
"He's okay," she said. "He just talked to his mom. He wanted you come in." She smiled regretfully at me and whispered, "He's still coming off of the anesthesia, and he's just learning about the other guys."
I shook my head at her. "I'm not ready for this," I said, pushing a little towards the door since I knew Barrett hadn't seen me yet.
She pushed me in the other direction, toward Barrett. "He's okay," she said. "He needs you right now. He was asking for you."
I went to Barrett's bedside, propping myself on the very edge of his bed. I sat on his left side because his right leg was in a huge, intimidating contraption. He noticed me there, and he leaned toward me wearing a miserable expression that broke my heart.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered, hugging him as he leaned even further in my direction.
"I'm glad you're here," he said.
***
And that was the story of my life for the next two months.
Barrett needed me, and I was there for him.
His mother didn't have room for him in her current situation in Arkansas, and she couldn't take time off work to move to Memphis, so I took care of him.
I reluctantly put off the project at Bishop Motorcycles because it was just too much. It was the end of the semester, and I had to keep up with my schoolwork and my job. It was all I could do just to maintain those and take care of Barrett.
The first few weeks were incredibly difficult.
Barrett was in a lot of pain both physically and emotionally, and for the first week or two, needed to be waited on hand and foot and counseled nonstop.
One of the other guys that was involved in the accident survived at the hospital for little while, but he passed away after the first week. It seemed like I went to one memorial service after another. The town was beside themselves, and so was Barrett.
I was exhausted and disappointed that I wasn't able to finish the project I had started with my uncle's company, but sometimes life just doesn't work out the way you think it's going to. I knew I could get back to it once I finished the semester and things had settled down with Barrett.
It had been two months since the accident, and honestly, I didn't know when that time would come. I was finished with school and was off for the summer, but somehow my schedule felt just as busy.
Barrett seemed to need my help on a constant basis. His physical therapist said he may never have full function in his knee, and he grew depressed, assuming his NBA career was over before it even began.
I tried to encourage him and stay positive, but it was exhausting. We did not behave like a couple at all, and yet I really didn't feel like there was anything I could do to get myself out of this situation.
I still remembered that conversation I started with Jesse. It was tucked away in the back of my mind, and I wanted more than anything to call him up and continue it, but it had been so long that I wasn't even sure if he wanted to. Seeing as how it was now two months later (and I hadn't contacted him, nor had he contacted me) I was relatively sure our big moment had passed. I hated that, but I tried to keep my chin up.
I had just recently decided that since I was finished with school and Barrett was back on his feet, I needed to get back to the Bishop project. I hadn't told Barrett I was planning on starting up on it again, but he was gaining more independence physically, so I figured it was good timing.
I called Uncle Michael that Friday to see if I could go by the shop and pick up some of the paperwork I had been looking at before the accident. He was in the garage working on a bike when I called, and he told me to come on by.
I had to go in through the garage because the offices were locked by the time I got there. Uncle Michael was still working, and he unlocked the door and told me to make myself at home in the office. I thanked him and said I would check in with him again on the way out.
I ended up staying in the office for a couple of hours, and by the time I got back, Aunt Ivy was there with him. She was sitting in a chair, watching Uncle Michael work. It was a beautiful evening, and they had two of the garage doors open. They had music playing and were just hanging out while Michael worked.
"Do y'all just come up here and work on motorcycles for fun?" I asked, smiling and thinking about how sweet they were.
"Yes we do," Aunt Ivy said, motioning for me to come sit next to her. "This one's special, though."
"It's for Jane," Michael said.
"She's been wanting this bike for a long time. It's the one with the broken spoke. Her daddy's been working on it for a while. She's coming by to get it tonight."
"Broken spoke," I said. "Wasn't that the name of one of your songs?"
Ivy nodded and gestured to the motorcycle. "I got the name from this bike. That's what the song's about. Jane's always liked it, and it was just sitting over there, collecting dust."
"That's exciting!" I said. "Does she know she's getting it or is it going to be a surprise?"
"Oh, she knows, she's been asking him every day, when's it gonna be done?"
"And she's getting it tonight?" I asked.
Aunt Ivy nodded. "She's on her way up here." She looked at Michael. "One of us is going to have to help her get her car home, and Shelby."
Uncle Michael nodded as if he'd already thought of that and said something about knowing where Jane was going for a ride.
As they were having this conversation, I heard the sound of an engine drawing closer and closer until eventually, someone came through the open garage door on a roaring motorcycle and parked it right in our midst.
It was so unexpected that I stared at the person that was driving it, looking at him from the chest down, and not even realizing at first that it was Jesse. He cut the engine and got off the bike, regarding us with a casual smile that didn't reflect any of the anxiousness I felt.
I hadn't seen him in so long that I was breathless and speechless—numb, really. I honestly felt like I couldn't think straight or get a good breath of air into my lungs. Jesse.
Memories of our conversation on the dock came crashing into my mind when I saw his smile. I remembered feeling like he was in my grasp, and I hated the accident and the fact that it derailed everything.