Chapter 5
After his night with Carolyn, Gabe did some serious thinking. He’d come so close to wanting to die. So close to actually doing something about it. If it hadn’t been for Carolyn coming to talk him down, who knows what condition he would be in right now. It meant a lot to him that she’d dropped everything to come to him when he’d called. And then the night they’d had together? Awesome. He hadn’t been laid in a while and it helped big time.
When he woke up, he saw her note. Probably best this way, that she’d just left like that. She wasn’t demanding anything of him. And since that night, he hadn’t called her and she hadn’t called him. And he couldn’t. After letting her see him at his absolute worst, he never wanted to see her again. It was too much to think someone he barely knew had seen him like that. But if he let her go, then they could have that one night. The night she’d saved him from himself. And he wouldn’t have to face her again.
He lay in bed for a long time that morning, her note sitting on his chest, thinking of all the things she’d said. Maybe it wasn’t too late. Maybe he could go back. It would be hard. He’d been out of training for many weeks. He’d have to catch up, make up for all that time, and it wouldn’t be easy. It would mean dieting hard and working out harder. Well. It’s not like he was doing anything else with his time, right? It was either keep drinking, keep falling apart and hating life, or give it another shot and see what happened. If he failed, he could always go back to drinking and wasting time, wallowing in his misery.
Gabe forced himself out of bed, took a shower and paced his room as he held his phone in his hand. He brought up Coach’s number. He was staring at it, ready to hit send. He thought through everything he would say. Then he thought again.
He hit send and listened to the phone ringing in agony.
“Well, look who’s still alive,” Coach said.
“Hey, Coach. Yeah, I’m a… well, I guess I’m starting to turn things around. That’s why I called.”
“So, you’re finally ready to put your life back together?”
“I am.” Gabe took a long breath. “I want to come back to training.”
“Oh? You’ve missed more than a month. You think you can just come back and jump in like you never left? With the guys who didn’t give up and have been working hard this whole time?”
“I’m ready to do the hard work. I’ll do whatever it takes. Please, Coach. Football is the only thing I have left. If I can’t play, I don’t know what I’ll do. Just give me a chance, let me show you that I can make up for the lost time.”
Coach Tucker let out a long sigh. “It’s a good thing you’re such an amazing player, Gabe. I wouldn’t let just anyone come back, you know. I know you’ve been through a lot. But you can’t use that excuse forever.”
“No, I know, and I won’t. I’m ready now, I promise.”
“Okay, Gabe. Then show up bright and early Monday morning and be ready to work. I will hold you to the same standard as the other guys. Don’t think that taking a month off means I’ll go easy on you. I won’t.”
“No, sir, I would never expect you to. I’ll be there. Thank you. This means a lot to me.”
“I’m glad to have you back. I’m glad you’re finally ready to start living again.”
“Me too.”
He hung up the phone and Carolyn’s words came back him again, as they had before. He was no better off than his brother if he didn’t start living. No reason for them both to be dead. He had this chance and he wouldn’t blow it. It was Saturday morning. He’d work out all day today and tomorrow and hopefully when he hit the field Monday morning, he wouldn’t be too far behind the others who hadn’t given up in the face of tragedy.
For a second, he thought about calling Carolyn, just to thank her. Maybe after his workout. It was early. And it was a good time to go for a run. He went out back, stripped down, and changed into bear form. Then, he took off for the woods, planning to spend hours running as hard and as fast as he could.
After running all day, Gabe was exhausted. He’d never run for six hours straight before, but he needed to build up his endurance. When he got back, he ate—nothing but protein and good carbs and fats. Then, he went to the gym and hit it hard for another few hours. By the time he got home to shower, he could barely stand to wash. He ended the night with a huge protein shake and got to bed early, so he could sleep for at least ten hours. His body would need it.
The next day, he did much the same. Many hours of running, a long workout, extra sleep. When he woke up Monday morning, his body ached. He stretched, feeling every muscle as it bunched and pulled, enjoying the sore feeling that meant he had worked hard. It had been far too long since he felt this way. But he was feeling good. All the positive emotions from exercise were kicking in and he felt alive again like he hadn’t since he got the call that Austin was in the hospital.
Monday morning, he showed up a half hour earlier than he needed to. He went into the locker room, found the locker that still had his name on it, changed, and got out on the field. He did a few sprints back and forth across the field, then started a circuit of push ups, sit ups, and burpees until Coach Tucker shouted to him from the side of the field.
“Hey Gabe, don’t wear yourself out yet. I have a full day of workouts planned.”
Gabe did one last push up and hopped to his feet. He trotted over to the coach. “I was just warming up.”
Coach slapped his shoulder and nodded. “Good to see your face. I honestly wasn’t sure if you’d show up or not.”
“I need to get my life back,” Gabe said quietly.
“I understand. And I hope you’re going to stop drinking, as well?”
“Didn’t drink all weekend.” It wasn’t the complete truth, but close enough. Last night, to relax and unwind, he’d had two beers with his roommates. But he hadn’t gotten drunk, so he wasn’t counting it.
“You have two months until the final cut. I have full confidence in you. In fact, I’m counting on you because, to be honest”—he leaned in closer and dropped his voice—“I don’t think there’s another starting quarterback here. I need you.”
“Thanks, Coach.”
By the time everyone else arrived, Gabe was warmed up and ready to go. He felt like he had to prove himself today. Several of the guys came in, greeting him and saying how they missed him and it was good to have him back. But some of them gave him nasty looks. Like they thought he shouldn’t be allowed back. That was fine. He’d show them all why he belonged there.
The coach started running them through drills after warm ups. Tackles, throws, sprints. Gabe pushed himself, even though he was tired. He knew from years of training and playing this game that even when he felt like he was spent and had nothing left to give, there was still something there. He was never fully out of energy, he never had to quit. He could go on and he forced his body to obey his command.
He sprinted faster, threw farther, tackled harder than anyone else on the team. By the end of the first week, things had shifted some. Those who hadn’t wanted him back, now gave him looks that said something like, “You’re an ass for being gone, but since you’re such a good player, I’ll tolerate you.”
He celebrated by going out with a few of the guys after their last workout for the week. They were to rest over the weekend, to give their bodies time to recover. Gabe had planned to do nothing but sleep and consume protein to rebuild the muscles he’d destroyed in the last days.
He met Kenny and a few of the other guys at the same bar he’d gone to the night he met Carolyn. He walked in and searched the room. She wasn’t there, but maybe she’d show up later. He kept his eyes on the door, looking for her. He still hadn’t bothered to call her, but if she happened to show up, he’d talk to her. Who knew, maybe they could even hook up again like they had that one night.
Gabe sat down and saw Kenny looking around, too. “You see anything you like?”
“Ehh, maybe. I’m looking for this one girl. I met her here and we hooked up. She won’t call me back, though, and I don’t know why.”
“I know why,” Carlos said. “It’s because you’re a jerk.”
Kenny shoved his shoulder. “No man, we seemed to really hit it off. I don’t know what happened.”
“Maybe she decided you weren’t very good in bed,” Gabe said, talking a gulp of his soda.
“Everybody is a comedian today,” Kenny said.
“Check her out. She’s looking at you.” Gabe nodded to a woman across the room, who kept looking over at the table.
Kenny turned his head to look. “Yeah, she’s cute. I don’t know.” He put his chin in his hand.
“Oh wow, you got it bad, huh?” Carlos asked.
“Maybe.” Kenny threw back the rest of his beer. “Whatever. Her loss.”
“You think we’re all going to make the cut?” Gabe asked.
“I hope so,” Carlos said.
“You’re definitely in,” Kenny said to Gabe. “Coach has had a hard on for you for years.”
Gabe lightly punched his shoulder. “Don’t be jealous. You’ll make the cut, fast as you run.”
“I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t,” Kenny said. “I really don’t want to follow after my dad’s footsteps and go into insurance.”
“My family’s business is restaurants,” Carlos said. “I might have to go back to washing dishes if I don’t make it.”
“I did work on a construction crew for a short time,” Gabe said. “I guess I’d go back to that.”
Though he hadn’t really thought about it much. He’d been counting on the fact that Coach did love him, like Kenny said. But there was always a chance he wouldn’t make the team for some reason. He should have a backup plan. And one that didn’t include going back to lying in bed and drinking all day.
He probably should mentally prepare for either outcome. He was getting better, but had the feeling that not making the team could put him back over the edge. Maybe he could talk to Ryan. He’d become a decent friend lately. Maybe he could help him. Though these days he was pretty wrapped up with Rachel, and they seemed to always be getting high or something.
Then there was Carolyn. She’d been the biggest help of anyone in his life. They hadn’t talked since their night together and it seemed like they both wanted it that way since neither of them had called or texted the other. Better than being like Kenny, pining over some girl who wouldn’t call him back, but he did think of her sometimes. That was it. If he didn’t make the team, he would call her. She could probably talk him down better than anyone. She would be his plan B. Plan A, obviously, was making the team and being a pro football player. Just the thought of it brought a smile to his face.