Chapter 17
As quickly as he could, Gabe ran over to Coach.
“The helicopter is ready for you. Go!” Coach pointed.
Gabe waved at everyone, then dashed through the locker room, pausing to grab his gym bag and toss in his helmet. He ran to where the helicopter waited just outside. He jumped on, the medic in the back slapped him a high five, and they lifted into the air.
Gabe watched the crowd going nuts below him. A huge smile stretched across his face. He couldn’t call from here, but he texted his mom, “On my way.”
She answered, “Good. Room 205.”
“Was the baby born yet?”
“She’s pushing now.”
Reading that last text made his heart sink. After everything, he was still going to miss it. Tears pricked his eyes and he wiped them away. He craned his head to see how much farther the hospital was.
They set down minutes later and Gabe ran as fast as he had on the field. Random shouts of exclamation broke out around him as he ran. They called his name, they called the team’s name. He waved and smiled and didn’t stop running for even a moment. He wished now that he had paid better attention when they had come to the hospital to look at the facilities. He didn’t know where he was going and pausing to read the sign to find “Maternity Ward” had cost him precious seconds.
His feet squeaked on the tile floor as he rounded the corner and saw room 205. He barreled in, causing everyone in the room to look up in shock.
“Gabe!” Carolyn reached for him. She was covered in sweat and her hair stuck to her face, but there was no baby yet. Her feet were being held back by a nurse and his mother. His father must be in the waiting room. He hadn’t bothered to check.
He dashed to Carolyn’s side and took her hand. A nurse came and threw a hospital gown on him, covering his sweaty uniform. He still wore his pads and everything but his helmet. Taking it all off would take too much time.
“You made it,” she said, a tear running down her cheek.
He wiped it away and kissed the top of her head. “I did.”
“Did you win? I wasn’t able to watch the end of the game.” She stopped and scrunched her face in pain. She grunted and the doctor told her push.
He squeezed her hand tighter and watched in awe. When she stopped to breathe, after the doctor told her the contraction was over, she looked up at him.
“It was 51 to 14.”
Her eyes widened. “You killed them!”
One of the nurses shouted, “Yes!” and punched the air.
He laughed, but it was short lived. Another contraction was starting and it was time for her to push again.
Gabe watched the whole scene in awe. He might have just given it everything he had on that field, but it seemed like nothing compared to what Carolyn was doing now. She was braver than he was, and stronger. He might hit hard on the field, but he didn’t think he could take the pain she was going through. She squeezed his hand tight enough to break it.
“You’re doing great, Care,” he said. He counted with the doctor while she was pushing, and he brushed her hair back from her face. He tried his best to remember everything he’d read about this moment. What else was he supposed to be doing?
At one point, he looked across the bed at his mom. She looked back at him, smiling a joyful, tearful smile. His heart swelled with pride. She was going to be a grandmother in a matter of minutes. Though, the next thought came automatically. Unless it was Kenny’s baby after all.
Gabe hated that this perfect moment was tainted with those thoughts, but it was hard not to have them. It was the truth. This may not be his baby. May not be his mother’s grandchild. It made him sick and his smile faltered. No matter what, he had to be there for Carolyn. Maybe the baby would come out looking so much like him, they wouldn’t need a DNA test.
He didn’t have much time to think about it, though, because the next time she pushed, the doctor said, “The head is out.”
Carolyn sagged in relief.
“One more good push, Carolyn,” the doctor said again.
She pushed once more and then the sound of crying filled the air. The doctor held up a wet, squirming baby.
He was so shocked by it, that for a whole minute, he just froze. He hadn’t looked that closely, but when someone said, “It’s a girl!” he glanced down, and sure enough. She was indeed a girl. A daughter.
The nurses wiped the baby off, wrapped her, and handed her to Carolyn. She held the baby close, then looked up at him with tears in her eyes. In that moment, his swollen heart burst. His eyes filled and he couldn’t stop looking at the beautiful baby in the arms of the woman he loved so much.
After a few minutes, Carolyn said, “Do you want to hold her?”
He nodded and stretched out his arms, his heart pounding. Gabe was used to handling things hard. Tackling, throwing, running. None of what he did on the field could be used now. His daughter was the most delicate and fragile thing he’d ever held. He was stiff and nervous, but pulled the little bundle closer to his chest.
He looked down at the baby, who looked back up at him and stretched out her tiny fist. It was almost as if she was fist bumping him, like so many had on that day. But all his accomplishments were nothing compared to this moment.
He felt the weight of her body, the weight she placed on his overflowing heart. And he knew. As he looked down at her, he knew it didn’t matter. If she turned out to be biologically Kenny’s or his, it wouldn’t matter. He would protect this little girl with his life. He’d be the best father or step father he could. He’d love her mother, and he’d love her forever.
They stayed in the hospital just a few days. No matter how they scrutinized her face, little Jocelyn looked just like her mother. Any hint of her father was too hidden to be obvious. Gabe’s mom swore she looked just like him. He didn’t see it, though.
Carolyn hadn’t called Kenny, but he must’ve known. Not only did Coach and most of the team know why Gabe left in a hurry when there was so much celebrating going on, but there were reporters waiting outside the hospital and the maternity ward. They couldn’t come in, luckily, because of the hospital security, but every time Gabe left to get food or the one time he went home to change out of his uniform and get a shower, they converged on him. They shouted questions about the game, about the baby.
Kenny must’ve talked to someone, because one of the reporters asked, “Are you the father, or is Kenny Boyer?” He couldn’t even answer that question himself. He’d ignored that reporter.
His standard answer was that they should listen to what Coach Tucker had to say about the game in the press conference. The other questions, the personal ones about him and Carolyn and the baby, he answered carefully and rarely.
“My girlfriend and I have just had a healthy baby girl and everyone is doing well.” That was all he’d say. He repeated it as many times as he had to, until they stopped asking, or until he reached wherever he was going.
Today they were going home. The last few days had been an interesting mix of learning how to care for a baby—diapers were far trickier than they looked—celebrating his huge win at the Bear Bowl, and dealing with the fatigue in between. He had spent the nights in the hospital with Carolyn. They got up to feed the baby and change her when needed. He loved those middle of the night moments. When the hospital was quiet and their visitors had gone. It was just Carolyn and Jocelyn and him, sharing a private moment.
Now they just had to fill out paperwork, and they could be released. Carolyn sat on the bed, writing on the tray that went over the bed. Gabe bounced Jocelyn in his arms as she slept. Carolyn seemed fidgety, chewing on her lip as she filled out the form. She kept stopping and staring out the window.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She looked over at him, her lip quivering, then she burst into sobs. “I don’t know what to put!” She buried her face in her hands.
Gabe came closer and rubbed her back, then looked at the form at the place where she’d stopped. It was where she was supposed to write in the father’s information. He took in a slow, deep breath.
Then, he handed Jocelyn to her and picked up the pen.
“What are you doing?” Carolyn asked.
“Finishing the form.” Where it asked the father’s name, he put his own. For Jocelyn’s last name, he wrote Randall. He hadn’t told Carolyn what he’d decided, but it didn’t matter. This baby was his whether his blood was in her veins or not.
He set the pen down and smiled at Carolyn. She looked from the form to him, her eyes wide and still full of tears. Jocelyn whimpered.
“Are you sure?” Carolyn whispered.
“Absolutely.”
They turned in the paperwork and packed up their things. It took him a while to get the car seat in right. The hospital attendant who had to check it helped him, then they loaded the baby in with the rest of their stuff. He helped Carolyn in. She was still healing and in some pain. Then he got in and drove home as slowly and carefully as he ever had in his life.
“The car seat protects her, you know.” Carolyn gave him a crocked smile as they crept along the road.
“I know.” He made a slow turn into their apartment complex. “I can’t wait to get out of this place. The checks are being cut today. It won’t be long until we can get a big house.”
She smiled at him before bending to take Jocelyn out of her seat. “It’ll be nice to be able to paint her room and make it special. Now that we know it will be pink.”
“We’ll do it all right. We’ll do every room in the house if you want.”
They went inside and Carolyn lowered herself onto the couch with the baby in her arms. Gabe sat beside her, a little unsure of what to do.
“Relax.” Carolyn chucked. “Can you get me some water, please?”
He jumped to his feet. “Sure. Anything else?”
She shook her head and prepared to feed Jocelyn.
He brought her water back and watched her breastfeeding for a moment, wondering over the marvel of her body and what it had done. He felt a stirring in his pants, but had to ignore it. It would be weeks before he could make love to her again. Far too long. And it’d been far too long. He had to look away from her bulging breasts. It was too much for him.
He scurried around their apartment, doing everything he could. He washed dishes and laundry, brought her water and made her food. He wanted Carolyn to be able to focus on caring for the baby and resting to recover. So, he did everything he could think to do and asked his mother what he should be doing when he didn’t know what else to do.
He sat down to pay the bills later that night. Carolyn and Jocelyn were both napping on the sofa in the living room, some romance movie playing in the background to no one. He picked up the pile of mail he hadn’t gone through while they were in the hospital, and sitting on his desk, under the mail pile was the large envelope. It was the DNA test kit.
He picked it up and held it for a moment. He considered throwing it away. He didn’t want to know. Jocelyn was his. No test could confirm or deny the love he felt in his heart for her. But Carolyn would want to know, and Kenny would demand it. For legal reasons, they had to know. He sighed and set it down, wishing for the millionth time that things were different.