CHAPTER SIX
Ryanne
Shock imprisons me where I stand; the furious man in my doorway isn’t anyone I expected to see. The fury and knowledge of my deceit on his face grips my heart in a cold vise and sends it drowning in a black abyss.
I open my mouth to speak, to rush out an apology and tell him everything I have wanted to say for the last six years but I have no voice; the words dangle in the back of my throat. I knew there would come a time that I would face him but not like this. Not unprepared and caught off guard.
“Mama,” Hannah’s small, unsure voice snaps me out of my torment. She worries her lip between her teeth, her eyes shifting from Justice to me.
I never wanted them to meet this way, I wanted so much more for this moment, and I have no one to blame but myself.
She can’t be here. Not now. Not when he’s this angry.
Wiping the instant tears from my eyes, I grasp her small shoulders and lead her to the stairs. “Go play in your room, baby. I’ll come get you soon.”
She does as I say, her eyes straying to Justice over her shoulder, a look of longing in them. He steps forward, as if he wants to say something but stops. Unharnessed emotion flares in his gaze as he watches her walk away and it shatters my heart into a million pieces. It’s replaced with fear a moment later when his furious eyes snap to mine.
I walk past him and head out onto the porch, preparing for the battle that I know I have coming.
“Don’t you fucking walk away from me!” He charges out after me, grabbing my arm and spinning me around to face him. His thunderous expression has fear skipping down my spine.
“I’m sorry. So sorry,” I choke out, a sob building in my chest.
“You’re sorry?” he bellows. “You steal my daughter from me, and all you have to say is fuckin’ sorry!”
“Let me explain.”
“There is nothing you can say to justify this. Nothing!”
“Please try to understand,” I cry. “I couldn’t stay there. I couldn’t have her in that town, Justice. Not with my parents. I was young and scared. I had no one—”
“You had me, goddamn it. I would have taken care of you!”
The admission only breaks me further. “I wanted to tell you, I was going to tell you, but that night…” I trail off, the memory of that awful night replaying in my head. “Everything just went so terribly wrong,” I whisper brokenly.
“What you mean to say is, this was your way of getting back at me because of what you think you saw.”
I shake my head. “That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No! I didn’t do this to hurt you. So much happened that night to weigh my decision.”
“What about my fucking decision?” he roars. “You took my right away. You kept my fucking daughter from me for six years, Ryanne! My own flesh and blood!”
“She knows who you are,” I tell him, sobbing out the words. “She knows everything about you. I never kept that from her.”
“What good does that do when I don’t fucking know her!”
“Stop it!” Hannah charges out of the house, her small face scrunched in anger and streaked with tears. She jumps in front of me protectively, pushing Justice back. “You let her alone! You let my mama alone and get outta here!”
“Hannah, stop.” I reach for her but she rips away from me, continuing to face Justice.
“Mama always told me you fight the bad guys but it was a lie,” she cries. “You are the bad guy and I don’t want you as my daddy.”
“Hannah!” I gasp. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.” Scooping her up, I bring her into my chest where she sobs into my neck, hugging me tight. I chance a look at Justice over top of her head, the pain on his face ripping apart my wounded heart.
He steps back, looking like someone just gutted him, and heads down the porch stairs.
“Justice, don’t go,” I plead, not wanting him to leave like this.
His pace never falters. He hops in his truck and drives off, leaving my world in shambles.
Devastated, I carry Hannah into the house, holding her close as she continues to cry. “Shh, it’s okay, baby girl,” I soothe, rubbing her back. “We just need to give him some time to cool down.” The reassurance is just as much for myself as it is for her, but I know it will take a lot more than time for him to ever forgive me.
“Why was he so mean? I thought you said he was nice.”
I pull her back, gazing into her face that looks so much like her father’s, her dark brown hair sticking to her wet cheeks. “He is. He’s just really angry and hurt right now and he has every right to be.”
I’ve always been honest with her about who he is and the fact that he didn’t know about her. I didn’t go into explanation as to why, because how do you explain that to a child? But I did tell her that one day they would meet, I just never thought it would be like this.
Her small face is pinched with sadness, bottom lip quivering with her stifled sobs. “Can’t you just tell him you’re sorry?”
My eyes close, wishing it could be that simple. “I’m gonna try, baby. I really am, but I don’t want you to worry about us. He’s not angry with you, you’ve done nothing wrong, okay?”
She nods and rests her head back on my shoulder, her breath hitching with exhaustion. I carry her up to her bedroom and lie down next to her, my eyes going to the picture of Justice she keeps on her nightstand, regret weighing heavily on me.
I should have told him long before now. I have no one to blame for this but myself. Every time I tried I lost my nerve, fearing for the repercussions. Will he take her from me? Will he fight for custody? Make us move back to that godforsaken town? The last thought has me feeling physically sick. I can’t go back there. Not ever.
“Do you think he’s ever gonna come back?” Hannah whispers, pulling me from my tortured thoughts. Hope edges her voice but longing is even more prominent. As angry as she is, she wants him. She wants to know him.
I hug her close, pressing my lips to her soft cheek. “Yeah, baby. He’ll come back for you.”
I have no doubt about that. I just pray he doesn’t try to take her from me. It’s my greatest fear. I can take his anger and resentment but I can’t take that. Hannah is my life, my reason for living.
Once she falls asleep, I carefully climb from bed and go in search of my cellphone. I pull it out of my purse and see several missed calls from Thatcher and realize I have it on silent.
My eyes close in regret. If only I got the warning how different this situation could have been for Hannah’s sake, for all of our sakes.
I hit his contact, bringing a picture of him and Hannah together up on my screen. He answers on the first ring. “Sweet mother of pearl, I’ve been calling you for hours, child.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear it,” I whisper, my thick voice betraying my emotion.
“My boy has been out there,” he says, already knowing the answer.
“Yes.” I pause, swallowing thickly. “He’s so angry, Thatcher.”
“I know, darlin’. We knew this day would come though, right?”
I nod then remember he can’t see me. “Yes.”
He has been trying to convince me for years to tell him, something I wanted to do badly but I was too much of a coward.
“How did he find out?” I ask.
“He found the picture you sent me last week. He left a hole in my wall and the front door on my lawn.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say, feeling awful for the position I put him in.
“Don’t be. I made my own choice. I’ll deal with the consequences but I won’t lose my boy over it. I’m tellin’ you that now.”
Justice has one hot temper and I have no doubt he won’t forgive easily for this but I can’t see him staying angry with his father. He loves him too much, values his family too much. Me, on the other hand, is a different story.
“How’s Hannah J.?” he asks.
“Scared, hurt, and confused,” I tell him, remembering the tears she went to sleep with.
“She’ll be all right. Give my son some time to collect his thoughts. He’ll come to his senses. He’s going to want a relationship with his daughter. That I’m certain of.”
I know he will, and as much as I want that for Hannah, I’m selfishly terrified of what it means for me.
“I’ll let you know if I hear from him. Otherwise, you keep in touch, all right?”
“Thanks, Thatcher…for everything.”
“Good night, darlin’.”
“Night.”
Hanging up, I look around my messy kitchen and forgo cleaning it, deciding to head for a shower instead. I soak under the hot spray, letting my tears run with the water as I wonder what the future will hold. A future that I know will no longer be just Hannah and me.