CHAPTER TEN
Ryanne
I watch his truck disappear into the night, the deep hurt in his eyes torturing my battered heart. Watching him try to interact with Hannah tonight was hard. He looked so torn, so…uncertain, and this is a man who has never been uncertain about a thing in his life. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive myself. I can’t blame Justice if he doesn’t either.
Wiping my tears away, I head back into the house and climb up the stairs to find Hannah sitting on her bed, holding her lion and looking at her father’s picture. She too looks a little lost and uncertain.
“Hey,” I speak quietly, trying to keep my emotion in check.
“Hey, Mama.”
I walk further inside and take a seat next to her on the bed. “How are you feeling?”
She shrugs. “Okay.”
“Did you enjoy your visit with him?”
“I guess. We didn’t spend much time together.” The disappointment in her voice tugs at my aching heart. She wanted more time but I could tell Justice was close to losing his temper again, especially after seeing the picture.
“It was quick,” I agree, “but he will be back tomorrow and I’m sure he will stay a little longer. Maybe you can come up with some things you guys can do together.”
“Like what?” she asks.
I shrug. “Why don’t you make a list? You could share what some of your favorite things are. Like your favorite food or movie.”
“That’s a good idea.” She smiles, more hopeful than she was a second ago. “Will you help me write them all out?”
“Of course, but in the morning, okay? Right now we need to get you ready for bed.”
We head into the hall bathroom where she brushes her teeth and washes up. I smile as I watch her do it all on her own, unbelieving how fast time goes by. It feels like just yesterday she was sleeping in my arms as I sang to her while she took her bottle.
At only five years old she is more mature than most kids her age. She’s confident, independent, and has a fire in her soul like I’ve only ever seen in one person…
I let that thought trail off before I’m overwhelmed with guilt once again. Once she finishes, I get her back in bed and under the covers. She reaches for her lion, hugging it close to her small chest.
“It sure was nice of him to give you this special gift,” I say, leaning over to touch the stuffed animal.
“Oh yes. I love Nacho!” Her face transforms into a smile that lights up the whole room but it fades quickly. “I’m excited to go to the zoo with him but a little scared, too.”
“That’s normal. I’ll bet he’s nervous, too.”
“I don’t know ’bout that,” she says, “I don’t think he’s scared of anythin’.”
I used to think the same thing but tonight I saw differently. Tonight, I saw emotions I have never seen from him as he looked at our daughter. If anyone can break through his barriers, I have no doubt that it’s the little girl in front of me. She has a light about her that makes it impossible not to change people.
“It’ll be good. You’ll see.” After the reassurance, I lean down, brushing a kiss on her cheek. “Good night.”
“Night, Mama.” She turns on her side and faces Justice’s picture next. “Night, Daddy,” she whispers.
The tears I’ve been keeping in tumble down my cheeks. I turn before she can see them and move for the door but what she says next stops me cold.
“He doesn’t hate you, ya know. He even told me so.”
My eyes close as I swallow the lump in my throat. For her benefit, I turn around and offer her the best smile I can manage. “I know. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine.”
She nods but doesn’t seem convinced.
“Good night,” I say again before walking out the door and closing it behind me. My back rests against it as I release a painful breath.
Eventually, I head downstairs to make myself some tea, needing something to warm the coldness that’s taken up residence inside of me. I sit in the living room, holding the hot mug, and look around the tiny farm house I’ve been renting for the last six years. As thankful as I am to Thatcher for helping me find it, I can’t help but wonder where I would be now if that night all those years ago went differently. It’s something I often think about.
What if that girl hadn’t been at Justice’s apartment when I showed up and it was just the two of us and I could have told him everything? Where would we all be now? Would he have left town with me? Or would he have forced me to stay?
I have no doubt it would have been the latter. Justice doesn’t run from anything, and as cowardly as I may be for doing it, Hannah and I have lived a much more peaceful life for it. No accusing stares from the prominent people in that town, something I refuse to ever subject my daughter to.
Then there’s Derek. The thought of him has a shiver running down my spine as I remember that fateful night. The night I saw him for the monster he really is and how close he came to stealing my body from me, one that had my baby growing inside of it.
He’s the mayor of Winchester now, something that didn’t surprise me in the least when Thatcher told me. He’s been groomed for that position from the time he was born. It’s how the founding families keep control of that town, making sure all their people end up in the right positions. If you threaten any part of that they will eliminate you.
It’s a very big reason why I left. My parents would have seen Hannah as a threat, not the blessing she is. She would have ruined their precious reputation, which is exactly why I will never return to that town. No matter what, I will protect her from that kind of evil.