Chapter 25

Bolton

I walked into her room and found her sitting up in bed, the baby at her breast. “Would you like me to come back later?” I asked. She shook her head.

“Of course not.”

I took the chair that sat against the window and dragged it closer to the bed. I could see the downy hair on his head and the indentation at the crown. I knew enough about babies to know that it would eventually harden into skull bone. His tiny mouth was suckling at her nipple, his little hand to its side. It was the most natural thing I’ve ever seen, and a warm feeling came over me. I’d decided on the way over that I wouldn’t ask her about the father. I had hoped otherwise, but had known that she was the type of woman who wouldn’t be alone for the rest of her life. It was my own fault. I couldn’t give her what she needed, and she shouldn’t be punished for that. Apparently, the father didn’t want to be part of her life, or he would have been there for the birth. I decided I would do whatever I could to include her and the baby in my own.

“We’re going home this morning,” she said with a smile. I’d have to rephrase that. It was more of a beam of light that emitted from her face. Her expression was softer, more relaxed, and definitely full of pride. “I’ve named him Jackson, but I’m going to call him Jinx.”

“I kind of like that. So, what kind of set-up do you have at home for him?”

“I have a crib, right next to my bed. I also have Mary.”

“Mary?”

“She moved into the apartment over my studio. She’s become something like a second mother to me and will watch him while I’m working downstairs.”

“Don’t get pissed, Lilly, but that’s no life for a tiny baby. You need more help than that. For once in your life, I want you to listen to me. I’m going to take you back to the farm with me, the both of you. I’ll get you a nanny to take care of him while you get your strength back. After that, we can talk about what you want to do from there.”

She looked up at me, a mixed look of gratitude and suspicion on her features. “I know that I should refuse, Bolt, but that might be the smartest thing to do in the situation. I appreciate your offer very much.”

“Good, then it’s settled.”

About then a nurse walked in, wheelchair with her. “You ready to go?” she asked.

“Lilly, don’t you need a car seat?” It had suddenly occurred to me.

“Oh my god, I never even thought of that.”

“You have to have one,” reaffirmed the nurse. “We can’t let your baby go. It’s the law.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “Just wait for me in the lobby, and I’ll be back in a few minutes with one.” I looked to the nurse, and she nodded.

Jinx and Lilly were bundled up, waiting with the nurse in the lobby when I returned with the car seat, already buckled into place. The nurse came out and inspected it, and the tiny bundle was buckled inside. Lilly sat next to me, though she was balancing on one hip so that she could watch him as we drove. “Would you rather I pull over so you could climb in the back with him?” I asked her.

“No, he’s fine. I’ve got my eye on him. I don’t want him to grow up spoiled, thinking that he can just cry to get my attention.”

“Well, listen to you. You already have your parenting plan worked out, huh?” I teased her.

She slapped my thigh in mock anger but instantly turned back toward the baby.

“So, since you’re breast-feeding, I’m guessing we don’t need to buy food for him yet, is that right?”

“Not yet. It won’t be long before he begins needing more than that, but for now, I just need diapers and clothes. I’ve got some in my suitcase.”

“I already put in a call to my office while I was getting the seat. They’re going to send over some nanny candidates from the agency for you to interview in the morning. I want you to follow your gut reaction and hire whomever you like, you hear?”

“I appreciate your being like this. You had every right to ignore me. I haven’t made things easy on you lately.”

“You can make it up to me later,” I told her. She chose to ignore my comment.

Mrs. Polk was waiting at the door for us. “Give the little one to me, and you go in and lie down.” Lilly looked at me, and I realized she wasn’t sure where to lie down.

“Why don’t you stay in my room for now, I’ll take one of the other bedrooms. Mine is the biggest, and there’s plenty of room for a crib for Jinx.”

She nodded and looked relieved. I knew she had to be worn out. I watched Mrs. Polk as she cradled the baby. “Mrs. Polk, I know Lilly doesn’t have much for him. I wonder if you might be able to pick out a few things? Not too much at the beginning, I don’t want to overwhelm her. I know she wants things her way. But there are things like diapers and, well, you know what he needs.”

She nodded and smiled at the baby who opened his mouth to yawn and promptly went back to sleep. “I’ll take care of it, don’t ye worry.”

“And Mrs. Polk, as for my father…”

“You don’t need to say anything,” she assured me and handed Jinx to me. I must have looked surprised. “Well, someone has to hold him while I go out and get the things we need. Will we be making him a nursery?”

“Yes, we’ll need all that. Just tell me the name of a store, and I’ll make the call.”

“No, you have your hands full. You’re just like all men, wanting to jump in and take charge. Give me your credit card and let me go and have a bit of fun, OK?” she smiled. I nodded, handed over my card, and she opened the closet and pulled out her coat and purse. “See you in a little while. If he wakes up and fusses, take him to Lilly. She’ll know what to do,” she told me. “She’s got everything he needs for now.”

She left me standing there with the baby in my arms. I looked toward the bedroom and decided to take him with me to the family room instead. I held him for a while, rocking him until my back ached. He was sleeping soundly, and all that sleeping in the house was making me tired as well. I went to the linen closet and pulled out a fresh, crisp sheet, laying it on the carpeted family room floor. I laid him on it, covering him with part and encircled him with cushions from the sofa. I laid down next to him and faded out.

“You call that babysitting?” Lilly’s voice brought me from my sleepy haze. She was smiling.

“I got sleepy, and he seemed fine.”

“Sure, he’s fine. That’s why they build in the bawling, didn’t you know?”

She bent and picked him up, clucking her tongue as she felt his bottom. “He needs a change. Hold him a minute and let me get the diapers I have in my suitcase,” she ordered me, and I got my first taste of a mother in charge. I loved it.

She was back momentarily, diaper and cleansing cloths in hand. Easing herself down onto the floor, she changed him and then opened her blouse and put him on her breast. I slowly gathered the cushions and restored them to the sofa, one eye watching her. God, but she was beautiful!

“Mrs. Polk has gone to get you some things,” I told her.

“Now, Bolt—”

I held up a hand. “I know, I know. Just a few things until you’re up to going out on your own. I hope you know you can stay here forever, Lilly. Both you and little Jinx. Nothing would make me happier.”

“I planned to go back to work.”

“I know, but maybe you could take just a few weeks to get used to him, and to motherhood? That’s what working women do, you know.”

“I’ve got Mary to look after him. I’ll be out of your way as soon as I can.”

I plopped on the sofa in defeat. “You’re not in my way, and you know it. This house is dead without you.”

“What did you do before I came?”

I shrugged. “Lived in a dead house, I guess.”

“Very funny.” She handed Jinx to me so she could get up off the floor. I realized belatedly that she was very tender and needed a hand, so I reached out for her. She’d already gotten partially to her feet, and my hand caught her breast. It was warm and full in my hand.

“Oh god,” I said aloud. Lilly’s face flushed, and I knew in that moment that my touch was not unwanted. She’d felt the current as much as I had. “I want you so badly,” I couldn’t help but say.

“Bolt, you know I can’t,” she began. “It’s better if I stay away from you. It’s not fair to tempt you like that. I’m only here a short time, after all.”

“I’m going to change your mind about staying, you know,” I warned her.

“Is that a challenge?”

“I’d like to think it’s more of a wish.”

She looked up at me, those marvelous eyes full of something I wanted to think was love. “I like that,” she said.

“It can be different, Lilly.” I knew there was a pleading tone to my voice.

“How?”

“I’ll sell my business. No more going out of town. I swear.”

She looked up in surprise. “Are you serious? You’d do that for me?”

“If it meant you’d stay, just say the word.”

She looked doubtful. “I don’t know.”

“Haven’t you missed me?” I asked.

“Yes,” she admitted.

“I know I’ve missed you. Life is flat without you, and you make me crazy with the idea that you’ll leave, and I won’t be able to find you. I’d tear the world apart to get to you—you do know that, don’t you?”

“Actually, yes, I think you would,” she nodded and held the baby closer.

“We could be a family, you know. You, Jinx, and me.”

Her face changed expression. “I didn’t think you were the family type,” she challenged me softly.

“You never knew my mother, Lilly. She took the light with her. She and I—we were a family, just the two of us. My father was, and still is, not part of me.”

“You shouldn’t say such things about your father, even if you don’t get along with him,” she chastised me.

I let out a humorless laugh. “You don’t know him—you don’t know what he’s capable of doing. He’s a monster.”

She paused and then asked, “Can I be blunt?”

I leaned toward her. “Of course. Ask anything.”

She drew a deep breath and then asked, “Do you think he’d ever hurt Jinx or me?”

“I would kill him first.” I didn’t hesitate a fraction of a second. In fact, I surprised myself with the lack of thought preceding my statement. Her next sentence took the breath out of me.

“What if you weren’t here?” she asked quietly.

I’d just sworn to her that I’d never leave her, that I’d sell my business, and, although she didn’t know of it, I’d cut my ties to the government forever and completely. I was already there in my mind, but they had a habit of springing up and they were still holding my father over my head.

“I will be here.”

She looked at me, long and hard. “Even if he finds out about Jinx?”

“Doesn’t change anything. You and Jinx are my family, Lilly. Run as far away as you like and stay away forever—but that will never change.”

She began to cry then, and it was relief and surrender all at once. I pulled her next to me and held her, baby and all at her breast. I released her so he wouldn’t be interrupted, but I kept my arm around her back and kissed the top of her silken head.

“Forever,” I reassured her, and myself, at the same time.