CHAPTER 36

 

“In no particular order, the first couple through to the final of Stepping Out is…” Cate stood under the harsh spotlight with Declan’s hand feeling like a heavy weight on her shoulder. The tension in the studio was palpable; Cate felt the kick of the music deep in the pit of her stomach.

She and Declan were in the middle of the three couples on the dance floor awaiting their fates.

On their right were George and his professional partner, Casey. George was such a sweetheart; he ran a bed and breakfast in coastal Maine with his gorgeous husband, Richard. Every Friday, George brought a huge hamper of baked goods that Richard had made for after their dress rehearsals. The cinnamon rolls were by far the most delicious Cate had ever tasted.

Unfortunately, during his second dance, the dreaded Samba, George had forgotten the choreography halfway through. He’d been out of hold, at the opposite end of the dance floor to Casey. He’d stood stock still, in his bright-pink, sparkly shirt; the bright-pink feathers he’d been fanning drooped pathetically to the floor. He’d looked absolutely terrified until Casey was able to rescue him. It was every Stepping Out contestant’s worst nightmare.

On their left were Annie and Michel, they were second on the judges’ leader board, only two points behind Cate and Declan. Annie was wearing the most fabulous, canary-yellow gown and Cate really hoped that her friend made the final; it would definitely be duller without Annie.

“It’s Annie and Michel.” Annie squealed loudly and jumped on poor Michel. Cate laughed; she loved Annie’s unabashed enjoyment of life.

After Annie and Michel’s spotlight had gone dark, Cate reached out to squeeze her friend’s hand. “Well done,” she mouthed.

“You’re next,” Annie mouthed back. Cate had her doubts, although she and Declan were top of the judges’ leader board, George was very popular with the voting public.

“The second couple through to the final of Stepping Out is…” The music started again, designed to crank up the tension in the studio and at home as high as humanly possible.

George looked at Richard, who was beaming proudly from the front row. For a moment, Cate regretted that she’d asked Kian to stay at home with the children tonight. The MLS play-offs were coming up soon and if Seattle F.C. were going to win the MLS Cup, Kian needed to be in the best possible shape and not flying back and forth to L.A. every weekend.

She found Abby and her husband, Sarge on the second row and Abby gave her a big thumbs-up. Layla had been horrified when she’d found out that her dad was going to be in the Stepping Out audience tonight. “He does know that George is gay, right?” she’d asked Abby.

“Yes, of course he knows George is gay,” Abby had replied. “He talks about his husband all the time on the show. Your dad might be a lot of things but he’s not stupid, sweetheart.”

Layla hadn’t spoken to her dad since she’d mistakenly believed that he’d kicked Nate out of the house for being gay. Abby had confided in Cate that she and Sarge had always known that their son was a homosexual. It wasn’t that Nate was pursuing a man which was the issue for Sarge; it was that he was pursuing a married man. He’d overheard Nate telling Eric that he couldn’t pretend the kiss between them had never happened. Sarge had given Nate an ultimatum; either he broke off all contact with Eric or he had to leave the house. Nate had packed his bags and moved to Seattle.

Cate was still uncomfortable that Layla didn’t know the truth about why her brother had joined her in Seattle but Abby and Sarge hadn’t wanted to put her in an uncomfortable position, given that she worked for Eric and his wife, Allison as their son’s nanny.

“It’s Cate and Declan.” Cate was stunned. In a moment of weakness, she hugged Declan and then immediately regretted it, cursing that even the achievement of getting through to the final of Stepping Out had been tainted by Ruby and Declan’s affair.

As she tried to quickly extract herself from Declan’s tight grip without making it too obvious, she wished more than anything that Kian was there.

Cate looked across at George and she was immediately distracted by the crestfallen look on the poor man’s face. “I’m so sorry for letting you down,” he said to Casey, who tried to reassure him that he’d done nothing of the sort.

“Come on,” Annie said, grabbing Cate’s hand. They pulled George into a group hug. There were tears pricking at the corners of his warm, chocolate-brown eyes. “I really don’t want to cry on national TV,” he confessed and so they sheltered him from the prying cameras while he quickly fought to regain his composure. “It’s ridiculous,” he laughed a little; “it’s a dance competition for goodness sake. I think we all know that there are far more important things in life.” They’d all signed up for Stepping Out to raise money for their individual charities.

He looked at Annie and Cate, “you ladies are both amazing. It has been an absolute privilege being in this competition with you. I want you to go out there next week and smash it.”

“Hey,” Cate swatted his shoulder, “you’re going to make us cry on national TV and we’re wearing false eyelashes.”

George laughed. “I meant what I said before,” he squeezed both of their sets of hands, “after the show is over, I want you to come up to Maine and stay with me and Richard for a few days, bring those gorgeous families of yours.”

“That depends,” Annie laughed, “will Richard make those yummy cinnamon buns for us?”

“You know it,” George winked.

After the show, they all went out for a late dinner at a cosy little Italian restaurant which had been recommended by Cate’s driver, Guillermo. There were nine of them in total: Abby, Sarge, Annie, Michel, George, Richard, Casey, Cate and Guillermo.

“Which charity are you raising money for?” Abby asked Annie.

Annie reached for the gold necklace with the letter “P” that she always wore. “My son…” her voice sounded small and brittle. Michel put his hand over hers on the table. “My youngest son, Paul was shot and killed by one of his class-mates when he was thirteen.”

“There was a Star Wars marathon on TV the night before he… He wanted to stay up and watch it with his dad. The next morning he was running late and he forgot his homework. It wasn’t the first time – he was such a smart boy but he got bored easily – so the teacher gave him lunchtime detention in the library. The shooter, I can’t say his name, he was angry that he hadn’t made the football team and the coach was in charge of that lunchtime’s detention.”

Paul was one of nine students gunned down in the library along with the coach of the football team and the school librarian. The authorities later found out that the shooter had told his girlfriend what he was planning to do but he’d laughed about it so she’d thought that he was just joking.

“If she’d told somebody, maybe…” The “what ifs” hung heavily in the warm, garlic-infused air.

Annie shook her head, “there was a study by a university in New York which found that only fifty percent of students would tell an adult if they overheard another student talking about shooting somebody in their school. That’s a horrible statistic. The students know better than anybody what is going on in their schools – they see and hear things in the classrooms and hallways that we, as parents or teachers, don’t and if something doesn’t feel right to them, it doesn’t matter if it’s big or small, they need to know that they can talk to somebody about it.”

Cate felt incredibly guilty because her first instinct on hearing Annie’s heart-wrenching tale was to cover her eyes with her fingers and hum loudly so she couldn’t hear it. With the way that her brain was wired, it was tough not to hear something like that and just fall back into that familiar depressive pattern of thinking. It was hard not to think that the world was just a bleak, awful place and panic about how someone as small and insignificant as she was, was expected to keep her children healthy and safe from all of its perils. Her feet twitched in her shoes, she felt this incredible need to get up from the table and just start running as fast and as hard as she could. She didn’t know where and she didn’t know why.

Abby put a hand on Cate’s knee as if she could tell what she was thinking. “I’m going to nip to the restrooms.”

“I’ll come with you,” Cate said shakily. She wanted to get the first flight back to Seattle, hug her children tightly and never let them go.

“It’s OK,” Abby said when they were in the privacy of the empty restrooms.

“I’m fine,” Cate lied. It wasn’t about her; it was about Annie and Paul.

“Sit down,” Abby pushed on Cate’s shoulder and handed her a brown paper bag. “Breathe into that.”

“Why do you have these in your purse?” Cate asked, her breathing still harsh and laboured.

“I will always have depression, Cate,” Abby sighed. “I’ve just learned how to manage it.”

“I don’t understand,” Cate said. “I’m not pregnant. It’s not supposed to happen anymore.”

“Our brains are wired a little differently than other peoples,” Abby said gently. “It’s like, you know that game that young children play where they throw wet spaghetti at the wall and see if it sticks? For most people, the spaghetti slides down the wall. When they hear about a tragedy like Annie’s, I’m sure they cry and say how horrible the world is. For the next few nights, they probably give their children extra hugs and kisses and make sure to tell them how much they love them but then something else happens, they become distracted. But with you and me, the spaghetti sticks itself like crazy glue to that wall.”

“If I win Stepping Out…” Cate hiccupped and Abby gently rubbed her back. “I don’t think I will but if I do, I want to split the prize money with Annie, fifty-fifty.”

“I think that’s a lovely idea,” Abby smiled. “Are you going to tell her?”

“No,” Cate shook her head, “I’ll only tell her if I win. I don’t want her to feel obligated to do the same if she wins. Promise you won’t say anything.”

“I promise,” Abby said solemnly. “I’m so proud of you, Cate.”

“Ha,” Cate laughed, “What for, having a complete meltdown in a restaurant bathroom?