I touched the rose. It was like velvet. A single rose on my nightstand in a mason jar I used to collect change in. I bit the thumb nail of my other hand and felt myself shivering from the inside out. I couldn’t decide if I should be excited, scared, nervous, happy, or what. My heart kept racing and the butterflies in my stomach soon felt like eagles. I couldn’t stop licking my lips and couldn't stop thinking about Foster.

He sat up from the bed next to me and stood up.

I looked up at him and he looked down at me, smiling.

“Slug,” he whispered.

“Jerk,” I said. “Don’t ruin it.”

“My bad,” he said. He walked to my desk and grabbed my chair. He spun it around and straddled it, plopping it down just a few inches from me.

“You have your buttons messed up,” I said and laughed.

“What?”

“Your shirt.”

Foster looked down. “Oh. Damn.”

He unbuttoned his shirt and redid it.

I glanced over my shoulder and bit my lip.

Wow. So that happened… finally…

My toes curled and I wanted to scream with happiness.

I had been talking to Vivian about it for a good month now. Of course, she had done it many times before. Even with more than one person. Not that I would ever judge her for it, I’d just never had the urge to do so… until now.

And I had the guy I loved with me for that moment.

“Rose, you okay?” Foster asked.

“Perfect,” I said. “Thank you for the flowers.”

“Yeah, sure. What are you going to do with them?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you can’t leave them out. Your father…”

“Oh, crap,” I said, my eyes going wide.

I was a rookie when it came to this sneaking around stuff. Especially having Foster over when nobody else was home. Anything we had ever done was me lying about staying at a friend’s house for a few hours. I’d leave there early, meet up with Foster, and come home. Or I’d invite Foster over and we’d hang out.

But this was far different…

“What should I do?” I asked.

I started to get nervous, chewing on my lip.

Foster reached out and touched my cheek. “Take it easy, Rose. Hide the flowers in your closet. And then sneak them out of the house tomorrow. Come home with them and say I gave them to you.”

I smiled. “That’s genius. You’re so good at this, Foster.”

“Good at lying,” he said with a laugh. “Is that a good thing?”

“As long as you don’t lie to me.”

“I never would, Rose. I love you.”

When he said that, it made my toes curl even tighter. I gripped the edge of my bed and had visions of what had happened. I sort of wanted to do that again. Was that wrong?

“Hey, what time is it?” Foster asked.

I turned the clock around on my night stand. Each number glowed a different neon color. It was a little after nine.

“You have somewhere to be?” I asked.

“I kind of do. I have a thing.”

“A thing?”

“I didn’t want to bring it up, but my father showed up tonight.”

“What?”

“Yeah.”

“I thought he was…”

“He got out.”

“Oh.” I swallowed hard. I hated his father. And all the horrible things his father did to his life. “How do you feel about that?”

“I don’t know,” Foster said. “It’s hard. I like where I am. They’re nice. But they’re not family.”

“Blood isn’t family,” I said. I clutched at his hand. “You’re family to me, Foster. I mean, the way we’re together. Look what we just shared for the first time. Each other’s firsts…”

I saw the look on his face. The way he swallowed hard.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“No. Don’t hold back. What? I said…”

“Rose. Shit.”

“What?” I asked again.

“If I was yours… I mean, you know, first… I’ll carry that in my heart for the rest of my life. But you… you’re not…”

“I’m not…”

“I’m sorry.”

“So you’ve…”

“Nothing I’m proud of,” he whispered.

“When?”

“Long before I met you, Rose. Stupid party stuff.”

I suddenly felt dirty. Gross. Like I had done something wrong.

I stood up and Foster did the same. “Hey, Rose. It doesn’t matter though.”

“It does to me,” I snapped. “I thought we were sharing a moment.”

“We did,” he said. “We are. Rose, this is us right here. Together. Is doesn’t matter…”

“It does to me,” I said. “You cheated me.”

“Cheated? How?”

I looked at him.

I didn’t have a good answer.

I just thought it was a first for both of us…

“Rose, I can’t change the past,” Foster whispered. “I’m in love with you.”

“Did you ever love anyone else?”

“Not a chance.”

“How do you know? How am I supposed to believe you?”

He approached me. The entire night had flipped. I hated the night. So much.

Foster gently touched my arms. Just like he did about an hour ago…

“Rose, I’ve never felt like this in my life,” he whispered. “Thinking about you. Being near you. The things that go through my mind. You make my heart race in a way that I think I’m going to die. You just said to never lie to you. So I’m not lying to you. There are things in my past I can’t take back and change. I’m sure you have regrets too. But I don’t regret you. I don’t regret us. I don’t regret tonight. I never will.”

I blinked fast, not wanting to cry.

I loved Foster and his words. But it didn’t make me feel all that much better. I started to second guess myself and what happened. I should have waited. I should have asked more questions.

“I’m going to go,” Foster said. “I don’t want to ruin any more of your night.”

“You’re leaving,” I said. “That’s what you do. You get close to me and then leave me.”

“Rose…”

“No,” I said. “You did it before. You’re doing it again.”

“I have to go meet…”

“Just leave,” I said. “I’ll be fine.”

He touched my face and I turned my head away. Somewhere inside me I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to feel how I felt right then. Even though I knew he hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Rose, dammit,” Foster growled. That caught my attention. He touched my face with both hands. “I can’t give you what you just gave me. But if it means anything, what we did, it fucking matters to me. In my heart, it was my first time. Because I felt it. I felt everything.”

He pulled me close and planted a kiss on my lips.

He looked at me and left my room.

I was alone in my bedroom. Alone in the house.

I hurried to the window and watched as Foster walked away. Hurrying down the driveway and disappearing into the night.

This wasn’t the way I had planned it.

I sat on the bed and reached for the rose. The rest of the flowers were on the nightstand. I hugged the rose and felt myself wanting to cry. For stupid reasons.

I hated Foster’s father.

I knew, without a doubt…

Foster was going to get hurt - really bad.