Another Monday meant another meeting with Brandon. We started a little late because he wanted to get snacks, so we had to be quick. My mom would be home at five thirty and time seemed to move fast when he was around.

"I got chips and dip, some candy, some other stuff, and drinks." He emptied the contents of his grocery bag onto the dining table, while naming everything he got. I thought it was cute how important it was for him to buy us snacks with as little time as we had that day.

He pulled out a large Tupperware bowl with a green snack. A familiar shape sat inside. "Holy shit, are those chicken Parmesan sticks?"

"Yeah. My mom made some this morning for work, but she made too much.” He slid the Tupperware bowl towards me, and I ripped the top off. I loved her chicken sticks. I didn’t know what she did to them to make them taste so good. Probably crack, but things like this made me understand why Trinity loved food so much. Her mother strictly made Italian food after she got over the divorce. All of it was good.

"I was going to tell you they were still cold, but it's too late now." He rested his chin in his hands. His eyelids lowered for a split second before he reached for a stick. "You go first this time."

I placed my chicken stick on a napkin and smacked the crumbs off my hands. I grabbed my assignment and scanned the list. “Is your favorite color still blue?”

“Yep. Still red?” He touched the bracelet on my left arm. His finger lightly grazed my skin. Shivers ran up my arm and took my breath with it. How could something so simple do that to me? I could only nod. He dropped his hand and fiddled with the napkin in front of him before meeting my eyes. “Why’d you leave the cheer squad?”

Way to hit me in the chest, Brandon, I thought. He didn’t ease into the question at all. I grabbed another chicken stick, turning it over in my hand. I took a bite of the stick, chewed over my thoughts, and swallowed. “My mom told me to quit. She wanted me to focus on school. Quitting was supposed to prevent me from making any more bad decisions.”

According to her, I made a billion mistakes. One was being a teenager and another was being a cheerleader. As if knowing male athletes would get me pregnant like that girl in my chemistry class. As if I wouldn’t have done the same things without the squad.

“What bad decisions?”

“Hmm . . .” I looked at my hand and drew light circles on the palm with my nail. I wasn’t going to tell him that Sven was my bad decision. I already got enough ‘I told you so’s’ from Trinity. Besides, what if he judged me or hated me for it? I didn’t want that from him. I was sure he still thought I was innocent. Untouched. “Bad boys. Bad friends. That’s what my mom said.”

He paused. Letting my words sink in before shooting me with another question. “Do you wish you were still cheering?”

“Hell yeah. Do you know how weird it is to eat lunch with your best friends and not be on their team anymore? It’s like I’m that annoying outcast girl who really wants to make friends, but she’s just too awkward.”

“I get that.” He reaches across the table for a can of soda and pops it open before bringing it to his lips. “I feel like that with the soccer team. I haven’t played with them in two years, but I’m only around because of Keith.”

“Kinda sucks doesn’t it?”

“A little bit.”

At least having Trinity and Keirsten around helped. They didn’t treat me like an outcast. I belonged. I didn’t feel like the former bubbly ray of sunshine suddenly turned depressed when they were around. Good friends made you feel like that. Like you could be yourself without getting judged, scolded, or slapped in the face.

I wondered if things would be the same in college after our group separated. I wondered if I could be confident enough to be myself without the trio. My phone vibrated with a text from my mom.

I rolled my eyes and pressed two fingers between my brows. Five minutes? Five whole minutes? Mom, what if I was pooping and I left my phone?

I found it ironic that she was worried about me taking her money when she had all of the checks my grandparents sent me during every holiday and every birthday for the past two years in her bank account. She said it was for college, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she spent all of it. All I had to my name was five hundred dollars hidden in my bedroom.

“You okay?” Brandon gave me a concerned look.

“Yeah.” I sighed turning my phone over on the table. “I just have to order dinner.”

* * *

We decided to work on our papers until her mom got home. The longer she was out, the more we could work. The more we worked, the more time I had with Serena.

“Do you still hate the nickname ‘Ree’?”

“Ugh. Yeah. Don’t you dare start calling me that again,” she waved her pen at me and I laughed. “Your sister already plans on screaming ‘Ree’ at my death bed.”

I snorted. She laughed hard and waved her hand out at me as if there was more.

“My sister’s dramatic as fuck though.” I lifted a hand and shrugged.

“Right, but Keirsten is so much worse,” she said rolling her eyes as she extended the ‘so’.

“How?”

Serena crossed her legs and leaned towards me. “This female wants to bring a god damned full course meal. I’m dying. I can’t eat that shit.”

I barked a laugh. “I’m surprised that wasn’t Trinity’s dream.”

“You would think, but we both know Trinity can’t cook to save her life.”

“Yeah.” I nodded, remembering when my mom tried to teach Trinity to cook with wine. She almost burned the entire house and melted a plastic spoon. The house smelled like burnt plastic for months. Both of my parents can cook. It’s one of the reasons they got married. But somehow the gene skipped her. “My sister’s a fucking hazard.”

BOOM! The lights went out and I looked out the windows. All of the houses on the street were dark. I didn’t realize I was at Serena’s for so long. Sophia must be really late.

“Dammit!” Serena said, and I clicked the flashlight button on my phone. “Is Trinity at home?”

“No, she’s at Keirsten’s.”

“Oh.” Serena was texting rapidly on her phone. She kept looking at the hallway past the living room every few seconds like she was waiting for someone to come out. Was she still afraid of the dark? “My phone’s about to die.”

Her voice was shaky, and I see her fighting to keep a cool expression. She was definitely still afraid of the dark. I could walk home. I could go somewhere else for a while. My mom was most likely working late, so she wouldn’t be calling me. But I didn’t want to leave Serena here. Not if she started to freak out.

“You got one of those portable charger things?” I asked.

“Yeah. In my room.” Her eyes were completely glued to the hallway.

“Need me to go with you?”

“No.” She shook her head and laughed nervously. “I’ll go. My mom would be pissed if she saw you walking out of my room.”

“You sure?” It would only take a second to get her charger. If her mom came at that moment, we’d see the car lights first.

She laughed. “I’m a big girl, B. I may have a few mini panic attacks, but I can do it.”

“Alright. Scream if you need me.”

Serena nodded and fumbled with her phone, holding it as far away from her as possible before disappearing down the hallway.

I grabbed the rest of the snacks and brought them into the living room, setting them on the coffee table. Serena and her mom had a fire place and since it was supposed to be negative 12 degrees Fahrenheit tonight, I thought it would be a good idea to turn it on. The wind was picking up and smacking the trees around. I knew my mom would have a heart attack if I froze to death.

“I grabbed some blankets too. My mom said she would be a little longer. There’s a blizzard warning.” She scurried away from the hallway and threw one of the blankets at me. She hopped on the other end of the couch, covering herself. She poked out her arm and tossed me a charger. The blanket and fire didn’t seem to work at all for Serena. She was curled into a tight ball and shivering.

“C’mere.” I stretched my hand out towards her. She stared at it like my hand was an alien artifact.

“What?”

“You’re freezing.” I sat up and threw my blanket off of me. “Either come here or move closer to the fire.” My tone was more commanding than I intended. Her eyes darted between me and the fire.

“I’m fine.” I folded my arms and narrowed my eyes at her. “Okay.”

She crawled over to me and sat shoulder to shoulder with me. I grabbed the blanket and covered us with it. I tried to steady my breathing and focus on anything but how close she was to me. I wasn’t going to react. I wasn’t going to move. She didn’t need me to wrap my arms around her. It was too soon. She didn’t trust me yet. Not fully, at least.

My breath caught when she shifted. Her hands moved slow as she wrapped herself around me. I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. Her head pressed against my chest. She felt nice against me. Like she fit. Fuck. What if she could hear my heart? Don’t touch her, Brandon. Don’t you do it.

“Is that better?” My voice was thankfully calmer than I felt.

“Yeah.” Her voice was steady and so was her breathing. If she moved anymore I could have an awkward boner and ruin the whole thing. How did she make me so weak? I closed my eyes. I could feel her shifting again. Her head lifted from my chest for bit before settling back in that spot.

“Brandon?”

“Hmm.”

“Why’d you come back?” I could feel her looking at me.

“I missed you.” I did. That was true, but it wasn’t the truth.

She giggled and I opened my eyes. Her chocolate brown ones were peering at me, stealing all of my cool. I lifted her chin and grinned. “You don’t think I would miss you?”

“Not enough to come back. What’s the real reason?”

I frowned and ran a finger across her cheek. Should I tell her? “I just learned some things I wish I hadn’t.”

“Like what?”

I looked towards the fire. My dad’s words echoing in my head. I’m a weak man, son. Sometimes you just need to have fun. Your mother was too uptight anyway. “You remember when my parents fought outside?”

“Like it was yesterday. That night gives me nightmares.”

“You get nightmares?”

“Yeah,” She brought her head back to my chest. “So what about the fight?”

“My dad cheated.” I could hear the anger in my voice. I could feel it in the back of my throat. It tasted like vomit. I swallowed hard. “He cheated on her a lot, and he’s cheating on his fiancé. It’s not like she doesn’t know. She just puts up with that shit.”

My eyes fell on Serena’s again. They were soft like her. She was so fucking willing to listen to me talk about my problems. Whatever problems she had were bigger than mine, but in that moment it seemed like I was on her level. “Sorry about that.”

She placed a hand on my cheek and I grabbed it. “No. It’s okay.”

“What about you? You keep saying everything’s changed and talking about how strict your mom is.”

“I don’t know.” She looked away from me and sighed. “She just doesn’t trust me anymore, and I feel like she’s losing it. She prays about some guy. Hoping that a man with money comes and saves her. She clings so hard to guys. It’s weird and everything I do is a step towards another big mistake.”

“Sophia sounds bat-shit crazy.” I played with one of the curls in her hair, and she cracked a half smile.

“Oh yeah. I know.” Her smile became full, and I felt my lips spreading apart. A high-pitched sound cut into my ears and we pulled apart. Serena scrambled for her phone.

“Hi mom . . . no the power is still out . . . okay . . .” She stood and rotated her pointer finger around her ear while rolling her eyes. “I’m going there right now, mom.” I smiled as I watched her walk into the kitchen.

* * *

My mom flashed Brandon one of her five star fake smiles as he stood outside the door.

“Tell your mom I said hello!” She patted his shoulder and waved goodbye. My mother shut the door behind her and the smile faded. A glower formed in its place. “What the fuck was that, Serena?”

“What do you mean?” I tried to keep an even, polite tone, but her face only darkened.

“Why was he in here? Sitting on my goddamned couch with the lights off?” She stabbed the tan fabric with her finger. I took a small step back. She hadn’t seen me next to Brandon. I was sitting on the chair to the right of couch after she had called me. She didn’t say when she was coming back, so I could warn him. I noticed the flowery pattern of my throw and slammed my eyes shut. I forgot about the blankets. How could I forget to put the blankets back in my room?

I felt a hard push on my shoulders and my eyes snapped open. Her eyes were wild with anger as the fire illuminated sharp shadows across her face in the darkness. She shook one of the blankets in my face. My body began to shake and my hands grew clammy. I was going to die. “What the fuck is this doing in here?”

“I got cold.”

“Oh. You got cold.” Her head swayed side to side as she mocked me. “How do I know you weren’t sharing this? How do I know you weren’t screwing around on my couch? Now I have to clean it. You stupid child.”

She threw the blanket at me. “Clean this blanket and steam clean the couch.” She made a disgusted sound and shook her hands in the air as she walked past me. “I thought I raised a better child than this. I am so disappointed. You had so much potential, and I have shown nothing but good towards you. I don’t know what to do with you anymore.”

I didn’t do anything wrong but I couldn’t prove her wrong. “You’re not getting this pizza tonight. Pizza is a luxury and offsprings like you don’t get luxuries.”

I bowed my head to cover up the sadness. How could one moment ruin her trust in me like that? I had no idea what my mom was like during her childhood. Was she the perfect daughter? Did she do everything right? “I’m sorry, mom.”

“You should be.” She turned her back to me and began tapping her foot. “Go and clean.”

I gathered the blankets and blinked rapidly to prevent tears from falling. Tears would only make her angrier. I didn’t want that.