Trinity, Kiersten, and I sat outside on the school’s courtyard in the sunniest spot possible. Trinity thought it would be a great idea for us to freeze to death. Maybe she was planning to cut up our bodies and sell them on the black market, because she wasn’t cold at all. I was freezing. My jacket felt like a thin piece of fabric. My hands were ice cubes as I tried to lift my sandwich. My hands were shaking. I lost a piece of lettuce before it hit my mouth. She had better had a good reason for bringing us out here, or I was going to kill her. Keirsten looked equally unhappy about our current situation, but at least she had a thermos full of hot tea. I didn’t have shit.

“You should go to the party on Friday, Serena.” Trinity wiped her face and hands. She threw the empty wrapper at the trash can and pumped her fist in the air when it landed inside.

“No,” I said as my teeth chattered. Did she think I was crazy? That my mom changed her mind about me overnight? “You’re out of your mind.”

“Oh come on!” She poked her bottom lip out and stomped her feet on the ground. “We never get to do anything together anymore. You’ll have fun and a break from your mom.”

I shook my head. The last time I tried to sneak out of the house to have fun I ended up with bruises on the back of my legs and had to wear pants for a couple of weeks in the summer. I didn’t bruise easily. “I’d like to, but I’m not about to test her limits again.”

“You could tell her you’re studying for a hard test.” Trinity had puppy dog eyes and was fiddling with her fingers. She only looked like this when she was planning something, and whatever she was up to had to be dangerous. Why else would she suggest sneaking behind my mom’s back?

“You could do that, and then she’ll call your mom, Trin. And then your mom will call her mom and then both of you are in trouble for getting Serena in trouble,” Keirsten said, sitting her thermos on the table. “That’s a train wreck waiting to happen.”

“Dammit. There’s gotta be another way.” Trinity stared behind us, sucking in her lips as she tapped her knees with her hands.

“Whatever you’re cooking up, I don’t want it.” I poke her knee in hopes to break her from her train of thought. I didn’t want to make my life worse.

“Oh!” Trinity smacked her knee. I was too late. “You could say we’re going to the library for research, and that you’ll be home by like 10:30. Like we leave at seven, after dinner, so it doesn’t look too suspicious.”

“She’ll call me.”

“Step outside and sit in a car.”

“What if I don’t hear my phone ring, Trin? The music is going to be loud.” I waved my arms around, hoping to get some sense into her head. “Do you want me to get shot?”

Keirsten grabbed my arm and patted it. “Trinity just wants you to have fun for once. We both do.”

“I just want you to have a night that doesn’t suck ass.” Trinity’s body seemed to lose air as her eyes pleaded with me. I really did want to go. I did want to have one good night. One night where I felt free. and I felt like myself. Sometimes it seemed like I lost sight of who I was, at least the me I knew at that moment. I was weak and fragile, when the me inside of me was anything but. The real me couldn’t come out yet. Not while I was still in this town. Not while I was broken.

“How about this . . .” I began and both girls perked up. “If you come up with a better plan that we know won’t get me in trouble . . . there can’t be any loop holes . . . like none. I’ll go to the party, but I’m going without a date.”

“I can do that!” Keirsten’s hand shot up in the air, and she wiggled it. “I’m better than Trinity at planning things.”

“You don’t have an evil bone in your body. You need me.” She tapped on her chest. “I complete you.”

“Oh my god, Trinity.” Keirsten swatted at her and we laughed. She lightly tugged my hair. “We’ll do our best.”

* * *

I grabbed an empty box from under my bed and placed small things in it. There was a picture frame with the family crest my mom’s parents had given me. An old pocket watch from my dad’s side. It felt kind of snobbish writing down all the things I thought was cool about me.

I have an enormous collection of pocket watches. I rolled my eyes and threw the paper into the box and wrote “I guess these make me cool? - B” on it. We had agreed to meet early Friday morning before class to go over my stuff. Serena seemed extra worried about being over at her house. What did her mom say to her after I left? Whatever it was, it shook her up.

I placed the box beside my backpack when my phone chimed.

“Hello?”

“What’s up, son?” My dad sounded like one of those happy golfer guys who drank beer and talked about how politically cool they were. “I haven’t heard from you in a while, so I thought I’d give you a little ring.”

“I’ve been busy.” My voice came out as more of hiss and not as calm as I wanted it to be. I was still seething at the old man. He still thought everything he did was good and just. He needed to keep Stephanie as his trophy woman.

“I see that.” I could hear tapping in the background and pages rustling. “I hear from your mother that you’re still interested in that Richards girl.”

“You and mom still talk?”

I grabbed my desk chair and sat.

“Only about you and Trinity,” he said matter of factly. “I don’t waste my time talking to women about deep things, especially that woman. I mean she’s got a nice accent, don’t get me wrong, but . . .”

He chuckled and I could tell he was adjusting his tie. He always did that when he had something shady to say about mom.

“Anyway, be careful with that Richards girl. They breed a beautiful flock of girls, and they might even be fun, don’t get me wrong, but they’re the commitment type.” He coughed and cleared his throat. Why was he comparing Serena’s family to birds? “They’ll take away all of your freedom. They take relationships way too seriously. It’s no wonder Sophia and your mom were best friends.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t have to be so curt, son. Just letting you know that you’re too young for serious relationships. You should enjoy as many women as you like before you pick the girl that looks the best next to you.”

If I didn’t hate my father before, I definitely hated him now. Stephanie was a good person, and he only saw her as an object. I wondered if he saw my mom that way when they first got married. The thought makes me sick. Talking to him makes my head hurt. There was no room to forgive this man for hurting my mom and making me believe she was a terrible person. I should’ve known something was wrong with him before I moved in with him. The fact that seeing him cheat brought his stupidity to my attention made me angry. I pressed my finger against my temple as my dad rambled on and on about how I should live my life.

“I don’t know why you didn’t choose Triton State like your sister. I have a lot of connections here and men like us need good connections.”

“Men like us?”

“Where else do you think you get your traits from? Your mother?” My dad barked a laugh, before saying his goodbyes and hanging up. I knew I shouldn’t have answered. I didn’t know why I did. I did know I couldn’t be like him. Men like us.

* * *

I leaned against my car waiting for Serena to show up. I may have gotten here a little too early, or her bus was running late. I had been standing out here for thirty minutes, browsing through the internet when a shadow appeared over the screen.

“Hey.” I met Serena’s smiling face and mine cracks into one. The sun hits her face and casts beautiful shadows across it. The dark brown color of her eyes were deep and the emotion was genuine. She was finally becoming comfortable around me. “What you looking at?”

“You.”

Her cheeks flush, she tilts her head to the side and nods, her smile growing larger. “Okay. I’ll admit. That worked.”

I grinned. Feeling good about causing her to smile like that, and all I want to do is make her smile more. Our eyes meet for what felt like an eternity. I’m almost tempted to sink my fingers into her hair when I remember the box in my hand. “Here’s my stuff for your paper. I put a note in it explaining what everything is.”

She takes the box and giggles at my note on the side of it. She digs into her coat pocket and hands me a USB drive.

“I felt like this would be a better way to give it to you. So don’t lose it.” She gives me a pointed look. I stuff it in my coat pocket and pat it.

“Don’t worry. I won’t.”

* * *

Somehow Keirsten and Trinity’s evil plan worked. Somehow my mom believed them. They stuck with the library idea, but instead of the local library they picked the one at the community college. My mom knew no one there so she couldn’t track me. They wouldn’t be able to find me if she went looking for me because out of so many students, would they really want to look for one child? They each told their parents the same thing. If my mom called one of them their parents would just give the same answer. They remembered backpacks and snacks. The plan was almost foolproof. As long as we got home in time, everything would be okay.

I opened my closet and uncovered the mirror hanging on the door. I stood and examined my skin. I didn’t look too bad. I had some pudge. I was definitely out of shape, but I looked good. I stretched my arm to the back of my closet and pulled a few dresses I hadn’t worn in a while. Some I hadn’t worn at all.

My mom had asked me to throw these dresses away before saying they were slutty and she wasn’t raising a little harlot. They weren’t that short and they didn’t show off much except my curves, but she said they weren’t good enough. They didn’t look good.

I chose a red one and slipped it on. Maybe the dress was too short? It was a knuckle length above my knee and red with a scoop neck and quarter sleeves. The dress hit all the right spots. All of the right spots were wrong. All of the right spots said I wanted to give my body over to the next guy I looked at. If my mom saw me in this dress she’d kill me.

I searched for my phone and called Trinity.

“Am I a slut?” I said as soon as she picked up.

“What? No. Why would you . . . You grabbed a dress from the back of the closet didn’t you?”

“Yeah.” A short sob sat at the tip of my tongue. “I feel terrible.”

“Ree.” I frowned at the nickname. “All of those dresses look great on you. I bet you’re hot. What do you think about how you look? Don’t think about your mom.”

I stood in front of the mirror, forcing my mom so far out of my head the only thing left was me. I looked good. I looked fine. I didn’t look like a hoe. The dress was comfortable, and I was going to wear tights anyway because it was 28 fucking degrees outside. “I like it.”

“See. That’s all that matters. Now hurry up, and put on your sweats before you change your mind. I’m already done, and Kay is on the way.”

“Thanks, Trin.” I slip on my tights and then my sweats as she hangs up.

* * *

We pulled into a neighborhood with large brick houses and circle driveways. Sven’s house sat in the center of large cul-de-sac. There was five car garage with a bunch of cars packed onto the driveway.

“I think we should park further down the street.” Keirsten said and turned the car around as we nodded. I could hear the faint hum of music and laughter from the people walking into the house. We parked by a quiet looking home with lamp posts lining the walkway. The neighborhood was beautiful and Sven was about to destroy it in one night with his family tradition.

“Keith get out of the car. We have to get ready.” Keirsten said, lightly pushing him.

“I didn’t forget.” He held up his hands in surrender and jogged to Sven’s house. We fumbled around in the car until our cover up outfits were off.

“Serena! You look great.” Keirsten clapped her hands together. She had on a beautiful green top with a black skirt and tights. “Where have you been hiding that?”

“The back of my closet.”

Keirsten squealed over how cute we all were before Trinity silenced her. “Before we leave we need to remember this . . .”

“You’re about to be dramatic aren’t you?” She placed a finger over my lips and I snorted.

“Tonight, you’re not useless, and you can do whatever you want. Except drugs. Don’t do drugs.” She turns to Keirsten. “You’re fucking awesome, and your mom doesn’t have a creepy boyfriend.”

“But she does-”

Trinity stretches her fingers apart from each other and Keirsten clamped her lips shut, humor in her eyes.

“And I’m not fat. I’m fine as hell.” She put her coat back on opened her door. “Now let’s go.”

“Sup, ladies,” Sven said as we approach him. “Keirsten, you can enter.” He pats her shoulder and pushes her inside. “Where your dates you two?”

“My date is myself. Fuck you.” Trinity places a hand on her hip. Sven steps aside to let her in.

“My offer still stands, Serena.” He grabs my shoulder and narrows his eyes at me. “You know I’m a great dancer.”

I sighed and looked away from him. “I’m gonna go inside now, Sven.”

“Alcohol’s in the kitchen!” he yelled after me, and I heard him fussing at a few people trying to enter behind me. .

The house was even larger on the inside. Despite the dim lighting, large crowd, and strobe lights it was easy to see the large living area and the wooden floors. The kitchen was only separated by a big granite counter topped island covered in beer and snacks.

“Food!” Trinity grabbed a plate and piled it with chips and dip.

I found a group of familiar people and let myself disappear into the music. I would try to be social I would try to be me.