Five Months Later . . .

I scribbled in the last bubble for my final exam. It was August. My scholarship class was finally over, and I had been on my own since high school graduation. Nice didn't describe how good it felt to be on my own. Fantastic didn't even describe it.

I handed my test to the teacher's assistant.

"Have a nice freshman year, Serena," he whispered and winked as he returned my student ID.

"Later." I skipped out of the class and headed towards the coffee shop on campus. Trinity was supposed to move in today and call me when she got to our apartment.

I took a left down a tree-lined pathway. A few metal benches were spread out on the path with flower beds sitting between each bench. The campus was beautiful, and I got to walk it whenever I wanted to. Day or night.

I entered the log cabin looking coffee shop and walked towards the counter. The coffee shop was the only building on campus that looked out of place. Every other building was brick and concrete.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I stepped away from the line.

"Hey!"

"Okay, so like, where are you right now because I'm ten minutes away," Trinity was yelling in my ear, and I rolled my eyes.

"I was just about to get coffee."

"Get me some too. I'll pick you up. Which coffee shop are you at?"

"Beanie Treats." The line began to get a little longer, and I inched my body closer.

"I hate that name. Who names a coffee shop Beanie Treats?" she mumbled. "I'm on my way."

She hung up and tucked my phone into my pocket and hopped to the back of the line. I felt a tap on the shoulder.

"What'cha getting?"

I felt my heart leap out of chest, and I turned around to see my teacher's assistant laughing at me. I frowned and his blue brown eyes twinkled.

"Sorry about that.” He let out another chuckle and ran his fingers through his dirty blonde hair. “Everyone got done early, so Dr. Pratt sent me on a coffee run."

“It’s fine.” I smiled back, and the line moved forward. “My roommate wants me to get her coffee too.”

“Great! So we’re both running errands for people.” He patted me on the shoulder and I laughed. This is so awkward, I thought.

It was my turn to order my coffee, and I got Trinity and I iced white mochas.

Tristan ordered and marched over beside me as I waited for my coffee. He grabs the loops of his belt and straightens his back. He had been staring at me all summer. Asking me if I needed extra help on assignments and if I wanted to meet for coffee to talk about being here without parents. I wasn’t sure if he was flirting or just being nice. If he was, he definitely couldn’t try anything with me. He was basically an employee.

“So, did you come here with a boyfriend or . . .” He nudges my arm like he’s trying to crack a joke, and I shake my head. My phone buzzed.

“Serena!” The barista slid me my two coffees and I turned towards Tristan. Tristan was really cute. He was toned, had one of those cute hipster hairstyles, and with the way he’s dressed, with a brown leather briefcase and oxford's, Trinity would have called him a coffee shop hoe. I’d say he was hot but the awkward I’m-training-to-be-a-teacher-thing was something I wasn’t into. I didn’t want to try a secret relationship. If I was going to date someone, I wanted to be out and proud about. “No, but good luck with those coffees.”

“Bye, Serena.”

I lift a cup as I head out the door.

* * *

It took us five hours to move all of Trinity’s stuff. Five whole hours. Her dad had helped her move out of her house and a u-haul was attached to the back of his truck. The woman was acting like she was living in the whole two bedroom herself.

We were sitting in the living room eating cheap store bought pizza and watching crappy television.

“I'm so happy to be away from home. I'm going to do everything.”

“You’re going to do everything?” She gave me teasing look, and I rolled my eyes at her.

“But how does it feel for real?” She turned towards me on the couch, her mouth full of pizza. “We get to be roommates. You get to use the fucking internet. You get to fucking have friends and date boys!”

“It feels great, but it feels weird.”

“How?”

“Sometimes I forget I’m not at home when I wake up.” I clutched the couch pillow to my chest. “It’s kind of scary, waking up thinking you’re going to get caught for doing something you shouldn’t have done, but then you remember that you’re here and not there and that everything is okay.”

Trinity nodded. She didn’t know how I felt, but she could sympathize. Sometimes I woke up in cold sweats. I’d feel like I was back in my room, and my mother was standing over my head, ready to beat me with anything she had. You would think just being away from her would make me feel better but it didn’t. I still had nightmares. I was still afraid, and it would take forever for me to be okay. I wasn't sure if I would ever be okay.

“I got a therapist.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. After the last anxiety attack I called you about, I decided to go.”

“They’d probably do a better job at helping than I could and maybe teach me how to be a better friend.”

“You’re not a bad friend.”

“But I wasn't there for you and that’s bad enough. If I can help, you can get help you get through this . . .” She bit her bottom lip. The sorrow was heavy in her eyes.

“You’re not a bad friend, Trin.” I patted her on the shoulder and she nodded. Her face was still sad but she cracked a smile. My cellphone dinged, and I made a small noise when I saw Brandon’s name. Brandon Eliot has sent you a friend request.

“Did you really just make a new profile?”

“I was paranoid!”

“Has she sent you a friend request?” Trinity pulled out her phone, and my cell dinged again with a friend request from her. “Dammit. Keirsten beat me to being your friend.”

“This is not a competition and no, she hasn’t added me yet.” I was grateful she hadn’t found me but also surprised. Didn’t she have my friends as her friends? Wouldn’t my name have popped up by now as a suggestion? “I might block her if she finds me. I might block her. I'm not sure if I should yet.”

“She doesn’t have your new number so that's up to you.” Trinity sat up straight and began tapping rapidly away on her phone.

“How is he?” Trinity was quiet for a moment, and I wanted to take the question back. I hadn’t asked about him at all. I was afraid she was going to ignore me. What if he had a girlfriend now? I could look online, but I didn’t want to. He could’ve found somebody else. Somebody with a lot less baggage. Somebody prettier. Somebody better.

“Ask him yourself. I know you still have his number.”

Just the thought of sending him a message put my heart into overdrive. He could ignore me. We were friendly before graduation, but it was so hard. It was so hard not to want him and not to touch him, and it was definitely hard for him. Neither of us said goodbye. We were both too afraid of the word.

Now Trinity wanted me to talk to him. She wanted me to ask him how he was as if that wouldn't give him bad memories of my existence. I wasn’t ready. He could’ve started hating me.

“I can’t. I can’t just ask him.”

“Okay, Ree. Baby steps then.” She patted my head and stood, exiting the living room.

* * *

“Alright boys, hit the showers!” Our coach yelled as we ran off the soccer field. Keith jogged up alongside me as we made it to the locker room. Our locker room was huge, with blue and white everywhere. It smelled like sweaty balls, mustard, and armpits. We smelled gross.

“Serena’s got a new Facebook account. She got a new everything, bro.” He slapped me on the back and hopped over to his locker. I began to undress and grabbed my towel. He waltzed back over to me with his cellphone in hand. “See.”

Damn. I hadn’t seen her face in so long. Her hair was much shorter than before. It stopped just above her shoulders making her curls tighter and more pronounced, but still wild. She looked good. She looked alive and I bet she’d look even better in person. “I’ll add her later.”

“I think she’s still single, bro, but that hairdo makes her look fine as hell. I wouldn’t be surprised if somebody snatches her up soon. I’d go crazy if Keirsten looked like that, but she's got this innocent look going on.” Keith tossed his phone back in his locker and grabbed his towel.

“You got a problem with Keirsten’s look?” I stuffed my dirty clothes into a duffle and dropped the duffle on the floor.

“Nah. It’s just . . .” He threw his towel over his shoulder. “You fucked all these girls over the summer and I got her.”

I tilted my head and his face fell.

“I’m sorry, man. That came out wrong. This virgin thing is killing me.” Keith was okay with Keirsten’s choice to stay a virgin until whenever she felt like it, but sometimes I worried if he was cheating on her. “All I’m trying to say is . . . If you still want her. You gotta work fast. She’s single now, but she won’t be single forever.”

I nodded. He was right, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go down that route again. Accept who she is now. I heard Trinity’s voice in the back of my head. I still loved her, but if she still wanted me, I’d have to take her and all of her baggage. I pushed the thought out of my mind and headed towards the shower. I’d worry about that another day.