I circled my fingers around the belt loops of Serena’s jeans, pulling her so close that nothing could fit in between us. Her hands were on my chest and her lips parted into a sweet smile only meant for me. I felt everything in me explode when she leaned her head against my chest. A loud knock sounded around us. We looked around and I heard her call my name, but her mouth didn’t move.

“Brandon?” Serena disappeared into a cloud of smoke. I blinked and I was in my room.

I rolled over and placed my pillow over my head. I hated being woken when I didn't need to be, especially when I was having a good dream. The knock came again, and I made up in my mind to kill the person. It was the weekend, and I wanted to sleep. My friends knew not to wake me.

“Brandon?” Dammit. It was Serena and no matter how angry I was at being awake, she had this ability to make my name sound like good ass music you’d pay front row seats for. I heard the knob on my door twist. Light snickers and a quiet “good luck” passed behind the door.

I rolled out of bed and crawled towards my door, pulling at the knob and she squealed. She tumbled into the room, catching herself on all fours. Fear and worry creased her face as she sat on her knees and smoothed her skirt. I moved swiftly in front of her and she yelped.

“What are you doing in here?” A bright red color paints her cheeks as I speak. Her breath stuttered. I was affecting her with just the sound of my voice, and it felt good. It took everything in me not to grin. I wanted to be serious. She was so fucking cute and that skirt of hers, sexy. “You’ve interrupted something very important to me.”

“I-I think you let me in.”

“But you didn’t leave.” I crawled towards her. She swallowed hard, and I stopped when our faces were leveled with each other. Her eyes never left mine and her cheeks reddened. “What do you want?”

Her voice was quiet and she spoke fast. “Our friends want to go somewhere, and they told me to wake you up.”

“They asked or did you volunteer?”

“I…um.” She looked from my lips to my arms. My skin ignited where her eyes touched. She lost her words, taking in every part of me instead. I grabbed her waist, pulling her towards me. Her brown eyes filled with surprise as her hands landed on my chest. I hovered my lips over hers, drawing circles on her back. Touching her woke me up faster than a cup of strong coffee. She was intoxicating. She was wonderful. She smelled and felt good. I was going out of my fucking mind. These months without her sucked. I wanted her then and still wanted her. I knew by the droop in her eyelids and the small part of her lips that she still wanted me. “You’re in a lot of trouble, Serena.”

“Brandon?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you trying to seduce me?”

I moved my lips against hers and grinned at the small sigh she released. “Do you want me to?”

“Maybe.” I buried my fingers into her hair and grazed the side of her neck with my lips. I was trying to keep my cool. Trying to keep her from noticing my racing heart, but then a soft whimper fell from her lips, and I almost died. Holy shit. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to throw her on my bed.

Did she still want me in that way? Where she was mine and I was hers? Since childhood I was determined to get her, but only if she wanted me.

I forced myself to move and look away from her. Our friends were still out there, waiting for us. I stood and went to find a shirt. “Thanks for waking me up.”

You’d think it would be harder to breathe when the person you love is near you, but I couldn’t breathe with her away from me.

“No problem,” she whispered. If I was looking at her, she’d probably have her hand behind her neck or was looking for a pocket to hide her nerves somewhere in her skirt. “I’ll see you outside.”

* * *

I sat on the futon as far away from Brandon as I possibly could. I kept my eyes from drifting towards him as our friends argued over which ice rink was better. It didn’t matter where we would go. I was afraid to go near Brandon. I was afraid of what I would do if I was near him. He seemed to be in control, but my insides felt like a storm. It was obvious I was still attracted to him. I just wished I was smooth and not tripping over words around him. “Why don’t we vote on it and not argue anymore?” Keith stretched out his arms as if he were stopping two pillars from falling.

“I can’t skate anyway.” I frowned. I was terrible. I had tried to learn for years, and I was a complete failure. “So vote without me.”

Keith calls the vote and the majority raise their hands for the rink closest to us. I finally brought myself to look at Brandon. His body seemed relaxed, but his eyes were as stormy as I felt. I regretted not fighting for us. I regretted not trying. I regretted so much it hurt. But I couldn’t live with regret. I had to take what I wanted without fear. Without worry. I had to try again.

Did trying always feel like a rickety bridge over a bottomless pit? I could date him if I wanted to. What if I’m just a cute girl to him now? I still regretted pushing him away. Even if the reason was valid, I regretted it, but if he still had feelings for me, I wouldn’t push him away again. No matter what my mom says or how scared I was.

* * *

I fell on my ass the second I stepped onto the ice. I felt like I had cracked something even though the people at the rink gave us knee pads and butt pads.

“Damn. I’m surprised you didn't fall on your face.” Trinity howled with laughter and glided to me. Keirsten wrapped around to the other side of me as I tried to stand. The corners of her lips twitched. Her eyes held amusement and an apology. I glared at her. Falling hurt.

“Let’s at least help her first.” Kay reached out her hand, and I took it begrudgingly.

“You were about to laugh anyway. It’s all over your face.” I reached for the wall and gripped it as if my life depended on it. She covered her face and snickered.

“I’m sorry.” She let out a short giggle, and I cracked a smile, before laughing at myself.

“I probably looked like an idiot.”

“Idiots a bit harsh but you did look crazy.” Kay patted my shoulder, then smiled at something behind me. “See you on the ice if you can make it.”

She skated away, and I turned to see what was behind me. Brandon was leaning against the wall, watching me. Ugh he probably thinks I’m ridiculous. A former cheerleader who can’t keep her balance on the ice. I’m a full on klutz, and he’s moving towards me with the grace of a swan.

“You look terrified.” He leaned next to me, struggling to fight a grin. I wanted to smack him.

“You would be terrified too if you didn’t know what you were doing.” My legs buckled under me, and I clutched the walls tighter and pulled myself. I could just sit out. No one would notice. Everyone else was wrapped up in the fun they were having. I could just sit on those wonderful bleachers and watch. .

“You want to escape don’t you?” he asked his grinning getting bigger. I chuckled and waved my hand at him. How could this guy read me so well? “You keep looking longingly at the bleachers.”

“I’m just really bad at this.” I pursed my lips and motioned to my skates.

“Come here.” Brandon tapped his waist. I stared at him. I wasn’t ready to be near him again, but I also wasn’t ready to die on the ice. I wrapped my arms around his waist and stared at my skates, hoping to gain some form of balance. He wrapped his arm around mine keeping me steady. I felt safe. Death by ice didn’t seem so near. “Let me teach you.”

We had gone around at a slow pace a few times. He was a very patient teacher and every time I felt like I was going to fall he would hold me tighter until I regained my footing.

“You know what’s holding you back is your fear of falling.” he said. “You’ve gotta make mistakes to get better.”

“But falling hurts.” Everytime I fell, the pain never got better. I just grew tired of falling.

“Falling always hurts.”

I turned my head towards Brandon, but he was far behind me. He had let me go. I was going to fall. There was no way I was going to find my balance this time. “Come back!”

“Relax.” He chuckled. “I’ll be here to catch you.”

I was on my own, and I was going to fall flat on my face and break my nose. Maybe my neck. I moved painfully slow, wobbling as I squatted and spread my feet apart in a way to keep myself from dying. I wanted to grab onto something, but the railing was too far away. My fingers were shaking and I gritted my teeth. All Brandon did was watch me and smile.

“You’re doing great,” he said. “Just take it slow.”

“It’s fine. I've already accepted my death.” I waved my hand at him and almost slipped again. I heard him chuckle as I steadied myself. I breathed slowly, concentrating on the way my skates moved with the ice. I shut the idea of falling out of my mind. The thought of impending death disappeared from my mind and my shoulders relaxed.

I willed myself to turn around and face Brandon and squealed. I was still standing upright. I was still on my skates. I didn't fall!

He flashed a grin and motioned for me to come closer. I moved quickly, and my foot buckled under me. My body jolted forward. I screeched. Brandon ran towards me and the rest of my body landed in his arms. He grabbed my waist and lifted me upright. I gripped his shirt and let out breathy spurts of laughter. I screamed and Brandon caught me.

“You okay?” He grazed the side of my cheek with one hand while wrapping his arm around the other to prevent me from slipping again. My cheek warmed at his touch. The rink was no longer cold but nice and toasty.

“Yeah. Everything but my pride is okay.”

The corner of his mouth lifted and a warm chuckled shook through his chest. “You’re pride will be fine. It's only a minor injury.”

“What if falling hurts more than my pride.” It wasn't about the skates or the ice anymore. I was talking about me. I was talking about us. I wanted to let myself love someone and be loved, but the fear was still there. I had already fallen, I was already broken, but if I shattered . . . if my mother was right about me, I wasn't sure if I could pick up the pieces.

“You won't have to pick up the pieces alone. Even with this short distance between us you won't be alone,” he said, a small smile on his face. I hoped he was right. I hoped we could pick up where we left off. I hoped I could deal with my mother from a distance. I didn’t want her words to hurt me anymore.

“Brandon. Serena.” We saw Keirsten and Trin waving at us from the bleachers. “Let’s go eat.”

Brandon pulled away and tangled his fingers with mine as we exited the rink.