I might just be paranoid, but it feels like everyone is watching me. Every person I passed seemed to be whispering about me. I was definitely paranoid. Nobody was talking about me. The only person talking about me was the voice in the back of my head reminding me everything what’s wrong with me. I opened my locker and stuffed everything except for the things I needed for art class inside. I placed my art supplies in the purse I barely used and shut the door.

“So, I was thinking . . .” Keirsten’s face appeared and she handed me a muffin.

“That already sounds bad.” I smiled.

“Hear me out first.” She looped her arm and mine and we walked towards our first class. “I think you should’ve kissed him.”

“We haven’t talked about this since Friday. I thought we were going to drop it.” I sighed. I had pushed Friday out of my mind. Summing everything up to either him not liking me, yeah, I know, or it being a bad idea anyway. I planned to move on from it and act like nothing almost happened.

“I will. I promise, but I think you should have. You could keep things at school, you know, if the kiss was good.” I opened my mouth to protest, but she cut me off. “I’m just saying, as an option and your hopeful bestie. You don’t have to listen to me.”

“I probably won’t.”

Keirsten and I walked into class and took our seats. Brandon and the others were already inside and my stupid cheeks burned when I saw him smile at me. It was so easy for him to affect me and Friday night was a clear example of that. Even when he was trying to comfort me, I was affected. Then there was the nasty glare I was getting from Alana. Was it me or did this girl need to own every single cute guy she met?

* * *

“Hey tramp!” Someone yanked my arm and swung me around while I tried to head to my next class. Alana’s eyes boiling with anger and I shook her off of me. I returned her frown with a smile and it only made her angrier. Tramp wasn’t a nice thing to call someone, but it wasn’t like I didn’t hear the word enough from home.

“What do you want?” I hissed and I could have sworn something in her eyes almost backed down. .

“I just want you to back off of my man.” She rolled her around and poked me in the chest. I’ve never gotten suspended, but if she touched me one more time I was going to shove her to the ground.

“You’re man?” I almost laughed. That was cute. As much as she throws herself at Sven you would think she’d be trying to claim him too. “You’re not dating, and he’s not property.”

“We may not be dating right now, but I asked him out, you didn’t.” She wiggled her finger at me, and I almost clenched my fist. “I saw him leaving the same corner you did, and I saw the way he looked at you today. I’m not stupid.”

“I don’t have time for this.” I took a few steps back. “If he wants you, you can have him. I’m going to class.”

“Fuck you, Serena!”

“Have a nice day!”

* * *

Brandon’s car was parked outside of my house when Trinity and I got off the bus. We decided to meet as a group and sketch out our ideas together, but my heart began pumping fiercely in my chest when I saw him sitting on the porch. Did I mention how fine he was? He looked magnificent sitting on those stairs in all black, like a bad boy in a magazine. My heart stopped when he noticed me. If I was going to die by a smile, I wanted his to be the killer. His smile was too beautiful for me to handle. I had to get myself together.

“Are you going to keep standing there?” Trinity said and I looked at my legs. I was still on the curb. Trinity and Brandon’s lips twitched. She turned away and his sparkled. Were they laughing? I sucked in a breath and sashayed up to him. If I was going to feel like this, I needed to know if I affected him as much as he affected me.

I placed myself next to him on the steps, hoping he couldn’t feel my pulse or hear my heart screaming. I crossed my legs and met his arm with mine just enough. I heard his breath hitch and I smiled. “Want to go inside and warm-up?”

“Hmm…” Brandon’s eyes pointed upwards before they pointed back to me. “I think your blush will keep warm enough.”

Dammit. He was good. My cheeks heated more. If I wasn’t careful I’d have to surgically remove the smile from my face.

“So . . .” I turned my gaze towards Trinity, and I see the smirk on Brandon’s face from the corner of my eye. “When is Kay gonna get here?”

“I don’t know. She left late.” Trinity checked her phone just as Keirsten’s car turn into the driveway.

“Sorry I’m late!” She jumped out and grabbed everything, running up to us. “Let’s get started already, because I suck at coming up with drawing ideas.”

I hopped up and unlocked the door, allowing all of us to enter the warm air.

* * *

We were all sitting in different spots in the living room focusing hard on our sketches. Serena and I were sharing the couch, Trinity had the chair and Keirsten occupied the floor.

“Are we allowed to look at each other’s stuff?” Keirsten smacked her legs with her sketchbook. Her face seem to stretch with frustration.

“We can talk about it,” Serena said and sat up.

“Okay great.” She popped out of her seat and smacked Serena’s legs until there was enough room for her to sit. “So, I’ve got this butterfly-”

“No,” Trinity said. “I am not a butterfly. That’s so girly. That’s what I’m using for you.”

“Ugh.” Keirsten drew a huge ‘x’ over the drawing and returned to her seat. “I’ll just use a taco. What are you doing, Serena?”

“I don’t know.” She slumped in her seat. She tapped her pencil against the sketchbook and released a puff of air. “I’ve got seven ideas, and I can’t make a decision, but I don’t want to tell anybody either.”

“Why not?” I asked and she gave a confused look.

“I think . . .” She propped her legs on the couch. “I think it’ll ruin how important the project is.”

I nodded. It made sense. The project was a self-portrait from the other person’s point of view. How do you know someone if they fix every inch of the piece before you finish it? “Do you want to see what I got?”

“Nope.” She closed her eyes and smiled as she shook her head. “Surprise me. I don’t care if you make me look like a train wreck. If it’s real to you, that’s what I want to see.”

* * *

I was lying in bed on top of the comforter near the end of winter. My mom had the heat set on eighty-five degrees fahrenheit. Eighty-five degrees. My eyes were dry. My lips felt raw and my skin felt like crinkled paper. I wanted to switch it to seventy overnight but if I didn’t switch it back before she woke up, she would have a fit. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her, especially after she got rejected by some random boring business guy.

Luciano was Brandon’s middle name and the female equivalent to Trinity’s. I was able to understand that much from the text but breakfast food?

I answered my phone after the first ring and moved to the closet, keeping my voice as low as possible. “What?”

“You know your blinds are open, right?” Brandon’s warm voice floated into my ears and my eyes almost rolled shut.

“Yeah.” I could see Brandon standing in front of window, and I went to mine. “What about them?”

“Your bra is nice.”

I squeaked and dropped to the floor. I could hear Brandon laughing on his end as I rolled to the closet for a shirt. “It’s eighty-five fucking degrees in here.”

I probably glistened with sweat. No wonder he could see me.

“Why is the heat up so high?”

“She’s probably trying to boil me, so she can eat me.” I returned to the window and smiled as he laughed. I liked his laugh a lot. It was the kind that made me feel fuzzy on the inside. It gave me energy. It was life.

“Want to get food?”

“Yeah.”

I didn’t hesitate at all. I knew I would get in trouble. There was no way I would make it past my mom this time. Not after 1:30 in the morning. I didn’t want to take my answer back. I wanted to see him. Besides, who would deny free food? If he was buying.

“I’ll meet you buy my car.” I felt giddy. To me this was stepping into danger. This was probably normal for regular teens. “Don’t get caught.”

He hung up before I could answer. I slipped on my fleece pajamas and the thickest coat I could find in my closet. It was useless grabbing my coat from the living room. My mom would hear me opening that door and my chances of escape would be over.

I slipped into my combat boots and pried the door open, whispering silent prayers to God that it didn’t squeak. I shut it behind me and crawled to the front door. The floor in the house was carpeted allowing for maximum silence. The exit was the hard part. Either she would hear me and kill me, or I’d make it.

I took a few slow deep breaths. Careful to check my surroundings. I opened the door with my eyes shut and tip toed out the door. I didn’t open my eyes again until I was outside for a few minutes.

Brandon’s car was on and humming, the passenger door already open. I ran across the street and slipped inside, careful not to slam his door shut.

“Go.” I tapped his leg. Large, goofy smiles were on our faces. I made it! I actually made it out the door.