Sometimes I heard the voices of my parents and Damian. Other times I didn’t, but I could still feel their presence.
Today, I woke up to Damian fulfilling my wish. Tammy had a hold of my IV pole, and Damian held me in his arms outside the hospital, facing east. It wasn’t until the sun’s beams filled the sky that I realized we were standing on the roof.
I closed my eyes, breathing in the rays. I’d never see the sun rise from the beach overlooking the ocean or from the top of a mountain, but in that moment, scooped up against Damian’s chest, I didn’t care. This was the most beautiful sunrise I’d ever seen.
Back inside, I drifted off with Damian’s hand holding mine. Sometimes I heard him whisper in my ear. During the night, he crawled in bed next to me, clinging to me as tightly as he dared.
My parents camped out in the small room too. I’m not sure if any of them ever left. Each time my eyes fluttered open, the three of them were there. Smiling at me. Talking to me. Kissing me.
One morning, I asked if I could have a few moments alone with each of them. I’d been thinking about it during my few waking moments. If I didn’t do it soon, well, I didn’t know how much time I had left.
My mother was first. She lay down beside me, taking my newly polished nails in hers, admiring her work.
“You’ve always had the most beautiful nails, Katie,” she said, playing with each one on my right hand. She kissed my fingers, one at a time.
“I love you, Mom,” I said, wiping the tears from her face.
She sniffled. “Oh, baby. I love you. I love you so much.”
Placing my hand gently on the bed, she put her arms around me. Wetness smeared over my cheek, making me feel like I was taking a small part of her with me.
“Take care of Daddy, okay?”
“You will always be with us, Katie.”
I nodded. Slowly, I raised my hand and ran my fingers through her silky hair. It was the same color as mine used to be.
“Mom?”
“Yeah, baby?”
“Will you do something for me?”
“Anything.” Her voice squeaked a little when she spoke.
“Check up on Damian.”
“Of course we will, baby. Of course we will.”
She held me again in silence, trying to stifle her sobs.
“And Mom?”
“Yeah.”
“No wig, please. They itch.”
She nodded, her hair tickling my bald head. “I promise, baby. No wig.”
~*~
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop dozing off. My body was too weak to stay awake for more than an hour at a time. Seconds ticked by at an alarming rate, and I hated losing them—each one so precious.
The sun had gone down when my lids opened again. My parents and Damian ate some sort of take-out by my bed.
I hadn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours, and I didn’t care to. It didn’t smell bad, but I didn’t have the energy to chew or swallow.
“Dad?” I managed.
“I’m right here, sweetie,” he said, rushing over to sit on the bed and taking Damian’s usual spot.
I glanced at Damian. He nodded, knowing what I wanted. Taking my mother’s hand, he led her into the hallway to give me some time alone with my dad. I watched them leave, a deep sense of appreciation for Damian filling me. Oh, how I loved him!
Moisture glistened in my father’s eyes. The color of Dad’s irises were almost as blue as Damian’s. Why had I never noticed that before?
He raised my hand to his lips and kept it there.
Saying good-bye to my father would be harder than my mom. I’d always been his princess.
Dad and I sat in silence, staring at each other. He held my hand to his cheek and kissed it constantly. His expression told me everything. How much he loved me. How much he’d miss me. How much he hated seeing his little girl in a hospital bed.
“Do you remember when you were six, when I bought you your first set of clubs?”
Of course I remembered. I nodded.
Dad continued, his voice heavy. “You begged me to take you to the country club right away.” A snicker escaped him. “You had such a difficult time carrying those clubs. But you wanted to do it all by yourself.”
“I couldn’t get them in the cart,” I said, my voice crumbling a little.
“No, you couldn’t.”
“You stood behind me, teaching me proper grips, how to position my feet, and the best way to swing the club for maximum accuracy.”
“You caught on so fast. I should have known then how talented you were.”
“Well,” I murmured, “it was hard to discern those things with a concussion.”
Dad laughed. “Who knew a six-year-old could swing with such force.”
“You did. At the hospital afterward.”
A moment of silence engulfed us before he spoke again.
“I’m so proud of you, Katie,” he said. “You’ve grown into a beautiful young woman. I couldn’t have asked for a better daughter.”
“I love you, Daddy.”
Dad sniffled, a tear overflowing. “I look forward to when I’ll see you again, princess.”
I smiled. “I’ll be waiting for you.”
~*~
Dr. Lowell and Tammy came in to check the meds in my IV. My eyelids were starting to fall again, but I forced them to stay open just a little longer. Tammy went to speak with my father as Jackson sat down beside me.
“You okay, Kate?”
Without answering, I reached under my pillow and handed him a white envelope I’d asked Tammy for a few days before. Attached to the front, I stuck a Post-it with instructions on it beside where I’d written Damian’s name.
Jackson took it, nodded at me, and tucked it into the inside of his white lab coat.
“Don’t lose him,” I urged. “Please, don’t lose him.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
“Thank you,” I mouthed and my lids closed.
~*~
“NO!” I shouted in my head. “Two more things to do. I won’t go yet! I can’t.”
I was falling. Deeper and deeper inside myself. Brick after brick was piled over my body. I fought to breathe. Fought to think.
It didn’t hurt, but I sank further and further asleep until I knew I’d never wake up.
“Please, God,” I begged. “Please, just a little more time.”
~*~
Sometime in the middle of the night my eyes opened again.
The room was so cold. So cold.
Damian lay asleep next to me, his arms wrapped around me. Running my hands through his silky hair, I let it wash over my fingers. I kissed him on the cheek and reached under my pillow for my diary. Somehow, a final surge of energy exploded inside me, and I began to write.
“Katie,” he hummed.
“I’m here,” I breathed out.
Damian’s blue irises stared back at me, the color as pale as the morning sky.
“I love you,” I said. “My first and my last.”
He opened his mouth then closed it, tears brimming in the corners of his eyes.
“Any regrets?” I asked.
“Lots.”
My finger traced the outline of his lips. “Are you happy, Damian?”
He glanced to the window. His hand, over my stomach, trembled. “With you, I’ve never been happier.”
The lump in my throat made it more difficult to speak. “And tomorrow?”
Damian cupped my face in his palms and pressed his forehead against mine. The muscles in his face tensed. “I don’t know what happens tomorrow. What I do know is that I’m happy to have had the honor of knowing you. Of…” He swallowed, choking back a sob. “Of loving you. I love you, Katie. God, I love you.”
He buried his face in my shoulder, moisture clinging to my neck. My fingers flowed through his hair, remembering all the times he’d comforted me.
“I don’t want to lose you, Katie.” His breath cooled quickly against my skin.
“I’ll always be with you.”
I fumbled for the necklace he’d given me, the one that represented hope. Now, I was sure he needed it more than I. Gripping it tightly, I yanked. The chain broke and the symbol dropped into my palm.
I forced it into Damian’s clenched hand. “I’ll always be with you,” I repeated.
He stared at his fist, clamping it tighter until his skin turned the same color as mine.
“I have something else for you,” I said, handing him my diary. “Here. I’ve never let anyone read it. This one, or the others. I want you to have them, though. All of them.”
Damian took the diary and squeezed his eyes shut, inhaling deeply. “You have two more wishes.”
I forced a small laugh. “Yes, I do.”
“So?”
“Graduate.”
Damian’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?”
“Graduate. Get your diploma. Do something with your life.”
“Katie, that’s…”
“What I want. Please.”
Damian nodded. “Okay. And what’s the last one?”
I grinned. “The rules didn’t change. When you fulfill this one, I’ll give you the last one. Kind of like a security deposit.”
“But—”
“It’ll be okay. I promise.”
Damian sucked his lip between his teeth. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I won’t.”
“Katie,” he whispered.
“I love you, Damian. I’ll always love you.”
My time was almost up, my eyes getting heavy.
Damian lifted my chin, kissing me as our tears mingled. His lips moved slowly over mine, tasting every inch. The tenderness of his touch cascaded through me, melting my heart. It was by far the best kiss we’d ever shared.
Damian shifted on the bed, carefully resting my head on his chest. His hands smoothed over my scalp.
“I love you, my Katie,” he said, kissing my head. “I love you.”
Before tonight, he’d never said those words out loud to me. A swell billowed inside me. Content and ready, I closed my eyes and listened to him repeat those words over and over in my ear.