I woke up feeling like ass. Like someone had rolled me through one of those tortilla making machines and left me flat and listless on the bed.

There were sounds coming from the other room. I could make out Reese’s voice, but I didn’t recognize the second man. I wondered if it was Dash. He’d probably want to ask me what the hell had happened up at the lodge.

As the memory of my emotional spectacle came flooding back into my mind, I groaned and pulled the pillow over my head. The last thing in the world I’d wanted to do was make a fool out of myself in front of all those perfect people.

The pillow was lifted away, revealing Reese’s handsome face creased with concern.

“You want to come out here and have some coffee? Someone dropped off a lemon pound cake too. It’s pretty damned good.”

I heaved out a breath and turned away from him to face the opposite wall. As if I needed Suzy fucking Homemaker dropping off sweets like I was a sickly neighbor. It was probably Sam. He was a chef and had tried to make a silent call for peace by dropping off meals and treats for us for the past couple of weeks.

I made a disgusted sound in my throat at my own bitterness. It was so ugly and only served to make me feel even shittier about my behavior. I was thoughtless and ungrateful. Selfish and rude.

A warm hand landed on my back and I felt the bed dip. Reese’s strong frame moved against my back to spoon me.

“Nico is here.”

I closed my eyes but didn’t say anything.

“I know you don’t want to see or talk to anyone right now, but he seems pretty chill. I think you should give him a chance to apologize.”

We both knew Griff’s bestie hadn’t come to apologize. He didn’t seem like the apology type. He seemed like the type to shank you in your sleep if you went against anyone he loved.

Reese’s hand splayed out across my chest and his lips nibbled the edges of my ear. “Please,” he whispered. “Even if you want to tell him to fuck off, I think it’s important you face this situation head-on. It’s eating you up inside. And, hell, maybe it’ll be easier to say it all to Nico instead of Griffin himself.”

“I just want to leave here, Reese. Can’t we just go somewhere?” I turned to look over my shoulder at him. “Just you and me and Georgie?” I knew it was a stupid ask, but I was that desperate. I saw Reese’s answer in his eyes before he could voice it. I shook my head. “I know,” I said glumly. “I know we can’t.”

I turned away from Reese. His lips pressed against my cheek. “I would take you from all this in a heartbeat, Ben, if I thought I could keep you and Georgie safe. But I won’t condemn either of you to a life where you’re looking over your shoulder all the time. You deserve more.”

I felt his fingers stroking up and down my side. He was quiet for a long time, then he gently turned me over. His mouth brushed over mine in the softest, briefest of kisses. “I know where you are right now, Ben. I know because I’ve been there. That anger, that pain… it’ll keep tearing you apart inside. I’m not saying you have to accept anything anyone says to you, but give yourself the chance to listen before you decide anything. I had to learn some ugly truths about my past the hard way because I never gave my father an opportunity to tell his side. And then I almost lost him. I think about that every day… and I’m just so fucking glad I get another chance to know him and to have a father again.”

The thought of having to face Griff again made my stomach hurt. But I knew Reese was right. If I wanted to cut ties with Griff, I’d have to let him have his say or he’d likely never stop trying. If I’d figured anything out about Griff in the past couple of weeks, it was that he was stubborn as hell and whatever sense of duty or obligation or family he was feeling wouldn’t go away unless I made it clear that nothing he had to say to me would change my mind.

I blew out a breath and turned over so my back was once again to Reese. There was no way in hell I could talk directly to Griffin right now about any of this with as raw as I felt. But Nico? Yeah, I could probably enjoy giving that fucker a piece of my mind. Instead of a blubbery crying mess, I’d be a bitchy thorn in his side. That, I could handle.

“Okay. But my slice of pound cake better be big.”

Reese’s deep chuckle reverberated through my back, and I nestled back into him for a few extra beats before moving off the bed.

Reese got up and adjusted himself, shooting me a wink when I couldn't keep my eyes off his package. I huffed and turned away, running fingers through my hair to make sure it wasn’t sticking up funny.

When I turned back to follow him out of the bedroom, he asked if I wanted him to stay or if I’d rather him give us privacy.

I reached for his arm. “Stay. Please? I… I could really use someone on my side.”

Before I knew it, I was engulfed in his embrace. His lips dropped a line of kisses across my cheek to my ear before whispering, “Always.”

We made our way out to the little kitchen area where Nico was sitting in one of the four chairs around the round breakfast table. I nodded at him and poured myself a cup of coffee from the pot that was already brewed. When I sat down at the table, he spoke first.

“I’m sorry.”

I blinked at him in surprise, and he laughed.

“I guess you weren’t expecting that.”

“Not one single bit,” I admitted, reaching for the cream and sugar in the center of the small table. “I was expecting a tongue-lashing.”

“I usually save that for my husband,” Nico said with a smile.

“Jesus, are all of you gay?” I blurted.

“Pretty much, yeah. Well, except Pete and Thad Marian. Oh, and their sister, Simone.” Nico took a sip of his own coffee. “But keep in mind, many of us met through an LGBTQ youth center. So it kinda goes with the territory.”

“I wouldn’t know.” I wanted to punch myself at how bratty I sounded. “I mean… I didn’t know that. Obviously.”

Nico’s face grew more serious and he leaned forward in his seat, elbows resting on the table. “Right. That’s what I kind of figured out. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I think you need to know some things. About Griff, I mean.”

I felt my hackles rise. This was where he tried to sell me on forgiving Griff.

“Don’t waste your breath,” I said.

“It’s mine to waste, and you need to know. If you’ll just give me a few minutes, I’ll be out of your hair. If you still want to tell Griff to fuck off, fine. But at least you won’t be doing it from a place of ignorance the way you are now.”

A plate of cake landed in front of me and Reese leaned over my shoulder toward Nico. “Watch it,” he warned.

I reached out to take Reese’s hand and pull him toward the seat next to mine. He sat and kept a hold of my hand without saying another word. I nodded to Nico to continue.

“When Griff found out he was getting a little brother or little sister, he was ecstatic. All he wanted was a sibling to play with and—”

I cut him off. “And then he got a million of them. Good for him. Skip to the good part.”

Nico’s eyes narrowed at me. “The good part, huh? Okay. Is that the part where his mom died a year after having you? Or when his dad kicked him out for being gay when he was only thirteen years old? Or was it when he made his way to San Francisco and lived on the streets for a year trying desperately not to have to sell himself for food like I did?”

His voice remained low but his anger filled the room. I felt my hands begin to shake.

“You’re lying,” I croaked, since it felt like all the oxygen was seeping from my lungs. The idea of anyone having to live like that…

Nico’s eyes actually softened. “God, I really wish I was,” he whispered.

It felt like my blood turned to ice throughout my entire body. I started to shake violently, but I wasn’t sure if Nico noticed or not.

Being forced to live on the streets alone, having to sell my body so I could eat, had been what had terrified me the most about Kirk and Gloria kicking me out when I’d been a kid. I’d had enough sense to know it was coming so I’d managed to save up a little bit of money, but I’d also known enough that it wouldn’t have taken much for that money to dry up. It was part of the reason I’d used a chunk of my savings for a bus ticket to San Francisco several years earlier to find the brother who hadn’t wanted me. But if what Nico was saying was true…

I shook my head because I just couldn’t believe it. Part of me didn’t want to.

“I don’t know what to say,” I admitted.

“I know,” Nico said, more empathetic than I’d expected. “Look, Ben, I just wanted you to hear the facts. That’s why I’m here. Because that fucker doesn’t have the balls to push back at you and explain himself.”

“But… but he landed on his feet. I mean, look at him now.” It was lame, but I’d seen the way he’d lived. There was no way he’d wanted a fuck-up little brother like me. That was why I hadn’t approached him back then.

“Yeah, look at him now,” Nico agreed. “He has absolutely everything a guy could ask for except the one thing he’s wanted for over twenty years. You.”

I felt Reese’s hand squeezing mine, but I’d gone numb. Nico continued.

“Do you know what Sam gave Griff for Christmas this year?”

I shot him a look. Obviously, the answer was no.

“He hired a private investigator to try and find you. Something the Marians had done, Griff himself had done, and now Sam has done. Griff’s life has had a giant Ben-shaped hole in it, don’t you see? He’s been looking for you for years. He even resisted the Marians’ attempt to adopt him because he was nervous about giving up his last link to you. They didn’t adopt him until he was sixteen, Ben. Until then, his life was complete shit. And you know what? That perfect life you say he has now? He fucking deserves it! He deserves it more than anyone I know. He would give people the very clothes off his back if it would ease their burdens. And he has. That curly-haired goofball is the best man I know, with the exception of my husband, of course.” His face softened when he mentioned his husband, and I briefly wondered if he was married to a bald, bearded biker bear.

My reality was spinning on its axis and my head began to pound. Reese must have sensed it because he stood up.

“I think you’ve given him plenty to consider,” Reese said. “Maybe allow him some time to process all this.”

Nico glanced from Reese to me. “Can I just ask you one thing?”

I nodded.

“What did you mean when you said you’d come to find him?”

Before I had a chance to answer, there was a loud banging on the door and Griff’s voice followed it.

“Nico, goddammit, get your ass out here and leave him alone! He doesn’t deserve this. If everyone keeps harassing him, he’s going to leave. Nico, please!”

I couldn’t help the clench my heart made at the desperation in Griff’s voice. Was it possible I’d gotten some of this wrong all these years? I couldn’t handle even the possibility that could be true. Because if it was, and he really had wanted me, I might have had a different life. A better life. And I couldn’t bear to think of that now when everything was so fucked up.

Nico blew out a breath. “I’m sorry if I upset you further. But you need to know the truth. That man there has wanted his little brother from the moment he learned he was going to have one. And now you’re finally here and won’t give him the time of day. It’s killing him.”

“NICO SALERNO WILDE, YOU MOTHERFUCKER,” Griff bellowed from outside. I was surprised whoever was guarding the cabin hadn’t let him in.

“I’m coming,” Nico yelled back. He turned to me and Reese again. “Peace.”

When he opened the cabin door, I caught sight of Griff’s devastated expression. But the minute Griff saw Nico, it turned to murderous rage. I heard him hiss for Nico to leave me the hell alone, and for the first time in my life, I saw a tiny glimpse of what it might be like to have a big brother looking out for me.

It was amazing, but our conversation had left me shaken and raw.

Reese tried to reach for me, no doubt to pull me into a comforting hug, but I was too restless to allow it.

“I’m going to find Georgie,” I said, pushing up from my chair. “Surely Dash is done with her by now. Who knows what’s keeping them.”

Reese’s brow was creased with concern but he stayed quiet, simply following me out of the cabin in the direction of the barn. As I walked, I kicked every rock or pebble or twig I came across. Despite my own wishes, I couldn’t help but picture Griff living on the streets of San Francisco at the tender age of fourteen. And here I’d assumed he’d been adopted into the Marian family straight from our biological parents’ home.

I shook my head in frustration. How was I supposed to have known? I couldn’t have. And did that necessarily have anything to do with me? For all I knew, he still could have wanted nothing to do with me. Could have, in fact, blamed me for the loss of his own parents somehow. Nico had said Griff had never stopped looking for me, but maybe that was a lie. Maybe that was revisionist history now that Griff had met me and clearly valued family as an adult.

I swung my foot at a dandelion, scattering its feathers in a violent smash. For a split second, I had the childish regret of all those wishes wasted. Instead of thinking of my greatest hope, I’d scattered the opportunity to the wind.

A noise of regret escaped my throat, and I actually contemplated punching a nearby tree trunk in my anger. Thankfully, before I was stupid enough to destroy my hand in addition to re-breaking my wrist, Reese slid his arms around my waist from where he’d been trailing me on the path.

“It’s okay,” he murmured into my ear. “All this confusion and anger is normal, and it’s yours to process however you want.”

“Don’t be so sweet and reasonable,” I snapped. “It’s annoying.”

The deep chuckle warmed me straight through. “Would you rather I pick a fight with you?”

“Yeah, maybe.” Shit. Now I sounded downright petulant.

I turned and met his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m being an ass. It’s just… it’s a lot, you know?”

“Of course it is.” He leaned in and kissed me lightly. “Please don’t kick me for suggesting this, but… I think you might want to consider sitting down with Dr. Dash at some point.”

I opened my mouth to sputter out some kind of nonsense about not needing therapy when the sound of racing footsteps came our way.

“Benji! Mr. Kitty!” Georgie came to a stop and put her little chubby hands on her knees as if she was terribly out of breath. “You have to go see the kittens! They have their eyes open and one of them has a new polka dot right on its nose.”

I grabbed her up and squeezed her in a tight hug, inhaling the familiar scent of her and exhaling with the relief of having her happy and safe. Dr. Dash followed her at a more sedate pace and gave us a wave and a smile.

“You really should,” Dash said with a sheepish grin. “I can already tell I’m going to have to adopt at least one. Those suckers are adorable.”

I laughed and noticed Reese’s face tighten, which only made me laugh harder. I’d picked up on Reese’s jealousy a few other times, and it never failed to make me feel giddy. Georgie tilted her head at me and asked what was funny. Dash winked at me before reaching out to take Georgie from me.

“Come on, Georgie. You promised I could visit with Princess Kitty before I had to leave. That will give your brother and Reese a chance to go see the kittens.”

After assuring us he was in no hurry to head home, Dash set Georgie down and led her along the path toward our cabin. Reese turned to follow them, but I grabbed for the back of his shirt to stop him.

“What? I assumed you’d want to head back with her,” Reese said.

I shook my head, too keyed up to return to the small indoor space we’d spent so much time in. It was a beautiful day, and I was beginning to be able to recognize how special the vineyard property was. “Not yet. Let’s go check out the kittens like they said.”

We continued to the barn in silence. By the time we got there, the place looked like it had been abandoned.

“Where is everyone?” I asked.

“Lunch, probably. They all eat in a staff lunchroom behind Sam’s restaurant. It’s a pretty nice perk, if you ask me.”

He wasn’t paying much attention as I led him into the first empty stall I came to and shut the door.

“Drop your pants,” I demanded.