“Huh?” I asked.

Instead of repeating himself, Ben fell to his knees on the clean hay and began unfastening my pants. The sight of him on his knees for me, in a damned barn no less, made my dick snap to attention.

“You don’t… what are you… Ben, we don’t have to…” My brain scrambled for a way to acknowledge he was probably trying to use sex to avoid his feelings, but my body simultaneously scrambled for a way to say yes, please, your mouth on my cock, please.

Ben’s green eyes flashed up at me after he fished my dick out and wrapped his hand around it. “I don’t have time to argue with you before we’re expected back. Please let me suck you off.”

I ran shaky fingers through his hair. “You’re so fucking sexy like that,” I whispered.

He smiled, and something passed between us. An understanding, maybe, that there were words that needed to be said between us but that they could come later.

Ben’s tongue came out slowly and licked a warm stripe along my length, forcing a gasp out of me. I wondered how much time we had before the vineyard workers would wander back to the barn from lunch.

He teased the head with the tip of his tongue before engulfing it in his wet mouth and sucking.

I threw my head back. “Fuck, that feels good.”

Ben yanked my pants and underwear down a little more and reached for my balls. I ripped my shirttails up out of his way and let my hips fall forward and my legs farther apart.

His left hand jacked and twisted my cock while his mouth sucked on the head and the fingers of his casted arm toyed with my sac until it was tight and high. I was going to blow in about ten seconds, and I didn’t want to come alone.

“Baby, wait. Get your dick out,” I managed to say through my panting.

He looked up at me through dark lashes, my cock obscenely stretching his lips wide, and shook his head before taking me deep into his throat and swallowing. I’d never seen a hotter picture in all my life.

My orgasm hit me swift and hard, weakening my knees and knocking me back onto my ass in the hay. Ben followed me, sucking and licking at me until I whimpered for him to stop.

“C’mere,” I breathed. “Want to kiss you.”

He crawled up my body and lay on top of me, dropping soft kisses along my jaw until he reached my lips. When he opened his mouth to me, I could taste myself. My tongue invaded his mouth to seek out more of the unique combination of the two of us. I wondered what his own spunk would taste like on my tongue.

“I want to taste you too,” I murmured, gently flipping him onto his back in the hay. We were both covered with it, enough to raise massive speculation when we finally walked out of there later. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t thinking about later.

I moved down to unfasten his jeans after closing mine back up. As soon as I pulled his slender hard cock out, I saw the smear of precum across the tip.

“Something exciting you?” I teased before leaning down to taste it.

“Mm-hm,” he said, sucking in a breath. “Your big dick in my mouth.”

If he wasn’t careful, he was going to get me hard as a rock again. I mouthed along his shaft, testing the smooth skin with my tongue and taking swipes of the precum that continued to form droplets from his slit.

“Taste so fucking good.” I nosed the crevice between his sac and his inner thigh, catching the musky male scent of him and feeling the rasp of his body hair against my cheek. I’d never given head before, but I was determined to try my best rather than let my own insecurities taint his pleasure.

Ben’s fingers threaded through my hair as he gently guided me back to his cock.

“Please, Reese,” he said in a rough voice. “Please make me come. I need you.”

I ran my tongue along his shaft again and took the head into my mouth, swirling my tongue around him the way I’d remembered people doing to me in the past. The sounds coming out of him reassured and encouraged me. I tried taking him deeper, but when he hit my throat, I gagged violently.

“It’s normal,” he murmured. “It’s okay.”

I tried again, not taking him quite as deeply but sucking harder. The sharp intake of his breath convinced me to keep doing what I was doing, so I bobbed and sucked and jacked until his tight stomach muscles twitched and his hips began to piston.

Ben’s fingers tightened in my hair, and he finally bit out a warning for me to pull off.

I didn’t.

He came with a gasp, hot spurts hitting my throat and the back of my tongue until I had to pull back and let some dribble out of my lips and onto his shaft. I looked up at him in apology and was riveted by what I saw. He was debauched. Hair wild and skin flushed. Eyes so hot I thought I might incinerate where I lay.

I licked my lips. “Was that okay?”

Ben’s hands covered his face and he barked out a laugh. It was a gorgeous sound to my ears, especially after everything he’d already been through that day.

He pulled his hands away and looked down at me, still smiling. “No, Reese. It wasn’t okay. You’ll need to try again and again until you get it right. But don’t worry, I’m up for the task.”

I grinned up at him. “So generous of you, sir.”

He propped himself up on his elbows and kissed my cheek. “What does it say about me that I like it when you call me sir?”

I leaned him back again to kiss him some more until we heard the sound of tires on gravel outside. We jumped up and plucked as much hay off each other as we could before sneaking out of the stall and making our way over to where the kittens were.

It wasn’t until a few minutes later when we were walking down the path to the cabin and ran into Phoenix, I realized Ben had deliberately left a giant stalk of hay sticking out of my back pocket.

Later that night after we’d put Georgie to bed and enjoyed a shared hot shower, I let Ben convince me to try a night sleeping in the bed again. I told him that with him there, it no longer seemed like such an unforgiving place to be.

We kissed and fooled around a little before settling down. Despite having spent the day doing everything but talking about what had happened with Ben’s family as well as Nico that afternoon, I knew Ben still had a lot to get off his chest. As much as I hated having to revisit the topic that was causing him so much pain, I knew from personal experience how terribly wrong things could go by staying silent.

“Ben?”

“Mmmm,” he said as he played with my fingers. I was lying curled around him from behind, and when I’d locked my arm around his waist, he’d linked our hands together.

“Do you remember what you said? About there being no one for me to share my rage and fear with?”

Ben sighed and then carefully turned over. He seemed to know what I was trying to get at because he murmured, “It’s easier to listen than talk.”

I shifted so I could be pressed up flush against him. “Well, you were kind enough to let me practice my kissing on you…”

Ben chuckled. “Yes, and what a hardship that was.”

I laughed. It was a sound I still hadn’t gotten used to, though I’d done more laughing around Ben than I’d done my entire life.

“So it’s my turn to offer myself up for practice.”

“Oooh, I’ve been meaning to work on my blowjob skills. I think I can get that monster of yours all the way down my throat if I just—”

As he’d been speaking, his hand had snaked down my side toward my groin. I kissed him hard to silence him and grabbed his fingers before they reached their destination.

“Ben…”

“Fuck,” Ben whispered as he flopped on his back and covered his face with his injured arm. “I don’t want to do this.”

“Do what?” I asked. I leaned up on an elbow and brushed his hair back.

“Give you another reason.”

“Reason for what?” On the one hand, it was like pulling teeth with him, but on the other, I could tell whatever he was feeling was upsetting him more than he wanted to admit, probably even to himself.

Ben shook his head and didn’t answer.

But he didn’t need to.

I leaned down and put my mouth to his ear as I caressed his throat. His pulse was hammering wildly beneath my thumb.

“Can you hear me, Ben?” I breathed against the shell of his ear. He shuddered and nodded. “Are you listening?”

He sucked in a breath and nodded again. His whole body was shaking violently.

“I am not going anywhere, do you hear me? And not because you’re some job or because you’re a convenient body to fuck. I’m not going anywhere because I can’t. Because I don’t want to. I’m not going anywhere because you’ve got me tied into so many knots, it would take me a lifetime to undo them all and go back to the way things were.” I kissed a sensitive spot beneath his ear. “I’m not going anywhere because I’m falling so hard and so fast for you that I couldn’t stop it even if I wanted to. And nothing you tell me will change that. Nothing,” I said fiercely.

Ben sucked in a harsh sob and then curled against my chest. He clung to me as silent tears racked his body. I soothed him with soft touches and reassuring whispers. When he’d quieted, I gave him another few minutes to settle as I just drank in the feel of him in my arms. It wasn’t until he gave me a slight nod against my chest that I knew he was ready. I dropped a kiss to his head and then asked, “You told Griff you’d gone to find him. What did you mean?”

“I told you I was going to age out of foster care, and Gloria and Kirk had made it very clear that meant me moving out. I was scared. Scared to be on my own, scared to not have anyone like family. When my parents died, I’d asked the social worker to find my biological parents. She told me they’d died and Griff had been adopted into a nice family. I begged… begged to go live with my brother, but the social worker told me he didn’t want me and I shouldn’t even think about messing with the good situation he’d found himself in. She was the one who told me that the family already had nine kids, three adopted ones, and there was no room left for me.”

I squeezed my eyes closed, bracing against the heart-wrenching image of a little Ben being told his own family didn’t want him. How could that adult have been so cruel?

“I got bounced around a few foster and group homes, then was placed with Gloria and Kirk. At first I was just so grateful to have what I thought would be a family again, but I knew pretty quickly that they didn’t really want me. I didn’t want to go back to a group home, though, so I made sure to be on my best behavior. But when they told me they wanted me out when I turned eighteen, I wondered… hoped, really… if maybe the social worker had been wrong somehow or that maybe since I was older, Griff would have changed his mind about me. Even if it just meant I’d get to live near him and hang out every once in a while… I was more than willing to take it. So I researched my biological family again, confirmed both parents were deceased and learned Griff’s address from his adoption papers. I saved up money and bought a bus ticket to San Francisco to see if I could find him. I went to the address I had and was shocked to discover it was like this… this multi-million-dollar estate with a pool and everything. They were having a party, and it was like at least ten beautiful men who were clearly brothers. They were hanging out in the driveway and each time another brother would arrive, they’d all be so happy. They’d throw jokes at each other and they were always hugging and stuff. It… it made something inside of me hurt really bad. I knew Griff right away because he looked like me. The only difference was he’d accepted his crazy curly hair, whereas I’d always chopped my curls off.”

I could hear the tremble in Ben’s voice and knew the memory was hurting him. I began running my hands up and down his back to try and comfort him.

“The parents were sweet and kind, giving everyone hugs as they arrived and clearly enjoying seeing all their grown kids together. And there was Griff, right in the middle of them all. He was like a superstar to me… making people laugh and giving them a hard time. His grin was huge.” Ben stopped for a minute before continuing in a softer voice. “He was so happy, Reese. So loved. He had it all… everything I’d ever dreamed of. And his brothers were all beautiful and successful and drove nice cars… I know it sounds petty but…”

“Not petty,” I corrected. “Not when you were living in poverty with foster parents who treated you like a paycheck.” I continued to kiss him and rub his back. “Anyone would have felt the same way.”

“I knew right then the social worker who’d told me not to screw up Griff’s perfect life had been right. There was no room for me in that big, happy family. How could I even think of messing up what he had or asking those nice people to adopt a tenth child? But this selfish part of me kept watching them from across the street. I wanted Griff to turn around and see me so fucking bad. I kept picturing him hurrying across the street toward me and he’d whisper my name because he’d automatically know who I was. Then he’d hug me and promise that everything would be okay and I’d never be alone again.”

Tears leaked from the edges of his eyes and I kissed them away.

“He never turned to look at me. None of them did. I was invisible… like I’d always been. I went back to Georgia because as fucked up as it was, it was home. I had enough saved up to get an apartment, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up with school and still afford it. And my beta testing job didn’t pay much at that point. I actually…”

Ben fell silent for a moment, then reached between us so he could dash at his eyes. “I actually thought about begging Kirk and Gloria to let me stay. But I knew they wouldn’t. Even if they’d liked me, they were already fighting a lot about the baby they were expecting… Kirk didn’t want another mouth to feed. About a week after I got home, Georgie was born and Gloria died. And suddenly I had this person in my life who needed me, and who I needed. It was selfish,” Ben admitted. “Really selfish.”

“No—”

“She could have had a better life. Babies usually find great families… it’s the older kids who aren’t always as lucky. I should have been strong enough to let Georgie go.”

Anger went through me as I put some space between me and Ben so he could see my face. We’d left a small lamp on in the bedroom so Georgie would be able to find us if she woke up in the middle of the night, so Ben was able to see my expression.

“Georgie couldn’t have asked for a better parent, Ben. Lots of kids aren’t even half as lucky as she is. There was nothing selfish about what you did.”

“She could have had brothers and sisters and parents who could buy her things—”

“Or she could have ended up with a family that didn’t have time for her or decided it wasn’t okay for her to like bugs and be on the quiet side. On paper, I had the most perfect family ever, but our lives were one big lie. Maybe you couldn’t buy Georgie every toy and gadget, but I know one thing… I know the most important thing. You gave her a home, Ben. You gave her a family… a real one. Even if it was just the two of you.”

Ben fell silent and then squeezed himself back against my chest.

“I don’t know what to do, Reese. Even if I believe what Nico said about Griff, I just…”

“What?” I prodded.

“It took me forever to accept that my brother wouldn’t be coming to save me… to make things better. I can’t just change how I feel.”

I kissed his forehead. “That’s true,” I returned. “But just make sure you’re rejecting Griff for the right reasons.”

Ben looked up at me. “What… what do you mean?”

“I mean that I want you to make sure that if you tell Griff it’s too late, it’s because you don’t want him in your life, not because you do.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Ben sounded truly frustrated. But I knew there was only so much I could say to him.

“It will. When you talk to Griff.”

I could practically hear the wheels turning in Ben’s head, but he surprised me when instead of asking me to explain, he said, “You promise?”

“I promise.”

The answer seemed to be enough for Ben because he nuzzled my neck as he got into a more comfortable position. It took him a while to fall asleep, but once he was out, he was really out because he didn’t even stir when Georgie came into the room.

“Mr. Kitty?” she called.

“In the bed, ladybug. Come on.” I released my hold on Ben long enough to reach my hand out to Georgie. I cringed when I saw that in addition to her two Spider-Man dolls, she had Princess Kitty with her. Luckily, the ugly little creature was in her little purse thing, but when Georgie set the see-through container on my nightstand, my skin began to crawl.

Georgie began climbing up the bed.

“Georgie, don’t you think Princess Kitty would be more comfortable in your room? After all, it has a better…. view.”

Georgie shook her head and crawled over me. She was careful not to hit Ben’s arm as she moved beneath it and squeezed her body between his and mine. “No, she likes to watch over me while I sleep. She keeps the bad men away from me and Benji.” Georgie stuffed her feet beneath the blankets, then turned to face her brother. Her hair flopped on my pillow as she got comfortable.

“She’s been watching out for you two for a long time, huh?” I asked.

Georgie nodded. “But she’s glad you’re here, Mr. Kitty,” the little girl said on a yawn.

“She is?”

Another nod. “’Cause now she can sleep better.”

“Oh yeah? How come?” I asked as I tucked Georgie’s curls behind her ear. The sight of her and Ben snuggled together made my heart swell with a feeling of rightness I’d never known in my entire thirty-three years.

“’Cause you’re gonna watch out for me and Benji now. Right, Mr. Kitty?”

My throat closed up with emotion. Before I could respond, Georgie added, “’Cause you love me and Benji, right?”

“Right, my little ladybug,” I somehow managed to say.

Georgie nodded and then curled her Spider-Man dolls against her chest. “Night, Weese,” she said on a sigh, then she was out.

“Night, Georgie.”

I didn’t sleep a wink in the hours that followed.

And it had nothing at all to do with the fact that there was a disgusting, hairy, eight-legged, real-life nightmare less than a foot from my back.

No, I was too busy staring in awe at my new, perfectly imperfect family… and trying to figure out everything I needed to do to make sure I could keep them forever.