The next day at work I was asleep on my feet. I’d barely gotten any shut-eye the night before thanks to my spontaneous tumble in bed with Lance. As I patted the head of a white poodle who’d stayed overnight after surgery, I thought about my evening with Lance. I was slightly embarrassed but also proud that I’d pushed for sex. My body was sore, but I felt like a new man this morning. I was tired but happy.
I shivered when I remembered the feel of his mouth on mine and the fullness of his heavy cock inside my body. I closed my eyes and sighed against the delicious memories. He was an unusual man, that was for sure. Just being near him made me feel better. He had a wonderful energy, and his excitement for life was infectious.
Unwillingly, my mind wandered to darker thoughts too, thoughts from the past of another man I’d known who’d been the opposite of Lance. Garrett had been quiet and brooding. He’d skillfully reeled me in, and then he’d hurt and humiliated me. My stomach churned just thinking about what a manipulative monster he’d been.
Lance could be a liar and a monster too.
“No.” I said the word aloud, and then I looked around embarrassed. Luckily it was just me and the animals that we boarded in back. King lay nearby and he wagged his tail at the sound of my voice.
Lance seemed nothing like Garrett. He had a warmth and a sincerity that Garrett had never possessed. I’d been naive and unable to see the signs of Garrett’s trickery until it was too late. I didn’t think anyone would ever fool me again the way he had. I closed my eyes as unwelcome flashes of Garrett and his friends holding the cold blade to my throat came slamming into me.
I braced myself on one of my worktables and sucked in a steadying breath. If I let my mind go there, I could still feel the shock and betrayal of that moment like it was yesterday. The disbelief that Garrett had only befriended me to get me alone with his buddies had been like a punch to the gut. Their harsh laughter and disgusting insults toward me still echoed in my ears all these years later.
Fucking faggot. Why would I ever want you?
I swallowed against the bile that rose in my throat. I didn’t want to remember the sounds of their voices or the scent of their warm breath as they whispered slurs into my ear. But it was right there, on the edge of my mind anytime I cracked the door on those memories.
With a groan, I sat down on the ground next to King, and he licked my face as if he knew something was wrong. “It’s okay, boy,” I said weakly, patting his big head.
I was a little nonplussed at the number of memories assaulting me lately. I suspected it might be because Lance drummed up long-forgotten feelings in me that forced painful thoughts to the surface. I knew there would be no way to move forward without facing the past. But I didn’t usually feel strong enough to even try. I hadn’t cared about moving forward for so long. But after getting to know Lance better, I felt like maybe I could try. Maybe it was time. He made me want to attempt to be semi-normal.
I touched the puckered flesh along my jaw and swallowed hard. Garrett’s smug face appeared before my eyes. He’d smiled coldly as he sliced my flesh, snarling about how he’d hated me the second he saw me. I pressed my hand to my stomach, afraid I was going to vomit. He’d fooled me so completely. Even though we’d spent hours together talking about life and school, I’d never had an inkling of the malevolence that simmered beneath the surface. We’d even kissed once, and I’d been certain there had been a hunger in that moment. Sure, I’d been young and inexperienced, but I’d still been positive he’d wanted me.
But instead he’d attacked me and beaten me unconscious. Him and his friends had left me half-naked and battered behind a liquor store in a seedy part of town. A homeless man had found me and called the cops. I was never sure if they’d left me for dead, or if they’d just been so certain no one would believe my word against theirs, they hadn’t cared either way.
I’d had a rude awakening to the justice system. Garrett and his friends had had money, and I was a kid who was lucky to get into college on a scholarship. My parents had been a hundred percent blue-collar and hadn’t had any idea of how to fight someone as rich as Garrett’s family. To be fair, they’d done what they could. But they were already embarrassed enough to have a gay son. They’d really just wanted the whole thing to go away so life could go back to normal. As if that had even been a remote possibility for me.
Garrett’s parents had hired a fancy lawyer from New York and he’d gotten off scot-free. Garrett and his pals had made up a story about us all hanging out drinking. They’d said I’d gotten belligerent and wasted and had tried to fight with them, so they’d left me there. The cops had bought their story and assumed I’d picked a fight with the wrong guy.
My case really fell apart when Garrett and his buddies managed to get friends to testify for them that they’d been at the dorm during the time I was beaten. I’d had nobody to stand up for me, and I’d retreated into my shell even more, feeling emotionally wrecked from the assault. My public defender had been a nice guy, but he’d been completely outclassed by Garrett’s lawyer, and so we’d lost the case.
I inhaled a deep breath and got to my feet. That was enough for one day. It hurt too much to linger on those memories. That was one reason I’d moved across the country where no one knew me. Life back home had become intolerable. I wasn’t me anymore; I was just the gay guy who got his ass kicked. The real me had disappeared, lost in the scintillating details of my attack.
I’d moved to New York and been lucky enough to come to Paws For Care just when they were expanding and needed a kennel manager. Dr. Hazelton had seemed to recognize my pain and loneliness immediately. He’d hired me even though I’d had no degree, although I’d worked with a number of rescue groups growing up. From the day he’d given me the job, I’d tried my best to make him proud. It was important to me that he never regretted giving me a chance.
As I scrubbed out one of the empty cages, I thought about how I’d spent the last four years focusing on my work and avoiding any personal relationships. I’d pretended I didn’t need other people, but I had to admit, since meeting Lance, I felt more alive. Even before we’d slept together, it had been nice having someone interested in me as a person.
The back door opened and Dr. Hazelton poked his head around the door. “How are you today, Scottie?” He smiled and his earnest brown gaze found mine.
“I’m good.” I wiped my hands on my jeans.
“Alex and I are having a Cinco de Mayo party this Saturday. We’re inviting everyone in the office.” He raised his dark brows, and his expression seemed dubious. “Any chance you’ll come?”
My initial reaction was the usual one: Oh, God no, I hate parties. But then I remembered I was attempting to get back among the living and I hesitated. I wondered if maybe Lance would want to join me. “Um… do you think it would be okay if I brought someone?”
Surprise rippled across his face. “Really?”
I nodded. I couldn’t blame him for looking shocked. I hadn’t brought a date to any of the office get-togethers ever. “I’m not sure if my… friend… will come or not. But I thought I’d ask if you care.”
He smiled. “Of course you can bring someone.” He almost looked proud of me, as if I was a child who’d taken his first step. “That would be great.”
“He might not come,” I mumbled, repeating myself.
“Well, it never hurts to ask.” He paused. “Anyway, Saturday at our house at two.”
“Sounds good.” As soon as he shut the door, I started sweating with nerves. God, did I have it in me to invite Lance to that party? What if he said no? Would that make it weird between us? Maybe he just wanted to fuck me and he didn’t really want to have to meet the people I worked with.
I relaxed a little when I thought about how affectionate he’d been when I’d finally left his place this morning. It had almost seemed like he would have liked me to stay even longer. But I’d been too timid to do that. I hadn’t wanted to overstay my welcome.
My chest warmed when I remembered how amazing it had been sitting on the patio, watching the sunrise together. There’d been such a connection between us, it had been a powerful moment. He’d held my hand, and it had felt like the huge buttery yellow orb rising in the sky had symbolized our new beginning together. I grimaced at my sappy thoughts. It wasn’t like me to get all dreamy about a guy so fast, but Lance made me visit parts of myself I’d closed off for a long time.
I decided I’d wasted enough time thinking about my sad past and my new relationship with Lance. I was here to work, not daydream. I set about cleaning cages and bathing some of the pets that needed it. I worked straight through my lunch, not really meaning to, but being so engrossed in my tasks it just slipped by.
When Teddy, the night kennel manager arrived, I happily handed the reins over to him and I went out to the front desk to say good-bye to Patty. When I found Lance sitting in the lobby, my heart somersaulted with excitement.
He stood, pushing his hands into his pockets. “Sorry to just drop by without calling.” He shifted uneasily. “I was in the neighborhood.”
I smiled, feeling happy. “You live in the neighborhood.”
He held out his hands. “You got me there.”
Patty chuckled behind me, reminding me we weren’t alone. I turned to face her. “This is Lance.”
She nodded. “I remember from the other day. How’s Pinky?”
Some of the tension left Lance’s features. “She’s great. Driving my mom crazy.”
I moved closer to him, having trouble pulling my eyes from his full lips. I wanted to kiss him so bad my mouth tingled, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it with Patty in the room.
“I wanted to take you to dinner.” He touched my arm. “Sound good?”
I frowned. “It’s my turn to treat.”
“Sure. If you want.” He didn’t look convinced he liked the idea, but at least he was saying the right thing.
I waved to Patty. “See you tomorrow.”
“Have fun, boys.” Her cheerful voice followed us out the door.
Once on the sidewalk, Lance wasted no time in pulling me into a hug. He pressed his face into my neck, and his heated breath made my legs almost give out. “I had to see you. Hope I didn’t freak you out too much just dropping by.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and sighed. My cock was already hard against his thigh. “I’m glad you came by.”
“Yeah?” He nibbled my ear, sending shivers of pleasure down my spine. “Where do you want to eat?”
I swallowed against the lust that ate at me. “I want to eat at your place.”
He stilled, and then he laughed. “Yeah?”
I nodded, and when he pulled back to study my face, I kissed him softly.
When the kiss ended, he licked his lips and his gaze was heated. “I hope that means what I think it means.” He sounded breathless.
“It does.” I kissed him again, slipping my tongue deep into his mouth and whimpering at his sweet taste. He moaned and pulled me closer, pressing his bulging crotch into mine. I’d never been a person who was demonstrative in public, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to kiss him like I needed to breathe.
When we finally surfaced for air, he said, “We’ll order a pizza later. I can’t stand in a restaurant and wait for food.” He adjusted his crotch as if in pain, and his gaze was dark with lust.
The entire surface of my flesh prickled with need. “Yeah, we can eat later.”
He grinned and grabbed my hand, tugging me after him down the sidewalk. When we reached his apartment building, the doorman smiled at me as if he recognized me this time. “Hi,” I said softly.
“Evening, gentlemen.” He nodded.
We headed to the elevators, but they were crowded so we had to behave and keep our hands to ourselves. But the looks Lance gave me in the mirrored walls had my heart racing. Once we reached his floor, we hurried down the hallway to his door. His hands shook as he opened his door, giving me a peek into how I affected him too.
Once he closed the door it was on. We were all over each other within seconds. We left a trail of clothing, and by the time we got to his bedroom, I had no pants and he was shirtless. His kisses were urgent, and I could feel his need in the way he touched me. We stripped completely and got in the bed, our naked bodies intertwined as we kissed each other passionately. He laid on me, thrusting his erection against mine, and I opened my legs, aching to feel him inside me again.
“I should have made you call in sick today.” His voice was hoarse, and he rolled his hips, making us both groan with pleasure. My stomach tensed with excitement when I noticed he already had the lube and a condom on the nightstand. “We could have spent the whole day in bed.”
I smiled but didn’t speak, and instead I nibbled a trail down his neck to his collarbone.
“I jerked off thinking about you today.” His voice was soft.
The idea of him masturbating while thinking about me was a huge turn-on. “Yeah?” I panted as I wrapped my legs around him. “You want to fuck me, Lance?”
“God, yes.” He kissed me again, swiping his tongue inside my mouth.
I ran my hands down his back, loving the hard muscles and smooth skin. I still felt a little anxious about the scars on my body. But I tried not to think about it too much. He seemed to like my body, and that should be good enough. But I was glad that his room was mostly dark.
He grabbed the lube and slicked his fingers, and then he stroked my hole softly, tickling and caressing me for a few moments. I sighed because his touch was so nice, and I forced my muscles to relax. He was moving a little faster tonight, and that was fine by me. When he pushed one finger inside me, I groaned and gripped his shoulders. Toe-curling pleasure rocked me as he added another finger. “Oh, shit,” I dug my heels into the mattress.
“You’re so fucking warm and tight.” His voice was hushed, and his eyes glittered with need.
My hands found their way to his thick cock, and I stroked him as he rubbed his fingers into my hole. He made deep-throated sounds of pleasure as I squeezed and rubbed his wide shaft. “Yeah, just like that,” he moaned, pushing his fingers deeper into my ass.
He claimed my mouth, and his stubbly chin rubbed my skin raw as he kissed me hungrily. With one hand on the nape of his neck, I deepened the kiss, rocking against him. Our dicks chaffed together as our hips moved urgently, and the friction made me crazy for more.
I hissed when he added another finger, working in and out of me and scissoring his fingers until I was begging for his cock. I didn’t need him to be careful with me right now. I ached to be filled by his thickness, so tight and all-consuming that it would be hard to catch my breath. “Fuck me,” I whimpered.
“You want my cock inside you?” he whispered.
I pulled at his hips. “Now, please.” I felt like if he didn’t get inside me soon I was gonna die.
He moved to put on the condom, and then he hovered over me, pushing my knees open. His gaze was intense, and a lock of dark hair fell over his sweaty forehead. His eyes burned into me as he covered my body with his, and then he pushed in with one burning slide.
I arched my body and cried out with pleasure as his long length inched deeper and deeper into my body. “Oh, fuck,” I moaned, bucking my hips and digging my fingers into his back. I was filled to capacity, his wide dick stretching me beyond any natural limits.
Once he was fully seated, he pumped into me deep and slow, until my eyes practically rolled up in my head from the pleasure he gave me. The slick glide of his cock in and out, in and out, drummed me into a frenzy. He rammed his hips into me, and my breath came in ragged bursts as I met each thrust.
“I love being inside you,” he whispered, his eyes glazed with lust.
This time was different from the first. There was a hungry desperation that hadn’t been there before. The first time had been more emotional, but this was a hot, dirty fuck. It was hard and rough, and it spoke to a primal part of me I’d ignored for years. It was amazing to let go and just feel with my body and not my mind. Every inch of me tingled and throbbed for release.
I moaned and clutched him as my climax began to creep up on me. “I’m close.” My eyes widened as the intensity built deep inside. “Oh, fuck, I’m close.”
“Yeah, come,” he growled, shoving deep and watching me with hooded eyes.
I held on to him desperately as my body trembled on the verge of my orgasm. I hovered on the edge, like a raindrop clinging to the tip of a leaf, and then I let go. “Oh, my God.” I came so hard I almost passed out, and my body quaked with waves of pleasure.
Lance slammed into me harder and faster, and then his cock swelled inside me, and he groaned and stiffened as his own climax arrived. His cock jerked deep inside me, and he gasped, “Jesus.” He shuddered and groaned until gradually his hips slowed and he rested his weight on me.
We were covered in sweat and breathing hard, but we held each other tight. Eventually, he rolled off me with a grunt and lay on his back. He kept a hand on my thigh and stared up at the ceiling with his eyes wide. “That was amazing.”
My stomach rose and fell as I struggled to catch my breath. My body hurt from his rough lovemaking, but it was a nice ache. I glanced at him and found him watching me. “Is anything wrong?” I asked.
He laughed. “No.”
I looked away, feeling self-conscious.
“I hope I wasn’t too rough.” He squeezed my leg.
“Not at all. I needed that.” I exhaled and closed my eyes. My body was warm and relaxed.
“I think I’m addicted to you.” His voice was soft. He got up slowly, and he got a towel for me.
Once we were cleaned off, we got partially dressed and went into the living room. He called for a pizza while I struggled with how to bring up the subject of the Cinco de Mayo party. It was frustrating to me that I didn’t have the nerve to ask without having to go through all this angst first.
He got us some beers, and he settled beside me. “Is everything okay?”
“Sure.” I stared straight ahead.
“You’re quieter than usual.”
“Um… I need to talk to you.”
He immediately stilled. “Do you want to borrow money?” When I glanced at him, his smile didn’t reach his eyes.
“Uh, no. Not exactly.” I drank half my beer quickly, and he looked even more uptight when I met his gaze again. I laughed because I was making a big deal about nothing, and in the process I was freaking him out. I bit my lip and faced him. “Would you want to go to a work party with me Saturday?” I blurted out.
He widened his eyes, and he nodded immediately. “Yes. I would love to.”
“Really?” My voice was a little higher-pitched than I’d have liked. I cleared my throat and tried again in a deeper voice. “Really?”
He grinned. “Absolutely.”
Relief washed through me. “Okay. That’s… that’s great.”
He grabbed my hand. “I thought you were gonna kick my ass to the curb.”
I laughed. “I could tell I was giving you the wrong impression.” I was elated he was willing to accompany me Saturday. But I tried not to look too giddy.
“Don’t ever start out with ‘I need to talk to you’ again when it’s a good thing. Okay?” He rubbed the pad of his thumb over my skin, giving me goose bumps.
“Deal.”
He kissed my knuckles. “Thanks for inviting me.”
Feeling proud of myself, as if I’d overcome a huge hurdle, I touched my beer bottle to his. “Thanks for saying yes.”