When Scottie came back into the room, I could see something was bothering him. His face was tense, and he wouldn’t make eye contact. I figured it was because my mom and I had been arguing about her dating Sam. He probably didn’t understand that we weren’t mad at each other; it was just light-hearted banter.
“Why don’t you boys sit at the table and I’ll bring the food over.” Bernadette sprinkled salt into the pot as she spoke.
Scottie hesitated near the couch as if he didn’t want to move to the table. When I met his gaze finally, he looked upset. His eyes glittered and his mouth was a straight line.
“Everything okay?” I asked, approaching him slowly.
He held out his hand, as if warding me off.
I figured he just didn’t want me to be overtly touchy-feely in front of my mom, so I kept my distance.
He pulled his brows together, and he stared at the ground. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he stayed silent.
“Mom and I always bicker like that. Don’t let it upset you.”
He glanced up and his cheeks were flushed. “I think I need to go.”
I frowned. “What?” I was shocked. “Why?”
His lips moved but no words came out.
“Scottie, tell me what’s wrong.” I took a step toward him, and he got that same panicked look, so I stopped.
My mom must have noticed something was up because she joined me. “Honey, are you okay?” Her voice was gentle as she addressed Scottie. She wiped her hands on her apron. “Why don’t you sit and I’ll get you a glass of ice water.”
He shook his head. “No!” He licked his lips. “I mean… no, thank you.”
He was really beginning to worry me. I knew he’d been nervous about meeting my mom, but this seemed different. He didn’t appear nervous so much as freaked-out. “I don’t understand what’s wrong.”
He flicked his frantic gaze to mine. “I need to leave.”
“Are you having a panic attack?” I frowned.
He shook his head.
“Did you get a phone call or something?” My mom seemed as confused as me.
“No.” He pinched the skin between his eyes and gave a humorless laugh. “I need to think.” He dropped his arms limply to his side, and he moved toward the door.
“Wait. You can’t just leave.” My voice was filled with frustration. “Scottie, what’s wrong?”
With his hand on the doorknob, he faced us. “I’m really sorry. But I can’t stay here… I can’t…” He shook his head, and he yanked open the door.
“Scottie,” I called out angrily, but he slammed the door shut.
My mom turned to me. “I don’t understand. Did we upset him?”
“I have no idea.” I strode across the room and I ran out of the apartment after him. He was already in the elevator, and the doors closed before I could reach him. I ran to the stairwell and raced down the steep stairs, feeling confused and worried. The look on his face had been a mix between fear and anger. I couldn’t understand what had triggered him.
I reached the lobby, breathing like I’d run a marathon, but he was already outside. I raced past a very confused-looking doorman and, once on the sidewalk, saw that Scottie was walking fast in the direction of the subway station. I bolted and followed him, frantic to catch him, but uncertain what to say once I reached him.
I called out to him several times, but he either didn’t hear me or he ignored me. Pedestrians gave me funny looks, but I sprinted faster and began to close the distance between us. I finally caught up to him on the sidewalk in front of the old substation. I grabbed his arm, and he turned toward me with his expression stony.
“Scottie, what the hell is going on?” I panted out my words in spurts, keeping my grip on his wrist.
He tried to pull his arm away, but I held on tight. “Let go.”
“No. Not until you tell me what the fuck is happening.” I wiped the stinging perspiration from my eyes as I held his stubborn stare. “You seemed fine and then…” I shook my head. “I don’t get what’s going on.”
His body trembled under my hand. “I can’t think straight.”
“About what? What is there to think about?”
His mouth drooped and his eyes seemed to glisten as if he was holding back tears. “Life’s so fucking unfair.”
My heart ached. “Talk to me.”
“I can’t. It’s too unbelievable.”
He looked so tormented and broken I wanted to take him in my arms, but I didn’t dare. “You can’t just bolt and not tell me what’s going on. That’s not right, Scottie.”
He swallowed hard, his eyes red rimmed. “I just want to go home.”
I was angry at how stubborn he was being, but mostly terrified of losing him. I could see on his face he wanted to disappear. “Look, it’s obvious something upset you. But for God’s sake, Scottie, take pity on me. I have no idea what’s wrong.”
He twisted his face as if in pain. “It’s too insane. I can’t even believe it.”
“Believe what?” I asked forcefully.
He closed his eyes, and then he opened them and blurted, “Your father represented Garrett in my trial.”
The blood drained from my face as I stared at him in utter disbelief. My mouth fell open, and I just looked at him like a wordless moron. What was he talking about? How could my father have represented Garrett?
He exhaled roughly and slumped. “I was looking at the pictures in your mom’s hallway. I recognized his face.”
“My father?”
He nodded.
I shook my head. “That’s not possible.”
“It’s him,” he growled.
“But—” I scowled. “He wouldn’t. He would never protect some scumbag accused of gay bashing.”
“I’m positive it’s him.” His voice was flat. “Garrett’s lawyer was from New York. Remember? He was a high-priced attorney, just like your dad. And most importantly, I’ll never forget his smug face when they read the verdict.”
I let go of his wrist as if he was hot to the touch. “No.”
He narrowed his eyes. “I’m not lying.”
I just stared at him, feeling as confused as I’d ever felt.
“Don’t worry. I’m sure he was just doing his job,” Scottie snarled as he turned and headed toward the subway entrance.
“Please, Scottie,” I called out.
He stopped and turned toward me. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“My father was a good man.”
His face quivered. “He defended a monster. He made me look like a liar, and he helped Garrett get off.” He pointed to his chest, his face red and angry. “I almost died, and your father defended the asshole who tried to kill me.”
“He wouldn’t,” I whispered. “He wouldn’t… unless—”
“Unless he thought I was lying?” His face was hard. “Garrett was the fucking liar, not me.”
I didn’t know what to do. I was about to lose Scottie, but I’d loved and respected my father. I couldn’t accept the shit Scottie was saying about him. There had to be a reason my dad would have defended someone like Garrett. “Please stay and talk this out.”
He shook his head. “No.”
“I don’t want to lose you.” I held out my hand. “Please stay and talk to me.”
His eyes burned into me accusingly. “I knew this was too good to be true.”
I sucked in a deep breath. “Look, even if what you say is true, I didn’t do anything. I shouldn’t lose you because of some fucking weird twist of fate.”
He widened his eyes. “What?”
“I’m saying our relationship shouldn’t have anything to do with some case my dad may or may not have worked on five years ago.”
“How can you even say that?”
I frowned. “Say what?”
“Do you still not get that it’s always with me? It’s not five years ago for me.” He touched his scarred jaw. “It’s like it was yesterday.”
I grimaced. “I know… yes… of course. But I mean I didn’t do anything.”
His laugh was harsh. “You can’t possibly think we can just go back to how it was? Am I just supposed to pretend it didn’t happen? Should I just shove it down so I don’t make you or your mom uncomfortable?”
“You’re twisting my words.”
“You’re being naive.” He glared.
I could see he was pulling further and further away. I was going to lose him forever if I didn’t say something amazing, and I had no idea what that would be. “All I know is I’m falling for you.” I took a step toward him and he stiffened. “We can work this out.”
His eyes glistened and he wiped at them roughly with the back of his sleeve. “I thought maybe I could be happy with you. I was actually stupid enough to hope for that.” His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. “But that’s not going to happen now.”
He started to turn his back on me so I spoke quickly. “What gives you the right to just throw this away?”
He snapped his head toward me. “What?”
“Do you think the connection we have is easy to find?”
He frowned. “Of course not.”
“Then fight for it.” I sounded breathless. “Put in a little fucking effort.”
“Excuse me?”
I moved closer to him. “You heard me.”
“I don’t know how to fix this.”
“You’re not even trying. You’re just running away like a scared kid.” I knew this tactic could easily backfire on me, but he was about to dump my ass anyway. I figured it couldn’t hurt.
“I’m not scared,” he growled. “I’m confused. Your father allowed my attacker to walk away with zero consequences. That’s pretty fucking hard to swallow.”
“I’m not saying it would be easy. But I’m saying you’re worth it.”
His angry expression wavered. “Why are you doing this?”
“How many times do I have to say I want you? It’s not okay with me that you’d just disappear and I never get to see you again. Not when I didn’t do a damn thing wrong. Why would I be punished for the sins of my father?”
He leaned toward me, his expression icy. “Maybe because you don’t accept that your father would have defended Garrett if he was guilty. That means you think I’m lying and making all of this up, just like Garrett accused me of doing.”
“I don’t think that. But I believe my father must have believed Garrett was telling the truth.”
“Well, he was fucking wrong,” he snapped.
I held out my hand. “Okay. I know that. My point is that my dad was an honorable man. He had principles, and he didn’t take any case lightly. There has to be a reason why he defended Garrett. I want to know what that was.”
“And I just want to get as far away from you and your family as possible.” His voice was hushed, and his eyes glittered with pain.
“I don’t want that.”
“I can’t be around you.” He winced. “It’s too hard.”
The conviction in his tone scared me, and I approached him swiftly. He stiffened when I touched his arm. “Please, Scottie. Don’t shut me out. When I say I’m falling for you, that’s my cowardly way of saying I love you.” I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “I… I love you, Scottie.”
He closed his eyes as if my words physically hurt. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It does to me.”
He lifted his lids and his eyes were swimming with despair. “I thought it was my turn to be happy.”
I squeezed his arm. “It is. You just have to grab it.”
He shook his head and whispered, “You’re wrong. It’s too late. Every time I look at you, all I’ll see is the man who helped Garrett almost kill me and get away with it.”
“I didn’t do anything wrong,” I growled.
He pulled his arm away, and his mouth hardened. “Neither did I, but that didn’t matter now, did it?” He walked away into the station with his shoulders stiff and unyielding.
I watched him go, my gut aching with the loss of what we’d shared. How fucking vicious was fate that it would set us up like this? I’d fallen hard for Scottie, and now he was being ripped from me in some perverted twist of fortune.
As I made my way back to my mother’s apartment, I was in shock. I comforted myself with the thought that maybe after he’d had time to think about things, he’d change his mind about breaking it off with me. Although I had to admit, the stubborn set of his jaw as he’d walked away from me didn’t give me much hope.