I hated to admit it, but that uptight prick at the veterinary clinic had wounded my pride a bit. I wasn’t used to guys turning me down. No one ever turned me down. I kept going over and over in my mind what it was I’d done that had gotten him so angry. Most guys were flattered when I hit on them. But he’d been absolutely pissed at me.
I tried to make myself feel better by flirting with a few of the sexier bar patrons. The thirtysomething ginger at the end of the bar looked promising. I’d seen him in here a couple of times, but we’d never really talked much. He had a nice body, compact with muscles in all the right places. Maybe he was just what I needed to get my mind off that surly punk at the vet’s office.
I moved down the bar in his direction, making sure to sway my hips seductively. When I reached him, I leaned on the bar toward him. “Can I get you another?”
His green eyes fell to my lips. “Sure.”
I moved to the tap and refilled a chilled mug. When I returned to him I asked, “What’s your name?”
“Scott.”
I flinched as I set his drink in front of him. “Really?” A glimpse of Scottie from the veterinary office flashed before my eyes. I was annoyed when the thought of his full lips and light blue eyes made my cock twitch. I needed to forget that guy. He was obviously damaged, and I didn’t pursue broken guys. They were way too much work. I refocused my attention on the man in front of me. “How about I call you Red?”
Scott sipped his drink. “You don’t like my name?”
I licked my lips. “It’s not really your name I’m interested in, Red.” I ran my gaze over his muscled biceps and smooth throat. It would be fun to leave his neck covered in hickeys as I pounded into his ass.
“Keep looking at me like that and you can call me whatever you want.”
“Well, I like what I see.”
“Sure, you can call me Red.” He smiled. “What time do you get off?”
“Midnight.”
“Wanna come to my place after your shift?” He watched me over the rim of his glass, his gaze heated.
“Depends.”
“On what?” He licked the foam from his mouth.
“Are you a bottom?”
A slow, lusty smile spread. “Baby, tonight, I’m whatever you need me to be.”
“Good answer.” I moved away to serve some other customers, and I could feel his eyes on my body. He was cute, no question. But I had to admit I had to force myself to hit on him. That stupid guy at the vet office had wounded my ego. I hadn’t been turned down in so long it had been a pretty big shock.
I worked the rest of my shift while making eyes at Red. I slipped him a few extra drinks too, just to loosen him up some more. When midnight rolled around we walked out together, sharing a few sloppy kisses near the cab we were going to share to his place. He had strong hands, and by the time we pulled up to his apartment, I was definitely more in the mood.
When we got in the elevator, we were alone and he pushed me up against the wall and slipped his hands inside my pants. His tongue was relentless, and from the assertive way he grabbed and squeezed my cock, I got the feeling he was definitely a top. But as long as he was willing to give me his ass for the night, it was all good. We giggled and stumbled to his apartment, and once inside, he offered me a drink.
I took him up on it because I’d been working all night, not drinking. I needed something to relax me a little. It was hard to shake thoughts of that blue-eyed guy from the vet’s office out of my mind. I knew it was just a blow to my ego, but that didn’t make it any less annoying when I kept thinking about him.
Once I had a few drinks in me, I started to feel better. So long as I could get in the mood, the rest should flow like clockwork. And it did too. Before long, Red had his tongue down my throat and we were moving down the checklist. Bedroom. Check. Clothes off. Check. Sexy guy on his back beneath me, panting for release. Check.
Red had a nice body and tight ass. He moaned at all the right times; he sucked my cock like a pro. He was a ball of intense, sexual energy, and this should have been one of the best lays of my life. But as I hammered my dick into his body and sweat rolled down my chest, something was missing. His muscled thighs gripped me tight as I thrust deep and covered his neck in hickeys, but I was forcing it. I could feel it.
Red’s big hands braced my hips as I plundered his ass. I groaned and thrust like an animal, seeking something inexplicable. The glide of my dick into his sweet ass would have been perfect if I’d been able to concentrate. But I had trouble focusing. I felt nuts. I had this gorgeous hunk of a stud wrapped around my cock like a vise, and I felt alone. Empty. Confused.
When I finally came, my overwhelming emotion was embarrassment. Red had shot his load five minutes before me. He was a nice enough guy that he didn’t rag on me about it. But I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d pushed me to get a prescription for some blue pills. I said good-bye to him, and we didn’t bother exchanging numbers. I’d told him the one-off rule before we left the bar, and he’d been fine with that.
When I got home, I fell into bed feeling exhausted. I punched my pillow and tried to sleep. But over and over again Scottie’s angry words came back to haunt me: I don’t know what kind of stupid game you’re playing. But I’m not interested. Guys were always interested. Who the hell did he think he was? Maybe he’d rejected me because he had a boyfriend? My laugh sounded hollow in the empty apartment. No. That guy didn’t have anyone in his life. His fear and loneliness radiated off him like a furnace. I guess that only made his rejection of me even more insulting.
I had to admit though, uptight or not, his looks were spot-on delicious. My cock warmed just thinking about his firm little ass and his full lips. I groaned and rolled over. I hated that I was so obsessed with the guy. It had to be my pride. He was the one that got away. My superego was just trying to figure out what went wrong. This was probably normal.
Sure. Let’s go with that. Obsessing all day about a guy who rejected me is totally normal.
When my phone buzzed, I jumped and saw it was my mom. It was three o’clock in the morning, and no one called you at that time of night because things were good.
I sat up and cleared my throat. “What’s wrong?”
My mom’s voice came over the line, soft and shaky. “I’m so sorry to bother you, honey.”
“It’s fine. What’s wrong?”
She gave a nervous laugh. “I’m just having one of those nights.” She sniffed. “I can’t stop thinking about your dad.”
My heart hurt hearing how small and frightened she sounded. “It’s okay, Mom. I’m here.”
A tiny sob broke from her throat. “I miss him so much.” A few more heartbreaking sobs came across the line. “He was everything to me.”
My stomach ached because I knew I couldn’t say anything that would really help. No matter how much I wished I had the magic words, they didn’t exist. “I’m so sorry.”
“I just don’t understand. Why was he taken? Why? He was such a good man.”
“I know.”
She sniffed some more. “People always say everything happens for a reason. What a load of horseshit.”
I was glad to hear her sounding angry. It scared me more when she sounded hopeless. It made me terrified she might try and take a bottle of sleeping pills just to make it all go away. “People just say stuff to try and help.”
“I know.” She sounded a little guilty. “They mean well.”
“Remember when I found out what a snake Paul was? You and Dad said all the same kinds of things.”
She gave a little laugh. “I know. God. I guess people just want you to know there’s a reason to go on.”
“Yeah.” I cleared my throat. “And there is too. You need to remember that, Mom.” I swallowed the end of my sentence.
“I hate the loneliness, but I don’t want anyone to try and take his place.”
Her words made my heart ache. “No one could. No one ever could.”
“No.”
“But… you know… it wouldn’t hurt to maybe go on a few dates.”
She gasped. “No.”
“I’m not saying you’d have to fall in love with anyone. Just play the field.”
“What? I’m not like that.”
“But it might help with the loneliness.”
“Really?” Her voice was suddenly stiff. “Because you date lots of guys and I can tell you’re lonely.”
My face warmed. “I’m not lonely.”
“Liar.”
I grimaced. “I’m in a different place than you.”
“Yes.” Her voice was tentative. “You’re afraid to love again.”
“I’m not afraid,” I grumbled. “I’m simply not interested in being hooked to one person for the rest of my life. The very idea suffocates me.”
“But why?”
My stomach clenched. “Look, what you and Dad had was special. Unusual. Most people never find that sort of connection. I know losing him hurts, but at least you had it. No one I’ve ever been with has been capable of giving me what you and Dad had.”
“Not even… Paul?”
I gave a gruff laugh. “Especially not him.”
“Well, you can’t lay it all on them. What about you? What do you bring to the table?”
I laughed. “Ouch.”
She sighed. “I just mean you’re so unwilling to let anyone see the real you. This slutty version of you isn’t the real you. Or least, I hope not.”
“Wow. Thank you for calling. I feel so good about myself now.”
She actually laughed, and even though I was feeling a little raw, I was glad to hear it. “Honey, you know I think you’re amazing. No one would know it, but you’re so loving and sweet. Look at you now, taking your whiny mother’s phone call at this hour. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.”
“You didn’t and you’re not whiny. Well, not right now.”
She laughed again. “So what are you going to do once you’ve slept with all the men in New York City?”
“I guess I’ll have to start bedding everyone in New Jersey.”
She snorted. “Your father is rolling over in his grave right now.”
“Jersey men aren’t good enough?”
“I don’t mean that.” She sighed. “I worry about you.”
“You don’t need to.”
“What if something happened to me? You’d be alone. That breaks my heart.”
A flush of concern went through me. “Nothing is going to happen to you.”
“No, I know. But I’m not a young woman.”
“Stop. I don’t want to have this conversation.”
She fell silent and I gripped my phone, feeling uneasy. I hated it when she got like this. I felt inadequate and unable to help her.
“We’re a real pair, aren’t we?” Her voice was soft. “We don’t want anyone to get too close, but at the same time that’s probably exactly what we need.”
“Maybe.” I was humoring her. I agreed she needed a relationship, but I doubted that was what I required.
“Thanks for taking Pinky to the vet’s today, by the way.”
I winced. “Oh, yeah. About that…” I laughed. “I had to reschedule Pinky’s appointment.”
“You did?” Her voice held surprise. “Why?”
“It’s kind of a long story. But the new appointment is tomorrow at two. Can you take her this time?” My stomach fluttered nervously at the idea of seeing Scottie again. I didn’t really want to. I wasn’t usually a coward, but the idea of running into him and seeing the intense dislike on his face again rattled me.
“Sure.”
“Great.” Relief washed through me.
“Thanks for talking to me, honey. I feel better.” She yawned.
I smiled. “Of course. Anytime.”
“You know I love you, right?” she whispered.
“And I love you back.”