CHAPTER SIX

 

 

 

“Twelve forty-five. He should be here soon.” She went to the couch and sat down, then immediately stood and walked to the window to look out at the rain-washed world. Apple was finding it hard to be still. She wasn’t tired, but she’d barely slept the night before. Not because of the storm that had blown through. She felt exhilarated, high on life, like she stood on the verge of a great adventure. Every time she thought of Benjen, her whole body vibrated with excitement. “I can’t believe I did that.” She hugged herself tightly, still amazed at how she’d let go with him. Rubbed on him until she came. How she touched herself twice more during the night remembering how it felt.

Blowing her breath on the glass, she wrote his name. BENJEN. “Benjen. Benjamin Blackhawk. Mrs. Benjen Blackhawk. Apple Blackhawk.”

“WHOA! Where did that come from?” Covering her cheeks with her hands, she whirled around so fast the skirt of her white embroidered sundress stood out like an ice skater’s. “Don’t even go there, Apple. You know better. This is…” She didn’t really know what this thing with Benjen was – but it wasn’t that. “You’re just sex-starved and he’s a feast for the eyes…and every other part of me.” She moaned her frustration. “He’s also the nicest guy you’ve ever met.” She turned back to the window and rubbed out the writing, creating a large smudge on the glass. “A wonderful guy who deserves the very best. And that’s not you, Apple Cates.” She frowned. “No, not Cates. I don’t want to use Alan’s name anymore. I’ll be Apple Wright again.”

As she considered her idea, the sound of a truck engine reached her ears.

“He’s here!”

Despite her confusing mental argument with herself, she couldn’t deny how happy she was to spend time with him. “This might not be the smartest thing you’ve ever done, but it’s certainly the most thrilling.”

Without further hesitation, she rushed out the door, locking it behind her and hurried out into the yard. When he came to a stop, she was right at the passenger door. Before he could turn off the engine, she was already sitting beside him. “Hi!”

“Hey, love.” He placed a hand on the nape of her neck and pulled her to him, meeting her halfway. “You look fantastic. I love your dress.” Benjen kissed her lingeringly. Savoring the moment. “Ummm, you taste so good.”

“You do too.” Even though she turned a bit red, she couldn’t help but smile. “I’m glad to see you.”

“Me too, precious.” He kept his hand on her neck as he pulled out and headed out of town. “How did you sleep last night during that storm?”

“I was too excited to sleep. Thanks to you, I didn’t have to set out bowls and buckets to catch leaks.”

“I’m glad. What did you do with Rose?”

“She’s spending the day at the Cleveland’s. They have a big yard and a huge covered porch. She’ll be fine.”

“Good. Have you ever been to Wimberley?”

“No. I haven’t.” She straightened her skirt, then placed a hand over her heart willing it to calm down. “I do hear it’s beautiful. A haven for artists.”

“True. We’ll do some exploring. I think we’ll have a good time.”

“Undoubtedly.” She exhaled, admiring how handsome he looked. “You look dashing in your blue and red plaid shirt. The blue matches your eyes.”

Benjen steadied the steering wheel with his left knee and tipped his straw Stetson with his left hand, never letting go of her with the other. “Thank you, ma’am. I…” He bowed his head, blinking his eyes. “Oh, crap.”

“What’s wrong?”

After applying the brakes to slow down, Benjen pulled over on the side of the road. “One of my contacts slipped.” He pulled the rearview mirror toward him and gazed into it while he adjusted the contact.

“I didn’t know you wore contacts.”

“No? You thought I was perfect, didn’t you?” he teased her as he checked his reflection in the mirror.

“No. Yes.” She giggled. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. I think it’s sweet, shows you have a vulnerability.”

“Well, it wasn’t a secret. It just hadn’t come up.” He restarted the truck and they continued on their journey. “Tell me something about you. I want to know everything.”

“Uh.” There was so much she could say. Better to start off small. “I sleep with a night light.”

“Really?” He digested the information. “Scared of the dark?”

“No, not really. Not of what’s in the dark. I just don’t like to be alone.”

“I can understand that. Good thing you have Rose now…until…”

Until? “Yea, before that…” She gazed out at the passing scenery, barely seeing the majestic rolling hills.

“Before what? You mean when you were married?”

“Yea, I have never counted exactly…but in our six-year marriage…” She looked at Benjen thoughtfully. “I don’t know whether to count it as five or six years. He was declared dead, but he was really still alive for another year after that. I just didn’t know it.”

“Damn, baby.”

“In those years, no matter how you count it. We only spent about sixteen months together, counting the first year and then his leave. So…I have been alone a lot.”

“You shouldn’t be alone. Ever.” He wound her hair around his fist, unable to stop touching her. “You married young. Seventeen?”

“Yea, too young to fall in love.”

“I don’t know. I fell in love at eighteen.” Benjen glanced over at Apple. “Does it bother you when I talk about Kelli?”

“No. She was part of your life…not that I have a right to tell you what to talk about.”

“Yes, you do. I’m giving you the right.”

With rights came responsibilities. “We had to get married.”

“You were pregnant.” He looked from her to the road and back.

“Yes. Jenny only lived six days.”

“Oh, baby. I am so, so sorry.” Once more, he pulled off the road, but this time it was to take her in his arms and hold her while she cried. “I wish I could take your pain away. I am sure she was a precious little girl. You’ll see her again. She’s in heaven. Waiting for you.”

Apple clung to him as he crooned to her. Sweet, comforting words. Words Alan never said to her. “I think so too.”

Benjen didn’t rush her, he held her until she quieted. He stroked her face, kissing her lips again and again. “You’re my baby, aren’t you?”

She didn’t say, but she thought yes, a thousand times yes. “Thank you. You are so good to me.”

“You’re welcome. I love to hold you.”

“I’m okay now.” She eased back to her seat. “We can continue on.”

They did, but he held her hand all the way.

When they reached Wimberley, Apple found there was a lot to see. “Oh, this is great!” The streets were crowded with people. There were booths. Art displays. Artisans at work. And ice cream. Food trucks were parked all around, doling out every flavor imaginable. “I want to see everything!”

“We will.”

True to his word, Benjen made sure she saw and did everything that caught her eye. She learned quickly not to admire anything aloud, for he bought it all. A painting of a field of bluebonnets. A beautiful lapis necklace. A piece of handmade pottery.

“Stop it.” She laughed. “This is enough!”

He held their bounty in one hand and pulled her close with the other. “Let me have a good time. Buying you stuff makes me happy.”

“You’re happy enough.” She huffed but leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked. “Now, what?” Apple asked as he aimed toward the waterfront.

“Now for the main attraction.” He squeezed her playfully. “Ice cream!”

She skipped along beside him, enjoying their time together more than anything in a long, long time. “It’s so beautiful here.” Apple was entranced with the canopy of trees, the free-flowing water that sang as it ran over rocks, creating tiny waterfalls and white foam.

“Beautiful,” he agreed with her, his eyes on her face. “Cone or dish?”

“Cone, of course!” She held the packages as he stepped up to the vendor. “Chocolate!”

“Ah, a girl after my own heart.” He ordered two cones of the deepest, darkest chocolate he could find. “Here, sweets for the sweet.”

She took her cone and let him lead her to a picnic table. While she set the bags on the ground, he wiped the leaves off the bench left by the overnight storm. “Here, baby. Sit.”

“Thanks.” She took a seat in the middle of one of the benches with her back to the table. “We have a good view of the water and the festivities from here.”

“Yes, we do.” He sat down beside her, licking his cone with enjoyment. “I’m having such a good time with you.”

“You are?”

The surprised lilt to her voice just turned him inside out. “I want to tell you something weird. Okay?”

“Sure.” She turned halfway toward him, enjoying the shade of the massive tree overshadowing the area. “I’m having fun with you too, by the way.”

“I’m relieved.” He leaned toward her, their shoulders touching. “You might think this sounds silly, but my father passed on a legacy to me. I don’t pretend to be what I may be one day, but I am in training to be what is known in our culture as a medicine man. Shaman might be a term you’re familiar with.”

“I think that’s wonderful!”

“I won’t bore you with the details…”

“As if you could, I’m fascinated. That sounds so romantic, I’d love to know more.”

“Romantic?” He chuckled. “Well, for you, I’m an open book. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

“Do you have visions? What?”

“Not really, but I brought this up now to tell you this…” Benjen cleared his throat and grew very serious. “The first time I saw Kelli, I felt like I’d been plugged into an electric socket. My world lit up.” Benjen saw a flicker of a question in her eyes. “I knew she was going to be important to me.” Seeing the doubt on her face, he put a hand on her knee. “No, listen to me. She was vastly important, even if we didn’t get to spend the rest of our lives together. She changed me. For the better.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I felt that same thing with you.”

“What?”

“I was at the bar and you walked behind me. I felt every cell in my body respond to you. The moment I did, I jumped up to find you. When I first laid eyes on you, I knew.” He shrugged, reaching out to touch her face. “You were the one I’d been waiting on. I got up to follow you, but my brother came up about that time with a ranch emergency and dealing with him caused me to miss you. When I got outside…you were gone. I wasn’t able to take a full breath until I looked up at the vet’s office and saw you looking back at me.”

Apple was stunned at his revelation. She was about to ask him to explain further when she heard a snap and looked up over their heads. To her horror, she saw a huge branch in the top of the tree breaking right in front of her eyes. Springing up, she threw herself on top of Benjen. “Watch out!”

All of this happened in a microsecond, but to Benjen it seemed like slow motion. He was aware of Apple moving, saw the branch falling, then – to his horror – realized she was putting herself between him and danger. While every fiber of his body rebelled against the possibility, he grabbed her and twisted away and off the bench, taking them both to safety just before the heavy branch crushed the picnic table.

“Wow, that was close,” Apple exclaimed as people came running to see if they were all right. “We’re fine.”

Benjen didn’t agree. He got to his feet, all of his strength leached from his body by sheer fright. Walking a step or two away, he bent over, trying to catch his breath.

“Are you okay?” Apple asked in concern. “Did it hit your head?”

“No.” His heart was still booming in his chest.

“We lost our cones,” Apple said sadly.

“Lucky I didn’t lose you.” He took her hand, then grabbed the things he’d bought for her. “Come with me.”

Apple realized he was shaking. “Benjen…”

“Don’t talk.”

The walk to his truck was quite lengthy. By the time they arrived, Benjen was able to breathe again – but he was still mad as hell.

“What’s wrong?”

He unlocked the door, then turned to pick her up. “I’ll tell you what’s wrong.” He took her hands in his. “Don’t you ever, ever put yourself in danger to protect me again.”

“But…”

“If you do, I swear to God I’ll turn you over my knee and spank that sweet ass. Do you hear me?”

His outburst astonished her. “I hear you. But, I’m not agreeing to any such thing!” She looked affronted. “If it’s in my power, I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”

Apple looked so cute as she stood up to him that he melted. Bending his head, he rested his face against her neck. “You have no idea how that felt. I was scared to death. If anything happened to you…”

Seeing how their near miss was affecting him, she wrapped her arms around Benjen and cradled him close. “I’m sorry. I just reacted. It was instinct.”

“I’m the one who protects you.” He kissed the soft skin of her shoulder. “Always. That’s my job.”

 

* * *

 

The ride home from Wimberley felt surreal to Apple. She felt they’d turned a corner of some kind, a corner she hadn’t seen coming. At first, they were quiet, both visibly shaken by what had taken place.

“Do you want me to turn on the radio?” she asked as they headed north.

“No, I’d rather talk, if that’s okay with you.” Benjen adjusted the air vents. “Are you cool enough?”

“I’m good,” she assured him.

“When I take you home, I’d like to come in for a few minutes.”

Apple’s heart skipped a beat. Her mind immediately went to sex. Of course, sex would take more than a few minutes – she hoped. She blinked her eyes to eradicate the erotic images that kept popping up straight out of her fantasies. “I’ll make coffee.”

“I want to talk to you about something important.”

Important? Uh-oh. “Something serious?”

“Yes.”

Oh, crap. He wasn’t referring to sex. And ‘serious’ wasn’t usually good. “All right. Whatever you need.”

“You’re giving me a broad mandate with those words. I might need more than you’re willing to give.”

Feeling her cheeks grow warm, she sought to lighten the mood. “Well, until then, what do you want to talk about. Movies? Music? Books?”

“Yea, sure.” He allowed her to change the subject. “What’s your favorite novel?”

“Oh, that’s easy. As an animal lover, Where The Red Fern Grows, meant so much to me. I tear up if I even think of Old Dan and Little Ann. And when I read the part where only an angel can plant a red fern, I ball like a baby.”

“I love that one too. Old Yeller broke my heart. My absolute favorite, however, is the old English epic Beowulf.”

“The hero who defeated the monster Grendel.”

“You’ve read it?”

She nodded. “I have. I don’t have a college education, but I’ve had a lot of time to read. My favorite movie is Avatar.”

“I didn’t watch that one. What did you like about it?”

“The lessons it taught, primarily. Acceptance of people being different. Protecting the environment. You know, all my bleeding heart liberal stuff.”

He gave her a gentle smile. “We’ll watch it together.”

“How about you?”

“Oh, I love movies. I could talk about them all day. I have favorites. The Godfather I and II, and the newer Superman trilogy.”

“Huh. All guy movies.”

“Maybe. Did you know Michael Corleone’s first wife was named Apollonia?”

“No.” She giggled. “I did not know that.”

He shook his head. “If you asked me which movie I could watch again and again, I’d say The Godfather. The layers are incredible. Every time I watch it, I see something new.”

“The Godfather is a bit of a surprise, but I can see you liking Superman.”

“The Superman movies came out after my father died. I guess I was looking for a role model and I found one in the movie. And it wasn’t his great strength or the fact that he could fly that did it for me. Clark was special because he took it upon himself to reduce the suffering of everyone in the world he had influence over. He had great abilities and a tremendous capacity to do good, but he didn’t do his great deeds out of pain or fear, he did them simply because he could. I think a good man should aspire to those same goals.”

“I’d say you are well on your way.” She playfully reached over and tugged on the top button of his shirt. “I bet you have an undershirt with an S on it.”

“You can check when we get home…if you want,” he teased her.

For a moment, Apple was tongue-tied, then she scrambled to think of something else to say. “Tell me something funny about you, something I don’t know.”

“Hmmm.” Benjen thought a moment before grinning. “I’m super ticklish.”

“Really? That’s good to know.” She laughed. “Guess what? I can’t ride a bike.”

“Well, I’ll teach you. How’s that, Miss Cates?”

Apple shook her head. “Not Cates. I’m having my name changed. I’m going back to my maiden name.”

“Okay, what’s that?”

“Wright. Apple Wright. So, I won’t be Miss Cates. I’ll be Miss Wright.”

Benjen laughed with joy. “Of course, that’s your name. How perfect. I knew I’d been looking for you, Miss Right.”

“It’s time. What with my husband abandoning me. I don’t guess it’s a secret that my marriage was far from perfect.”

He covered her hand with his. “Well, if we’re going to share secrets. I’ll tell you a whopper.”

“Okay.” She had no idea what to expect.

He paused, seemingly for effect, then spoke evenly, “I’m a virgin.”

Apple didn’t think she’d heard him right. “What?”

“I’m a virgin.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am.” His handsome face was completely sincere.

“Impossible. You’re too confident, too sexy, too good of a kisser. You made me cum,” she said almost accusingly.

He chuckled at her argument. “Thank you, but I didn’t say I was innocent. I just decided to wait to make love.”

“Why?” Her head was spinning with his revelation.

“Kelli wanted to wait until we married and I loved her enough to do it. After she passed, I gave myself a year to say goodbye. When it was over, I started looking around and realized I wanted more than a one-night stand.”

Apple stared at him, her lips parted in astonishment. “Well, I’m not a virgin.”

Benjen winked at her. “That’s okay. At least one of us should know what we’re doing.”

Closing her eyes, Apple shook her head. She was speechless. Before she thought, she sputtered out the truth. “Don’t count on me for help. I’ve had it on good authority that I’m bad at sex.”

“Nonsense. You make me hard just by walking into a room. You kiss like a dream. I’ve held you as you flew apart in my arms. Did your husband tell you that lie?”

Damn, what did she do? She never intended to admit her shame to a single soul. Looking at his face, she could see he was angry. “It doesn’t matter. We’re here,” Apple announced, seeing they were nearing home.

“Good. If I don’t get to hold you soon, I’m going to go nuts.” Before she could gather her things, he was out of the truck and opening her door. “Let me take those for you.” Benjen took her bags and helped Apple to her feet.

“Thank you.”

“Key?”

She took it out and gave it to him, waiting while he opened the door. “Feels funny, Rose not being here. I’ll be glad to go get her tomorrow. Are you hungry?” Apple didn’t wait for an answer, there was a great need for a subject change – and fast. Opening the refrigerator, she took out a casserole. “I have manicotti.”

“God, that sounds good, but save it for me.”

He tossed his hat to one side and raked his hand through his hair. Even in her agitated state, she couldn’t miss how good-looking he was in those snug-assed jeans, shoulders broad enough to carry the weight of her world. She still couldn’t reconcile the overwhelming masculinity Benjen exuded with the fact that he’d never bedded a woman. She trembled with the idea of being the recipient of his pent-up passion.

When she returned from placing the dish back in the fridge, it was to find herself in his embrace. Without preamble, he picked Apple up and walked to the couch. He settled her in his lap one second and was kissing her the next. And what a kiss. She gave herself over to his care as he devoured her lips, his tongue stroking, licking – retreating and thrusting back in for more. Her heart raced even faster, her body softening, her breasts swelling. The eager place between her thighs melted as a cloud of sensuality enveloped her.

Benjen moaned as he took the kiss he’d been dying for. A melding of lips, a sweet sweep of tongues. Her precious passion seared his senses. Holding her tight, he let Apple have what she wanted, relishing her whimpering moan filled with such hunger and need. As she arched in his arms, her desperate pleasure was burning him alive. Over and over, he drank from her lips, unable to sate himself – wanting more, needing more – needing her. Finally, he tore his mouth from hers, cradling her close, his breathing harsh. “Yea, you’re bad at sex.”

His raspy voice and the teasing words brought Apple to her senses. She lightly slapped him on the chest. “How would you know?”

He couldn’t help but laugh. “If you were any better, I’d be dead.” Benjen rubbed the pad of his thumb over her lower lip. “You slay me, baby. I can’t get enough of you.”

“You haven’t had me yet.” She tried to push away from him, but she didn’t get very far.

“Do you want me?” Benjen asked her point blank. “Do you feel anything for me?”

Denying the obvious would help no one. She met his sapphire gaze. “Can’t you tell?”

He clasped her face in one big hand. “Use your words. I need them.”

Apple sighed, closing her eyes against the intensity of his knowing eyes. “Of course, I do.” He waited for more and she couldn’t deny him. “I want you very much and I have feelings for you, yes. But…”

“No buts.” Benjen took her hands in his. “I’m declaring to you my intentions. I want to see you. Officially.” Seeing her perplexed expression, he made it clearer. “I want to court you. I want us to spend time together with the intent of…”

She covered his lips with her fingers. “Stop.”

Benjen tore her hand away. “Don’t say that.”

Apple eased off his lap and moved away. “You just don’t know…”

“Well, tell me.” He moved behind her and pulled her back against him, moving her hair away to kiss her neck. “We’re so good together. I knew you from the moment I saw you.”

“We don’t know one another very well.”

“That’s the purpose of the courtship.” He wrapped his arms across her chest, cradling her in his arms. “Ask me anything.”

“Tell me again why you’re still a virgin?”

Benjen turned her to face him, not letting go, just so he could look into her face. “Kelli was religious. She’d been raised in the church. Her dream was to come to the marriage bed pure. She wanted to wait and I wanted to make her happy.”

Apple’s heart clenched at his goodness. “And since then?”

“I honored her with the ways of my people through thirteen moons. Her name was too precious to say aloud.”

Tears ran down her cheeks as she listened to him. She couldn’t imagine being loved like that. 

“Afterward, my eyes and my heart were open again.” He feathered a caress on her cheek. “And…I found you.”

Every syllable he spoke sparked a desperate longing within Apple’s breast. She wanted to cleave to him, to clasp him close and never let him go, but that wouldn’t be fair – to him. With her thoughts spinning, she came to the only conclusion she could. “I need you to read something.”

“Read?” Benjen didn’t understand. “Read what?”

Pulling away from him, Apple left the room with Benjen following closely behind.

“What are you doing?” They ended up in her bedroom and his eyes were drawn to the bed where she slept each night. His body vibrated with anticipation. Soon, he’d lay in that bed with her. A noise to his left drew Benjen’s attention and he became conscious of Apple on her knees rummaging through a wicker trunk. When she rose to her feet, she held a leather book in her hand. “What’s that?”

“I want you to take this with you.” She offered the book to him. “This is Alan’s journal. All of his thoughts, observations, and feelings about me are in there. In black and white.”

Benjen looked at her in disbelief, then at the journal with disdain. “I don’t want to read this.”

“Yes, please. I want you to. If you want to be with me, you need to know what the person who professed to love me thought about me and our marriage.”

Benjen wanted to throw the book into a fire. “I don’t give a shit what he thought.”

“Please.” She touched his arm. “I could tell you what it said, but I want you to see me through his eyes.”

“I’ll never see you through his eyes. Only mine. I see you clearly. I don’t need to read the bastard’s thoughts.”

“They say love is blind.” She placed a hand to her forehead, feeling a headache coming on quickly. “I’m not saying you love me, but before we go any further, I want you to see me clearly.”

“I see you just fine.” He weighed the book in his hands, wondering if he could rip it in half like those strongmen tearing phonebooks in two.

“After you read this, if you still want me – I’m yours.”

Benjen stared at Apple, his chest heaving with emotion. “Okay. For you.”

“You don’t have to read it all. I’ve highlighted the…important parts.”

He couldn’t imagine how she was feeling. “Nothing I read here will make one whit of difference in the way I feel about you.”

“Maybe. Just think of this as full disclosure.” Slowly, she backed away, folding her arms over her breasts, and putting a bit of distance between them. “I had fun today. Thank you.”

“I had a great time too, except for you endangering yourself in an attempt to shield me. I haven’t forgotten that.”

She gave him a teasing smile. “Well…if all goes well, I’ll let you spank me.”

Benjen growled and caught her close for a kiss. “I’ll be back tomorrow. I want to take you on a date. Be ready to go at two.”

“Don’t come back before you read the journal,” she cautioned him. “Okay? Promise?”

He let her walk him to the door. “I promise to read it and I promise there’s not a chance in hell anything I read will change how I see you.”

Apple watched him go and prayed he was right.