CHAPTER FOUR

 

 

 

“Benjamin Button, is that you?”

Benjen could hear Easy yelling from the backyard. “Yea, I’m home.”

“Come join us! I’ll throw a steak on the grill for you!”

“Sounds good.” As he and Hope made their way around the house, his thoughts turned to Apple. He’d dropped her off at home, leaving her at the door with only a chaste kiss when he craved so much more. Before coming home, he’d taken a long drive to clear his head. He felt like he’d parachuted from an airplane and was floating toward the ground in a freefall.

“How was your date?” Samuel inquired from his spot next to the firepit. He’d pulled off his boots and socks and traded his cowboy clothes for a T-shirt and shorts.  

“Good.” Benjen touched his lips, remembering the heat of her kiss. “She’s…great.” Snapping his fingers, he called Hope over to sit next to him.

“Easy was trying to tell me what she looks like, but I’m not familiar with the actress,” Sam said as he rose to help Easy with dinner. “I never watched much television.”

“Lucky for you, I have a picture.” Benjen took his phone and found one of the photos he’d taken by the river. “Now, just look. Don’t drool.”

Easy took the cell and held it so Sam could see. “Dang, she’s hot.”

Sam let out a low whistle. “Too good-looking for you, little brother.”

“You won’t get an argument from me on that point.” He took off his hat and placed it on the bench next to him. “Hand me a beer.”

Sam did the honors, then took a poker and turned over some large potatoes roasting in the pit. “Steak and taters. Since Sara’s not here, we don’t have to eat salad.”

“Sounds good to me,” Benjen murmured as he drained half the can of Shiner beer.

“So, when’s the wedding?” Easy chuckled, expecting his brother to come back with a witty retort.

“Not for a while. I’ve got my work cut out for me,” he answered thoughtfully. “I plan on conducting an old-fashioned courtship. She’s definitely worth the effort.”

“Wow.” Samuel gave Benjen an assessing look. “First Daniel, now you. I wonder if love at first sight is in our cards, Easy?”

“Dad always said he decided to marry Mom the day he met her,” Easy commented in a thoughtful tone as he flipped the steaks over. “I’m thinking I should check with a doctor and see if I can be inoculated or something.”

“With your reputation, I’m sure the local women are wising up and becoming immunized against your charms.” Benjen didn’t hesitate to give his brothers a hard time, bantering in the Blackhawk household was a way of life.

“Grab a plate and hush.” Easy held up a sizzling piece of beef as Sam pulled the potatoes out and placed them on the counter next to the grill. 

Once they’d served themselves and sat down, there was a lull in the conversation as they ate their food. Knowing how to play them, Hope made her way from brother to brother, begging for choice bites.

“Hey, look up on the mountain.” Sam pointed toward Packsaddle. “Do you see what I’m seeing?”

Benjen peered across the distance. “Looks like a campfire.”  

“I’d say we have some trespassers. Kids most likely,” Easy observed. “We probably need to ride over.”

“I agree. We’ve had a little rain lately, but a fire could spread so easily.” Sam took his last bite and stood. “Let me slip on a pair of jeans and I’ll be ready to go.”

“I’ll join you.” Easy rose and placed his plate next to the grill.

He thought about going with them, but he needed to think. His ritual items were hidden well enough, Benjen didn’t think anyone could find them in the dark. “You two go ahead. I’ll clean up here.” He began to gather their things to take back into the kitchen. “I need a shower.”

“Got all hot and sweaty on your date, didn’t you?” Sam slapped him on his shoulder.

Benjen just shook his head, a smile hovering on his lips. “Yea.” More like hard and horny, but he wasn’t going to argue. “You two be careful. You never know who you’ll surprise out there.”

After straightening up from their meal, he headed up the stairs to his room, unbuttoning his shirt and jeans as he went. Thoughts of Apple made his fingers a bit clumsy. His body was still humming, cocked and primed to be with her. “Christ, I might not survive,” he moaned as he flipped on the light in the bathroom, then the tap in the shower. Hastily, he tore off the remainder of his clothes, breathing a sigh of relief when his dick was freed from the confines of his briefs. He was stiff, achingly so. As he waited for the water to warm, Benjen slid a lazy hand over his breastbone and muscled belly and down to palm the arrogant jut of his erection. Cupping himself, he rubbed, his fingers squeezing his sac while his thumb drew lazy circles over the crown. “Soon, Miss Apple, soon.”

 

* * *

 

 “Shh, stop worrying. We’ll go as slow as you want…until you beg me to go faster.” He kissed her between the eyes, then on the tip of her nose. “This is right. I just know it.”

Apple relived the heaven of being in Benjen Blackhawk’s arms. 

What had she done?

Doubt made her jittery as she cleaned out the kennel cages in the back of the vet’s office. As much as she tried to keep her mind on the task at hand, she couldn’t stop thinking about how he made her feel. Apple still couldn’t grasp how all of this had come about so fast. He was bigger than life and she was…

Lacking.

“Move, sweetie, I need to put down fresh newspapers.” Apple nudged Rose to one side so she could ease her way into the large cage. Even though the Shepherd wanted to stay near her, being in the veterinarian facility made the animal nervous. “Just be patient a little while longer. I don’t lack too much finishing. When we’re through, we’ll go for a nice walk before bedtime.”

This wasn’t how she’d planned on spending her Sunday night, but when Dr. Cleveland called to tell her about the busted water line, she couldn’t say no. While she cleaned, Apple’s brain worked overtime, recalling every second she’d spent with the sexy cowboy. She really couldn’t understand his interest. At best, she was passably pretty. Remembering little things her husband had said during their marriage, comments she’d just passed off as jokes now loomed large in her psyche. And the things she’d read in his journal still stung. Why she tortured herself by reading them over and over was a mystery.

Once everything was ship-shape, she locked up and led the Shepherd to her car. “So, tell me, girl, how did you like Hope?” Of course, she received no answer, but the dog looked relieved once she was back inside the Camry. Apple imagined the animal feared being left behind. “Don’t worry, you’ve got a forever home with me. We’re a team now.”

After loading up, she pulled away from the vet’s office and hit the northbound highway. She wondered what Benjen was doing tonight. Her cheeks grew warm remembering how she’d responded to his kiss. “I acted like I was starving to death for affection.” And maybe she was. Even though she’d been married to Alan for five years, the number of days and nights they’d spent together had been pitifully few. Looking back, she realized how she’d longed for her husband and been grateful for every scrap of attention he gave her. How he must have laughed at her.

On the drive home, her emotions rose and fell like a rollercoaster. Between Benjen’s kisses, his promise to repair her roof, and her own self-doubt, she didn’t know what to think. “At least we’re not bored, are we girl?”

Easing even with her driveway, Apple put the car into park and jumped out. In all the excitement of the weekend, she’d neglected to check the mail. “Keep your fingers crossed, Rose. I’m expecting a letter from the Department of Veterans Affairs.” She’d been getting the runaround for months about Alan’s benefits. She’d received the initial death gratuity and that was what she’d used to buy this little place. In addition, she was supposed to get half of his former salary plus fifteen thousand a year. It wasn’t a lot, but she needed the funds to make the repairs on this money pit she’d acquired. Holding her breath, she tugged down the lid of the mailbox and pulled out a stack of flyers and envelopes. Leafing through them by the glow of the headlights, she felt her stomach sink. It wasn’t there – again.

“Oh, well. Soon. Hopefully.” Climbing back into the car, she tried not to worry as she covered the short distance to the faded grey shot-gun house. Even if Benjen were to carry through with his offer to repair her roof, she had no idea how she would pay for the materials.

Once she was inside the house, Apple glanced at the clock. “It’s after ten, we’d better get to bed. Are you sleeping with me tonight?” she asked the Shepherd. “You’re welcome you know.” 

The animal dogged Apple’s steps as she threw away the junk mail, then spent a few minutes picking up things around the house. Putting away a few cups and plates left in the dish drainer, she tided the cabinets. “I never liked to get up to a dirty kitchen.” As she folded a towel and placed it next to the sink, Apple couldn’t help but grin at the memory of how her big cowboy dwarfed his surroundings in her small space.

Her cowboy.

“I wish.”

Shaking her head, she dispelled the foolish notion. At present, she couldn’t explain his actions – the only thing she knew for sure was that she shouldn’t trust them. If she couldn’t hold the interest of her husband, who knew her better than anyone, what chance did she have with handsome Benjen Blackhawk?

As Apple readied herself for bed, making a place for Rose at the foot, she tried to reason out her predicament.

Maybe Benjen felt sorry for her.

Maybe he felt neighborly. “Neighborly, right.” This idea made her giggle.

Maybe he was bored and she was a challenge? “Not much of one.” She’d fallen into his arms the first time he’d asked. “You need to keep a level head about this situation, girl.” Her offer of friendship would stand and she just hoped she could keep her heart in check. The pain of Alan’s betrayal had lessened, but she had no desire to repeat the process. Something told Apple that getting over Benjen Blackhawk would not be an easy task.

Still…once she turned out the light and was cuddled beneath the covers, Apple imagined how wonderful it would be to have someone to hold through the long hours of the night.

 

* * *

 

Monday morning found Benjen riding fence with Sam. “So, you didn’t see anything? No sign of a campfire?”

“Not a trace.” Sam pushed his Stetson back and wiped the sweat from his brow. “It was the oddest thing. We even saw the weird light again when we were about halfway there.”

“Huh. I wonder if it was foxfire or something like that. I remember Dad talking about seeing ghost lights on the mountain.” Benjen sat straighter in the saddle, peering into the distance.

“Oh, I didn’t give his campfire stories too much credence. He was always trying to scare us. You’ve spent a lot of time on Packsaddle in the last year. Did you ever see anything strange?”

“A few times.”

“Like what?” Sam asked, his curiosity aroused.

“Do you see what I see?” Benjen asked as he pointed farther down the fence line. “I think there’s several sections of wire lying on the ground.”

“Hell, I think you’re right.”

Both brothers urged their mounts into a gallop.

“Look at that. Damn. I bet the neighbor’s bull has been taunting ours and they’ve butted heads, taking down a half mile of fence. There’s no telling how many of our cattle have crossed over the property line.”

“Or how many of Vincent’s Simmentals have wandered to our side.” Sam let out a long sigh. “Looks like we’ve got our work cut out for us.”

“Yep.” Piss poor timing, Benjen thought. He’d planned on spending the next several afternoons repairing Apple’s roof. “Oh well, this can’t be helped. Let’s ride back and gather materials and bring them back in the Jeep. We’ll restring the wire, then count cattle.”

For the next seven hours, the brothers repaired fence. When the sun began to set, the job was nowhere near completion. “Let’s put up a couple of strands across these two sections and finish it tomorrow,” Sam suggested. “I’m worn out.”

“Yea, I’m tired myself.” Benjen opened the cooler on the back of the Jeep and pulled out an iced water bottle. “Drink?” he offered one to his brother.

“Nah, I’m good.” Sam picked up another roll of wire and began walking toward a series of posts they’d set earlier. “We’re going to be dark-thirty getting home.”

After another hour and a half’s labor, the brothers started out. “I’ll call Mr. Vincent first thing in the morning and let him know what’s going on.” He wished he’d thought to get Apple’s home number. Oh well, he’d make time to call her at work soon. Benjen picked at a blister forming on his thumb. “With Easy out of town and Daniel working on his new house, this is going to take us a couple of days to finish.”

“Yea, bad timing. When Easy made plans to go to Dallas for that Cattleman’s Convention, we had no idea this would happen,” Sam muttered as he shifted gears to head up a steeper incline.

“Holy Smoke, Sam, check out Packsaddle.”

The tone in Benjen’s voice drew Sam’s attention immediately. “Well, I’ll be, there’s that glow again. Let’s head over.”

Holding onto the roll bar as the Jeep made a sharp turn, Benjen looked up at the sky. “Get as close as you can and we’ll climb up. The moon’s high and bright, but I think there are a couple of flashlights in the back.”

After Sam parked, the brothers started up a well-worn trail. The highest point of Packsaddle was only a little over six hundred feet high, but the Blackhawks were familiar with several hiker friendly paths. “What do you think we’ll find? Kids camping?”

“Your guess is as good as mind.” Benjen pulled himself up a steep incline, keeping his voice low. “Maybe the trespassers hid from you last night.”

“Well, if we couldn’t sneak up on them on horseback, I doubt very much we’ll find them after arriving in that loud Jeep,” Sam huffed as they made their way up the rocky hillside.

When they drew nearer the top, Benjen whistled lowly. “Hey, let’s cut the lights. We’re getting close.”

“Good idea,” Sam agreed, following his brother’s suggestion. The next second, they were in the dark, the night lit only by the almost full moon and sky full of stars. They continued up the path in silence until they reached the crest. “All right, which way do we go from here?” The top of the mountain was a plateau, sculpted with outcroppings of rocks, caves, and copses of oak and juniper.

“We were coming from the west when we spotted it, so let’s move in that direction.” Benjen walked slowly, being careful where he put his feet. He’d been up here so often, but always in the day, everything looked different at night.

“I feel funny,” Sam whispered, trailing a step or two behind his brother.

“How so?”

“Cold. Are you cold?”

“A little, I guess.” He edged on at a careful pace. “Do you see anything, Sam?”

“My eyes are peeled…but no. And if I did, I might soil my britches.”

Benjen shook his head. “Don’t do that. You’ll give away our position with the smell.” An odd snapping noise drew his attention, causing him to hold out his hand to stop Sam’s progress. “Listen.”

They both stood stone still. The air seemed to crackle with energy.

“I don’t hear anything,” Sam muttered softly as he moved up right next to his brother.

“Come on, let’s go a little farther until we can see the front section visible from the ranch and where we were earlier.”

Slowly, they made their way to a clearing. In the distance, they could see the lights of the old Rock House, their home. The sky was full of stars and the moon was high overhead. High rocks and gnarled trees threw dark, ominous shadows on the ground all around them.

“Nothing, there’s nothing.” Sam sounded perplexed. “What the hell did we see?”

“Hello! Is anybody here?” Benjen called out, as confused as his brother seemed to be.

Again, they were still, straining to hear anything out of the ordinary. “Heck, they could be hiding in one of the caves or an arroyo,” Sam whispered. “Or maybe they had a parachute.”

 Suddenly, their eyes beheld a sight neither expected. A ball of light came tumbling out of one of the caves.

“Holy shit!” Sam exclaimed, grabbing onto Benjen’s arm. “What in the fuck is that?”

“I don’t…” What in the world? Benjen asked himself. It looked like something out of a science fiction movie, a big tumbleweed of energy rolling toward them, giving off an unearthly glow.

“Let’s get out of here!” Sam insisted, backing up.

Benjen was too fascinated to move. “This must have been what Dad saw. A ghost light.” He held his breath as the huge orb continued to move toward them.

“Well, if you want to hang around, you’re going to have to do it by yourself. My feet won’t keep still.”

Sam took off, but Benjen was still frozen, too hypnotized by the miraculous sight to leave. When it came within a few yards, he raised his hand, staring into the flashing depths of…what he didn’t know. And then – right before he touched it – there was a loud pop and the ball of light…just disappeared.

 

* * *

 

“Apple, I need you to cover the office. I’ve got to make a house call. Mandy will be here to answer the phone and check patients in for you.” Dr. Cleveland closed her medical bag and picked up a set of keys from the desk.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go for you? Is it something I could handle?” She really wouldn’t mind getting out of the office today.

“My presence has been requested. I’m sure you won’t envy me. Ms. Perkins wants me to do a home-euthanasia on her old tabby.”

“Oh, you’re right. I don’t envy you.” She didn’t want to soak up the sun’s rays bad enough to put a cat to sleep.

“I didn’t think so and I don’t blame you. This isn’t the favorite part of my job.”

Dr. Cleveland took her leave and Apple busied herself getting ready for her next patient. Truth be told, she was antsy and ashamed to admit the reason why to herself. “Yea, you miss him. You thought he would get in touch with you again and he hasn’t.” After rolling out fresh paper on the examining table, she made a quick trip to the bathroom. Once she completed her business, Apple washed her hands and made a face at herself in the mirror. “What did you expect, missy? A little of you goes a long way. Just ask your husband.” There were times when she wished she could talk to her husband one more time. Part of her wanted an opportunity to tell him goodbye and part of her wanted to give him a punch. “You should be ashamed of yourself. He’s gone and you’re still here.” After drying her hands, she left the restroom in time to hear Mandy announce a patient.

“Ms. Cates, Essie is here with Agamemnon.”

“Agamemnon. Agamemnon.” She couldn’t place the name. “Send them in, Mandy.”

To Apple’s surprise, a little girl with a red bow in her hair came around the corner holding a hamster cage.

“Oh, hello, sweetie.” She placed her hand on the small child’s head, glancing down to see a tiny white hamster cowering next to the wall of its cage. “What seems to be the problem with Agamemnon?”

“I don’t know. He won’t move. He’s been standing there in that same spot for two days.”

“Oh, really.” She took the cage from Essie and placed it on the table. “Is your mother or daddy here?” Sometimes she could get more information out of an adult as to what had been happening with an animal.

“My dad dropped me off. He had some errors to take care of.”

“Errors?” She repeated the word to herself, and then it dawned on her that the man was running errands. “I understand. I have some errors I need to take care of myself.”

Apple pulled a stool near the table and settled in to examine the hamster. “Okay. I’m going to take him out of the cage to have a closer look at him.”

“Okay.” Essie placed her hands on the table and rested her chin on top of them. “I hope he don’t croak. He’s my friend.”

Apple pressed her lips together. “Well, I’ll do my best to make sure he doesn’t croak. Do you ever let Agamemnon out of his cage?”

“Yep. I take him out in my room. A few days ago, he got out and we got in trouble. Mom found him in the kitchen and she screamed and stood on a chair.” Essie looked up at Apple with big, round eyes. “We got grounded.”

“Oh, my.” Gingerly, she put her hands into the cage and covered the small furry body. When she tried to pick the hamster up…it wouldn’t move. “What’s going on?” It was almost like the small creature was holding on to something. Bending down, she sought to get a better view. “Let me try that again.”

“Apple.”

Mandy’s voice caused her to look up. “Yea?”

“You’ve got a phone call.”

Apple wanted to fuss at the girl, but she didn’t. “Take a message. I’m a little busy at the moment.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

When she failed to pick the hamster up a second time, Apple stared hard. Was he superglued to the cage? “Good grief.” After further examination, she determined that the hamster’s face was sticking to the side of the cage for some reason. Gently, she ran her thumb down the little rodent’s side to feel what might be holding him in place. What she found as odd. With a little pressure, she managed to free him. “Wow! That’s weird.”

“You got him loose!”

Agamemnon was wiggling, which was a relief. If he was able to squirm, he wasn’t near death. “Now, let’s see what’s going on.” When she examined the area, it was apparent there wasn’t any type of adhesive on his fur. “Hmmm.” Very carefully, she took the tip of one finger and opened the hamster’s mouth. “Don’t you bite me, boy.” To her surprise, Apple found a refrigerator magnet stuffed into the small, pouchy jaw. Taking a pair of tweezers, she pulled it out. “Now, look at this!”

Essie squealed her delight, “Yay!”

“I guess he was saving this for later.” While she held the magnet down where Essie could see, Apple heard the phone ring a second time. “A red heart. Do you recognize this?”

“Yep. I do. Mom uses it to hold little notes for Dad.”

As soon as the hamster was returned to his cage, he went right for the water bowl. “I think Agamemnon will be okay now.”

Once she walked the little girl to the front, Mandy took over. “Phone messages are over there.” She pointed vaguely in the general direction of the counter as she pulled the receipt pad from her drawer.

Apple glanced around for the slip of pink paper but didn’t see it. About that time, the bell rang to announce they had another visitor. When Essie’s dad came through the door a stiff breeze blew in and several slips of paper blew off the counter, including the pink phone message slip that Apple had been hunting for. She dashed to catch it. “Gotcha!” 

After seeing who the message was from, Apple was confused. “Captain Holcomb.” She’d been expecting to hear from Veteran’s Affairs but had no idea Alan’s commanding officer would intervene in her case. Wanting privacy for the call, she waited until Dr. Cleveland returned from her sad duty.

Checking the clock, she saw it was nearing quitting time. Since she’d worked through lunch, Apple didn’t mind asking for a favor. “Would you mind if I left a few minutes early. I have some business about my husband’s benefits that I need to take care of.”

“Oh, sure. Go ahead,” Dr. Cleveland told her. “I’ll close up today.”

“Thanks. How are the puppies?” Apple asked the vet as she gathered her things.

“Growing like weeds. We can’t keep them in the box to save our lives,” Dr. Cleveland answered as she straightened some cans of dog food on a shelf next to the waiting area.

“See you two later.” 

“Bye!” Dr. Cleveland waved as Apple ran out the door and headed for her car.

A few minutes later, she saw the edge of something pink peeking out from under the counter. Kneeling to pick it up, she read the phone message. “Oh, goodness. Apple got a call from a man. Benjen Blackhawk. Sexy name.”

“He had a sexy voice too.” Mandy reached for the paper and sat it by the appointment book. “This must have blown off when Essie’s dad came in. We’ll give it to her tomorrow.”

…Wanting to call before it got any later, she dialed the number as soon as she arrived home. “Captain Holcomb? This is Apple Cates.”

“Ah, Apple.” He sighed. “I’m in Austin. Could I come visit you for a few minutes?”

“Uh.” He was here? Why? She couldn’t imagine. “Sure.” She gave him her address and directions.

“Thanks. I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay.”

For the next hour and a half, she performed a quick house cleaning. She also put on a pot of coffee and thawed out a loaf of banana bread that she’d made a few weeks ago with some overripe bananas. “I have no idea what he’s coming to tell me in person that he couldn’t tell me on the phone.” At least this mystery got her mind off Benjen.

She paced at the front door until she heard a car door slam. Rushing to greet her visitor, she hurried out on the front porch to see the uniformed man approaching with a box in his hand.

“What now?” she asked herself, totally baffled. “Hello, Captain. Please come in.”

“Thanks.” He moved by her and stood in the middle of her living room looking decidedly uncomfortable. “I’m sorry to spring this on you.”

“Spring what? Is this about Alan’s benefits. I’ve been calling. I’m having a difficult time getting everything going. It’s been over six months…”

Her voice died down when she saw his face.

The truth hit her between his eyes.

“You found him. You found Alan’s remains.”

He sighed and sat the box down, finding his own seat on the couch. “Yes.”

Even after everything that had happened, Apple felt the blow of his loss afresh. “Oh, no.” Instead of something nebulous, his death became real. She began to cry. “I’ll need to have him interred in his grave.”

Captain Holcomb looked even more ill at ease. “I’m sorry, but we aren’t bringing your husband home.” At her look of astonishment, he exhaled loudly. “I have some very disturbing news.” After a long pause, he began to speak, “Sargent Cates was a deserter. As best we can tell from questioning the locals, he walked away before our unit could be reassigned. He didn’t want to leave the area.” The captain looked at the floor instead of at Apple. “Apparently, he had ties…a woman and a child.”

“A child?” the word was whispered on a gasp.

“There was a clash at a nearby village, I can’t go into the details. Along with several civilians, Cates was killed and so was the woman he was living with.”

Apple felt dazed. Struck dumb. Her eyes darted around the room, trying to find something to concentrate on besides the mind-boggling facts being given to her. “What…what about the child?”

“We don’t know. You have to understand. He was a deserter. The U.S. military has washed its hands of the situation.”

“So, that’s why you aren’t shipping him home?”

“Correct. This information changes everything.”

He said more, but Apple was having a hard time digesting the news. She could hear him speaking, but it seemed to be from a great distance. When he placed a box in her lap, she barely reacted.

“There are just a few items there the soldiers collected. His dog tags. His watch. Some papers. I’m sorry. They didn’t find a wedding ring.”

Apple barked out a sad laugh. “I’m sure he got rid of that reminder.” She stood, anxious to be alone. “I appreciate you coming in person to deliver this news.”

“This was new for me.” He stood with her. “You’ll never know how much I hated to tell you this. You’re an innocent party in the whole regrettable ordeal.”

She walked him to the door, holding herself together while she saw him off. “Thanks again. I know this wasn’t a picnic for you either.”

Once he was gone, Apple shut the door and slid to the floor, her back to the wall. Tears flowed down her cheeks. She felt desolate and betrayed. “I don’t think I knew you at all, Alan. How could you do this?” He’d not only deserted his country, he’d deserted their marriage and her. For what? For who?

Needing to know more, she stood and went to the box, opening it up to stare at the meager remnants of a life she’d treasured beyond measure. With shaking hand, she touched his belongings, sifting through to find his passport. After opening the stiff cover, she found his military ID, the last Texas driver’s license he’d obtained…and a photograph. “Oh, my heavens.” She picked it up to see Alan posed with a woman and a tiny little girl. The woman was beautiful, elegant, with long dark hair and an aquiline nose. At their side was a child who favored her father a great deal. Apple stared at her face, wondering if Jenny would’ve looked like her half-sister. A lance of pain ripped through her heart. She turned the photo over and saw what was written there.

My family. My love, Lupe, and our treasure, little Juanita.

After staring at her husband’s handwriting for a few more seconds, she jammed the photo into his passport booklet, stuffed it back in the box, and replaced the lid.

…The next day Apple called in sick. This was completely unlike her – but she wasn’t lying. She was sick. Sick to her stomach and sick at heart.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Cleveland, I got some bad news yesterday. I received a visit from the Marines, my husband was confirmed deceased.” She didn’t go into any details. Apple knew her boss was familiar with the timeline of her sorrow, but she’d shared her deep humiliation with no one. Captain Holcomb was the only one who knew the whole story. “I don’t think I can come in today.”

“Well, of course not. Take all the time you need.”

“Thank you so much. I’ll be in tomorrow. Regular time.”

“If you feel up to it, Apple.”

“I will.”

“Oh, wait. Hold on.” There was a pause, then Dr. Cleveland was back on the line. “I found a phone message on the floor after you left yesterday afternoon.”

“Oh? Who from?”

“Benjen Blackhawk. Do you want his number?”

“Uh…yes, please.” She scurried to find a pen and jot down the information. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Take care.”

Apple stared at the digits she’d written down. “He called.” She waited for the guilt to come.

There was none.

She waited for the familiar insecurities to wrap her in a cloud of shame.

It didn’t happen.

“All I feel is pissed that I’ve missed out on so much.”

She’d take that as a good sign.