Mackenzie walked into my room the next night as I was struggling to get on my favorite little black dress. I was dancing around the room with both hands behind my back trying to pull up the exposed zipper. It was hot pink, and I grabbed some hot pink jewelry at a local store that day to match it. I had almost toppled onto my bed twice before Mackenzie caught up with me.

“I could hear you flopping around next door, you dork.”

I stopped moving, annoyed with my struggle.

“You look awesome but I would suggest zippering up the dress before you leave the house.”

“Ha ha, very funny. You want help a girl out?” I turned around and pulled my hair to the front of me so she could zip up the dress without catching it. I moved towards the mirror and twisted my hair up into a high bun on top of my head. After the coffee shop incident, Noa and I had gone to a little local mall to look for an outfit but then I remembered I had packed this dress and how much I loved it. “So, what do you think?”

Mackenzie shrugged and pretended to be interested in her nails while she sat down on my bed. She crossed her legs to appear more mature, it was her new thing. “Yeah, but I think I like your hair down better.”

I gave her a look, “This teenage thing, is it ever going to end?”

She rolled her eyes at me, “You wish. But I've still got two more years of this hell. And, by the way, while you've been gallivanting around with your friends since we’ve been back, no one has even noticed me. Charity just wants to hang out all the time to be besties and I can’t fake having a stomach ache all summer. She’s dumb but not that dumb.”

I sat down next to her on the bed, “Look, I knew coming back it would be harder for you than me. A lot of your friends were really young when we moved. But that doesn't mean you can't make new friends. What if you ask dad if he can drop you off the mall or the park or something tonight?”

She looked at me disgusted, “And hang out with who? I’m not going to either of those places by myself! That’s always how girls get picked up in horror movies, alone at night. I am not trying to be the lead actress in some slasher movie. Besides I have a Skype date with Chad.”

I tried not to laugh at her, “Chad? I thought you two weren’t seeing each other anymore.”

She shrugged, “We weren’t. But I got bored and lonely, so you know.”

I chewed on my lower lip, giving away that I was thinking.

“I’m glad to see you going out though. I always did like Levi, though I have admit I’m surprised to see him around again.”

“I know you did. And trust me, no one is more surprised than me.”

“Mom didn’t tell me you know. I figured it out on my own. I saw the Plan B, I wasn’t dumb. I was just young.”

My eyes widened. “You saw that?”

“Yep and then to confirm my suspicions, one night last year I heard Mom tell the maid all about your little escapade during one of her wine nights. But I had already figured it out; it was the only explanation as to why you cut him off so quickly. It was that you cheated or you were knocked up.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“So, does Levi know? That is was a little of both?”

“He may have just found out, but we’re trying not to think about it.” I looked down at my hands.

“Good one.”

“Yeah.” I was embarrassed, being schooled by my younger sister who I had practically raised these past few years. Clearly she had grown up more than I had given her credit for.

“Well at least you have something going on.” She sighed, “I have nothing, no one here. You have two guys falling all over you.”

I tried to be sympathetic. I knew that she really was lonely here in Fayette. Mackenzie’s friends were preteens when we moved. They couldn't focus on anything longer than a text message. And they had all forgotten about her when we left. It really wasn't fair and now she knew I was a huge part of why we left so quickly. This was my fault.

It also wasn't fair that I kept leaving her alone with Dad and our future stepmother. “Let me tell you what, tomorrow night you and me will go watch a movie. You can pick anything you want. Maybe we’ll go for some ice cream afterwards.” If I knew my sister, she couldn't deny ice cream, it was both our weaknesses. Thanks Mom.

“And you won't care if it's something sad and sappy?” That was my sister’s go to movie type, I was more an action and fantasy type girl.

“No, I don't mind. But I can't tell you whether or not I'll be able to control my heckling.”

She held out her hand, “Deal.”

I reached out and shook it. She quickly got up and scooted out of my room but right before she left she turned around and said, “You look hot tonight. You sure you’re ready to do this whole thing again? I mean reopen old wounds and all that?”

I shrugged, “I don't know yet. I’m kind of hoping this is like starting over.” I knew it wasn’t, I knew the arrangement, but I couldn’t tell her that. She was still my virginal sister in my eyes, even if she was occasionally more mature than I was.

She smiled, “You're really dressed up for a kinda first date. You look hot, but don’t be a slut you know? Getting in your pants on the first date is a little much. Even for you. Even if you have already slept with the guy.” And there it was. Kenz at her finest.

I grabbed a pillow off of my perfectly made bed and threw it at her. “You're a piece of work.” She dodged it and ran out into the hallway.

I heard her yell, “I know.”

I strode back over to look in the mirror and fix my hair. I hair sprayed a few wisps and put on red lipstick, it was my favorite color. Fuck me red. Exactly what I was going for tonight. I ran my hands along my curves to make sure everything was in place. It'd been a long time since this body had any type of action, and I was totally ready to let Levi get it in regardless of how slutty that made me in my sister’s eyes. I remembered what sex with him was like. And I was so ready to relive that experience.

I thought about how I hadn’t been on any dates in this dress. It was fresh, like the new me.

Levi picked me up a few minutes later. He called me to let me know that he was waiting outside. I thought it would be awkward for him to come ring the doorbell, especially since this wasn't really my house. I grabbed my clutch and flew down the stairs, not giving my dad or Charity any details about where I was going or who I was with. I was an adult, they didn't need to know.

When I got outside the house Levi was standing next to a black SUV holding the passenger side door open for me. “You look beautiful,” he said as he waited by the door.

“Well, thank you.” I gave him my hand and allowed him to help me get up into the vehicle.

He ran around to the driver side door and let himself in. He pulled out of the driveway before he started speaking again, “You look absolutely amazing. Almost delicious.”

Delicious, now this was the type of talk that I liked to hear. For a moment I completely pushed my past feelings out of my mind.

“Well you look very handsome yourself. So are you going to tell me where we’re going? I hope it's not the mall to buy you some new pants. Because I really like the ones you have on.”

He laughed, “No we’re going somewhere a bit nicer than that, I hope you still like live music.”

My breath caught in my chest for a moment. I hadn’t been to any concerts in a long time. I couldn’t bring myself to do it anymore. Not since our time together before, since I screwed everything up.

“So nice car.” I was used to Eli having nice things, mostly spending money that he didn’t have, but Levi was more frugal, responsible even. However, this car screamed new money.

“Yeah, a little gift from the team. I got it when I signed my contract.”

“Interesting. So when was that? I feel like I need to know more about you before we…”

“Before we what?”

“Before we enter into whatever the hell this is. I mean what is this exactly?”

“This is two old friends, with a hell of a past, getting together to enjoy one another’s company.”

“AKA have sex and no feelings.”

“Now you’re getting it.” He had a smirk on his face that I could barely make out in the dim light of the vehicle. “I mean I’ll take you out too, that’s what we’re doing now obviously. I expect to give something to get something.”

Jesus, we were talking about sex like a business arrangement. Levi and I and no feelings, this was crazy, even for us. But his cocky attitude seemed to make it all okay. Like this was normal. Even if I knew deep down it wasn’t. Part of me didn’t care, the immediacy of it all, the lack of future. It made it all the more tantalizing.

“Well I signed back in April. I didn’t play for a year after school obviously, we had some other stuff going on. I’m the running back for the Red Hawks.”

I had heard of them, a newer professional team that had been recently bought and totally revamped. Their new owner was constantly in the news for one thing or another. Mostly for catching his guys partying and getting into crazy fights. He had fired a bunch of players for it, no wonder Levi insisted on being a model player once he went to training camp.

When we arrived at a dark club I was surprised to not hear any music coming from inside. “Are you sure this is the right place?”

He helped me out of the car, “Yeah I'm sure. I’ve come here quite a few times.”

I smiled at him devilishly, “Oh, so this is your place to take all the pretty girls in your life?”

“Maybe. Would it bother you to not be the only one?”

We hadn’t discussed that part of the arrangement, I had assumed I was the only girl. But maybe I wasn’t. Deflated I said, “I guess it’s not up to me.”

He pulled me close for a second and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. “You’re right, it’s not,” he whispered against my skin. I immediately felt my sex ache for him. Maybe we could skip dinner, it wasn’t an important meal anyway.

He loosened his grip. “Actually, you're the first girl I’ve brought here. It’s been my little secret before now. I'm hoping it doesn't backfire on me.”

I squinted at him confused by his choice of words but we walked arm in arm into the club where he gave the bouncer a tip and he seemed to check our names off a list. Exclusive, that made me feel special. Once we got into the dark bar I was shocked at what I saw. Everything was dark blue and shades of plum. It felt old and haunted in a way. There was a single cellist playing on the stage next to an empty piano and a microphone. He seemed to just be warming up but the few people that were in the audience were drawn to him like a moth to a flame. He was truly amazing making the strings play their beautiful tunes.

“I hope you still like jazz.”

I looked at Levi. He was smiling from ear to ear, “You remembered.”

“Like I said before, I missed you. Also, I still like jazz.” He bent down so that his lips were barely brushing my ear, “I bet you can imagine the other things I like to do. And if you're lucky, I'll show you.”

I smiled at him, “I'm feeling very lucky.” I pressed my body into his and he kissed me sending fire down into my belly. I couldn't hear the music anymore, I could only feel the rhythm on the air. It caused my whole body tingle, I could only imagine what sex with him would be like again. It would be hot, panty dropping type sex. Just the kind I needed.

When we parted, he took my hand and pulled me over to a small table near the front. He went back to the bar and ordered us two glasses of wine while I sat and watched the cellist play. I was mesmerized. I'd forgotten what live music could be like, it was addicting. All that you wanted to do was sit there and be a part of the magic that was their fingers or their lips.

After a few songs a female soloist came out and sang with the cellist and a male piano player. It was old-time jazz, early 1940s, my favorite. Levi watched me, while I watched them. I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t care. I watched the piano players fingers like they were on fire, and I could remember the feeling. I couldn't help but stretch my own hands as I watched him play, running his fingers along the ivories like he was barely touching them. But the tone of his music told me how emotional he was about his connection to that piano. I could remember what I felt like.

“You still play?”

I shook my head, “Me?”

“Yeah, I've seen those hand motions before. You used to do that all the time.”

I chewed my lower lip, “Used to. I used to play piano. I don't play anymore.”

He looked at me confused, “Why not?”

I froze. How could him I stopped playing because I broke his heart? That it was all because of him. Because I tore my own heart out of my chest and allowed myself to torture it? How could I tell him that the music had stopped flowing out of my body? That a part of me had died?

I couldn't do it. So I lied. “I don't know, just an expensive hobby, I guess. Divorces can be rough financially.” Well if that didn’t kill the mood, I didn’t know what could.

He nodded and went back to focusing on the music. I watched him as he enjoyed the melodies but I knew that I might not be the only one with a secret. There was no way we were both just letting the past five years go. What had changed him? Even from a few days ago until now?

After the musicians stopped playing and we finished praising them for their efforts Black turned to me.

“You lied.”

“What?”

“Earlier, about the piano, you lied. You quit for a reason. Something about your eyes gave you away. You’re hiding something. We don’t need there to be secrets between us anymore.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t speak.

“That’s okay. I don’t need to know, but I’d like to hear you play again. It’s been so long.”

“What?”

He stood and then pulled me to my feet. Directing me over to the small stage he extended his arm. “Play.”

I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”

“C’mon, Lila, just one song.”

My heart broke staring at the vacant seat. But I couldn’t do it.

“No.”

He looked defeated, “Fine.”

I moved back to the table and took one last swig of my wine. I tried to breathe and use my wine as an excuse to get away from him, but he already knew the damage was done.

After a remarkably quiet ride home we arrived back at my dad’s house.

“So this is the new place huh? With the new step mother?”

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about the past.” I couldn’t talk about the past, not if we were going to make this little arrangement work.

“I guess I already blew my own rules then.” He raised an eyebrow at me. I was used to him breaking rules. I should have expected this couldn’t go anywhere without past feelings coming up. I knew better.

“Levi… I…”

“What? You can’t handle the past?”

“I don’t think you can either.”

He shrugged, “That might be true. Fine, no more past. No more piano, no more step mother drama, just you and me, and wherever the night takes us.”

I sighed, I was spent. Emotionally this had taken more out of me than I was anticipating. “And where is the night taking us Levi?”

He leaned across the seat and laid a soft kiss on my lips, “Leaving you wanting,” he mumbled across my lips. He pulled away. “I’ll call you when I can.”

I believed he would, but not when he could, but when he wanted to. He was playing a game. Now I needed to decide who would win.