Chapter 23
September 26th
Today’s Schedule: Stretching session with CiCi, 8:30 AM
Preseason Opener St. Louis at Dallas, 7:30 PM
I can’t believe I’m here.
I look out at the view ahead of me from the block of seats where the WAGS—wives and girlfriends of the players—sit, waiting for the game to start. The evening has been a whirlwind for me, starting with going into the WAGS lounge and meeting all the current players’ significant others. Thanks to Jordan bringing me around in the past, I knew some of them, and of course, I know Holly’s closest girlfriends: Kenley Hunter and Kylie Flynn.
I take a sip of my bottled water and stare out at the sheet of ice, excited that the coach did put JP in the lineup tonight with Easton as his partner. I know Matt is playing, too, but Harrison and Nate are not.
I glance down the row of seats, watching a pregnant Kylie nodding at something Kenley has said. They are discussing a neutral nursery color scheme since Harrison wants to be surprised at the baby’s gender. Emma Peck, wife of the goalie Tanner Peck, is also engaged in that conversation. Holly is next to me, reading her phone as she waits for the players to come out, and to my right are the wives of the two Finnish players on the team. Don’t ask me what they are saying because they are conversing in heavy-accented English and it’s hard for me to understand with all the noise going on around me.
But here I am.
I’m actually considered a WAG, I think in amazement.
JP and I still haven’t discussed being more than casual, but I feel that the fact that I’m sitting here and being welcomed into this group says something else.
“CiCi wants us to come up to the owner’s suite to say hi at first intermission,” Holly says, interrupting my thoughts.
“Sure,” I say, nodding.
Another strange twist my life has taken. I’m giving private stretching lessons to the girlfriend of the owner of the Dallas Demons, and now I’m going to the owner’s luxury suite to hang out.
“I need tacos,” I hear Kylie say at the end of the row. “I swear I can eat more than Harrison now. And nachos. I am craving both.”
I lean forward to listen to the conversation.
“Baby Flynn is always hungry for Mexican,” Holly teases.
“I’ll get them, little momma,” Kenley offers, standing up.
“I’m not due until December. I can get them,” Kylie says, smiling.
“Nope,” Kenley says, shaking her head and sending her long blond hair swishing from side to side. “I believe The Captain has ordered you to sit in this section so you don’t walk all the way down to the glass, right?”
“The Captain,” Kylie says, “is a wee bit overprotective about me and the baby.”
“As he should be,” Kenley says. “I’m getting the tacos and nachos. Don’t argue. Does anybody else want anything?”
We all shake our heads, and Kenley departs up the steps to the concourse. Kylie leans forward to talk to me.
“I have to admit, as a designer, I have outfit envy, Reese,” Kylie says. “The cut on your motorcycle jacket is impeccable.”
Kylie runs her own design company and is known for her vintage-style aprons and blouses. She is one who appreciates good design.
“This was a treat after a hard swimsuit shoot I did in Miami two years ago,” I say, smiling at her.
“And your shoes,” Kylie says, lowering her gaze to my rose-gold Valentino strappy cage sandals with a stiletto heel, “are to die for.”
“I’m into shoes,” I say. “It’s a weakness. Probably because I have to live in cross-trainers. I allow myself one big shoe splurge a year. This was it.”
“Ha,” Kylie says. “I do know. I have to live in my Nikes because my feet are so swollen.”
“Oh gosh, my feet were so swollen with Connor,” Emma adds. “I lived in flip-flops. Thankfully, we were in Texas and not in Cleveland, like we were the year before.”
“Was your husband traded?” I ask.
Emma shakes her head. “No, this time it was free agency. We used to move once each year because of trades. Each time, Tanner had to fly to the new city and leave me with the kids to sort everything out. I’ve gotten pretty good at moving now, though,” she says, laughing.
I remember what JP said about being a free agent after this season. Would he have to move, too? Would he leave Dallas and possibly go far away, like to Canada, to keep living his dream?
Why does the idea of JP leaving make me feel as if part of myself has been physically ripped away?
“JP likes shoes, too,” Holly says, breaking through the tortured thoughts in my head. “You two are shoe soul mates.”
I manage to laugh at that. “It’s true. We’re both obsessed with great shoes.”
“Speaking of JP,” Kylie says, “he’s such a nice guy. I’m glad you two are together. I know this is something he’s wanted for a long time.”
My stomach tightens at her words. JP has wanted a relationship for a long time but only wants casual with me. Kylie’s words merely remind me of that fact.
“Yes, but we’re just hanging out. Nothing serious,” I say, wanting to make sure I give the right impression about our situation.
Holly snorts. “When does hanging out every single day evolve into a relationship?”
Emma glances at me. “Wait, you aren’t his girlfriend?”
Shit, shit, shit.
“She is,” Holly offers.
“I’m not,” I say firmly, as I don’t want Emma going back to Tanner and saying I was babbling about being JP’s girlfriend, and that getting back to JP and freaking him out. “Definitely not.”
Kylie furrows her brow in confusion.
Oh, crap. That sounded awful, like I don’t care about JP.
And nothing is further from the truth.
“Neither of us is in a place for something serious,” I say, trying to reframe my comment. “We’re having fun.”
“Oh,” Emma says. “Well, having fun is important.”
Silence.
Which I’m grateful for, as keeping up with my conversation in my head and the one I’m actually speaking is becoming confusing.
The women next to me are still engrossed in their own conversation, so at least they didn’t hear the nonsense falling from my lips.
“You have your freedom to date others,” Emma continues after a moment. “That’s a good thing. It’s not complicated. I’ve been in relationships too quickly, and it created a mess. You’re smart to keep it casual if you’re not sure.”
I’m overcome with a quick case of nausea.
I don’t want JP to have the freedom to date others.
I don’t want the freedom to date others.
“And now, let’s hear it for your DALLAS DEMONS!” The PA announcer roars.
On the opposite end of the ice, the Demons skate out to their goal song, “Back in Black” by AC/DC, while the St. Louis team comes out on our end.
I glance up at the big Jumbotron, momentarily forgetting my feelings about dating other people, and wait for them to show JP warming up on the ice.
It seems like an eternity before I get a glimpse of him behind Matt in the tunnel, looking impossibly huge in his hockey gear as he approaches the rink. Matt skates out on the ice first, then JP follows behind him. Unlike Matt, he opted not to wear his helmet, and the Jumbotron flashes him up on the screen, all serious as he skates around the back of the net. His dark-brown hair is perfectly swept back, and he’s clean-shaven. His hazel eyes show nothing but focus, and his mouth guard dangles from the corner of his mouth, held in place by his full lips.
Damn.
That is so hot.
I watch as he skates around a few times to get his muscles warm. This is exactly how I pictured him, focused the second he steps onto the ice. The Jumbotron flips to some other player, and I hate the fact that I can’t see JP up close.
“We should have gone down to the other end for warmups,” Holly teases.
“Stop,” I say, searching for him on screen again.
“You could use the zoom on your phone.”
Hmm. Not a bad idea.
“Then again, you already know what he looks like up close,” Holly says, lowering her voice.
My face burns hot.
“Shut up,” I say in return.
Holly grins mischievously at me. “I think I might have found the couple to inspire my next book.”
I don’t say anything, as JP is back on the screen again, this time, shooting pucks into the net.
Maybe we could be that couple, I think as I watch him move across the ice.
I draw in a breath of air, and my chest draws tight.
As I watch this man move, this man I am lost to, I realize that is what I want: to be a couple, to be his girlfriend.
Too bad that wasn’t part of our arrangement.
I exhale slowly.
I don’t know how JP would react to my change of heart. He says what he means. Just because we’ve had sex doesn’t mean the rules have changed.
But it was more than sex.
It was making love.
“All right, Momma Flynn, I have your tacos,” Kenley says cheerfully, interrupting my thoughts.
I study all the women around me. Kylie, glowing and happy, is carrying Harrison’s baby. Kenley and Holly are both happily engaged to men they are madly in love with.
They all had to take the same risk on love.
And they all found it.
Maybe, I’ve found the man who makes me feel brave enough to make me take that risk, too.
~ ~ ~
I hurry back to my seat right before the second period is about to begin. The Demons are down 1-0, but luckily the goal wasn’t given up with JP on the ice.
“And now your DALLAS DEMONS,” the PA announcer roars again, but this time, the guys are skating on our end. JP is right behind Matt, but this time with his helmet on. I spot him, his number twenty-one on his black jersey, and my heart flutters.
I definitely approve of them playing defense on this end for the period. JP is a defenseman, so I’ll get plenty of closeups.
The game begins and chatter floats around me, but I’m riveted to the action on the ice. I know it’s preseason and this isn’t the true Demons squad we’ll see on opening night, but it’s so exciting to see JP whenever he takes the ice. How quickly he moves. How aggressive he is keeping the puck away from the net.
JP jumps over the wall as they change out players.
I lean over to Holly. “What’s that called? When they change?”
“Line change,” Holly says as Matt takes to the ice with JP. “I think we’ll have a little Hockey 101 when the boys go out to Denver. Why don’t you come over and watch the game with me and Puck? We’ll make flatbread pizza in our new pizza oven.”
Ooh, that does sound good. I know Matt had an oven built out on his patio recently, and I’m dying to see how the pizza comes out.
“I’ll be there,” I say. “For both pizza and an education.”
“Spend the night. I’ll get some rosé, too.”
I’m about to tell her that sounds like the perfect game plan when I notice JP go to the boards right by us, chasing the puck. My heart flutters as I watch him move. He’s so aggressive, so determined to make a play.
JP beats the St. Louis player to it, as he skates with incredible speed. I watch as he fires the puck across the ice, over the top of the heads of some of the St. Louis players, and it lands right on Matt’s stick. Matt goes straight toward the net, shoots, and bang! The puck goes right past the outstretched glove of the goalie and into the net. The red light goes off, the horn sounds, and I leap to my feet, yelling in pride.
Everyone in the arena is up and cheering. “Back in Black” blares through the arena. I’m so damn proud of JP for making that amazing pass, and I can’t stop smiling.
“That’s our boys!” Holly yells, and we give each other a high-five.
The game resumes, and I continue to watch the action on the ice. There’s so much I didn’t appreciate about hockey that I do now. How fast the game moves and how quickly they make decisions. How JP turns direction on the ice so easily, as if it’s no big deal to shift gears while going top speed on blades.
Even though it’s preseason, it’s physical. I flinch whenever a St. Louis player shoves JP into the boards. I can’t imagine what the game is like when it’s the regular season.
Or the playoffs.
JP and Easton take the ice again. I have to say, Easton is easy to find, as he is fast. I thought JP had tremendous speed, and he does, but his new partner takes it to a whole other level.
Now they’re down at the other end, and I watch on the Jumbotron as a Dallas Demons player takes a shot and ding! It bounces off the goal post and the crowd goes “ooh!” at the same time. Easton goes after the puck in the corner, winning it away from the St. Louis player. He passes the puck to Matt, who sends it back.
I see JP move from the right-hand side of the ice over to the left, above the circle. Easton moves up around JP, turns, and drops the puck back to him. JP fires the puck toward the net and boom! He scores!
I am screaming as I leap to my feet. The horn blares, and the goal song plays. Holly is right beside me, we’re all yelling, and I’m so excited I’m going to burst. I know it’s preseason, but I don’t care.
JP scored!
The Demons’ players raise their sticks in celebration, and soon JP is swarmed by the guys on the ice. I can’t even begin to describe what I feel. Excited. Proud. Awed.
JP skates over to the bench, and the Jumbotron shows him fist-bumping all the Demons players as he moves down the line, his mouth guard once again dangling sexily from the corner of his mouth.
So.Freaking.Hot.
“JP is good at playing defense,” Holly says, interrupting my thoughts, “but he’s two-way. He’s good at playing offense, too.”
Her words strike me.
We’ve both been playing defense with our hearts, I realize. Putting up boundaries and labels to protect ourselves. For JP, from being burned. For me, from being vulnerable and letting someone get close.
Just as JP shifted between the two sides on the ice, I know my heart is shifting from defense to offense with my Jean-Pierre.
Which is both exciting and terrifying.
I’m ready to play, I think.
But one question remains, and that’s one only JP can answer.
Can he shift from defense to offense with me?
I don’t know the answer, but I know what I want.
And I hope with time I’ll get it.