Chapter 32
October 23rd
Today’s Schedule: Baby Shower for Harrison and Kylie Flynn at Nate and Kenley’s house in Preston Hollow, 2 PM
“Ooh, Harrison, look!” Kylie gushes as she tears the paper off the large gift in front of her. “It’s our baby’s first library!”
I grin as I see the vintage bookcase made out of an old chicken coop, filled with tons of baby books. I know this gift is from Matt and Holly.
“That’s wicked cool,” Harrison says, leaning over to examine it closer. “Now you guys will have plenty of books to read when you babysit, right?”
I see Matt is huddled with the guys in the kitchen, drinking beers and taking part of the elaborate Mexican food buffet set up for guests.
“We will happily babysit,” Holly answers for the both of them.
“Perfect for our gender-neutral farm theme,” Kylie says.
I share a knowing look with Holly, who is seated next to me. Kylie changed her mind on waiting for the baby to be born to select a nursery theme for a boy or girl and went with vintage farmhouse last week.
And now that gifts have been bought, we’re all keeping our fingers crossed she doesn’t change her mind again.
“Thank you so much,” Kylie says with an expression of delight on her face. “It’s beautiful.”
“You’re welcome,” Holly says.
Gretchen is seated next to Kylie, scribbling down the gifts and the names of whom they are from. Kenley and Kylie’s sister-in-law, Candace, are bringing an endless amount of presents to Kylie to open.
I glance around the spacious living room in the Johansson home, which is filled with friends and family. I know the WAGS, of course, and I can tell by conversations around me there are also people from the Demons’ organization and Harrison’s charity foundation, as well as people Kylie has business relationships with.
We’re all here because we love this couple and want to celebrate the new baby they are going to bring into the world.
I instinctively shift my attention toward JP, who is hanging out with Matt and indulging in some crispy-shelled tacos in the kitchen. Love surges through me as I watch him laugh at something Matt says.
Then he catches me staring at him and his face lights up in a beautiful smile. I smile back, thinking how I was stupid to ever question if his feelings for me were real. I let other people get into my head, and that was a mistake.
I’m confident in what we have. JP’s feelings are real. He’s falling in love with me, and we’re committed to seeing this relationship grow.
He wants this relationship with nobody else.
JP wants it with me.
“The last one is from CiCi Hunter and Peter Deveraux,” Kenley says, and I turn back around. She’s pushing a fancy, modern-styled baby stroller into the room, and everyone “oohs” in response.
“CiCi!” Kylie gasps, her face resonating shock upon sight of the stroller. “That’s a Bugaboo!”
I have no clue what she just said, but I have a feeling CiCi bought her the equivalent of a luxury car in strollers.
“That’s not all,” CiCi says, rising from her feet and carrying a basket over to Harrison.
“A Moses basket,” Kylie cries in delight, her hand going to her chest. “CiCi, you shouldn’t have!”
I’ve decided that having a baby someday will require me to learn a new language.
In addition to German, Italian, and French, I think with a grin.
Harrison is up checking out the stroller, pushing it around, and Kylie is lifting up elaborately wrapped package after package out of the basket.
“Peter sends his regards,” CiCi says. “He’s in Dubai at the moment, visiting his newest property.”
“You are both extremely generous,” Kylie says, carefully lifting up the top of the package in her hands.
All the women “oooh and aahh” when Kylie holds up a baby-sized Dallas Demons jersey with ‘Flynn’ and the number 00 on the back.
“Now we’re talking,” Harrison says, his face lighting up.
“Better watch it or we’ll have a new captain before we know it,” Nate says good-naturedly. “As you’re getting a bit old there, Flynn.”
Everyone laughs, and after Kylie finishes opening all the gifts, she and Harrison speak.
“We are beyond blessed,” Harrison says, affectionately putting his hand on Kylie’s shoulder, “to have all of you in our lives. Thank you for being here today for us.”
I feel a lump rise in my throat as Kylie’s mother dabs a tissue at her eyes.
“We are so happy that all of you will be a part of our baby’s life,” Kylie says, getting emotional as she puts her hand over Harrison’s. “Thank you for your love and friendship. Oh, I’m gonna cry.”
Kenley stands up. “No, no crying. I have sea-salt cookie dough cupcakes for you, will that help?”
“Only if they are topped with nachos,” Harrison teases.
Now Kylie is laughing. “I can’t stop eating nachos. I never even liked nachos before.”
“It’s only my opinion,” Kenley says, “but I don’t recommend nacho cookie dough cupcakes.”
“Yet she eats chocolate with curry. Mysteries never cease,” Nate teases.
From the way Nate and Kenley are looking at each other, I can tell that’s an inside story.
Just like the mermaid story is between me and JP.
“I’m ignoring you,” Kenley says good-naturedly, “but I do need you to get the fire pit going for s’mores.”
“On it,” Nate says, heading out to the luxurious backyard, and the guys—beers in hand—gravitate with him to the great outdoors. As I watch JP shut the door behind them, I decide guys are as bad as girls going to the restroom together. If it involves a grill or a fire, they go in groups.
“In addition to s’mores, we also have cookie dough cupcakes in honor of the mom-to-be. Also, please be sure to fill out the advice cards for Kylie and Harrison before you leave!”
Ugh. Advice cards. I have no clue what to say. I should be thankful we didn’t have to play any hideous games this afternoon, as opposed to the last shower I was at. Who thinks those are actually fun?
I’d like to meet that person.
“Darling,” CiCi says, taking a seat next to me. “How are you?”
“Very good,” I say happily.
“I have a question for you,” CiCi says.
“Of course.”
“Who is this Swiss Miss woman on Tumble and why is she always following JP around?” CiCi asks, arching up a perfectly tweezed eyebrow.
I laugh. “Oh, she’s harmless, I promise.”
“Hmm. I would think she should have more hobbies than commenting on everything JP does on Instagram and Connectivity.”
I bite down on my lip to keep from losing it. After all, CiCi is following JP as much as the Swiss Miss if she knows all of this.
“No, she thinks he’s pretty. She follows me now, too, and is nice to me on my feeds.”
“If you say so, but I’m watching that one. This Swiss Miss better not make any missteps toward The Swiss One.”
“Thank you for looking out for me,” I say.
“I will always look out for you, darling,” CiCi says affectionately, patting my leg. “You’re one of my girls now.”
I’m so lucky to have all this love around me. Both my mom and Jordan. My dad. My blended family. Holly. Matt. CiCi. People who I genuinely know are my friends. People whom I love and trust with all my heart.
There are new friends entering my circle, like blogger Lila, whom I’m getting to know, and there are people in this room, like Kylie and Kenley, who are becoming my friends, too.
And most of all, JP.
The man I love with all my heart.
Gretchen comes over to us. “Would either of you like a cupcake?”
CiCi glances at me. “Will you make me pulse that off at the barre?”
I smile. CiCi has hired me to do barre with her too, and I have to say, she’s been a dutiful student.
“Yes,” I say, nodding.
“Hmm. I think I’d rather have a glass of champagne instead of a cupcake,” she says. “I don’t want you to make me work harder than you already do.”
“I’ll be happy to get you one,” Gretchen says.
“No. My trainer,” she says, inclining her head toward me, “would want me to take steps.”
I laugh. CiCi gets up, leaving me with Gretchen.
“Your food is so amazing,” I say. “You make such balanced meals, and they taste so fresh and gourmet. I’m so excited JP scheduled that cooking class with you in a few weeks. I can’t wait to learn from the master.”
Gretchen lights up at the compliment. “Oh, thank you. It’s funny. I always wanted to be a restaurant chef, but when I got to know Harrison and started talking about athletic nutrition, he asked me to take him on as a client. I liked the challenge of having to meet his specific needs while still making gourmet meals.”
“You are a life saver to JP,” I say. “How many Demons do you work with?”
“Right now, it’s Harrison, Nate, JP, and Tanner. Harrison is trying to get Easton to hire me because his diet consists of things like beer and candy.”
I glance outside, where Easton is playing with Nate’s dog.
“He’s young,” I say, studying him. I turn back to Gretchen. “I bet he grows out of that.”
“We’ll see,” Gretchen says, turning back to me. “I’m looking forward to our class, too. I’ll email some menus to JP, and you guys can pick which one you want to make that day.”
“It’s going to be fun. I can’t wait,” I say eagerly.
Gretchen smiles at me. “Okay, I got sidetracked talking about food and cooking—shocking—but I’m slacking on my hostess duties. Would you like a cupcake?”
We both laugh.
“No, I’m good. I suppose I should fill out an advice card, though,” I say, standing up.
“Those are right over there, on the kitchen bar counter,” Gretchen says.
“Thanks,” I say, heading off in that direction.
As I approach, I see a beautiful blond filling out a card.
She watches me as I draw a pen from the cup next to the blank cards.
“I don’t have kids,” she says. “This is hard.”
“Same,” I say, clicking the pen.
“I can at least start with my name,” she jokes, scribbling across the top.
I watch her for a moment, but as she neatly writes her name, my stomach flips.
Jen Vandenberg.
My mind instantly returns to the conversation with Emma in the WAGS lounge.
Jen was one of the girls JP pursued before me.
I turn my attention to the blank notecard in front of me. Don’t do this, stupid head, I warn myself. It doesn’t matter if they went out.
That was before he met you.
“I’m Jen,” she says to me.
“Hi,” I say, forcing myself smile. “I’m Reese.”
“She’s with JP,” Emma says, coming up to us from the other side of the countertop. “They are the cutest couple.”
I realize Emma likes to talk way too much.
And, apparently, without a social filter.
“Oh,” Jen says, nodding. “Yes. He’s super nice.”
I want to evacuate this conversation now.
But sadly, I can’t.
“He’s amazing,” I say.
“In other words, she’s glad you didn’t want to go out with him past a month,” Emma says, laughing.
Jen begins to blush in embarrassment. “We weren’t a match. JP wanted to be serious right away.”
My heart catches inside my chest.
“I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with that,” Jen adds, thinking that is the reason for my silence. “JP’s the marrying kind. That’s his mission. Um. And I’m only twenty-three. I’m not interested.”
I feel as though the air is being sucked out of the room. It’s getting harder to get oxygen. My head is spinning from what Jen is saying.
He wanted to marry her after a month?
I know I feel that way about JP, but he is special to me.
I love him.
But does JP go into every relationship thinking marriage immediately and indiscriminately?
Is this his whole mission in life? Not to find love, but to find a wife? And is the only reason he wanted casual at first was to take a different approach to meeting this goal? That if he didn’t get serious right away, I wouldn’t run like the others had?
“He rebounded okay,” Emma adds, casually unpeeling the wrapper off her decadent cupcake. “Then he went out with Anna. How long did they last? A couple of months?”
I’m going to puke.
“Um, I’m not sure,” Jen mumbles, casting her gaze down to her notecard.
“I think that’s right,” Emma says, pausing to take a bite. “Oh, wow. This is like the best cupcake ever. You have to try one before you leave.”
I glance outside, where JP is talking to Harrison, Nate, and Matt.
“Then JP had his string of bad luck with Lexi and Holly until you said yes,” Emma says.
I turn to her, and she’s smiling, oblivious to how awkward this conversation is for me.
“Now JP has what he’s always wanted,” Emma adds, taking another bite of her cupcake.
Doubt floods me.
JP does have what he’s always wanted.
But is that me?
Or a future wife?
I put down the pen.
“Excuse me,” I say, “I’ll have to do this later.”
I need to be with JP. I need to have his arms around me. To hear his heart beat against my ear. I know being in his arms will get these ridiculous, irrational thoughts out of my head.
I slip outside, and a cool October breeze greets me, rustling through the still green trees in the yard. The sky is a bit overcast, with a hint of gray, and we’re expecting rain later tonight. The scent of smoke and wood from the fire pit hangs in the air, and I draw it in, trying to refocus my attention from the painful thoughts swirling in my head.
“Hey,” JP says, his eyes shining at the sight of me.
“You don’t mind me hanging out with you, do you?” I ask as I reach him.
“Of course not,” JP says, looping his arm around me and drawing me to his side. He drops a kiss on my temple, and I feel ridiculous for letting Emma’s words cast doubt over what we have.
I put my hand protectively on his chest, watching the flames dance in the fire pit.
“Do you want a s’more?” JP asks.
“Maybe just a toasted marshmallow.”
“I have all kinds of flavored marshmallows,” Kenley says.
“It’s kind of her thing: taking normal things and finding them in strange flavors,” Nate teases.
“And you love me for it,” Kenley replies.
Nate laughs. “Of course I do, bae.”
“Bae?” Easton asks, laughing. “You need to update your slang, Johansson.”
“Nah,” Nate says. “There’s a story there, but I’m not sharing it.”
“I don’t think I want to know,” Easton says, grinning. “Man, this team dynamic is so opposite of Baltimore. A lot of guys there were single. Here, it’s the opposite. Everyone is engaged or married.”
“JP isn’t engaged,” Harrison points out.
Easton gives JP a look. “He might as well be. So, when are you two getting engaged?”
I lift my head to see how JP responds to this. I’m expecting the ‘we’re happy and we’re dating’ response.
“I can’t wait to check that off my list,” JP says.
What?
“Check it off?” Nate asks, furrowing his brow.
I don’t want him to answer. I don’t. Right now our relationship has turned to sand, and I’m desperately trying to hold it in my hands as the grains begin to slip through.
“I’ve always wanted to be married,” JP explains. “I know that’s weird, but it’s true. I want that life. So, engagement, wedding, wife. All on my wish list.”
My heart shatters with his words. My hands fall. The sands scatter in the winds, and I can never get them back.
It’s true.
JP is working through his wish list.
Girlfriend. Relationship. Engagement. Wife.
Nowhere was I in that equation.
Because I don’t matter.
JP wants marriage and a wife.
And I’ve only been cast to play the part.