Chapter 31
October 14th
Today’s Schedule: Teach Barre Class, 6:30 AM
Coffee with Holly at Roast & Grind, 7:45 AM
Lunch with JP, 12:30 PM
Dinner with Mom, 7 PM
“Your appetizer,” JP says with a flourish, placing a plate of sliced cucumber in front of me at his kitchen island.
It’s twelve-thirty, and I’m about to have lunch with JP. We’re spending the last of our time together before JP leaves for Phoenix for a game tomorrow night.
I stare down at my plate in confusion. There is something sprinkled across the top of my cucumber that appears to be a kind of spice.
“What’s on it?” I ask, picking up my fork and examining the yellow salt like stuff dusting my food.
“Aromat,” JP says. “It’s a Swiss thing. You can put it on avocado, tomatoes, cottage cheese. It makes everything better.”
“Everything. That’s a strong statement, JP.”
“It’s addicting, or wicked good, as my captain would say. I’m confident you will agree.”
He’s so adorable standing before me, dressed casually after practice in a T-shirt and jeans, and when I see the way his eyes are shining at me, I find my heart reassured.
What he feels for me is real.
“I’ll try it, but if you’ve ruined my cucumber, I’m sending it back with a complaint to the chef,” I tease.
“The chef will see to it that you leave here satisfied,” he says, winking at me.
Swoon.
I take a bite of cucumber, slowly chewing it to get the full effect of this strange yellow seasoning. It’s herbal, to my surprise, and it brings a whole new level of flavor to the cucumber.
“Oh, wow, that’s good,” I mumble, as my mouth is half-full.
“I told you it was,” JP says, taking a bite of his.
“I need this in my life,” I say after I finish.
Like I need you, I mentally add as I stare at JP.
JP brings out the lunch course, which is the same for both of us: brown rice, sautéed spinach, and grilled chicken breast.
I watch as he puts the prepared containers in the microwave.
“Gretchen?” I ask.
JP sets the time on the microwave and hits start. “You know it. I know you’re eating super clean before your shoot next week, so I had her prepare the meal with that in mind.”
“You’re too good to me,” I say.
“What? Because I feed you?”
“You put thought into things. I appreciate that.”
JP smiles warmly at me. “Well, I’ve had plenty of time to think about how I’d treat a girlfriend, so I should be getting this right.”
The microwave beeps. JP turns his attention to getting the food, but my stomach has clenched from what he just said.
I know he didn’t mean his words in the way I’m taking them.
I know I’m being ultra-sensitive about this.
But I wish he would have said he was ready to treat me in a special way.
Shit, shit, shit.
I’m losing my flipping mind. One moment, I’m confident. The next, I’m searching for signs that JP wants any girlfriend, and I just happen to fill the place.
That I was the last choice, not the first.
“Here you go, my mermaid,” JP says, placing my lunch in front of me.
He takes a seat next to me, and I wince inside. JP has done nothing to deserve my second-guessing. Guilt consumes me as I realize what I’m doing, and I make a vow to stop.
Now.
“JP?” I say, watching as he takes a bite of chicken.
“Do you want more Aromat?”
“Does it help make grilled chicken less boring?”
“Of course.” JP gets back up, grabs the bottle of seasoning, and sets it in front of me. “There you go, but what was your real question?”
“I’m going to miss you when you’re gone tonight and tomorrow.”
“I’ll miss you, too,” JP says softly. “I promise we’ll talk, text, and video chat. Then date night when I get back. I won’t even torture you with old movies, I promise.”
“I don’t care,” I say. “As long as we’re together, I don’t care.”
“Come here,” JP says, cupping his hand at the base of my head and drawing me closer.
I close my eyes as he places a sweet kiss on my lips.
I resolve I’m going to live in the moment. Cherish what we have and where we can go. I know I’m putting myself in a more vulnerable position, but that doesn’t mean it will end with a broken heart.
It can’t.
~ ~ ~
“I’m sorry you can’t indulge in the pork belly hash browns,” Mom says, carefully breaking off a piece of the gorgeous, crispy golden potato deliciousness on her plate. “I know you love them.”
I nod. We’re sitting at Mom’s favorite restaurant in Dallas, an upscale steak and seafood place, where she always gets the pork belly hash browns.
“I’m good with my salmon and asparagus,” I say, taking a bite.
But man, those hash browns look so good.
So crispy.
I swear I can inhale the potatoes from here: the scent of rich pork enhanced with a touch of black truffle salt. Shit. I’m about to drool.
I’ll get some with JP as soon as I’m done with the shoot next week, I vow.
And an Oreo dessert of some kind.
“You’ve certainly been busy this past month,” Mom says, studying me carefully. “I’ve barely seen you.”
“Mom,” I say, putting down my fork, “we had mani/pedis two weeks ago.”
“Yes, but normally I see you once a week,” Mom says. “I know you’re still seeing that hockey player.”
“JP,” I say, waiting for the guilt trip that she is about to lay on me.
“Yes.” Mom pauses and takes a bite of her lamb chop. She swallows and then reaches for her glass of wine. “Is it serious? It’s been a month now, but I’m guessing it’s not since you haven’t introduced him to me yet.”
Ding! Here we go, another round of the guilt game is on.
“Nobody in the family has met him, if that’s what you’re worried about,” I say, reassuring her that my dad and stepmom weren’t introduced to JP yet, either.
Mom takes a sip of wine and sets the glass down on the pristine linen tablecloth. “I don’t remember you seeing anyone seriously outside of Drake,” she says, referring to my college boyfriend. “This is your first adult relationship.”
I nod. “It’s true. With JP, it’s different.”
Mom tilts her head to the side, and I see concern filter across her facial features, ones identical to my own.
“Baby girl, promise me you’ll be careful,” she says softly.
My stomach tightens. “What do you mean? Mom, I’m twenty-two. I know what I’m doing.”
“Reese. You’re so young. You weren’t serious about Drake, that was obvious, but first love is so powerful and strong. It can sweep you up and carry you away. It can lead you to make the wrong decisions. I don’t want that to happen to you.”
An ache appears in my heart.
“Are you talking about Dad?” I ask.
Mom sighs. “I was so young. Straight out of college, I had never been in love, and your dad became my everything within a week of meeting him. I was so crazy in lust. In love. If I wasn’t with him, I wanted to be. He was all I thought about, even when I was working or with my friends. Does this sound familiar?”
I bite down hard on my lip. I don’t want to admit she’s right because I don’t like where this story is going.
“You’re not in love, Reese. You’re infatuated. Don’t confuse the two like I did.”
“Mom, it’s not infatuation,” I say, knowing what is in my heart. “What I feel for JP is beyond that.”
“But is it for him?”
My stomach rolls over. “JP cares about me.”
“I’m merely telling you to be careful,” Mom says. “Don’t rush into this, not when he could be merely infatuated with you at this point. It takes a long time to properly fall in love. I mean, I wouldn’t change anything that happened between me and your dad because it gave me you and Jordan, but as your mother, it’s my job to guide you. Protect you. You getting in over your head with the first man you’ve fallen for is going to result in heartache.”
I angrily shove my plate away, as my appetite is gone. “Stop it.”
Mom appears stunned. “What?”
“Stop. Just because you got hurt doesn’t mean I will be,” I say defensively.
The hurt look on my mom’s face has me regretting what I said.
“Mom,” I say carefully, starting over, “I love you. I know you love me and you’re trying to protect me, but you can’t guide me based on your past and decisions you made. Those belong to you. I need to make my own choices, based on my own relationship, and I need for you to respect that.”
Mom sighs heavily. “Reese, I wish you’d listen.”
“And I wish you would.”
A smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. “Well, I think I know where you got your stubbornness from.”
We both manage a small laugh.
“Mom, you have always been there for me and Jordan. You’ve kept up with us and our friends, our relationships, and all the details of our lives, but I’m grown up. An adult woman. There are some things you don’t know about that I have with JP because that is between us.”
Mom exhales, and to my surprise, I see tears fill her eyes.
“I only want to protect you. It’s so early in seeing JP, and you’re so young. You don’t even know what he’s thinking!”
Her words strike my heart, but I hold firm.
“Mom, you can’t protect me. Unless you want me to live without romantic love. That might be your choice, but it’s not mine.”
“My choice?” Mom asks, incredulous. “I was busy. Raising you and Jordan. I didn’t have time for a partner, let alone love.”
“That’s an excuse, and you know it. Jordan and I are grown up now.”
“So, you don’t need me?”
“Of course, I need you. You’re my mom. I love you. But I think you’ve used me and Jordan to protect yourself from taking a chance on love again.”
Mom falls silent, and I know my words have surprised her. After everything I’ve experienced because of JP and after facing how I grew up and my vulnerability, I finally understand why Mom acts the way she does.
“You’ve never spoken to me so directly,” Mom finally says.
“I know what I’m talking about now.”
“Maybe you do,” Mom admits, picking up her glass of wine and swirling it around. “Maybe it’s time for me to face the facts.”
I’m so proud of my mom at this moment. I know it’s hard for her to face her feelings, but I finally feel she’s on the verge of doing that after all these years.
“I love you, my smart baby girl,” Mom says. “You’ll always be my baby girl.”
“I’m glad I am,” I say, “and, Mom, I will always need you.”
That part is true. My parents will always be central to who I am, but now I feel like I’m learning so much about who I am, outside of them, because of falling in love with JP.
It’s not infatuation. I know that.
What I feel is love.
Love for the man he is.
JP is the man who promised I would never face a storm alone.
That’s love.
And nobody will ever change my mind about that.
Ever.