Lucien
After that weekend, Scarlet and I became inseparable. When we weren’t in class or with our other friends, we were together. We spent weekends together and week nights. I found myself shirking my Delta Pi responsibilities in favor of hanging out with her. I barely got the next party of the year planned in time. The guys were frustrated with me, but they didn’t give me a hard time. Only a couple of them knew about Scarlet, and I wanted to keep it that way. Our relationship was private, personal.
I stopped at a coffee shop on the way to class one day. It was Professor Davidson’s class, the one I had with Scarlet, and I wanted to get us each some caffeine to help us stay awake. We’d spent the weekend together and neither of us had recovered. Mondays were always hard, but after a few days with Scarlet, they were damn near impossible. My entire body protested waking up in the morning, and I had to drag myself through the day. Coffee was a must.
Stepping up to the counter, I ordered mine and Scarlet’s usual. I paid, then stepped aside to wait for the drinks to be made. While I waited, I noticed Adam walk in. He saw me, and I waved him over. We hadn’t talked much lately. Between classes and Scarlet, I was too busy.
“Hey man,” Adam said. “Where have you been lately?”
“Just around,” I said with a shrug. “Things are insane this year, you know?”
He nodded. “Yeah, that party was awesome the other night, though. You did a hell of a job planning it.”
I grinned. “Thanks. Next month’s will be even better. I’ve already started thinking of ideas.”
“I’m sure,” Adam said. “Can’t wait.”
The barista called out my name and placed two cups on the counter. I smiled my thanks and grabbed the cups. When I turned back to Adam, he was frowning at the drinks in my hand.
“Coffee much?” he asked.
“One’s for Scarlet,” I said. “We have a class together this morning.”
“Oh,” Adam said with a nod. “Scarlet.”
“Yup.”
Adam was eyeing me closely. He knew something was up with Scarlet and me, but he didn’t know the details. Of all the Delta brothers, I trusted Adam the most. We’d been best friends since freshman year, and I knew I could tell him stuff. Still, I wasn’t ready to tell him everything about Scarlet.
“So,” Adam said. “You’re still seeing her?”
I nodded. “Yeah, why?”
“No reason,” Adam said evasively, but his eyes said something different. I tried to keep my defensive nature at bay, but it was hard. The judgmental expression on his face irritated me.
“What is it?” I demanded. “Just spit it out, man. I don’t have time for this.”
“I just don’t think you should be seeing her,” Adam said finally.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Look,” Adam began. “I know this is going to make me sound like a dick, but I’m your best friend. It’s my job to tell you the truth.”
“And what’s the truth?” I pressed.
“Scarlet isn’t the kind of girl you need to be messing around with,” Adam said firmly. “Lucien, I know you. I know how you are and this girl, she’s sweet and innocent. She’s naïve. You’re just going to break her heart. Do you really want to put her through that?”
“I’m not going to break her heart,” I snapped. “And she’s not as innocent as you think.”
“Maybe not anymore,” Adam said pointedly. “But she’s too innocent to be played by you.”
I stared at Adam blankly. My irritation was quickly turning into anger, and I didn’t want to start yelling in the middle of the coffee shop.
“Who the hell do you think you are, man?” I said, keeping my voice low. “This is none of your damn business.”
“Maybe not,” Adam admitted. “But I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I didn’t tell you what I think.”
“What?” I demanded. “You think I’m not good enough for her?”
“It’s not about being good enough,” Adam said. “It’s about being serious enough. I saw this girl, okay? I know the way she looks at you. She wants something real, something serious. She isn’t looking to just fuck for a while and then part ways. She’s falling for you.”
I knew Adam was right, but I’d never thought of Scarlet’s feelings as a bad thing before. In fact, I hadn’t really thought much about it at all. We were just having so much fun together that I never took the time to worry about anything else.
“It’s not just about her,” Adam continued. “Is this really what you want? To be tied down during your senior year?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I like her, man.”
“I know you do,” Adam nodded. “And that’s great. I’m just saying, you need to make sure this is really what you want. Because, if you don’t, you’re going to destroy her and yourself.”
“I gotta go,” I said. “Class is about to start.”
“Look,” Adam said. “I didn’t mean to bust on you, okay? I’m just looking out for you.”
“I know,” I said. “No worries.”
With that, I turned and left the coffee shop. The coffees were warm in my hands as I walked to class. It wasn’t far, but the walk was long enough for my mind to wander. I replayed Adam’s words in my head, wondering if he was right.
At first, I was pissed. What right did Adam have to tell me how to live? He didn’t know anything about me and Scarlet. We were great together and nothing else mattered. So what if she was falling for me? What did that matter? If anything, that just made what we had more important. Besides, I wasn’t the kind of guy to break her heart. Was I?
As I stepped into the classroom, I instinctively looked around for Scarlet’s hair. She was always easy to spot, a bright red head in a sea of blondes and brunettes. Like always, I smiled when I saw her and hurried to join her. I slid into my usual seat and handed her the coffee.
“Thank you,” she said. “I was seriously craving some caffeine.”
“I figured,” I said. I tried to keep my smile, but it was hard. My conversation with Adam was still running on a loop in my brain.
“This weekend was fun,” Scarlet said teasingly as she leaned closer to me. She kissed my cheek gently and waited for me to turn my head. I knew she wanted a real kiss, but I couldn’t bring myself to deliver. I felt awkward and uncomfortable just sitting beside her.
Scarlet sat back in her seat once class began. She kept glancing at me with a frown on her face, but she didn’t speak, and neither did I. I didn’t know what to say. How could I explain to her what just happened with Adam? She wouldn’t understand his concern, and if she did, she would just dismiss it. Scarlet had a way of ignoring things she didn’t like. It might have been her naïveté or just her desire to be happy, but either way, it sometimes got in the way of reality.
For the past month, I’d loved being with Scarlet. No matter how much time we spent together, I never grew sick of her. We could be together for hours or days, and I was fine. More than fine. Every time we kissed, I felt my body ache for hers. When we had sex, it was like puzzle pieces coming together. We were crazy and rough, but also intensely intimate. It was by far the best sex I’d ever had. Until today, I never imagined ending it.
I wanted to push Adam’s words away without a second thought, but I couldn’t. Part of me knew he was right. I wasn’t the kind of guy to commit to one woman. I was the guy who slept with flight attendants in airports and had threesomes in France. I was the Delta Pi President who met and deflowered a girl all within one hour. I was a legend, a playboy, but I was not a boyfriend.
All through class, I couldn’t shake Adam’s warnings. He told me to get out now, before things got messy. I hated the idea because I loved being with Scarlet, but it made sense. It was smart. Why spend time with this girl just to leave her in the end? The longer we lasted, the harder she would take the breakup. It would crush her. It would destroy the happiness she worked so hard to find for herself. I cared about her enough to want to spare her that pain.
Still, I didn’t know how I could just turn my back on her now. After all the nights we spent together and all the conversations we’d had, we were bonded. We were connected. I couldn’t just sever that connection. I still wasn’t even sure I wanted to.
As class ended, I cursed Adam for running into me at the coffee shop. If I’d never seen him, everything would be fine. I wouldn’t feel so confused, so conflicted. Scarlet and I would be leaving class holding hands and laughing, just like we always did. Instead, class ended and I stood up without a word. I didn’t wait for Scarlet before I left the room. I could feel her behind me, following closely, but I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t bring myself to face her.
“Hey,” Scarlet said once we made it outside. She grabbed my arm and turned me around to face her. “What’s up? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said too quickly. “I just feel really sick all of a sudden.”
“Oh,” Scarlet said, her forehead furrowing with concern. “What hurts?”
“Everything,” I said. “I think I just need to get home. I’ll catch up with you later, okay?”
She nodded. “Sure. Get some rest.”
“Yeah, I will.”
I turned and hurried away, wanting to put as much distance between us as possible. Even that small amount of conversation was too much. I knew it wasn’t right to lie to her, but I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t be around her until I figured out what I wanted. Adam’s damn warning was still echoing loudly in my head.
When I reached the Delta house, I disappeared into my room and collapsed on my bed. My head was spinning, and I hated the feeling. Never in my life had I spent this much time and energy worrying about a girl. If I even bothered to take a woman out on a date, the goal was sex. Once we had sex, I was gone. I was out the door before she could even open her eyes in the morning. I didn’t waste time wooing girls, and I certainly didn’t stick around for an entire month afterward. I felt like I was drifting further away from the person I used to be.
I laid in my bed for the rest of the day, just thinking. Maybe Adam was right. This was not the way I wanted to spend my senior year, lying in bed stressing over a girl. Scarlet was great, but was she really worth all of this? Was she worth wasting my senior year and all the opportunities that came with it? I didn’t know the answer to these questions, but I knew Adam’s words rung true. I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. I wasn’t the kind of guy to commit, and I didn’t know if I ever would be.