Scarlet

 

I spent most of the weekend recovering from my jetlag. My grandmother let me sleep it off without once bothering me. It felt strange to live with someone who allowed me to have some semblance of privacy. I wasn’t used to being alone for long periods of time.

My mother had a way of poking her nose in my business every chance she got. She hated when I closed my door and often forced me to open it. It was just one way she maintained control over my life. Grandmother was different.

Immediately upon my arrival, she showed me to my room and left me be. She didn’t bother me again until I emerged on Monday morning, freshly showered and feeling slightly more alive.

“Good morning, Grandmother,” I said with a smile as I walked into the kitchen.

“Morning,” she said with a smile. “I made you breakfast. Figured you might be hungry after all that sleep.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” I said with a grimace. “Adjusting to the new time zone isn’t easy.”

“No need for apologies,” Grandmother said, waving my hand away with impatience. “Just eat. It’ll help you wake up. You’ll feel better.”

“Thank you,” I said, sitting down at the kitchen table and pouring myself a large cup of coffee.

Grandmother watched me closely with a sly grin. She knew I’d never had coffee before, not really. My mother didn’t believe in it. She felt it was just another addiction, which I did not need. I was eager to try it for the first time.

I lifted the cup to my lips and took a small sip before I winced and put the cup back down. It was awful, horrible, bitter, and strong. I’d never tasted anything so disgusting in my life.

“Add some cream and sugar,” Grandmother suggested, pushing a couple of bowls toward me.

I added a small amount of each and then tasted it again. This time, it was delicious. Still warm and strong, but the cream and sugar cut the edge. It was no longer bitter, and I found myself savoring each sip until it was gone. I still hadn’t eaten a bite.

“That’s amazing,” I said in awe.

“Welcome to the world of coffee drinkers,” Grandmother said wisely. “Don’t let your mother fool you. It’s a wonderful world we live in.”

I laughed and helped myself to some bacon and eggs. Grandmother and I didn’t talk much as we ate. We both enjoyed our food in silence, feeling comfortable just sitting beside each other.

Despite the limited amount of time we’d spent together in the past, I felt like I knew Grandmother well. She was kind and sweet, like all grandmothers, but there was also more to her. She had an authentic quality that made her seem younger and livelier than most elderly people.

As soft as she was with me, I could tell she was stronger than any woman I’d ever known. Her personality was one I appreciated, fun and understanding with a touch of wisdom and authority.

“So,” she said after we finished eating. “What parts of the city do you want to explore?”

“I’m not sure,” I answered honestly. “I start classes on Wednesday, so I thought maybe I should map out my route beforehand. Just so I’m not late on the day of.”

“Smart,” Grandmother said with a nod. “But what else? Is there anything you’ve been dying to see?”

“The museums, I guess,” I said. “And Central Park.”

“Of course,” Grandmother said, smiling. “The basics. Make sure you venture out a little further though, okay?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’ve seen so little in your lifetime,” she said kindly. “You could do with a little more experience.”

“That’s not what Mom thinks,” I said with a soft laugh.

“Well,” Grandmother said slowly. “Your mother and I don’t always agree.”

“I’m a little nervous about school,” I admitted. “I’ve never been to a public school before. Even my university back home was private and very exclusive. I never even lived on campus.”

“That was a mistake on Claire’s part,” Grandmother said firmly. “She had no business locking you up that way. You’re a young woman, and young women need to blossom. You, my dear girl, have had no chance for blossoming. It isn’t your fault, of course. It’s your mother’s. She had an obligation to you, and she failed. I think living here will be good for you.”

I was beyond shocked by her words. She and my mom had never been particularly close, but I never would’ve imagined she’d say such things about her. My mouth hung open as I tried my best to formulate a response.

I agreed with her, of course. My mom had always been too strict, keeping me from anything and everything fun.

“I’m surprised you think that,” I finally said. “I always assumed you were strict with her, just like she is with me.”

“God no,” Grandmother said, shaking her head. “I let her live, honey. How do you think she managed to find herself all the way in Paris, France? I never held back her adventurous spirit.”

“My mom doesn’t have an adventurous spirit,” I joked.

“You would be surprised,” Grandmother said. “You don’t know everything about Claire.”

“I suppose not,” I said, shrugging. “I’m just glad she finally let me come out here. When you first called, I immediately suggested this, but Mom said no. She hated the idea of sending me so far away without her. It took a long time for her to change her mind.”

“I know,” Grandmother said with that same grin. “Who do you think changed it?”

“You did?” I asked with wide eyes.

“Of course,” she said, as if it was obvious. “I’m her mother, Scarlet. Sometimes mothers have to step in when their children are making mistakes, even when it involves children of their own. So, I did. And, now you’re here. Voila.”

I laughed and nodded my head as if I was impressed. There were so many things about Grandmother that impressed me. Her ability to disagree with my mom so openly was astounding to me.

As her daughter, I lived in constant fear of her disapproval. Even when I wanted to argue, I very rarely did. She possessed such a strong presence that it often intimidated me. I saw now that Grandmother had the same presence. They were different, but somehow the same. Both strong. Both wise in their own ways. I wondered if maybe I was like them, too. If I possessed that presence I envied so much.

Deep down, I believed I did. I’d felt it all along, that strength bubbling up inside of me. I’d never had a chance to tap into it, though. With my mother’s rules and boundaries, I was kept weak. Safe. Here in New York, I knew that would all change.

I’d no longer be tied down to one place, to one person. I would be free to explore and experience things. Grandmother was already encouraging these things. She wanted me to see the city, to see the world. It felt liberating and terrifying, all at the same time. I wasn’t sure where to begin, but I knew school was the first step.

“I’m glad you’re going to NYU,” Grandmother said as if she could read my mind.

“Why?” I asked politely.

“It’s where I went,” she said simply.

“Really?” I asked. Yet another surprise.

She nodded and asked, “You didn’t know?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Mom never mentioned that.”

“I did,” she said. “It was such a long time ago. Decades. I’m sure everything is very different now, but you’ll learn a lot. And not just in the classroom either.”

“You think so?” I asked hopefully. I wanted her to be right.

“I do,” she said firmly. “I really do. This is your time, Scarlet. This is where you’ll find yourself.”

Her encouragement made me smile. I wondered how Grandmother could be so encouraging and wise, while my mom maintained a fearful, worried attitude. It seemed crazy to me how different they were in that respect.

Their opinions couldn’t have been further apart. Grandmother wanted New York to change me, and Mom did not. Grandmother hoped I would find adventure. Mom did not. Grandmother was already pushing me to find myself. Mom would rather I didn’t. After only two days in the city, I knew I had made the right decision by coming here. Grandmother was right. This was the place where I would find myself.

“Sometimes I really resent Mom for not letting me have a life,” I said softly. I didn’t want to speak negatively about my mother, but I felt like Grandmother would understand. “I know she’s always tried to protect me. I know that it’s her job as my mother, but it’s too much. I’m twenty-one, and I’ve never experienced anything. I have no idea what the world is like outside of my bubble back home. I feel totally unprepared for anything.”

“Which is why I think Claire made a huge mistake,” Grandmother said kindly. She leaned across the table and took my hand in her hers. She squeezed it gently and smiled at me, her green eyes a perfect reflection of my own. “Girls need to learn how to handle themselves in the real world, Scarlet. You’ll never know what to do in a situation until you’re in the middle of it. Without the experiences, you’ll never learn the lessons. Throwing ourselves into the world is the only way to truly learn anything at all.”

“I think you’re right,” I said thoughtfully. “Mom just doesn’t see it that way. She expects me to return home the same person I’ve always been, moral and obedient.”

“You won’t,” Grandmother said with confidence. “This city will change you, no matter what you do.”

I grinned. “I hope so.” 

Grandmother smiled back, but her eyes watched me closely. She wore glasses that magnified the green of her eyes, and when she looked at me, I felt like she surveyed my soul. We sat in silence for a few seconds while she considered me. I knew she wanted to say something, but she was still working out the right words.

“Claire is right about one thing,” she said suddenly.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“You should be careful,” she said sternly. Her tone was serious, more serious than it had been all morning. Her eyes were still locked on my face.

“I will be,” I promised automatically.

It was the same promise I’d made to my mother a hundred times before, but this time, it didn’t work. Grandmother shook her head at me. Her gaze never left my face.

“This city will change you, Scarlet,” she said. “And I hope it changes you for the better. I’m confident it will, but it can also be a wild forest at times. Dark and mysterious. Temptations lie around every corner, and if you’re not careful, you’ll fall into them.”

I contemplated her words for a moment, not sure what to say. She seemed so understanding just minutes before, and now, she sounded just like my mom. Warning me about the dangers that lie ahead, making sure I was aware of my surroundings.

I thought Grandmother trusted me, but maybe I was wrong. Maybe she simply wanted me to learn a few things, while remaining safe and protected.

“I promise to be careful,” I said. “I really do.”

“Live your life, Scarlet,” she said firmly. “That’s important. Just be careful while you do it. There’s plenty of good out there, but there’s also bad. Be sure to keep your eyes open so you can tell the difference.”

I nodded and tried to smile, but her gaze was still so intense that I couldn’t quite bring one to my face. Looking away from her, I thought about her warning. It was the same as my mother’s, but also different. Mom would’ve been happy if I never lived my life, but Grandmother insisted I do just that.

As I sat in Grandmother’s kitchen, I wasn’t sure what the city would bring me. Adventure. Experience. Excitement. Danger?

There was no way to know, but I was more than ready to find out.