Scarlet

 

My mom was busy getting Thanksgiving dinner prepared, so I drove to the airport to pick up Grandmother. Despite things being better between my mom and me, I was thrilled to have Grandmother with us for the holiday. I’d just left New York, but it felt like I’d been gone for months already. My life returned to normal so easily that it made me miss Grandmother even more. I enjoyed living with her so much. She was the first person to truly support and love me. I never wanted to leave her. The idea of some random nurse taking care of her made me angry. She deserved better than that.

I stood outside of the security gate, waiting for Grandmother to arrive. My excitement increased by the second as I thought about seeing her again. She, unlike anyone else, knew what Lucien meant to me. She would be more understanding of my pain than anyone else. My mother tried to comfort me, and sometimes, it really helped, but it wasn’t the same. Mom didn’t know Lucien. She never saw us together. She didn’t have a chance to fully understand how happy I’d been with him or how distraught I was to lose him.

Grandmother came around the corner with a wide smile on her face. I ran forward, ready to engulf her in a hug. She hurried toward me, throwing her arms around my neck when she reached me. I hugged her tightly, closing my eyes and breathing in her familiar smell. I never wanted to let her go.

“I missed you,” I said softly.

“Oh, my Scarlet,” she said back. “I’ve missed you, too.”

We continued to hug for a few seconds. I opened my eyes, smiling brightly, and saw a familiar face walking toward us. My entire body went stiff against Grandmother’s. I felt her sigh and let me go slowly. I looked from that familiar face to her and then back again, desperate for some kind of explanation.

“Why is he here?” I demanded.

“Just talk to him,” she said softly.

Lucien walked over to us and stopped a few feet away. He seemed afraid to approach me too quickly, as if I was a wild animal who might attack him. In that moment, I didn’t blame him. I felt like I might lose control at any second. Just seeing him standing there in front of me was enough to make me want to scream. I couldn’t believe he was here or that Grandmother didn’t warn me. She knew what he put me through. She knew how badly he hurt me. How could she do this to me?

“I can’t believe you brought him here,” I said to her, my voice low and angry. 

She didn’t respond. She just patted my back and smiled knowingly before she turned and walked away. I watched her disappear into the nearest bathroom. I knew she didn’t need to go. She was just giving Lucien and me a chance to be alone. It was the last thing I wanted. When I left New York, it was with the hope that I would never have to see his face again.

“What are you doing here?” I finally asked, turning back to face him.

He swallowed hard and took a step forward. I moved backward instinctively. I hated the effect he had on me. His was the last face I wanted to see, but I couldn’t bring myself to look away from it. He was still just as handsome as ever, drawing me in easily. I felt weak and vulnerable, and I hated it.

“I needed to see you,” he said softly. “After you left, I lost my mind, Scarlet. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I don’t care,” I snapped. “You don’t get to say those things to me. Not now. Not after everything.”

My voice was strong and steady. It surprised us both. I knew he was expecting me to be the same, weak girl I was when we met, but that girl was gone.

“I went to your grandmother’s house,” he continued. “I was out driving around, and I just sort of ended up there. It was like I was drawn to it. She and I ended up talking for a long time. We talked about everything. About you and me. About my feelings for you.”

“You said you didn’t have feelings for me,” I reminded him.

“I lied,” he said. “I was lying.”

“I don’t believe you,” I said, but my voice was softer.

I didn’t believe him yet, but I wanted to. I couldn’t help it. Just hearing his voice softened my resolve. I still cared about him.

“I don’t blame you,” he said. “I wouldn’t believe me either, but it’s the truth. I got scared, Scarlet.”

“Scared of what?” I asked.

“Of us,” he said. “Of you. You came into my life and completely changed everything, Scarlet. I never knew I could care about someone so much until I met you. It scared the shit out of me. And then, Adam told me not to hurt you. He warned me that you weren’t my usual type of girl that you were looking for something real. I realized he was right. You wanted a commitment, and I didn’t know if I could give that to you. I didn’t know if I should even try.”

“Then why are you here now?” I demanded.

“Because Adam was wrong,” he said. “And so was I. Before you, I wasn’t the kind of guy to commit. I wasn’t a boyfriend, but now, Scarlet, you’ve changed me. I fell in love with you, and you changed me. I’m not the same person anymore. I’m better. You made me better.”

“What did you say?” I breathed.

My entire body felt weak as I registered his words. I couldn’t believe what I’d just heard.

“I love you,” he said with a soft laugh. “I love you, Scarlet. I’m in love with you. I think I have been for a long time, but I was too scared and immature to admit it. I couldn’t bring myself to man up enough to really be with you. That was a mistake. I screwed up. I know that. But I want to fix it.”

My heart felt like it was on fire as I listened to Lucien’s words. Part of me wanted to turn around and run. I wanted to sink into the ground beneath my feet and never have to deal with this situation ever again. Lucien was everything I’d always wanted, but that was before he hurt me. He took my virginity, made me fall for him, and then left me. How was I supposed to trust him now?

I shook my head slowly, not sure what to say. I was afraid to move too much, terrified that I might make yet another mistake. Ever since I moved to New York, I felt like that was all I did. I made one mistake after another until finally, I came back home. What if forgiving Lucien was just another mistake?

“I’m scared to trust you again,” I said, my voice cracking. “You broke my heart, Lucien.”

“I know,” he said quickly. “And I can’t tell you how sorry I am, but I love you. God, I love you so much. Please, please believe that.”

“I do,” I said softly. “I believe you.”

Lucien’s sighed with relief and hurried forward. He pulled me against him and I melted. I rested my head on his chest and let him hold me while my pain faded away. Being back in his arms was all I needed. Everything suddenly made sense again.

When he kissed me, his lips were soft and careful. He was afraid to move too quickly and scare me away. I kissed him back, letting myself forgive him slowly. That one kiss wouldn’t fix everything, but it was a start. It was our start.

“I love you, too,” I said when we pulled away.

His smile was breathtaking.

“Are you two ready to go?” Grandmother asked from behind us.

I hadn’t realized she’d come back from the bathroom.

“Yes,” I said with an embarrassed laugh. “We’re ready.”

***

Thanksgiving dinner was delicious. My mom pulled out all the stops, making every American dish she could think of. Even though we’d lived in France for many years, it was still in her roots to celebrate the American holiday. Usually, it was just the two of us. I couldn’t remember the last time Grandmother joined us. It felt nice to have her and Lucien both there, celebrating alongside us.

Mom and Lucien cleaned up together, insisting that Grandmother and I rest. It was a shock to me because my mom always made me do chores. She was beginning to soften her rules where I was concerned, and I was grateful. Seeing me get my heart broken was enough for her to let up a little bit. She was still worried and concerned all the time, but she was also more understanding and kind than ever before.

I watched as the two of them did the dishes together. Mom was asking Lucien questions, and he answered them enthusiastically. I could tell how much they enjoyed getting to know each other. Mom seemed to really like Lucien, much to her surprise. She expected to hate him, but she couldn’t. Lucien was too charming. He wooed her just as easily as he wooed me. From the look on her face, she was extremely grateful to have him around. She talked his ear off the entire night.

While they spent time together, Grandmother and I caught up. It was such a short amount of time, but I hated being away from her. She told me all about Lucien’s visit and how she knew she could trust him.

At first, she wasn’t sure. She knew too much about the Delta Pi fraternity, and now, I understood. She was afraid that Lucien was just like the rest of them, but he wasn’t. He managed to prove himself to her, and she agreed to help him. She brought him to France so he could apologize to me in person.

“Here,” she said after we finished talking. “I brought you something.”

She reached beneath her chair and pulled out her purse. After rummaging inside it for a few seconds, she pulled out my old copy of Flames of Sorrow. It was the same copy I threw away in her house before I left. I stared at it in shock as I took it from her fingers. Running my hand over the cover, I smiled to myself. I never thought I would see this book again. I’d thrown it away out of spite and anger. I was hurt.

“I found it in the trash,” Grandmother said.

I nodded. “Yeah, I threw it out after Lucien ended things. I thought Mom was right, that love really didn’t exist.”

Grandmother reached over and took my hand. She glanced at Lucien who was still visiting with my mother and smiled to herself.

“True love does exist,” she said to me. “Even though it can hurt and break us, that doesn’t mean it isn’t real. The real thing sucks sometimes, Scarlet, but you can’t run from it. You can’t hide yourself away. That’s not how life works. You have to believe in love and in yourself. That’s the only way you’ll be happy.”

I hugged her quickly and then looked back down at my book. I’d forgotten all about it since I left New York. Somehow, I didn’t feel like I needed it anymore. I would hold onto it now, as a reminder of my grandmother’s advice, but I knew I wouldn’t read it again. I no longer needed to live vicariously through the couple in the book. Love finally existed in my reality, and I never wanted to run from it again. I never wanted to hide. I wanted to hold onto it with vigor and see where it would take me.