Alex

LACEY STARTED TURNING UP for the morning meeting every day. It wasn’t too off-putting, and I was relieved that she seemed to have a lot going on back at the cottage and that she was working more from home, so Mabel had said. We didn’t enter into wistful conversations, but I had given her a USB stick that she could use to access the data she wanted. I had no idea how much she’d looked at, but she seemed to enjoy being a part of the breakfast ritual. She spoke to people and rather than grilling them seemed genuinely interested in what they did and who they were.

“She’s a little ray of sunshine,” Eric said, sitting beside me on the bench as I ate oatmeal.

“I’m sure that’s a good cover,” I huffed.

“For what?” he let out a low, deep chuckle, “you think she’s leading a double life?”

“I think she’s sneaky,” I told him, “and I’m wary.”

“Well, everyone seems to like her,” he grunted, taking a bite of some pastry Mabel had whipped up. He was well fed because she loved to cook and pampered him like a pooch, “and I guess we can’t all be wrong.”

“She’s likeable,” I shrugged. I’d give him that.

“And easy on the eye,” he nudged me, and I pursed my lips.

“She’s beautiful, extremely beautiful.” I watched as she laughed at something Juan was saying and he looked delighted that he’d made her laugh.

“So, what’s she hiding?” Eric got in closer to me and leveled his beady eyes with mine, “you think she’s a drug dealer trying to get her feet under the table?” his deep voice rumbled out a laugh again, and it led to a breathless cough, which he patted his chest to clear.

“No,” I shook my head, “I think she wants to change things and we don’t need change.”

“Son,” Eric patted my shoulder, “not all change is bad and maybe we do need to modernize a little or mix things up.” He sighed, “your momma lost this place remember, this girl is some finance whiz kid and she wants to keep it afloat. You should trust her.”

I smiled at Eric. I knew he was trying to help and maybe he was right, she had more reason to want Bishops Hill to succeed than me nowadays; her money was sunk into the land, we were just the monkeys working it. I wanted to buy it back one day, it was my land, Miller land and so I wanted to keep it ticking over. He could be bowled over by her all he liked but I would remain wary and I’d be damned if this farm became some watered-down version of the family run workplace it was now.

“Morning,” she smiled, moving to sit opposite me.

“Morning, Lacey,” Eric said in a welcoming voice, “you whipping that cottage into shape by now?” he asked.

“Sure am,” she smiled widely, “you should come by and see.”

“Oh, I will do, Ma’am,” he told her, “I better get going and get those horses tacked up.”

“Okay, have a great day Eric,” she said, and the bench shifted significantly as he stood to move away.

“Hey,” she said leaning forward on the table, “you okay?”

“Yeah,” I shrugged, “why?”

“You look pissed,” she narrowed her eyes, “can’t still be me, right? I’ve hardly been in your space all week.”

I sighed, “I’m not a smiley person.”

“Oh,” she laughed and sat back on the bench a little more, “gotcha.” She stood and took her coffee, “catch you later.”

I watched as she walked away in some tight khaki shorts and a white t-shirt and the Yankees cap that she had taken to wearing most days. She seemed happy and relaxed and was fitting in a little too well. It annoyed me as I just wanted her gone. She needed to look at the figures, make her recommendations and get back to the city, but the longer she stayed the happier she seemed.

I stood abruptly, took my cup and bowl to the kitchen, rinsed them and then marched to the offices. Bear followed my every step. At least I had some loyalty... for now. There was no way I would let that overexcited Barbie know how much she irritated me. I needed to try my best to remain calm and bite my tongue. She knew I wasn’t overly impressed with her being here but if I let loose on her, we might never actually recover.

 

I worked all morning and the atmosphere in the office was quite relaxed. Helen was home with her youngest boy who had chickenpox. Johnny used every opportunity to make a joke and maybe that’s why we had always been best friends. I was too serious and lacking in fun and he never stopped poking fun. He and Juan had been discussing Lacey’s various attributes, and I had just stayed quiet. I was about to lose it when the laughing drowned out a phone conversation when my cell rang. I looked down and saw that it was an unrecognized number which must have been my mom.

“Hello?” I answered, walking out of the office and down the steps to the yard.

“Alex?” it was Mom.

“Hey, Mom, how are you? Do you feel good?”

“I do, Alex, I really do,” she sounded really energized and happy.

“That’s great,” I was relieved, “Logan really wants to talk to you, but you know he’s at school.”

“Yeah,” she added, “um, I’ll try to call over the weekend, but we don’t get to make calls at night is all.” Her calls were getting more frequent now she was past her initial stage.

“Okay,” I had no idea what else to say to her. I hadn’t mentioned that the owner was here. She could lose it or worry and that might impact her recovery.

“The thing is, Alex. They think I may have a personality disorder,” she took a deep breath.

“Right,” I was a little shocked. “What is that exactly?”

“Well, they said it could be manic depression but my levels aren’t high enough or something, so I’ve been seeing this counselor and he thinks I have a personality disorder and they are starting medication.”

“Medication?” I was confused, “I think I better speak to the doctor.” I added concerned.

“Yes,” she became defensive, “you sent me here. They have the best doctors in the state and they think it’ll help.”

“Mom,” I groaned, “there is no magic pill to cure what you have.” I felt anxious at the thought, my chest closing in tighter, “you need to learn how to face up to the feelings and work through what makes you need the pills and...”

“Alex,” she snapped, “I am very aware of my shortcomings but if there is a reason, a diagnosis and it can help me why would you be against it?”

I sighed, “I...” I had no words. How could I say we don’t need more prescription pills for you to be addicted to? Or that if Lacey lays her off then we may not be able to afford daily medication? Or that I didn’t believe there was a cure for being a selfish woman who had no idea of the constant chaos she caused. Maybe it was a placebo? She was right these doctors were the best in the state and who was I to question their expertise? “I love you, Mom. I just want you better.”

“I love you too,” she croaked, “I’m really trying, son. I’m doing my best.”

“Great,” I held my breath and bit my tongue so nothing else would fly out of my mouth. Having my mom had been a life lesson in what not to say so that she didn’t explode.

“I’ll try to call over the weekend to speak to the kids,” she said in a singsong voice that sounded like she was already on medication. Her mood swings were epic.

“They’ll be happy,” I added, and I felt a tension headache building. We said our goodbyes and as soon as she hung up I began to Google personality disorders on my phone.

The first things I saw was: Personality disorders are conditions in which an individual differs significantly from an average person, in terms of how they think, perceive, feel or relate to others. Well that just described most people living in Celebration Falls. I needed to speak to the doctor and the whole conversation had left me in the worst mood. My stomach lurched when I saw she was calling my cell and now she had dropped this little gem and I just wanted to crawl under a rock and not come out.

“You playing hooky?” I heard Lacey’s city voice from behind me and I turned to face her.  She had no idea I’d just had some crazy call from my mom but the last thing I needed at that moment was her.

I stared solemnly at her smiley face, “Private phone call,” I told her deadpan and her face straightened out a little.

“Cool,” she grinned, “look I have a few questions about the figures and I just wanted to share a few thoughts with you and get a feel for what you think?”

“Right now?” I asked frustrated, rubbing my forehead.

“Well, now is as good a time as any, Alex. I doubt you’d be happy to talk to me any time.” She sighed and walked ahead of me up the stairs.

There was a small sectioned off area that we used for meetings. It was enclosed by a wall of windows and a door. It used to just be the corner of the office, but we had it sectioned off a few years ago and it had come in handy. I grabbed a coffee and led Lacey there away from the office chatter. She had brought her laptop and was setting that up when I took a seat opposite her at the small, round table.

“So,” she leaned forward, and I noticed how she leant her arm under her breasts to move forward. I doubted she was flirting but despite my mood I wasn’t immune to her beauty. “I’ve been looking at a few things we could do to reduce the spending and also possible business ventures.”

“Business ventures?” I rose an eyebrow and blew out a breath. “We’re pretty maxed out as it is around here.” I added bored.

“Okay, hear me out. I’ve been looking at crop rotation and crop covering, to try to bring out the earth’s natural pesticides and increase soil productivity.” She looked up with a grin.

“Right,” I nodded, “so exactly how will that increase the bottom line if we have less crops?”

“Going forward we would spend less on pesticides and could market our products as pesticide free, it’s all the rage now.” She said excitedly.

“Not for our customers, why fix somethin’ that ain’t broken?”

“I’m asking you to look forward and think out of the box,” she narrowed those blue eyes and stared at me.

“And I’m asking you to leave stuff the fuck alone,” I growled and rather than backing away from me she set her mouth into a determined scowl. 

“Do not curse at me, Mr. Miller,” she said, straightening her body and turning the laptop to face her. “I have also looked into increasing productivity by replacing some of the old machinery with GPS led machinery that can be left unmanned.”

I spat out a sharp laugh, “unmanned?” Folding my arms, I shook my head. “We’re harvesting crops, not delivering parcels any which way. This takes skilled men and patience.” I took a deep breath, “you have no idea...”

“And you have absolutely no intention of listening to any of my thoughts or helping me pursue them,” she added calmly but with her own style of venom.

“I am not in the market to start work on failing ideas when I already have enough shit to do.” I closed my eyes and rubbed my face with my hands.

“You say I but I thought this place was all about we,” she snapped her laptop shut. “This is my farm, Alex, not yours and we will implement changes and try new things and you will either get on board or find a new ship.” She stood haughtily and hooked the laptop under her arm, “I can see now is not a good time. How about you find me when you can talk and we can also discuss what each and every personnel member on site does and what their pay is?”

“Lacey...” I began. I had a sudden realization that things could get so much worse and that potentially it already had through my dismissal of her shit. My grandpa always used to say persuade people to see your point of view, don’t brow beat them, use a carrot not a stick, he would repeat. Shit.

“Alex,” she said, not turning from where she was about to walk out of the door, “I’ve tried nice and that’s clearly not working so let’s keep things professional and from now on I’ll give out the orders and you can get things done.”

On that final note she walked from the little room and out of the office without any pleasantries to the others. I just sat at the table and held my head in my hands. What the actual fuck was a personality disorder? I wasn’t even sure I didn’t have one. Who the hell refused to suck up to the one person who could make their life hell? Me of course. Shit.

I got through the rest of the day without speaking to anyone and Googled my mom’s new diagnosis off and on, trying to figure out what the medication was and what it meant for the future. From what I could see there was no clear diagnosis, and it was still a what if? scenario as seemed to be the case with so much in the mental health arena. At five I watched Juan and Johnny leave and decided to get down to the kids so we could organize dinner and I could get a beer.

I walked into the kitchen to find Sara fanning a smoking oven with oven gloves and the whole place filled with smoke, “What the fuck, Sara?”

She turned and saw me at the open back door, her mouth hung open, “I tried to make dinner.” She shrugged and I saw red.

“You don’t cook,” I growled, “you have never cooked and what the fuck were you doing?” I stepped towards her grabbed the oven gloves and wafted the area, dipping to look inside the oven.

“I was making baked potatoes with sour cream,” she squeaked from behind me.

“Did you load it all and put it in the oven?” I looked back to see her sheepish face. She had. “You are a clueless fuckin’ moron,” I yelled, “as if I don’t have enough to deal with but I come home to some ditz who almost burned the house down. What did I do in a past life to get stuck with you two?” I growled.

Her face fell, and I could see tears in her eyes, “I was trying to help.” She uttered.

“You never try to help.” I grimaced, “you just try to test me twenty-four-seven.”

“You’re a jerk and I hate you!” she shouted as she stalked out of the kitchen and straight out of the front door. I heard the door slam, and I took deep breaths to calm the hell down. I reached inside the oven for the tray and pulled out three potatoes with the top of them burnt to a crisp. To top it off, she had used the grill setting and not the oven. I sighed.

“What happened?” I heard Logan and turned to see him in the doorway.

“Nothing, buddy,” I threw the tray down on top of the stove and took a seat at the dining table.

“I think you hurt her feelings,” he sighed. “She was trying to help out because you always get dinner late and...” he moved to sit down at the dining table, “that was not nice.”

I sighed, “Did you hear all that?”

“Yeah,” he said, “about being stuck with us and her being an F’in moron.”

“Oh, God,” I covered my eyes with the balls of my hands, “sorry, buddy. I didn’t mean it, I was just so angry.”

“I know,” he said quietly, “do you think Mom will call this weekend?” His voice wavered a little as he said it and my heart ached. I had screwed up. I forgot sometimes that although I was their big brother, I was also the adult in this situation and their adult and I had to act like it. Rise above the name calling and jumping to conclusions. Instead I needed to be rational and controlled. My mom used to lose her shit daily, and I vowed to never be like her but each day I saw how similar we were and I hated it. I promised from that moment to try harder.

“I’m really sorry, Loges.” Moving from my seat I placed an arm around his shoulder. “I had a really bad day, and I took it out on you guys. I love you, buddy, and you are so not a burden. I love us all being together.”

“I miss Mom,” he said, leaning forward on his arms, “I hate it when you and Sara fight.”

“I know, Loges,” I told him, squeezing him a little tighter, “that’s my bad, I shouldn’t have lost it like that. I’m gonna apologize and make this right, I promise.”

“Okay,” he sniffed up a whole breath of emotion and some snot that had settled in his nose.

“Let’s go find Sara and we can get some fried chicken from Greens in Beacon Hill.” I knew that was his favorite. The chicken shop in the next town over always had a line out of the door but desperate times...

“Yessss,” he hissed, “let’s go find Sara.”