Alex

I WATCHED LACEY NETWORK with these people and it made my heart swell with pride. Lacey was every strong, female stereotype you could imagine: feisty, hard-headed, fierce, determined and yet to look at she was a pure angel. She looked too pretty to be tough, and yet she was the toughest person I’d ever met. Everyone loved her. She won everyone over with a smile and a flick of her hair and she made everyone feel like their best friend. She remembered these people and their families; she knew what to say to make them feel like friends and it was truly remarkable.

I spent the day in the shadows, hanging back and observing and talking to the people who remembered me and wanted to know how I was. I’d disappeared from public life after losing my grandpa and having everyone comment on my mom’s very public fall from grace. She gave the Miller's a bad name and rather than saving the name I had to witness us losing everything.

Being amongst the gossips and the judgers was my worst nightmare but today wasn’t about me, it was for her. I hung back, and I saw her work it and draw everyone in and put her plan—to get Bishops back on the map—into action. She was phenomenal. I guessed years of business school and her own tenacity got her whatever she wanted. It made what she said to me the other day even more special. She loved me, cared for me, wanted me and she could literally have any guy.

“Hey,” I turned to see Amber, and she had the decency to look a little sheepish. I had my arms crossed and was observing the party on the periphery of the field. She stood next to me.

“Hey,” I grunted.

She followed my line of vision and saw Lacey laughing with the Deluca’s, patting Dan Deluca’s arm as they discussed God knows. He was the guy who shook my hand at my grandpa’s funeral and gave me his respects, but two weeks later told me my mom was no good and needed to take us and leave town. Yeah, these people all had their opinions but none of them mattered to me anymore.

“She’s pretty,” Amber said in a quiet voice, “and a little bit scary.”

I snorted out a laugh, “You know we were well over before her,” I added, not wanting to go into any more detail but I knew she got the point.

“I know,” she sighed, “I was dumb, and things were tough and I thought I could choose an easier option but turns out,” she glanced at me, “I lost everything for some fun.”

I nodded, “We can be friends, Amber, but not until you understand we’re done.”

“I get it.” She took a deep breath and glanced back to Lacey, “I get it when I see how you look at her.”

“She’s leaving, I’m staying,” I shrugged, “but even then...”

“I get it,” she nodded and bumped me lightly, “you could try to make it work.”

I didn’t want to discuss this with her; it was weird, and I wasn’t into discussing my shit at the best of times. “I’ll catch you around,” I told Amber, not responding to her words and needing some space from my already breaking heart.

I marched into the crowds to where Lacey was talking to painful Deluca. I wound an arm around her waist and she smiled broadly as I did. “Ahhh, Alex,” Deluca said. His eyes homed in on our entangled bodies and then widened in surprise, “place looking great with the new boss at the helm.” He pointed to Lacey and grinned at her like every guy always did, bowled over.

“Well, Alex does all the hard work and I just look pretty,” she cocked her head to the side and squeezed me.

“You sure do that,” Deluca held his glass up and his eyes roamed her body.

“She has all the great ideas,” I gave Deluca a fake smile, and he narrowed his eyes. We weren’t friends, none of these people were my friends but I could make nice... for her.

“Excuse us,” Lacey added and turned me to walk away. 

“That guy a snake?” she asked, looking up to me as her arm was wound behind my back.

“Kinda,” I rumbled, “I guess they all turned against us and it’s hard to forget.”

“I’m Team Miller first you know?” I turned to look down at the pretty girl with her arm around me and my heart soared at her declaration for the Millers. We were always trying to prove ourselves since Grandpa passed but with Lacey I hadn’t ever had to prove anything... she just saw it all.

“I know,” I kissed her head. “I’m trying to be nice.”

“Just be you,” she sighed. “I’ll win ‘em over and you can make them work for it.” She laughed.

We got separated again within a few steps and I found myself sat at a table with Mom and Logan. Sara was still enjoying herself with friends and it was great to see, at least one of us still had those. Sara was probably popular at school. She was pretty, sassy and funny as all hell. Sometimes I wondered if she got all the personality or whether I’d just done a good job of shielding her from becoming disenchanted with life. I hoped it was the latter.

“Lacey is quite a woman,” Mom said. She had managed to spend the day with Logan and had mostly stayed away from people unless they approached her. It was a great tactic as she was obviously not supposed to be around alcohol.

“She is.” I turned to face her and laid my arms over the table palm up. “You wanna go play for a little while, Loge?” I asked him, and he nodded.

“Okay,” he jumped up and ran off to the bounce house. I knew he’d been sticking by Mom to keep her company and hadn’t played with any of the other kids all day because of her.

“He hasn’t left my side,” she uttered quietly.

“Too scared you’ll take off again,” I added, and I kept my eyes trained on her. She was still there, that beautiful young mom who raised me. She was still deep beneath the creases of whatever demons claimed her long before I was ever born. I saw how much I used to idolize her, the smiles I was desperate to tease out of her and the body heat I was always searching for where she was concerned. I was worried about her even then. She had always been so lost and now, now she really had lost everything and I still felt sorry for her.

“I’m really trying, Alex,” she said, her voice distorted with emotion. “I feel like a visitor here today.” She said quietly. “Like I don’t belong on my own farm.”

“This isn’t your farm,” I told her bluntly, “you sold it to save yourself from debt and with it you lost any right to feel like it was yours.”

She gave me a sad smile and leaned over the table to touch my outstretched hands, “I love you all so much, Alex.” She retreated her hands quickly as if the touch made too much emotion well in her eyes. “I love you, Sara, Logan, Eric, Mabel... all of you,” she croaked, “and I loved my parents, but I just can’t ever seem to stop messing up.” She used the balls of her hands to wipe her eyes and looked away from me, “sometimes I think you’d be better off without me. I mean in the space of three months you’ve already got things better than they were and you all look... happy.” She whispered the last word and quick tears fell.

I shook my head and inhaled sharply, “You can be happy, Mom. I’m sure of it.” I swallowed hard, “I think I just used to think that I could make you happy and what I realized these past months is that only you can make you happy and all I can do is try to limit the fallout.”

“Thank you for looking after the kids,” she uttered, “for watching them and...”

“I’ll never stop, Mom, because I can’t see a time when you’ll be capable.” I scolded myself instantly for putting her down. The last thing I needed was for her to fall down some rabbit hole of shame and re-emerge drunk or high. “Sorry,” I sighed, “I didn’t mean that.”

“You’re right,” she nodded, “I’m a useless mom but God knows you’ve turned out pretty great. I need you Alex and it’s pathetic.” She sniffed, and a silence fell between us.

Logan returned ten minutes later and brought a glass of water for Mom and an ice cream for him. I stood and ruffled his hair, “Having fun, bud?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he grinned, and his dimples deepened as he did.

“I’ll catch you guys in a bit.” I walked away and the heaviness that only Lacey could ease washed over me again; the ever present burden of my life and the wish that there was some quick solution. I had lost hope for that a long time ago.

People started to leave around dinner time. Lacey had hired crews to help tidy up and the bounce house people came to collect it. Some staff stayed behind to help close things up and move furniture back into the new bakery. All-in-all, the day was an amazing achievement, and everyone had a blast. Lacey grinned a mile wide for most of it and Eric enjoyed waxing lyrical about what we did every day. It had injected life back into Bishops and invigorated the staff who had stuck by us through the rough times. It was a great day and at the end as we tidied down I gathered everyone together to toast the boss.

“As you all know Lacey is returning to New York in a few days to take back her city life and she has given Bishops Hill a great gift. She’s breathed life back into the place and changed a few things for the better and I just wanted to say from us all, we’ll miss you and be sure to visit.”

Everyone raised their glass and cheered, and Lacey smiled sweetly and bowed. When the clapping died down, she moved to stand next to me, “Thank you everyone for making me feel so welcome and I feel privileged to be part of the Bishops Hill family and I know together we’ll go from strength to strength.”

The crowds cheered again, and Lacey clapped them all. It was bittersweet, a lovely moment that meant she was going and that I’d be back to firefighting alone. I struggled to admit my feelings like I had the other night because saying out loud how I felt about Lacey in a short space of time was no use to anyone. I think she felt that way too. There was no use telling each other that we were in love because there was no way we could ever make it work. It was basically a summer romance that was going to fade with the memories. She’d still be the boss, but we had plans. She was going to help me grow my investments and the more money I made from furniture, the more she could invest and the closer I was to the bank loan that would help me buy back the farm.

That night I didn’t even pretend to stay at the big house. After clean up I went home with my family and then once they were settled I left to go join Lacey. We sat out on the veranda, talked and laughed about the day and then climbed into her bed together. I loved being in her space, surrounded by her scent and her love. It was my safe haven and the best place I wanted to be.

Three days later she was gone.

Neither one of us wanted a big farewell. The day started as normal. I left her in the morning surrounded by packed bags and I held her a little longer than usual. She popped by the house to say goodbye to Mom—she’d already said her goodbyes to the kids the night before—and then she swung by the office. It felt like I was waving her off for a day trip but we all knew better.

She hugged everyone, and I walked her to the big, white rental SUV. I hugged her as she clung to me, kissed my neck and whispered that she loved me. I swallowed hard and inhaled her for the last time, trying to suppress the huge ache clanging in my heart.

“I love you too,” I whispered to her as she held onto me. “Thanks for everything.”

“Keep in touch,” she said stepping back from my hug, emotion evident in her tone, “I mean like call me and text me, a lot,” she smiled and wiped away tears.

“I will,” I nodded.

“Stay strong, Alex,” she placed her palms on my chest, “you’re the best man I know.”

I closed my eyes briefly, “Go.”

She nodded and climbed up into the huge truck and just like that, the force of nature that was Lacey Davenport left, churning up just as much dirt as she did when she arrived. I stood at the end of the dirt road, watching as she disappeared into the distance and wondered how it was that in my life the things I truly wanted were always just out of my reach.