Chapter Twenty-four
Water slides, a wave pool, and all the overpriced snow cones you could eat. As far as Tim knew, there were only two Splashtowns: one in San Antonio and another near Houston. Back in high school, Ben often hinted that they go, but of course Tim had been too twisted up with fear then. That they were finally going now tied in nicely with his high school nostalgia tour, even if the “astronaut of the stratosphere” was tagging along. Tim was just happy Jace had agreed to this nutty plan. Maybe Marcello knew what he was talking about.
Only Allison’s presence threw him off. Why did Ben insist on bringing his fiercest chaperone? As Tim drove them to San Antonio, Ben spent half the trip down in the backseat with Allison, laughing it up or singing—especially when Tim tried making conversation with Ben. Hearing that voice again—even slightly changed due to age—was worth the beating Tim’s confidence was taking.
A guard at the gate checked Tim’s name against a list before they were allowed into the park. Party headquarters was at a restaurant near the entrance. Despite Marcello’s promise of Austin’s hottest guys, all the other party-goers were much older and fully clothed. Maybe the eye candy was out enjoying the actual park, like Tim was eager to do, but he wanted to at least put in an appearance. Marcello greeted him dressed in a ridiculous Hawaiian-patterned shirt, complete with hula dancers and pineapples.
“Happy 49th,” Tim teased, giving him a hug. “I didn’t get you anything because you’re already too damn rich.”
Marcello batted his eyelashes. “The only thing I’ve ever wanted is your happiness. Speaking of which, who do we have here?”
Tim made the introductions. When he got to Jace, Marcello snuck Tim a look of approval. Wrong guy, dumb ass! Even Marcello thought Jace was hot, and he’d been around the block—maybe even the globe—a few times. After a little more birthday banter, they were free to hit the locker room. Allison went her way, while he, Jace, and Ben got changed on the boys’ side.
When they met again back outside, the sun warming their skin, he caught Ben looking him over. Tim stretched and casually flexed. Of course he wanted to win Ben over with more than just his body, but he’d take what he could get.
They started with the nearest water slides, and for a while Tim forgot about his intended conquest and just had fun. The park was nearly empty except for nomadic groups of gay guys. The lifeguards on duty appeared either amused or uncomfortable, many seeming happy to see a girl in their group. Allison soon abandoned them for the attention of one of those lifeguards. One down, one to go.
The wave pool came next. They lost themselves in the oddly enjoyable experience of getting knocked around by water. More than once Tim let himself “accidentally” collide with his former flame. Ben even forgot himself enough to smile, his eyes half-lidded before he seemed to wake from his dream and look around for Jace.
As fun as flirting was, Tim figured he wasn’t likely to get anywhere while Jace was around. They tried tubing next, Tim preferring to swim along the slow-moving river. After a break for lunch, they hit the artificial lagoon. Ben caught Tim staring and splashed him, so Tim splashed back before Jace playfully came to his rescue. Soon they were in the middle of a huge—but friendly—water fight. As much as Tim wanted to, he couldn’t dislike Jace. Regardless, he was still glad when Ben’s boyfriend waded back to shore to dry out in the sun.
Tim headed toward a wall of rocks, showing Jace that Ben was left alone. Once he climbed onto a stony outcrop, Tim watched them both—Jace to see if he was checking on them and Ben, who was floating on his back. Tim couldn’t stop staring. Ben’s body had matured, but he would probably never be very big. He didn’t really have any muscle, but Tim didn’t care. He liked Ben’s size, how it made him feel stronger in comparison. He wanted to wrap his arms around that narrow torso, squeezing until Ben laughed and told him to stop, just like they used to.
And then he wanted to do a whole lot more.
Three waterfalls coursed over the wall of rocks, behind one a grotto. Glancing toward the shore, he saw Jace lounging there. Chances were, his eyes were closed behind the shades he was wearing, so Tim moved toward the cave.
“Check it out!” he called, hopefully just loud enough for Ben to hear. “There’s a cave behind this one.”
Ben waded over to see. Tim stood beneath the waterfall, the pressure of the flow relaxing his muscles, the cool water helping keep down one muscle in particular. As soon as Ben was near, he held out an arm, breaking the water flow and creating a door for Ben to duck through. The cramped interior was lit solely by filtered light from the entrance. The small pool inside was probably designed for kids, only deep enough to reach Ben’s waist. Tim waded in, the water lapping at his crotch as if encouraging him.
Ben still played the angel, looking at the water, the walls, anywhere but directly at Tim. “You know this is where everyone comes to pee,” he said.
Tim grinned. “Or to do other things.”
Ben didn’t react. “They should put a hot tub in here. That would be way cooler.”
Come on, Benjamin! Stop playing. “I liked hearing you sing today.” Tim moved a little closer to him. “In the car. It was nice.”
“Thanks.”
“Sometimes at night, on the very edge of sleep, I swear I could hear you singing.” Tim laughed at himself. “That sounds cheesy, but it’s true. Never in a million years did I think you’d be in my life again, that I really would be able to hear the sound of your voice.”
Ben’s attention was on the ceiling now, as if praying to God to help him avoid temptation. “Do you still paint?”
No more changing topics. No more talk. Tim remained silent, thinking about how long it had been since they had kissed, how Ben’s hand over his on a wooden spoon could feel more intimate than sex. Finally Ben looked at Tim with eyes both vulnerable and wanting. He started to say something, but Tim shook his head and moved in close. Wasn’t it about time they picked up where they’d left off?
Tim touched a lock of Ben’s hair, heavy with chlorinated water. He brushed it behind Ben’s ear and let his hand keep moving to the back of his head, pulling Ben in for a kiss.
Their lips met, but it wasn’t electric. Ben’s lips were mush beneath his, not responding, and Tim knew he had lost. He had tried everything he could, but Jace was the better— Fire! Ben’s lips came to life with hunger, his body pressing against his, and then Tim knew why Lucifer was so desperate to conquer Heaven and make it his own. He hadn’t been wrong, his memories polished by nostalgia. In fact, they had grown dusty and tarnished, because Tim had forgotten how wonderful kissing Ben could be.
Tim grabbed Ben tight, hands clenching at his back while Ben seemed so desperate to touch every part of him that he couldn’t settle at one place. He felt Ben’s hardness rub against his own and wished he could shout down the walls of the cave, sealing them safely away from the outside world forever and ever.
The constant roar of the waterfall was broken before Jace spoke. “About done?”
Ben shoved Tim away hard enough that he fell backward, splashing into the water. At the cave entrance, Jace’s towering form blocked out the light, and Tim wondered if he would have to fight. Except Jace’s face wasn’t angry but drawn and hurt. He didn’t even look at Tim. Only at Ben who spluttered an apology.
Tim got to his feet, Jace’s gaze flicking in his direction.
“Maybe you should wait for us outside, Tim.”
He didn’t like the sound of that. Maybe Jace hid his anger well, only revealing his demon when others weren’t looking. Tim left through the waterfall, staying close to the entrance and straining to listen. If Jace flipped out, Tim would step in to save Ben, and it would be check and mate.
Ben was apologizing again, the regret in his voice like a knife in Tim’s chest. How could Ben regret what had felt so perfect? Tim soon forgot his pain when he heard Jace’s response.
“It’s all right.”
Ben’s reply mirrored Tim’s thoughts. “What?”
“I said it’s all right.” Jace was closer to the entrance and easier to hear. “I knew something like this would happen eventually, if it hadn’t already.”
“I didn’t do anything with him before!” Ben replied. “Just now, I promise.” There was a pause, Tim straining to hear more when Ben spoke again. “Aren’t you angry?”
“Not really. Old feelings don’t just disappear overnight. It’s normal that you and Tim still find each other attractive.”
Great. Now Jace was channeling Eric, sending a surge of guilt zipping down to Tim’s stomach.
“That’s it?” Ben didn’t sound happy. “I wish you were pissed. At least then I could tell that you care.”
“I care.” Jace’s voice was louder now. “I just thought I’d give you the benefit of the doubt.”
“What’s there to doubt? You saw everything. I did something stupid, and you should hate me for it.”
No, it wasn’t stupid. They did what they both desperately wanted. Tim leaned closer to hear Jace’s response, his ear grazing the waterfall.
“I’d never hate you.”
Nice move, but Tim wasn’t about to let things turn sweet again. He pushed through the entrance, grinning shamelessly at Jace as he waded into the pool. “Hey, it’s my fault. I grabbed him and started kissing him. Ben wasn’t even kissing back. Really. Please don’t blame him.”
Jace nodded as if considering his words. Then he pulled his fist back and swung so fast that Tim didn’t even have time to flinch. Boom! Those big gentle hands of his fucking hurt! Tim fell backwards into the water, laid out so flat that this time his head went under. He felt hands grab him and pull him up again, but he didn’t need to wipe the water from his eyes to know they belonged to Jace. Tim’s head was still reeling from the punch, but as soon as it cleared, he would tear Jace to pieces. The asshole even helped Tim lean against a wall so he could recover, making him all the more livid.
Jace released him and turned toward Ben. “How’s that for angry? Come on, we’re going home.”
Tim looked at Ben, waiting for him to say no, to declare his love for him. But instead he followed Jace out of the cave, only sparing him the smallest of glances. Tim let him go. There would be another time when Jace wasn’t around, when they couldn’t be interrupted, and then Ben would be free to give into the feelings they both shared. Tim wasn’t giving up. Not now. Not ever.
* * * * *
Rubbing his jaw, Tim made his way to the front of the park, hoping to catch Ben and Jace in another argument on the way, but they seemed to have disappeared. He didn’t know how. Were they going to walk back to Austin? It was that or wait for Marcello’s party buses to shuttle most people home.
The restaurant hosting Marcello’s party was packed now, people trading fun in the sun for cool drinks in the shade. Tim wished he hadn’t driven down so he could have a stiff drink. After changing back into his clothes, Tim grabbed a beer anyway, leaving it closed but pressing the cold bottle to his jaw. No sign of Ben and Jace here either, but Marcello spotted him and made his way over.
“From the red mark on your cheek,” Marcello said, “I take it your friend said no.”
“He said yes.” Tim grimaced. “His boyfriend said no.”
Marcello chuckled, clapping his hands together. “Well, be sure to make your next move before the dust settles.”
“Huh?”
“Little infidelities can either tear a couple apart or push them together again. It just depends on how forgiving the other person is.”
Great. Jace was ridiculously noble and would probably try harder in their relationship. “Round two will have to wait because I think they took off. I’m about to do the same.”
“Not before I blow out the candles on my cake.”
“Yeah, all right.” Tim tried to put the whole incident behind him and act cheerful. After all, it was Marcello’s birthday. But after a slice of cake he said a quick goodbye and left the restaurant. On his way, he bumped into Allison.
“Tim! Where are the boys? I’ve been looking everywhere.”
Man. Couldn’t they have taken Allison with them? “I’m pretty sure they left.”
“Without me?”
He shrugged.
Allison gave him a knowing look. “What did you do?”
Tim rolled his eyes and headed for the parking lot, Allison on his heels.
“You can’t just abandon me here!”
“There are shuttle buses leaving later.”
“There’s a bus leaving now, and I’m the only passenger!”
Tim glanced back at her. They were two peas in a pod, Ben and Allison. “Come on then.”
He was sure he would get the third degree, but as they hit the highway, Allison had other things on her mind.
“Twenty-three, a licensed lifeguard, and drop dead gorgeous,” she raved. “And he still lives with his mother?”
“I don’t think being a lifeguard pays very much,” Tim replied.
“That doesn’t matter, not to me. He likes living with his mother and was talking about me meeting her. I suggested dinner. He suggested lunch with his mom. I’m sorry, but if you already have a lady in your life, I’m not interested. Especially if you’re related to her.”
Tim laughed. “If he was that hot, you could have slept with him before bailing.”
“Only guys think that way.” Allison paused. “Okay, so maybe women think like that too, but we don’t act on it as much. Speaking of which.”
“What?”
“You know what. You did something to chase Ben and Jace away.”
Tim shrugged. “It takes two to tango.”
Allison sighed, shaking her head. “Ben, Ben, Ben. Why does he never listen to me?”
“Nothing personal, but I’m glad he doesn’t.”
“I bet!” Allison gave him a playful slap on the arm.
Tim glanced over at her. “You aren’t pissed at me?”
“I don’t know all the details yet. Give me time.”
Why the hell not? Tim told her everything that had happened. She’d hear it all from Ben anyway.
“It’s just nostalgia,” Allison said when he was finished.
“No, it’s not.”
“It is. You’re both in love with the person you remember from high school. Have you changed?”
“Yeah, of course, but—”
“So has Ben.”
“That doesn’t mean it won’t work. We’re more compatible now because we’ve changed.”
Allison wasn’t convinced. “That’s what you think. You won’t know until you try. Everything is different now. When you first met Ben, he was desperate for any kind of relationship. He would have fallen for any guy willing to have him. After high school, he never had trouble finding a boyfriend, and since Jace, he’s been totally happy.”
“And yet he kissed me back.”
“Nostalgia,” Allison repeated. “Maybe it could work, but to find out, you would have to wreck a two-year relationship.”
“Ben and I were together a year,” he retorted, but that sounded lame even to his own ears. How much of that time did Ben spend trying to get Tim to ditch Krista and admit his feelings? With Jace, it was probably fireworks and valentines from the very beginning. Maybe Allison was right. He didn’t stand a chance.
But once he had dropped her off, Tim’s mind wandered back to that kiss in the grotto, how more than their bodies had caught fire. They belonged together, and Tim wasn’t about to make the same mistake again. This time he wouldn’t let Ben go.
* * * * *
“We need to talk.”
Tim tried to analyze Ben’s voice. Over the phone he couldn’t rely on facial expression. Did he sound wistful? Reluctant?
“About what?” Tim replied.
Ben hesitated. “Everything.”
That was vague. “Okay. Like this, or—?”
“Can I come over?”
“Yeah! Of course. How about right now?”
“All right.” Ben didn’t sound particularly happy or excited. “I’ll see you soon.”
Tim paced the house for the next hour, walking to the front windows and checking the driveway. This was bad. Had Ben said “I need to see you!” he wouldn’t be worried right now. Instead they were going to talk, but what couldn’t be said over the phone? Of course this could be a good thing. In person, they could pick up where they had left off.
When Ben’s car pulled in the driveway, Tim was already out the door and standing in the yard before the engine went silent. Ben seemed preoccupied, barely looking in his direction. Then the car door opened and something small and fat hopped out and ran to him, its whole body quivering with excitement.
Tim stared in surprise. “You got a dog?”
“No,” Ben corrected, “you got a dog.”
Tim squatted, the puppy doing little leaps to lick at his face. The little booger was ugly in the most adorable way possible. Tim stroked its head and jiggled its furry sides, laughing at the loose skin that looked like a kid dressed up in grownup clothing. “This is a bulldog, right?”
“Yeah.” Ben kneeled on the grass, the puppy running back and forth between them. “I was on my way over here and stopped for some beer—uh, which I totally forgot about—and there was this lady looking for a good home for these puppies. I figure not many people have a home better than you.”
Tim sniffed, but not because he was moved. “What smells like pee?”
“That would be me.” Ben winced. “She got excited and peed all over my shirt.”
“It’s a girl? Hm. She needs a good Spanish name. Pepita maybe.”
Ben flashed him a smile, always loving it when Tim broke out the foreign lingo. “What’s that mean?”
“Pumpkin seed. Sounds cute, doesn’t it?”
Ben shook his head. “Too random!”
Tim grabbed the puppy, trying to get her to hold still for a few seconds so he could take a look. The little fat body and squashed face reminded him of another animal. “Then she’ll be my little Chinchilla! Isn’t that right, my stubby little puppy? Are you my Chinchilla?”
The dog barked, causing them to laugh. Tim met Ben’s eye, catching the tender admiration there, but he was still worried. This hadn’t been the plan. Ben meant to pick up beer for their big talk, which was probably intended to soften the blow. But maybe Chinchilla had earned him another shot.
“I don’t have anything a dog needs. Let’s go shopping!”
“What, now?”
“Yeah, why not?”
After running into the house to fetch Ben a clean shirt, they piled into Tim’s car like a perfect little family and headed to a huge pet store. Normally Tim tried to be cautious with the money Eric had left him, but not today. He splurged on everything a dog could need from the very best puppy food to just about every toy the store offered. He even ordered a dog house to be delivered—not that Chinchilla would need to sleep there unless she wanted to.
Then they brought her home, letting her tear into her new toys and chasing after her as she plowed through the house. Finally, when it seemed she would never stop peeing, barking, and chewing, Chinchilla rolled over on the floor and conked out. Tim looked at Ben with exaggerated relief, catching something in his expression that made him nervous. They stood as quietly as possible, letting the puppy snooze on the carpet as they snuck over to the couch.
“This was a nice surprise,” Tim said casually. “I thought you were coming over to tell me that Jace wants my head on a platter.”
“No.” Ben’s face became guarded. “Jace was very understanding about everything, but there is something we need to talk about.”
“Oh yeah?”
“I can’t handle this.” Now the mask slipped, Ben looking strained. “My feelings for you, I mean. They never went away—”
“That’s a good thing,” Tim interrupted.
“No, it’s not. I love Jace. I’ve been with him a long time, and I plan on staying with him.”
Tim grabbed his arm. “I can give you everything he can. More, even.”
Ben shook his head, jaw clenching. “I’m with Jace. And that’s how it’s going to stay.”
Tim let go. The words stung. Maybe he had moved too quickly, but it wasn’t too late. They could start over, build up slowly. “Okay. Fine. That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.”
“Yeah, it does, Tim, because that’s not how I see you.”
“That’s not how I see you either, so why fight it?”
“Because I love Jace, and I’ve already hurt him more than I ever should have.”
“And you don’t love me?” Tim pleaded. “I know you do, because I feel the same way.”
Ben stared at him wide-eyed and confused. Then he leapt to his feet, Chinchilla’s head whipping up in response. “I have to go. I don’t think we should see each other. For a while, at least.”
Ben headed for the door, breaking into a run when he reached the hallway.
“Benjamin, wait!”
Tim chased after him, Chinchilla following like it was a game. Ben was getting in his car when Tim made it outside, but Chinchilla didn’t see him, stocky legs pumping as she kept running for the sheer joy of it. She was heading for the street, and Tim had a nightmare vision of Ben—blinded by tears as he sped away—running over her. Tim sprinted and leapt, nearly tackling Chinchilla to stop her. She squirmed safely in his arms as he raised his head to see Ben leaving him all over again.