It was the same every time I delivered a baby. The sense of extreme euphoria, the sweat, the tears from the mother, sometimes the father, and then the moment I left the room and was alone again. The satisfaction of what I’d achieved would settle on my shoulders and stay there.

I walked down the hall, half an hour after my most recent delivery, and shoved aside the negative thoughts that came once the satisfaction had dissipated.

You’ll never be a mother. You can’t do what you wanted the most in the world. None of it means anything.

Instead of focusing on those, I turned my mind toward Noah and how tender he’d been with me before I’d gotten the call to come to the hospital. He’d been so sweet, so romantic, and totally not like the Noah I’d thought I knew.

God, he was the opposite of that teenage asshole. Either he’d grown up or he’d hidden this side of himself from me all along.

I halted by the nurses’ station to grab a cup of cooler water—my nickname for water-cooler water—and drank deeply from it, then checked the time on the clock on the back wall, smiling at Gabby as I did.

She sat behind the computer, yawning every now and again, dark circles under her eyes.

“Seven,” she said. “Way too early for me to be up right now. I can’t believe I chose this shift.”

“Not a morning person?” I asked, grinning at her.

“Not even close. How was your morning, Dr. Gray?”

“Great,” I said, as enthusiastic as I could muster without a second cup of coffee in my system yet. “It was great. No trouble this time.” The last delivery hadn’t been as easy—baby in breach and a mother in a significant amount of pain. The result had been good, though, and that was what mattered in the end.

I watched as Gabby, our local gossip, set about fixing a pot of coffee, and leaned my elbows on the desk for a break. I didn’t have any appointments until about 9:00, but there was no point shooting back to the apartment and then coming all the way back in the next two hours. Even though Noah in bed was a serious temptation.

“Oh,” I said, as I scanned the desk and the decorations that the nurses had placed against the wall above it—tinsel, a wreath, and even a sprig of mistletoe. “Merry Christmas Eve Day!”

“Is that a thing?” Gabby asked, and trudged over with a Styrofoam cup of coffee. She gave it to me, then got one for herself.

“It is now,” I replied. “Thanks.” I took a sip of my coffee and relished it, even though it wasn’t exactly the best quality. St. Katherine’s had a strict “no wasted expenses” policy.

We slurped our drinks in semi-silence, the distant call of the intercom and the footsteps of people traversing the hall drifting between us. Gabby sipped on the cup like it was her last connection to sanity, and I didn’t blame her for it.

“Good morning.” Noah’s voice drifted up the hall, and we both turned to witness his approach.

Strong stride, already wearing his white coat with a pen peeking out of his top pocket, which was embroidered with his name.

Gabby fluttered her eyelashes and straightened immediately. “Good morning, Dr. Cox. How are you today?”

“I’m good,” he said without looking at her. He had eyes only for me, and my heart skipped a beat. “Appointment in a half hour, a fantastic start to the morning, even though I am damn tired. Got any more of that coffee? To go?”

“Right away, doctor,” Gabby simpered, then hurried to the machine and poured him a cup.

Noah and I stared at each other, a smile creeping across my lips and reflected in his expression. He licked his lips and gave me a little wink, and I dragged my teeth across my bottom lip. My body responded to him again, and I forced myself to look away.

We were at work! We had to remain professional.

“Here you are, doctor,” Gabby said, and handed him the cup. “Merry Christmas Eve Day.”

I blinked and looked over at the nurse, opening my mouth, then closing it again. Noah didn’t notice a damn thing, certainly not the nurse, but squeezed my upper arm. “Have a good day,” he said softly. “I’ll see you at home later.” And then he was gone, off down the hall and toward one of the examination rooms to prepare for his appointment.

“Home?” Gabby asked, her eyes glistening with curiosity. “Did I hear what I think I just heard? You and Dr. Cox?”

I shook my head. God, the last thing we needed was the gossip mill to churn up rumors. I wasn’t sure if St. Katherine’s had any rules about fraternization, but I didn’t want those types of thoughts in the staff’s mind, regardless. Least of all the nurses.

“Of course not,” I said and set down my cup on the desk. “And that’s a really personal question, anyway, Gabby.”

“Oh, I know,” the nurse replied, fluffing her dark hair. “But we’re all friends around here, aren’t we?”

Are we? “Dr. Cox is an old family friend,” I continued—I’d squash this rumor before it was afforded the chance to take wing. “That’s all.”

“Of course.”

“Yes, he’s close to my brother, if you must know. I recently had trouble at my apartment, and Dr. Cox was kind enough to offer me a place to stay until everything is sorted out.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Gabby said, her lips in no way downturned. In fact, a grin had stolen onto her face. “And that explains so much.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

Maggie, the kinder nurse in maternity, turned the corner and walked toward us. “Good morning,” she announced. “How is everyone today? I’ve done my first round of checks, and the mommies are looking happy and healthy, as are their little ones.”

“Morning, Maggie,” I said, but I refocused on Gabriela almost immediately. “What did you mean by that?”

“Mean by what?” Gabby asked, innocently.

“That it explains so much? You said that me living with Dr. Cox explains so much?”

Maggie’s head swiveled toward Gabby. “Are you causing trouble again?”

“No,” the other nurse replied. “I’m just talking.”

“Yes, well, no good has ever come of you talking.” Maggie sighed and walked around to the computer. She took a seat and began typing away. The phone rang and she answered it, but the flurry of activity did nothing to placate me.

“Gabby, what did you mean by that?”

“It’s not so much you staying with Dr. Cox that makes sense,” Gabby said at last, shifting her coffee cup from one side of the countertop to the other. “It’s that you said he’s a family friend. I just never understood why Dr. Cox went to such lengths to make sure you were at St. Katherine’s, and now I do. That’s all.”

“Such lengths?” My brow wrinkled up.

“Well, yeah,” Gabby said. “Everyone knows that he’s the one who got you the job.”

Maggie had finally hung up, and she rose from her seat. “Gabby!”

“What?”

“I told you not to spread gossip and rumors. There’s no—”

“Oh, please,” the dark-haired nurse said, rolling her eyes. “It’s no big deal. Dr. Cox was obviously correct in getting her the interview. Dr. Gray is great at what she does. I just wondered why her, is all, and now I know. Family friends. Interesting what friends in high places can get you, is all.”

“What?” My stomach dropped so hard it should’ve penetrated the crust of the earth, straight through the mantle down to the core. “What are you talking about?”

“You didn’t know?” Gabriela asked, feigning shock. “Well, that’s interesting. I wonder why he didn’t tell you. I thought for sure you were in on the whole thing.”

The words coming out of the nurse’s mouth were English, they made perfect sense, yet my brain couldn’t process them or what was going on. “Gabby, speak plainly. How do you mean Dr. Cox got me the job?”

“Oh, I’ve really put my foot in it now,” she said and pressed her lips to her mouth. She moved them aside, slowly, rubbing her fingers together to check she hadn’t ruined her lipstick. “See, Dr. Cox has connections at the hospital. His older brother donated a lot of money to St. Katherine’s, as in, he’s on the board of directors. He bought his way in, I guess. So, when St. Katherine’s had a vacancy here, rumor has it that Dr. Cox went directly to his brother and asked that he push you through as a potential candidate.”

I shuddered a gasp.

That was…not crazy. It made perfect sense. Marc had been the one who’d contacted me about the possible job interview, and when I’d called about it, they’d immediately told me to come on down and talk. There’d been no hesitation, no needing to see my resume first. I’d figured my brother had merely been on the lookout for me, not that the whole opportunity had been manufactured for me.

This, combined with the pictures Noah had snapped of me… Well, it was telling. He’d brought me here. And for what? Not because he thought I was a great doctor. No, that wasn’t it. Because he’d seen me as that high-school conquest, and my brother, knowingly or not, had helped him with that.

Doubt spiraled through my mind. What if he’d… What if Noah had somehow flooded Luna’s apartment? What if he’d done it all to gain power over me? To fulfill whatever desire he’d had as a teen?

It was too confusing.

“Dr. Gray?” Gabby was practically in a state of rapture over my reaction. Happy from head to toe.

The dream I’d had of working here, of doing what suited me and starting over somewhere else, was dashed. None of what I’d achieved at this hospital was mine to claim. It had been handed to me on a silver platter, and I was the idiot who’d accepted it all without question.

“Dr. Gray,” Gabby repeated, but I didn’t reply for the second time.

I had to get out of there. I had to work this out.

Slowly, I placed my coffee cup on the counter, then took a step back. Noah had lied. I’d told him how important honesty was to me, and he’d acted, last night, no, this morning, like he was on board with that. Like he had no secrets to hide.

Yet, here I was.

I turned on my heel and marched back down the hall, toward my office. Two minutes later, I was inside it, the door shut and locked, and the phone’s receiver in my hand. I dialed my brother’s cell, and he picked up on the second ring.

“This is Gray,” he said.

“Marc, how did you hear about this job?”

“Huh?”

“It’s Erika. I need to know how you found out about the job at St. Katherine’s. About the interview, remember? You called me and told me to contact them?”

“Oh, right, of course,” he said. “Well, it was Noah. He got hold of me a couple weeks after the wedding, while we were still on honeymoon, and told me to call you with it. Why? What’s the problem?”

“Noah told you about it. Noah.”

“Yes. Sis, you sound really fucking weird. What’s going on?” Marc asked.

“Nothing,” I replied. “Nothing. I’ve gotta go. I’ll call you back some time. Keep safe. Um, send Jess my love, OK?”

“OK, but are you sure you’re—?”

I hung up without answering. I had one response to this, one option, and that was to end this dream before it had started, and to run, as fast and as far as I could.

Whatever Noah had wanted, he’d gotten. I’d given it to him, and I was the fool who’d fallen for it, hook, line, and sinker.