Alicia jumped as her phone rang.

Thank God! Alicia seized on it. ‘Justin, where are you?’ she said immediately, unable to keep the wretchedness from her voice. ‘I’ve been so worried. I thought something might have happened to you. Are you all right?’

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to disappear like that, or not to call you, I just…’

‘Needed some space?’ Alicia filled in sadly.

‘Definitely.’ Justin drew in a breath. ‘I have to see you, Alicia. Can we talk?’

Alicia felt the familiar knot of tension tighten in her stomach. He didn’t sound agitated. Drained, yes, but not angry. ‘When?’ she asked him.

‘Now. I’m outside.’

Outside the house? Alicia went to the window, and sure enough, he was parked outside. Clearly, he didn’t want to come into the house, which he would always normally do. Presumably because he wanted to avoid Jessica, which confirmed what her sister had said. Something had gone on between them, but not the something that at least one of them had hoped.

‘I’ll be one minute,’ she said, nodding as he glanced up at the window.

Debating whether to take her things out with her, Alicia decided to leave them where they were. Appearing with her bags would only raise more questions, and she didn’t want that. No doubt Justin wouldn’t want to wonder about what she might be up to or where she might be going either. She actually didn’t have a clue where she would go. A hotel, she supposed, at least for tonight.

‘Alicia?’ Jessica came out of the lounge as she reached the hall. ‘Can we talk?’

Alicia shook her head, incredulous. Did she honestly think they could? Now? Could she not see the damage she’d done? They still didn’t know what had happened to Sophie. It was something Alicia tried hard not to imagine. She’d thought they were close – as close as two sisters with completely different lifestyles could be. That they would be there for each other in a crisis. She’d been so wrong. Jessica had never been the sister she’d thought she was. Instead, she was a twisted person, driven by jealousy. She’d wanted children desperately. She’d wanted what Alicia had, and was obviously prepared to go to any lengths to get it. Alicia felt for her, even now, but she couldn’t ever forgive her for manipulating her own situation – or, more hurtfully, Justin’s – to her own ends.

‘I have to talk to Justin,’ she said, still not able to even look at her.

‘He’s not coming in then?’ Jessica asked.

‘No, Jessica. Are you surprised?’ Letting herself out, Alicia steeled herself for the questions Justin was bound to have. She hoped this time she would be able to answer coherently, and that he would be able to listen. If there was one good thing that had come from her confrontation with Jessica, she supposed it was that she was determined now to tell Justin everything.

Breathing deeply as she approached his car, she pulled open the passenger door and slipped inside.

‘Thanks,’ Justin said, glancing in her direction. ‘For coming out.’

‘You shouldn’t have left the hospital, Justin,’ Alicia ventured, after an awkward second. ‘Your wounds won’t be healed yet.’

Justin grimaced. ‘No, they won’t, not for a good while, I imagine.’

His tone wasn’t caustic or reproachful. If anything, it was subdued. ‘There are some things I need to ask you.’ He turned towards her, his eyes cautiously scanning hers. ‘I was hoping you could answer me honestly. If you can’t… well, then I suppose I’ll have my answer.’

Nodding, Alicia closed her eyes. She would give him honest answers, however ludicrous they sounded. She would have her answer, too, then, to the question she’d asked herself over and over: Would he have believed her?

‘You said you’d been drinking.’ He tugged in a breath, closing his own eyes briefly, Alicia noticed, possibly because of the pain in his chest. ‘Were you drunk?’ he asked, looking back at her.

‘Very,’ Alicia said, as she remembered it.

Justin waited a beat, then, ‘Not drugged?’ he asked tightly.

The question hit Alicia like a thunderclap, instantly propelling her back there, to the hotel room where she’d woken up to the unfamiliar smell of Paul Radley – a cloying mixture of body odour, bitter lemons and alcohol – with only jagged memories of how she’d got there. She felt again the peculiar bruises on her body that she’d had to hide. The reason she’d lied and then compounded her lies.

‘I… don’t know. I…’ she faltered. ‘I honestly don’t remember. I’ve tried. I’ve gone over it a million times trying to remember, but I don’t. I recall being at the bar. People drifting off. After that, nothing apart from hazy images, until the next morning.’

‘Jesus Christ!’ Justin said, pushing the heels of his hands hard against the steering wheel and dropping his head back against the headrest.

A heavy minute ticked by. Alicia was sure she could hear her heart beating, the rustle of the leaves on the wind outside.

‘Why didn’t you report him, Alicia?’ he asked throatily. He turned towards her when she didn’t answer.

Her mouth dry, her throat parched, Alicia met his gaze. Here was the crucial question, the absurdity of the choice she’d felt she had to make. ‘You asked if I was drugged?’ she said, as calmly as she could.

Justin looked confused.

‘Would it have made any difference if I wasn’t? she asked him. ‘If I was only drunk, would that have meant it shouldn’t have happened? That I could have stopped it in some way?’

‘No,’ Justin said categorically. ‘I’m just trying to establish the facts, Alicia. I’m not judging you.’

‘Aren’t you?’ Alicia studied him. ‘What would you have done, Justin? Knowing you might not be believed, what would you have done?’

Justin raked his hands through his hair. ‘You went back, Alicia. You saw him again. That’s the part I’m struggling with. Make me understand. For Christ’s sake, I need to. Tell me.’

Alicia swallowed, seeing the look in Paul Radley’s eyes as clear as day: dark, intent, calculating. He’d told her she’d been insatiable. Justin would never have to find out, he’d said, gliding his hand down her back as she’d groped desperately for her clothes, sending a shudder of utter repulsion right through her. Though she’d had no idea what had happened between the bar and the hotel room – in the hotel room – she’d known with absolute certainty that he’d meant Justin would find out. She’d questioned herself over and over since, guilt overriding her anger, doubt clouding her recollection. But she had known. Justin’s world had been falling apart, and, if she didn’t agree to his terms, Paul Radley would make sure it did. How in God’s name was she ever going to explain that, she’d thought then. She’d been young, naive, stupid, ashamed. Terrified. Finally, she’d been pregnant. No way to tell, no way to make anyone believe she hadn’t known how to say no.

Alicia glanced down and then back, making sure to hold Justin’s eyes this time. ‘He threatened to tell you,’ she said. ‘Obviously, it would have been his version of events. When he went abroad, I thought everything might be all right.’ She felt a tear wet her cheek and didn’t bother this time to wipe it away. ‘I prayed it would be, every day and every night. I was wrong. I lied. And now I’m being punished. I only have the word sorry, Justin. There’s no other way to tell you how I feel.’

Justin stared at her, a myriad of emotions in his eyes: incomprehension, shock and pure, unadulterated rage.

He didn’t respond initially, dropping his gaze and pressing his thumb hard against his forehead instead. And then, ‘You should go back in,’ he said gutturally, twisting to start the engine. ‘I have to go.’

‘Go? Go where?’ Fear gripped Alicia’s stomach. ‘Justin! Where do you have to go?’ she asked frantically.

Justin breathed hard. ‘To finish the job.’

‘Justin, no.’ Cold foreboding sweeping through her, Alicia clutched his arm, immediately reliving the sickening impact on that dark day, when their little boy had been taken from them. ‘Please…’ she begged him. ‘Don’t, Justin. You’re not well. Please, just let him go. I want him out of my life. Out of our lives. If you do this, he won’t ever be, don’t you see?’

Searching his face, she waited, her heart palpitating manically as she watched him suck in a long breath. ‘You should have reported him,’ he said hoarsely. ‘You should have told me, Alicia. You should have been able to. Fuck!’ He slammed his hand against the steering wheel.

Alicia caught hold of his hand as he moved it again to his forehead. ‘I should have,’ she said hesitantly. ‘I know, now, that I could have.’

He looked at her, his eyes awash with tears. ‘Jesus, Alicia.’ He gulped hard, ‘I am so sorry.’ Moving his hand tentatively to her face, he grazed his thumb gently across her cheek. ‘So sorry.’

‘Don’t be,’ Alicia said, pressing her forehead to his. ‘We don’t have time for any more regrets. We have to find Sophie.’

Blowing out a ragged breath, Justin nodded. ‘Can we talk more?’ he asked her hesitantly. ‘Just generally, I mean,’ he added quickly, clearly noticing her uncertainty.

She wanted to talk to him, so badly wanted to reach out to him, for him to reach out to her and talk about all they were going through. Even to lie silently next to him, rest her head on his chest and listen to the reassuring thrum of his heart – that’s when she’d always felt safest, able to shut out the world and all the bad things in it – would salve the raw pain inside her. To delve into this, though, to relive the memories she’d tried so hard to forget… She wasn’t sure she would be able to do that.

‘I don’t need the detail, Ali,’ he said. ‘I’d like to think you could talk to me, but only if you wanted to.’

Smiling tremulously, Alicia nodded. She hadn’t been wrong about this man. She hadn’t been wrong to love him completely.

Justin reached to wipe another errant tear from her cheek. ‘We’ll find her,’ he said softly. ‘If you don’t want to be at the house, I get that, but…’ He paused. ‘I miss you, Alicia. Come back to me.’

Alicia’s heartbeat picked up in a different way as she saw the hopeful look in his eyes. Nodding again, she hesitated for the briefest second and then pressed her lips softly to his, possibly giving him a very snotty kiss.

‘I have something urgent I need to attend at the hospital,’ Justin said, easing away from her. ‘I’ll come straight back, if that’s okay with you?’

Alicia hesitated, and then nodded. She didn’t particularly want to go back inside, but she had her things to collect. ‘I hope you’re going to get yourself checked over while you’re there?’ She gave him an admonishing look.

Justin managed a smile. ‘I will. I promise.’

Alicia nodded, relieved, and then glanced back to the house. She would have to tell him she wanted nothing to do with her sister, possibly ever again, but there was another conundrum: how to explain that without seeming to be accusing him of anything or embarrassing him.

‘Alicia, about Jessica,’ he said apprehensively, raising the subject for her. ‘I realise this is a big ask, but do you think we could maybe not share information with her?’ He glanced awkwardly away. ‘I think we need to trust each other now. No one else.’

Alicia scanned his eyes, as he turned back to her. His expression was definitely awkward, but it also held a warning, communicating all Alicia needed to know. He was aware, as she now was, of the hurt Jessica had caused, and still could.

Holding his gaze, she nodded resolutely. They had an understanding. There were no words needed.

‘I’ll ring you,’ Justin said. ‘As soon as I’ve finished at the hospital. It shouldn’t be too long. Will you be okay until then?’

Again, Alicia nodded. ‘I need to get my things together,’ she said. It would never be whole without her children, but it was possible her heart might have started functioning again.

‘One more thing, Alicia.’ Justin stopped her as she reached for her door. ‘Radley – he’s dangerous. He’s possibly a danger to Sophie, should she contact him again. I understand why you felt you couldn’t say anything before, but…’ He hesitated, studying her carefully. ‘I think Taylor needs to know everything now, for her sake.’

Seeing the genuine fear in his eyes, Alicia felt a shudder run through her. He was right. Paul wouldn’t hurt Sophie, surely? But even the slightest threat, in whatever form… Swallowing, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. ‘I’ll ring the station,’ she said. ‘I’ll do it from my car, out of earshot of Jessica.’

Justin sighed, clearly relieved, and then leaned towards her. ‘For what it’s worth, I’m here for you, Ali,’ he said, brushing her lips with his own. ‘Just so you know.’

Alicia immediately did what she’d been aching to do and threw her arms around him. ‘It’s worth a lot,’ she assured him tearfully. ‘And just so you know, there was never a second I didn’t love you. I always will.’

Justin squeezed her back. ‘I’ll call you,’ he promised, pulling away to kiss her forehead softly. ‘As soon as I can.’

Watching him go, Alicia realised that Jessica really was a bad judge of men. Justin would never have got involved with her. Perhaps another woman, in time, possibly, if they’d had no future together, but he wouldn’t have jumped at the first available female, particularly if that female was Alicia’s sister. He just wasn’t made that way.

Turning to the house, she was going over in her mind what she would say to DI Taylor – it was going to be one of the most difficult calls she’d made in her life – when her phone received a text. It was from Paul Radley, as if he’d known he was under discussion. Reluctantly, she checked it, and then froze, her stomach lurching violently as she stared down at the photograph: Sophie, lying asleep on her stomach, one hand resting on her pillow, her passport lying beside her. A single rose on the duvet. A significant gesture, that’s what he’d said when he’d given one to her. He’d quoted something. Something to do with a rose bush growing in the pool of blood spilled from Aphrodite’s slain lover, Adonis. He’d said it symbolised immortal love, love that would never fade, even through time or death… meaning they would be together forever.

She read the text.