“Hey babe, I’ve got some news. Some of it is fucking awful and some is fucking amazing, how do you want it?” My agent, the straight shooter, cuts right to the chase.

“Bad news first,” I plug the ear I don’t have pressed into the phone and walk out of the room into the hall like I’m trying to hear her over a concert or something. The house is pin-drop quiet, it’s, the sexual tension I can’t seem to hear her over. Even though it’s silent, it makes my blood rush in my ears like an ocean breaking waves.

“Your co-star quit. He couldn’t get the salary he was demanding and it all fell through,” I can hear her breathe out smoke into the air as she talks.

I stop pacing the hall floor and almost laugh. “That’s, the awful news? Dramatic much? That’s not the end of the world, they will replace him,” I shake my head at Fiona’s theatrics.

“No, Vanessa, you didn’t let me finish. They did replace him already. They’ve got it all figured out, but, babe, are you sitting down?”

“No,” I pinch my fingers onto my nose between my eyes and wait for the big announcement, “just tell me.”

“Your new co-star is Erik,” her words hit my heart like a rock and then that rock seems to slowly sink inside of me until it settles in my gut.

“No,” I spit out the word like it’s burning my mouth.

“Yes, I’m sorry honey. I know you two had a bad break up, but the studio is loving this. They’ve already made a big announcement and everything. And someone supposedly leaked the whole romance that you two had so the buzz is already building about you guys working together.

“No, no, no,” I feel like if I say it enough this will stop. Fiona’s words, will stop and just like Dorothy repeating how “there’s no place like home,” I will wake up in my bed and this will all be a dream.

“It’s true. I’m sorry hun.” She sounds like a dragon breathing fire as she smokes on her end of the phone. I lean my head against the wall and whimper. “But I hate that douchebag. How am I supposed to pretend to love someone who makes me want to stab them in the face? This is so fucking stupid,” I hit my forehead against the wall.

“I don’t know, isn’t, all acting just make believe? Do that.” She answers plainly. From anyone else I’d think they were being a snarky bitch, but with Fiona I know her bluntness is just her nature. She’s right, of course, it shouldn’t matter that he used me like a prop for months, taking me to all the Hollywood parties and telling me he could really see a future together only to cheat on me and break up with me via text right before the Oscars because I was “too chunky to be Oscar red carpet material.”

The fucking prick.

“What is the good news?” I flatten my face into the wall, hoping that she’s going to tell me her good news is she’s fucking with me and this is all a lie.

“Just a sec,” I can hear her phone jostling around and the wind whoosh over it as she yells in the background, “Where did you learn to drive, you fuckwad? Get the fuck outta here!” She screams. “Sorry about that,” her voice is suddenly crystal clear and calm again, like she wasn’t just another raving lunatic on the LA. freeway two seconds ago.

“Fiona, you really need to get a handsfree set. Like, seriously,” I groan. “One of these days you’re gonna kill someone.”

“Not because of talking on the phone, that’s for sure,” she argues, “but if they can’t learn to drive,” I can hear her teeth gritting, “then I just might.”

“Fiona,” I sigh, but I give up before I say another word. I know she won’t listen anyway. “What’s the good news?”

“Right, right, right. The good news is you thought this movie might propel your career and you’re right. Since that whole supposed leak and the co-star thing all the rags are picking up the story. Entertainment Tonight wants to do an interview with you and Erik, TMZ is covering the replacement. It’s all everyone seems to be talking about. I’m telling you, Vanessa, this is going to put your name on Hollywood Boulevard!”

But at what cost? I can’t help but feel like I’m selling my soul a little if making my career means working with a man who treated me like garbage and made me feel bad about myself. I try to push the thoughts, the anger I still have for him, all aside, and focus on the good, but I’m failing. This role was supposed to be for me. It was supposed to help me understand myself and possibly help me explore the part of my sexuality that I still have never uncovered. Now, it’s going to be all about Erik fucking Fisher. The guy who could never even come close to making me cum. The guy who told me I was too fat to be sexy. So much for this role helping me in my personal life. Now it’s just going to be a job. A job I dread.

“Ok that’s great,” I answer her cheerlessly.

“You don’t sound happy about it,” she pouts.

“No, I am. For sure,” I lie. “I’ve just gotta go, I’m heading out for yoga and don’t want to be late. Love you babe,” I chirp, hanging up before she has a chance to protest.

I drop my hand that’s wrapped around my phone to my side, dangling like a dead fish on a line. Pushing myself up from the wall, I take a deep breath, trying to bury the anger and disappointment back down inside, but it keeps splashing up the back of my throat like stomach acid, tainting my tongue with its foul taste.

Fuck that guy!

I whirl around and head back down into the guest room where Gabe is messing around with the television on the wall and he looks up at me with surprise.

“Listen,” I feel my stomach tighten into knots as the bad news about Erik overshadows my life. “I need to know if you want this job or not because I don’t have time for games and if you don’t want it, I need to find someone else,” I snap.

“Woah, good phone call?” He crosses his arms zeroing in on the source of my anger precisely.

“It doesn’t matter. Do you want the job or not?” I put my hands on my hips and face off with him defiantly.

“Sure, I’ll take the job,” he answers slowly, “on one condition,” I can see a spark behind his eyes.

“What’s that?” I answer crisply.

“I’ll take the job and I won’t even argue with your thing about bringing women over as long as you agree that I’m going to do things my way and if I’m going to protect you, you’re gonna play by my rules,” the way he says it sends a shiver down my spine. It isn’t hard to imagine being punished, laid out across his lap with a bare red bottom, for disobeying whatever these mystery rules are. Honestly, it sounds enticing.

“Deal.”