“Who the hell was that guy? Do you know him? Oh my God, did you fuck him?” She whispers her last question as the idea seems to just hit her.

“No, no, nothing like that,” I clamp my mouth shut and swallow the confession about how I wish I had.

Fiona squints at me and then takes one last puff from her cigarette before dropping it out onto the pavement and blowing the last gray cloud from her lungs outside. “Is this about the movie? Because, listen, I know you want to take this part …”

“I have already accepted the part, Fiona,” I remind her.

“Yeah, I know,” she sighs deeply and runs her hands over her hair. “I know this is a great opportunity for your career, but I have got some concerns,” she rummages through her bag and pulls out a tiny plastic box of mints, popping it open and selecting one like she’s choosing a special Christmas chocolate out of the Pot of Gold box. Finally, she plucks one out and pops it into her mouth.

“What kind of concerns? That I will abandon you when I hit the big time?” I tease and steal one of her mints for myself, tucking it into my cheek.

“Ha-ha,” she answers humorlessly. “I’m being serious Vanessa, up until now you have always been the sidekick or the best friend or whatever, but you have never been pigeonholed into one personality type. This new role, it could define your entire career, but it could and probably will define the type of roles people will offer you from now on. If you’re playing a kind of sex-crazed nympho, that is the kind of stereotyping that sticks in this town.”

I suck on the mint and enjoy the refreshing blast of cool as it washes over my tongue. I know Fiona wants what’s best for me, but what she doesn’t know is that I need to take this part, not just for the potential to shoot my star into the sky, but for me.

“I don’t think that’s something we need to worry about,” I smile at her but she does not return my smile.

“Oh no? Well should I be worried about you hanging out in sex clubs with almost naked men I have never met before? Or is that all par for the course now too?” she sniffs.

“You don’t need to worry about that because I will never be going there again. It was too intense for me,” I admit. “I don’t even know why I went,” I lie.

“Research?”

“Sorta, more for me I guess. I mean, this part, this movie, the sex club, it’s all for me, if I’m being one-hundred-percent honest with you,” I drag my freshly manicured nails over the back of my hand and look down.

“What do you mean it’s for you?” She pushes me to explain. Fiona isn’t one for playing guessing games or subtlety. She’s an open book and believes that everyone around her should be the same. So, this tidbit I have been keeping from her is going to be a real shock for her.

“Well, remember how when Erik and I were together?”

“Ugh, yes,” she crinkles her nose in disgust. “What about him?”

“And, I told you he never made me cum right?”

“Well, if his pecker is as small as you said, it’s no wonder,” she distractedly reaches into her bag and pulls out her pack of cigarettes.

“It was that small, but that’s not why. The thing is, no one has ever made me cum. Literally no one.”

“Wait, are you serious?” She drops the almost empty box of smokes and looks directly at me with her eyebrows shot up toward the ceiling of the town car.

“Dead serious. No one has ever gotten me there,” I confess.

“Well, except for B.O.B, right? My battery-operated boyfriend never lets me down even when Josh gets lazy,” she giggles.

“No, not even a vibrator, or any toys. I’ve well, I’ve never had an orgasm ever,” heat prickles over my skin and makes me squirm in my seat uncomfortably as Fiona’s mouth drops open dramatically.

“Shut the fuck up! You’re lying,” she protests.

“I wish I was,” I shake my head. “It is the truth. The sad, pathetic truth. That is part of the reason I wanted this part so bad. I felt like if I could get inside my character’s head, if I could understand her compulsion, if I could experience her world, then maybe it would unlock whatever the fuck is jammed up inside me. I don’t want to die without ever feeling that connection with someone. Fuck, it’s so embarrassing that I have made it to twenty-four and never even come close. I don’t want this to keep haunting me,” I blurt it all out. My deep, dark secret. I wish my deepest burden was a secret drug addiction or something like that. At least that would be interesting. This, it’s just fucking sad.

“Woah, I…” for once Fiona is speechless. She clears her throat and looks me over as if she’s seeing me for the first time. I suppose, in a way, knowing this about me makes her feel that way. “I had no idea,” she finally manages to speak.

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t exactly writing it on the back of my headshots and spreading the news around town. It’s fucking embarrassing.”

“Have you seen a doctor about it?” She seems to snap back from her thoughts and tries to help me figure this out, like it’s a problem we can solve together.

“I did, last year. There’s no medical reason for it. The doctor said it must be psychological, like I can’t relax enough or something.”

“Are you sure you’re not chasing the wrong type? Maybe you should try batting for the home team for a bit. I dated a woman back in college for a bit and let me tell you, the way she ate pussy, I considered turning my phase into a lifestyle. If I wasn’t such a cock slut, I probably would have.”

“I’m not gay, Fiona,” I sigh.

“Oh.”

Silence shrouds us and I stare out the window as Fiona lights up another cigarette. My thoughts wander back to Gabe. Back to the club. The vibrating music and the pulsing need that was growing between my thighs. He had real promise, but now I will never know if it all would have ended the same way with him.

I lean my forehead against the cool glass of the car window and watch the city slide by in a surge of light as we finally break free from traffic and get moving down the freeway. The image of Gabe knocking out my bodyguards in his underwear rushes my brain and I bite my lip as I remember how his muscles, looked like they were etched from steel, as he held his own against them.

I should fire them and hire him instead. Obviously, they’re not worth their pay if they can’t keep one guy from pounding the piss out of both of them. The thought seeps into my brain, marinating, as a smile spreads over my lips. I do have his number. And I do need a new guard. Maybe I can see him again after all.