Alissa
I had quickly discovered the “dreg way” was a proven way to heal. I had Tony to thank for showing it to me. He’d selflessly allowed me to beat on him that first time, and now all the other dregs helped me, each taking turns letting me release my demons in the ring. I was fitting in here quite well now. I may not be one of them, but they made me feel welcome, and I no longer felt like an outsider like I had in the beginning.
I liked sparring with Jacob the most, because he was so fast, he kept me on my toes. He and Tracker were with me now, Jacob and I sparring, while Tracker took on the role of coach/referee, offering pointers to me whenever I needed them.
I had helped Nate patch up Luke and Logan’s injuries after they’d arrived back at the maze after the battle in Augusta the other night. Now everyone was doing okay.
Nate was still with Tony, keeping a close watch over him. He hadn’t left Tony’s side for more than a few minutes at a time since we’d brought Tony back here. Tony had lost a lot of blood, but with the transfusions we’d given him, Nate said he believed he was going to recover. We just had to be patient and give Tony’s body time to heal.
I couldn’t deny I was afraid of what would happen when Tony woke. Nate’s bond with Tony was strong. What if Nate never wanted to leave here? What if he could never leave Tony’s side? As much as I loved Nate, I wasn’t sure if I could live down here in this maze forever. While I had no problem sharing him with Tony, I didn’t want to always be second best, either. I didn’t want Nate to have to choose between me and Tony. Where, exactly, did I stand with Nate? He’d said he loved me. He’d said he wanted to take a trip with me, just the two of us, once he knew Tony was going to be okay. But what if Tony was never okay?
Jacob clipped me gently on the chin, jerking me out of my thoughts.
“Pay attention, Alissa. If I’d wanted to, I could have knocked you out just now. Never get distracted during a fight. Stay focused.”
My face heated. “Sorry. I was just…thinking about Nate.” Jacob’s daughter was the five-year-old girl I’d protected, disobeying my brother’s orders. I had always liked Jacob. He seemed so genuine. He’d helped save everyone by turning into the Phantom of Death. Nate had informed me later what it had cost Jacob to do that, both physically and psychologically. Jacob had been sparring a lot with the other dregs the past few days, helping to purge his demons. He’d also been on the phone with Anna and Hazel quite a bit, and I imagined hearing their voices helped him deal with what he’d had to do. For some reason, I found myself opening up to him and explaining my worries. “If your dreg partner Ralph was still alive, do you think you would be able to have a relationship with Anna and still maintain your friendship with Ralph without any hard feelings or competition between them?”
Tracker and Jacob exchanged a glance.
“Absolutely,” Jacob answered. “Ralph and I only wanted the best for each other. He would have put my happiness above his own. And I would have done the same for him.”
My heart warmed at his words. Jacob was such a good guy. He and Anna made a cute couple.
I glanced at Tracker. I didn’t know him as well as Jacob, but I knew he’d lost his dreg partner as well. “What about you?”
Tracker glanced away for a moment. “Everything Jacob just said about him and Ralph was the same for me and Gordon. Except Gordon was still alive when I met Jessica. At first, he tried to warn her off, not because he didn’t like her, but because he was worried she wouldn’t stick around through the hard times. He was only looking out for me. But in the end, he made the ultimate sacrifice so that I could be happy.”
My chest tightened at his words. I had learned that his partner Gordon had been killed a few months ago by the Rapsters gang. I had never met Gordon, but he’d obviously been a good guy. His death obviously still affected Tracker. I was glad he had Jessica. I hoped to meet her someday.
“If you’re worried that you’ll somehow come between Nate and Tony, that won’t happen,” Tracker went on quietly. “Dreg partners are always connected. That’s not something you can change. But that doesn’t mean Nate can’t have a relationship with you. You will have to accept Tony as a part of Nate’s life, but you don’t have to compete with Tony. If Nate truly loves you, he’ll find a way to be with you no matter what. You may not believe this, but Tony would sacrifice himself for Nate in a heartbeat. No questions asked. He may not always act like it, but he only wants what’s best for Nate.”
I swallowed hard. “What if he doesn’t think I’m best for Nate?”
Jacob and Tracker exchanged another glance. Then they both lifted their heads, glancing at something behind me.
My heart pounded. My breath caught.
Nate was behind me. I could feel him.
I slowly spun around.
He stood just outside of the ring.
Our gazes locked.
He’d obviously overheard at least a part of our conversation. How long had he been standing there? I hadn’t even heard him come in. Why hadn’t Jacob and Tracker warned me he was standing there?
“Tony’s awake,” Nate announced. He glanced at Tracker and Jacob. “Would you go tell the others? He wants to see everyone.”
Jacob and Tracker both nodded, then quietly left us alone.
I hesitated, then stepped out of the ring, pausing in front of Nate.
“Tony asked to see you first,” he told me, his gaze filling with tenderness as it held mine. “I think after you talk to him, you’ll realize your fears are unjustified.” He reached for my hand, his fingers interlocking with mine. “What Tracker said was true. When a man loves a woman, he will find a way to be with her, no matter what.” He smiled and pulled on my hand. “Come on. Tony’s waiting.”
What was he saying? I didn’t want to be too hopeful.
I followed Nate from the room, a mixture of anticipation and fear swirling through me.
What did Tony want to see me about?
Was he ready to verbally give me his approval?
Or would he say I still wasn’t worthy of Nate?
Would he ever wholly approve of me?
Nerves fluttered in my stomach. I understood Tony held Nate in high regard and only wanted the best for him. So did I.
I wanted Tony to approve of me. Not just because he was Nate’s dreg partner and best friend and an important part of Nate’s life. But because I actually liked Tony and I wanted him to like me back. I felt I knew him a little better now, and I believed he hid his true self from most of the world. I still wasn’t sure why. I imagined only Nate knew who Tony truly was deep inside.
Nate squeezed my hand as we paused outside Tony’s apartment. “Relax,” he murmured. “It’s not going to be as bad as you think.”
I forced a smile. “Tony really wants to see me? Should I be afraid?”
Nate chuckled. “Yeah, he wants to see you. But no, you don’t need to be afraid.”
Still, I hesitated. “Do you know what he wants to see me about?”
“No. But I have an idea.” Nate knocked on the door, then shoved it open. “Come on. Tony’s waiting.”
He tugged me into the room before I could protest any further.
While I knew Jacob and Tracker had spoken the truth, I still feared Tony had all the power.
Because if he didn’t approve of me, then how could I not come between him and Nate? And how could Nate not be influenced by how Tony felt?
A fresh wave of fear washed over me.
If Tony didn’t approve of me, I would lose Nate.