Alissa
When I emerged from the bathroom several minutes later, Nate was sitting on the edge of the bed. He’d pulled on a pair of boxers. Our gazes collided as I paused, hesitating in the doorway. Nate now knew my body intimately. I’d allowed him liberties that I’d never allowed anyone else before. Each time we touched, it was special for me. A reawakening. He’d made me feel like a desirable woman again. He’d brought me back to life and made me feel every single touch, every single kiss, every whispered word. Nate had worshipped my body, over and over, and made me feel cherished. He’d made me feel loved. I’d never felt that way before.
Then he’d told me he planned to kill four men in cold blood.
Was he truly not the man I thought he was? Was I living in a fantasy world?
Nate cleared his throat. “Will you give me a few minutes, please? Just listen. There are things I need to tell you about myself.” His gaze was earnest as it held mine.
I moved to sit next to him on the edge of the bed. I won’t deny I was eager to learn more about him.
He didn’t touch me. He didn’t look at me. He stared at the wall across from us.
“I don’t know what you’ve been told about the dregs, but I’m going to tell you the truth about everything.” He turned and met my gaze. “I want you to know it all, Alissa. I want you to know the man I am. I don’t want any secrets between us. You mean something to me, and you have a right to know the truth.”
I swallowed hard, unable to look away from the intensity in his eyes. You mean something to me. It wasn’t exactly a confession of love, but it was better than nothing.
Just hear him out.
“Okay.” My voice was soft, belying the hint of fear that I was unable to hide. I was afraid of what he was about to tell me. But at the same time, I was curious. I did want to know about him. I was in love with him.
He nodded once, then looked down at his lap. “When I was thirteen,” he began quietly, “I woke up in a jail cell with no recollection of how I’d gotten there. I couldn’t remember my name, what I might have done, or anything about myself. I soon learned that I was part of an experimental program to ‘create the perfect soldier’. I’d been ‘recruited’ along with hundreds of other boys, to participate in a grueling, tortuous process that involved numerous experiments, including the injection of experimental drugs and various different animal DNA. I was subjected to horrendous torture, brain-washing, despicable abuse…I can’t possibly describe all the things that were done to me, all in an attempt to make me stronger, to turn me into the perfect soldier. The perfect killer. My supernatural healing ability is the result of all those tests and the drugs and animal DNA. The man I am today is a result of everything I was forced to endure, and everything I had to do.” He lifted his gaze to mine. “Each of us were paired up with a partner before we were sent out on any missions. Tony and I have been partners ever since we were fourteen. We’ve been best friends ever since. As dreg partners, we share a unique spiritual, emotional, and physical connection. We can sense each other’s emotions and feel each other’s physical pain to some degree. We are forever linked, until one of us dies.”
Wow. I’d known Nate and Tony were close. But I hadn’t realized the extent of their connection. That was fascinating.
“I won’t lie to you, Alissa,” he went on quietly. “I’ve done despicable things. But none of it was by choice. They brainwashed us, gave us memory-suppressing drugs that made us forget our pasts and who we were. I told you about my injury that required a pacemaker to keep me alive. I was discharged after that, no longer of any use to the program. It is customary after the discharge ceremony to slaughter the discharges, but Tracker, one of my dreg brothers whom you met that night we came for Hazel, orchestrated an escape plan. And nine of us escaped that day. The memory suppressing drugs slowly wore off, and some of us have had a few memories of our pasts, but nothing significant, nothing that really told us who we were before The Company snatched us up.
“Darcy is offering us an opportunity to have that information, to learn who we really are. The men she wants us to kill are terrible men. They deserve to die for all the horrible things they did to us and other people.” He paused, his gaze turning earnest once again. “Before you judge me, Alissa, I want you to put yourself in my shoes. I know it’s impossible for you to imagine everything I went through because most of it is too heinous to even contemplate. But know this: I don’t like killing. I never wanted to do it in the first place. But I want my freedom, so fucking badly that I will do just about anything to get it. I want a chance to have a future with you. I want to be able to have something to offer you besides a life living underground.” He sighed and lowered his gaze again. “Please, just give me a chance. I want to be a better man,” he went on softly, “for you, Alissa. For you. Because I know you can help me to be a better man.”
My chest tightened. My eyes welled with tears. After hearing all that, and the way Nate spoke with such passion, such emotion, made me realize I’d been too hard on him. I had no idea what he’d gone through. I had no idea what he was going through right now. If I thought what I’d suffered had been bad, I could only imagine how horrible his life as a solider had been. He’d been forced to do terrible things, and he wasn’t proud of that fact. But he wanted to change, be a better man. For me.
A lump formed in my throat. I was no longer upset with him. I had no right to judge him. He deserved to be free. To be happy. And God help me, I wanted to be the woman to make him happy. I swallowed hard, forcing the lump down.
“All right,” I whispered, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “I understand. I’ll support you no matter what you decide to do.” I looked him in the eye. “Like I said, I don’t condone killing, but I would like a future with you, too. So you do what you have to do. I think we have something special and I honestly can’t see myself with any other man but you. You’re a special guy and you mean a lot to me.”
Something flashed in his eyes before he let out a deep sigh. Then he slid his mouth over mine, softly brushing his lips against mine. I moaned and pressed closer.
Our hearts raced. Our mouths meshed deeper. Fiercer. Tongues tangling. The kiss turned desperate. Needy. A claiming.
Finally, he drew back, his gaze intense as it seared mine. “Fuck, Alissa, I’m so crazy about you. I don’t want to let you go.” The emotion in his eyes, and in his words, made my breath catch.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I promised. “I wasn’t lying when I said I was in love with you.”
He closed his eyes and swallowed hard. I gently ran my fingers through his hair, my heart thundering as I awaited his response. Did he love me back? Would he ever say those words to me?
He opened his eyes and lifted his head. Then he kissed me again, pulling me closer, his tongue delving in to tangle with mine. I let out a soft moan and kissed him back while I ran my hands over his muscular torso, feeling him everywhere. I would never get tired of touching Nate. Touching him was an aphrodisiac. He made me hot and wet and ready with nothing more than a simple touch.
The kiss turned hotter, more desperate. Greedy. Then he pushed me back on the bed, and we made love again. It was different this time. Before, he’d always been gentle and let me be in control. But this time, he took complete charge, letting me know I was his. Thoroughly. He claimed me, a near-desperateness in his possession. It was rougher, wilder, our emotions high. And I loved every moment of it. I loved being taken, ravished, by Nate. Becoming his. Completely.
He didn’t say he loved me back, but I believed in my heart that he did. I felt it in the way he made love to me. Possessed me. He touched me, kissed me, everywhere, drawing orgasm after orgasm out of me. Until I was weak. Spent. Satisfied. He knew my body as well as I did now. I reveled in Nate’s touch. I honestly hadn’t known sex could be so beautiful. Or that I would grow to crave him so much. He made me needy. He made me want. Only him.
Yes, I believed Nate loved me, too. He was probably still figuring out his feelings, and that was okay with me.
But would he ever say those words back?
If he killed those men, would we even have a future together?