No Hard Feelings
Nick
“Are you sure this is going to work?” Ellie asks as she looks over the place settings on my dining room table.
“No,” I answer, “but it should.”
I’ve only been gone from Stingray a week, but just to show there aren’t any hard feelings I decided to invite the entire board over to the beach house on Long Island for a nice dinner. At least that’s what I said when I called Reeves and had him spread the word.
It took a couple of days for all eight to come on board, but they think I’m still trying to recover the company. When I told them I had no intention of working for Stingray in any capacity, though, the last of the holdouts caved.
Yako Inoue is catering dinner tonight, and the house is starting to fill with the mouth-watering aromas of this evening’s menu.
“I’m going to finish getting ready,” Ellie says, and I nod. A lot is riding on how things go tonight. I should probably finish getting ready, myself.
In business, most of the time, it’s not what you want, but how you ask and how much leverage you have when you do. Ask too softly and nobody will take you seriously. Ask too forcefully and people will tell you no just to knock you down a peg.
It’s simple psychology.
I’ve never had much success with the middle of the road, though. In my experience, it’s best to make everything black and white. Then paint what they want to do with every color of nightmare you can put together.
That’s diplomacy.
I get dressed in one of my softer navy blue suits, something that says I certainly dressed for the occasion, but I’m not trying to prove anything. If they’re going to stay long enough to get railroaded, I need to come across nonthreatening. At least until it’s time to drop the hammer, that is.
Cinching up my tie, I head to the bathroom to check up on Ellie.
“How are you doing?” I ask. She’s looking up at the ceiling, dabbing mascara under one eye.
“Almost there,” she says. She switches to the other eye, and after a few strokes of the brush, she stands up straight. “How do I look?” she asks.
She’s in a sleek, black dress that beautifully hugs, but doesn’t stifle her form. Over her hands, she’s wearing long, black gloves that go up past her elbows. They’re the same fabric as the dress.
“What’s the stone in these earrings?” she asks.
“Red Beryl,” I answer.
Ellie looks in the mirror and takes a deep breath. Blowing it out, she says, “Is everything in place?”
“It should be,” I answer. “Have you seen Marly?”
“No,” she says, “I just came in here to finish my makeup and then the gloves and the earrings. By the way, there’s something I should tell you before dinner starts.”
“Can it wait?” I ask. “I know we have a few minutes, but I want to look everything over—”
She interrupts me, saying, “You know how I said I didn’t know you got fired, but I was so cool about it when you told me?”
“You talked to Nolan,” I state.
She answers, “I talked to Nolan.” Patting me on the shoulder, she says, “After the way he cut me off and forced me to buy a plane ticket instead of make a phone call—which I expect to be reimbursed for, by the way—I thought I’d have a little chat with him while I was waiting for you to get back to your office. He acts all tough on the phone, but you narrow your eyes at the guy and he starts quivering. It was sad, really.”
“Does this have anything to do with tonight? If not, I really would like to get out there,” I tell her.
“Just listen,” she says. “Since you weren’t talking about it with me, I figured you were either trying to handle it emotionally before talking to me—which is stupid—or you really did think I knew about it, but still didn’t say anything—which is also stupid.”
“You’re pretty smug for a trophy girlfriend,” I smirk.
She smacks me on the chest, saying, “You should be nicer to people who do nice things for you, like help put together a dinner party where nothing goes wrong.”
“I take your point,” I tell her. “Please, continue.”
“If I’m honest,” she says, eyeing me like she’s trying to keep me in place, “I thought you were doing some sort of inside baseball or whatever they call it and the whole thing was over my head,” she tells me. “However, I did know you hadn’t been able to find or get ahold of Jacque, so I thought I’d try my hand at it.”
“What does that mean?” I ask. “How’d you even find his number?”
“You know how Naomi’s always snooping through everything, no matter who it belongs to or how expensive it is?” she returns.
“Yeah,” nod. “So?”
“Well, up until very recently, I hadn’t done that in a long time,” she says. “Where do you think Naomi picked it up? Anyway, I didn’t call him. I found his address and went, hoping he still lived there.”
“When did you do all this?” I ask. “We’ve been together pretty much the whole time I’ve been—”
“You’re a heavy sleeper,” she tells me. “So, the security guard wasn’t going to let me through or even get a message to him, but I wasn’t ready to give up, so I climbed the fence.”
I’m not sure I believe any of this, but it’s an interesting story. I ask, “You climbed the fence?”
“Okay, so I didn’t climb the fence so much as I grabbed an empty nearby trash can which thankfully had a sturdy lid, set it around the side of the fence so the security guard wouldn’t see me climbing over and dropped down to the other side,” she tells me.
Okay, now I believe her. The fence around Jacque’s is nine feet high and there’s not a lot to grab onto until the top. Not that I’ve ever tried it personally.
“I think I tripped a motion sensor or something, because that’s when I heard the sound of a lot of dogs in the distance. I tried running for a minute, until I realized they were all Pomeranians. There had to be fifteen or twenty of them and they all just surrounded me. They weren’t really nipping at me—and anyway I was wearing long pants, so it wouldn’t have mattered if they were—but the way they were all crowded around me and jumping up on me, I was afraid to move because I didn’t want to accidentally kick or step on any of them.”
“Behold the brilliant mind behind all of Stingray’s best technology solutions,” I tell her. “He drew up schematics for them before he left the company and I had a few people work on it after he was gone.”
“What?” she asks. “Those weren’t real dogs?”
“It’s hilarious he was using them for security,” I tell her. “No, it was a little, if you’ll excuse the expression, pet project he thought up one day. We offered to market them to the public, but he just wanted ‘an even twenty-three of them.’”
“Well,” she says, “it worked. The security guard heard everything and he didn’t even run on his way over. Apparently, this had happened before. When he walked up, the dogs all moved out of the way—which makes a lot more sense now I know they’re not real. Anyway, Jacque must have overheard all of this, because I could see him looking out the window in my direction. I don’t know why I thought it would work, but I shouted out my name to him and my connection to you and what you did for the company.
“Whoever’s behind the gossip mill at your office is fantastic, by the way. Nolan had just about everything you told me. I didn’t want to say anything, but I thought you should know in case you start hearing stories about me on drugs or trying to beat up the former co-chair of your lost company or however they’ll spin it if they get ahold of it. I was really only shouting up to him because nobody had been able to get through. I’m surprised that lawyer of yours didn’t try something like that. He didn’t shout back or come down or anything. So, there’s my damage control out of the way for the evening.”
“When was this?” I ask, baffled.
“The first night I was back here,” Ellie says. “I waited until I knew you were asleep, because I knew you’d tell me not to do it. I would have told you sooner, but it did take you awhile to finally tell me yourself that you gave up the company, so I think fair’s fair,” She straightens my tie. “We should probably get out there, though,” she tells me. “Our guests should be arriving soon.”
Ellie gives herself a conservative spritz of perfume and we come out of the bathroom.
We’re coming out into the front room and it looks like the first cars are starting to pull into the driveway through the open front gate. Ellie and I position ourselves appropriately off to one side of the entryway to properly greet our guests.
Verne is always the first to arrive anywhere, because he likes to get started on the booze early. I shake his hand and smile as he comes in and I introduce him to Ellie. Next is Geraldine, then it’s Mason, then it’s Iman, then Howard, then Nancy, then Bertrand and last, as always to show up is Daniel Reeves.
I’m gracious, even kind to all of them as they arrive and Ellie is nothing but charm as she meets the people I’ve been complaining about so long.
We chat for a while over cocktails, but when Yako says dinner is ready, she won’t wait longer than two minutes to serve before she throws everything out and starts again. The most skilled people in any profession, I’ve found, are always a little crazy.
When we’re all seated, Yako whispers in my ear that we’re under two minutes, but if I want her to come back, I should more properly prepare my guests. I nod and try not to laugh.
The food is in front of us within ten seconds.
“Well, good evening everyone,” I say. “Welcome, and I hope we can all have a pleasant evening.”
I feel like a moron talking to these people this way, but there’s no need for nastiness.
“I’m sure the board joins me in my appreciation for inviting us to your home,” Reeves says. “I hope there aren’t any hard feelings.”
“Of course not,” I tell him. “Well, I’m sure there are plenty on all sides, but we don’t have to make this dinner all about work.”
“I think that sounds lovely,” Reeves says.
This is going to be the worst part of the evening, but one of the most necessary. The people sitting around this table, Ellie excluded, are the most vengeful, conniving group I’ve had the misfortune to know up close.
What’s more, they’re not stupid. Not one of them is sitting comfortably in their chairs, yet everyone’s smiling. They all know something’s coming. What happens now is Ellie and I try to divert them with kindness and hope it doesn’t come off like the charade it is.
“So Verne,” Ellie says, giving just the right amount of eye contact, “Nick tells me you have a gorgeous vacation home just outside of Sao Paolo, Brazil. I’ve never been there, but I’ve always been interested in the culture. How have you experienced Brazil?”
We still need to work on her posh talk a little, but she is captivating as she speaks.
Verne looks around the table and then to Ellie, saying, “Give it to you straight, I ain’t experienced a whole lot about it. Built the thing five years ago went there once to pick the site and once to see it after it was done. Some of the locals been tryin’ to get the place torn down cause they said I built it in a rainforest, but what do they think I was tryin’ to do?” he says, wheezing laughter.
I’m still nervous, but Ellie manages to maintain her smile as she finds out I wasn’t joking about the solipsism I’ve had to deal with from these people.
“It must be lovely there,” Ellie says, leaning forward, but just enough to show her interest.
Verne shrugs and says, “I suppose.”
“And just how is a handsome man such as yourself still single?” Ellie asks and I can hardly hold back my amusement.
He waves his hand dismissively. His face is a little red. With that, Verne is disarmed.
By the time we’re to the third of five courses, Ellie has everyone eating out of the palm of her hand. She’s a natural negotiator, and the best part is they should be very wary of what’s happening right now, but they’re not. All of them are resting back in their seats, smiles and laughs galore. I’m glad nobody brought a date, or this would get really awkward. Fortunately, nobody in the room expected a straightforward evening, and it looks like nobody wanted to have their significant other around when things invariably turn.
By the time we’re finishing up the fifth course, I grab my wine glass and tap it with a fork. It lets off a dull thunk.
“If you’ll excuse me,” I say and drink the whole glass down. Naturally, seeing me do this, a few of the board members laughingly take their own drinks. Mine, of course, is grape juice, but they don’t know that.
What I need here tonight is a tentative yes, or at least an indication there won’t be any sort of obstruction to what I have in mind. Even with the contract that removed me from my position, the board hasn’t taken care of everything. Still, if they all get their lawyers on this before there’s some credible indication they’ll do what they need to do, then tonight’s a waste of time. I just need something I can hold them to when they try to fight this.
After wiping my mouth, I tap the glass again with the fork.
Eight people laugh and Ellie just rolls her eyes. That’s the difference between a drunk audience and a sober audience.
“Well,” I say, “we’re about to bring out dessert, but before we do, I just want to tell you how pleasant it’s been having you all here. I know we’ve had our ups and downs, especially recently, but there’s no reason we can’t be civil with one another.”
“Hear, hear!” Handler shouts.
Yeah, they’re drunk.
“Now, I know I said earlier the night didn’t have to be all business, but if you’ll indulge me one brief aberration, we can get right on to dessert,” I say.
Eight people, though drunk and charmed, all seem to clench up at the same time.
“Don’t worry,” I say. “I have no interest in trying to get back in with Stingray.”
They relax, but not much.
“I know I don’t have rights as chairman of the board, but I would like to propose someone as my replacement as chief executive,” I tell them. “Why don’t you come on out?” I call toward the front room.
It’s supposed to be this shocking reveal that has everyone so flabbergasted they crumble without a fight, but as Jacque is making his grand entrance, the toe of his shoe catches the floor just wrong and he barely stops himself falling completely.
Jacque’s three steps further into the room when he removes his suit coat and lets it drop to the floor. He’s loosening his tie as he says, “I told you, Niko, I hate these stupid clothes.”
Yeah, that’s right, board. Tremble in fear.
“Why did we have to do this all dramatic anyway?” he asks. “You know I hate talking in front of people.”
This is why I was CEO instead of Jacque. He’s more of a free spirit than a businessman. At least that’s the bullshit line he’s been feeding people forever.
Reeves says, “As confidence-inspiring as all this is, you’re forgetting that Mr. Snodgrass—”
Ellie nearly chokes on her wine. “I’m sorry,” she says, covering her mouth, “please continue.”
“As I was saying,” Reeves continues, “though Mr. Snodgrass—”
Ellie starts tittering.
Reeves looks over at her and clears his throat. “While Jacque—”
Ellie’s cackling loudly now, and it looks like this Hail Mary is going straight out of bounds.
“I am so sorry,” she says. She’s still covering her mouth, but she hasn’t quite managed to stop laughing. “It’s just the contrast,” she says. “I didn’t know that was his—please continue.”
Whether this is some off-the-cuff new strategy or not, Reeves is starting to get flustered and nobody else seems to want to jump in. Finally, Verne says, “You can drag us through this if ya want, Nick, but it ain’t gonna matter.”
“Actually,” I say, “it does.”
I look over to Jacque, still the inappropriately-named, gangly white boy he’s always been. He sighs loudly. I just hope he’s remembered the remarks he wrote beforehand. He does not improvise well.
“I know a lot of you are surprised to see me tonight,” he says, his voice flat. “As you know, I am not known for knowing everything.”
And he’s off-script. I discreetly nudge him with my elbow.
“Right,” he says.
I was hoping the nudge would get him back on track, but instead, he reaches into the back pocket of his baggy slacks and pulls out a piece of paper with handwriting on it. He starts reading directly from it. “As you know, I am not known for having all the answers any more than any of you. However, when this business was started, there were a few key principles that set us apart. One of those, as you well know, was the principal that if we couldn’t afford to take care of our people, we had no right being in business. It’s no secret you’re planning to move the company to …” he trails off and lifts his thick glasses. “Oh,” he says, “China, but this goes against the very foundation of who and what Stingray is, was and should be.”
Reeves says, “Mr. Snodgrass, if you wanted—”
Ellie snorts with laughter, saying, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“If you wanted to take control of the company,” Reeves says, “why is it you didn’t come forward before now?”
“Right,” Jacque says, and moves his index finger in a straight line down the page. “Ah, here it is,” he says.
At this point, I’m not even sure I want Jacque as CEO.
“I was concerned that any movement on my part to step in to replace Nikolai while he was chief executive officer would undermine his position. I hope you all know I support his work to keep the company here,” he says.
Geraldine says, “I think we’re all avoiding the elephant in the room. I don’t mean to be cruel, Jacque, but as one of your many duties as CEO, you would be a very public face of the company.”
“That’s the whole point, don’t you get it?” Ellie asks. “He’s going to be the public head of your company, so when you announce Stingray’s staying here, your whole public image gets an overhaul. He’s stepping in to protect the employees of the company. Tell me, how does that play in the press?” she asks. “I’m sure between the ten of you, we can work out the minor issues. The fact is, by his very presence at the helm, Stingray recovers all the trust you’ve lost fighting among each other these last months.” Ellie takes a sip of her drink. “Also, he’s got robot Pomeranians, and they are adorable.”
I forgot to tell Yako to give Ellie grape juice instead of wine.
“She has a point,” I say. “In fact, I’d say it’s the only thing that makes sense. If you move the company, it might go under, it might not, but you’re also forgetting that it’s in the bylaws, and you haven’t replaced me as CEO to be able to overturn it.”
“Nominate me CEO,” Verne says.
“No,” Reeves objects, “you’d run the company into the ground!”
“Oh, like you’d do any better?” Verne shoots back.
“I’d do a lot better than you,” Reeves says.
Mason starts in with, “I’m the vice-president. Doesn’t it only make sense I should be CEO?”
Then Geraldine says, “I’ve been doing your work since they dropped you in a chair and put a suit on you.”
They go back and forth, undercutting each other with every breath and basically proving to me, if not to themselves, that none of them can take the position. Even if one of the members were to get it, the other seven would always be there plotting.
After a few minutes, I nudge Jacque and tell him, “Step in. Quiet the room. Show them you’re a leader.”
Jacque nods and says, “Hey, everybody?” Nobody looks up, so he says, “Hey guys, let’s all be quiet now.”
This isn’t working.
Ellie whistles loudly with two fingers in her mouth. We’re all covering our ears as she politely nods toward Jacque.
Verne is saying, “Jesus!”
Jacque says, “If you’ll read the relevant section of the bylaws…”
Marly comes in, does what she’s supposed to do by setting a copy of the bylaws in front of each board member, and leaves the room. I was starting to forget what it’s like when things go as they’re supposed to.
“We’re all aware of this, but while we’re fighting it in court, the company’s going to lose everything,” Reeves says.
“So don’t do that to the company,” Ellie says. “You may be able to retire and make sure your grandkids’ grandkids are taken care of, but replacing Nick with Jacque is the only way out of this now. It’s obvious this is what you should do. Otherwise, you will be blamed for it. The three of us will make sure of it.”
The room is silent.
Everyone’s looking around, but nobody wants to be the first to have an opinion.
Jacque says, “By the way, while I’ve been away from Stingray, I haven’t stopped working. I got a lot of really cool stuff, but if I have to take it somewhere else, I guess that’s just the way it goes.”
Whoever teaches Jacque to talk in front of people cannot possibly get paid enough for the chore.
Reeves looks around the table at each board member individually, still placing himself above them. They all fall in line, though.
“It appears we don’t have a choice,” Reeves says. “I would prefer we don’t make the announcement until—”
“Yeah,” I interrupt. “We’ll find someone to work with him.”
This has been the most stressful night of my life.