15. Logan
I tossed the paper the girl at the clinic gave me without looking at it and steeled myself as I got in the truck, ready to square off with Heidi. I didn’t even blame her for being mad. I knew how it looked, and she already had an ugly picture of how men treated their women from her dad. I wished for the thousandth time in ten minutes that I’d noticed the woman at my shoulder. I’d snuck Honey out to pet him to say goodbye in a way I knew I wouldn’t get another chance at.
When I saw the look on Heidi’s face, I didn’t want to look up at the girl. When I finally did, my heart sank. The tiny blonde with the push-up bra and the heavy eye makeup was the worst possible woman to have ogling me with my new girlfriend looking on.
The cab was unnaturally quiet, but I wasn’t about to be the one to break the silence. I couldn’t explain my innocence without sounding like a liar, and she’d already made up her mind about what she’d seen anyway.
I rolled down my window and tried to imagine my bad mood blowing away in the wind, but it wasn’t my mood that was really the problem. I glanced sideways at Heidi. Her face was calm, but it didn’t make my feel any better. The last time I’d seen a woman that calm when the chips were down, I was about to hear the worst news of my life.
As if it had a mind of its own, the truck was pulled over, and I turned the key in the ignition. I still didn’t know what to say, but I knew I would rather go out in a screaming match than have this silence one second longer.
“Could you please talk to me?” I asked. My hands were on the steering wheel, clutching it so tight I thought it would snap off in my white-knuckled fists.
“What do you want me to say?” Her voice was quiet, defeated, and my stomach lurched.
“Anything that doesn’t suggest you’re dying or that you hate me.”
Heidi glanced at me in surprise. “I’m not dying. I don’t hate you. And even if I did, you’d replace me in minutes. In fact, I’m not sure what we’re doing right now, at all.”
“Look. I need you to stop assuming I’m like your father. I need it, Heidi, and I know I’m asking you to move fast, and you aren’t sure of me. But I know what I want, and I can’t make myself slow down because I’ve already learned that we never have as much time as we think.” I breathed deep and stared through the windshield, unable to make myself meet the disappointed look in her eyes.
“Hey. Hey, now, Logan. Just relax, okay?” I heard the snick of her seatbelt and felt her warm hand on my arm. She moved her hand up to my hand and pried my fingers painfully from the stitched leather of the steering wheel. “Relax, Logan. I’m not going anywhere. For one thing, we’re miles from anywhere, and I wore the wrong shoes for a comfortable hike.”
I scoffed and placed my hands in my lap before looking at her. Her brow was creased with worry, and I felt another stab of guilt for distracting her from being mad at me. But it was drowned in a tidal wave of relief, and I let her reassure me when I should’ve been making her feel better.
“Look, I know you want to get back to your life and figure out if I have a place in it. But can you please come with me one more time and let me show you where I come from? Please?”
She sighed and nodded. “Just tell me this. Did she give you her number?”
“Possibly,” I replied, wishing that I’d actually looked at it so I could answer her questions properly.
“No games, Logan,” she huffed.
“No games, Heidi. I threw it away without looking. However, I’ve received notes from women before, and usually that was the way they went. If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in getting to hang out with Honey one last time, I swear I would’ve noticed the boob job hovering in front of my face at least long enough to move away from it.” I sounded like a grumpy old man, even to myself, and Heidi’s laugh told me she agreed.
“Thanks for the honesty. I probably wouldn’t have believed you if you’d said I had made you blind to other women, but Honey distracting you? That I get.”
I sighed and stretched my fingers. “I’m not the rat you think I am.”
“I don’t think you’re a rat, Logan, or I would’ve told you to take a hike before I let you teach me all those cool sex moves,” she teased and ran her fingers through my hair. “My dad screwed me up pretty badly as a kid. Deacon Adams made me wish I was a lesbian in the tenth grade, and Eli… Eli was the worst. We bonded as friends, true friends. Then he turned on me because I was a girl, and he assumed that meant I owed him something. You’ve done none of those things.”
I touched her jaw with a finger. “And if I had, would you believe that love could pull us through?”
She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Hell, no, Logan. I am not that girl. No forgiveness from me for being a horrible sexist.”
I laughed and restarted the truck. “Let’s get Honey back together with his mother, then you and I can drive the hour and a half to my side of the woods. You’ll like it; there’s a lake and everything,” I wheedled.
She smirked. “Fine. But, tomorrow, I’m back home so I can get some sleep and get back on my schedule. I can feel myself getting fatter and softer every day that I spend with you.”
I pulled back onto the road and played with the radio. Heidi still didn’t want to talk, but now the silence was comfortable and my stomach slowly unraveled. The homestead was the place to cure all ills. I’d learned that long ago. Heidi needed Lago Colina Ranch. There was healing power in the land my family had protected and watched over for almost a hundred years that I couldn’t explain. No matter how many times I left, it always welcomed me home. Even when my family was less than excited to see me.
The park entrance was to the left before I knew it, and I heard a bump as Honey started to move around in his kennel.
“Wow, did you feel that?” I laughed as Honey kicked again.
“Do you think he smells his momma?” she asked, sitting straighter in her seat. “Oh, how amazing would it be to be the ones who did a study on that?”
“You just want an excuse to live in the wilderness and commune with nature instead of people,” I accused her.
“People are hard, Logan. There’s always something you have to guess, or pretend you care about, or don’t care about, or worry will be brought up a hundred years later.” She sighed.
“And then there’s surprise parties, romantic evenings, and sitting around watching old movies together,” I countered. “Neighbors who help you when your car breaks down, strangers who smile and tell you to have a good day.”
“Okay, okay,” she consented. “People can be really great. I just haven’t seen much of that. I liked Callie, though. And little Lily-Jade? Oh, my God. How cute can a baby be?”
I handed her my phone. “Text George for me. Tell him I’m bringing you up and ask him to send the baby.” She gasped, and I chuckled. “Or you could tell him it’s you and let him know you’ll be up at the ranch. But he won’t be expecting me to say anything nice to him.”
She typed quickly and sent the text, then handed me my phone back.
“Well, we’re here, and we have our next plans. How about we make Honey’s day and return him to his momma?”
We both jumped out of the truck. I motioned for Eli to come help when I saw him near the door. Soon, Honey was safely in the pen with his mom, and we watched as she sniffed him and started bathing him vigorously.
“Bambi doesn’t like the way you smell, Logan,” I teased, using the name the guys had given the doe while I was gone.
“Good thing I wasn’t trying to attract a doe with my masculine animal scent,” I drawled.
“Nice,” she snickered. “I’m coming up to meet your family after less than the socially acceptable month of dating. Just remember that when your animal charisma centers in on another bottle-blonde with silicone-augmented assets.”
“Remember, Heidi, there’s no requirement to remember the things that piss you off. In fact, I think a shitty memory is the best way to have a great relationship.” I took her hand and threaded my fingers through hers. “I think, if this is going to work out, you need to develop one hell of a memory loss issue.” I felt an itch between my shoulder blades and shot a look over my shoulder. Eli stood a few feet away, staring at our clasped hands.
I leaned over and kissed her on the temple, making sure he saw me. His face colored, and he stormed off. I kissed Heidi again and told her she had a few minutes alone with Honey, then I went to find her ex-best friend-zone friend.
I found Eli as he was climbing into his rig. The burly man glared at me and tried to drive past me, but I put a hand on his mirror. I didn’t know what to say to the guy whose face I wanted to punch in for making Heidi’s life miserable, but after he’d seen us holding hands, I was afraid he’d make it worse when she got back.
“I hear you and Heidi have a bit of history, Eli.” I didn’t mean to sound as angry as I did, but the moment Eli paled in reaction, I decided to go with it. “You betrayed her trust and her friendship. You were the most important person in her life, and you threw it away because all she was to you was a piece of ass. If I hear you did anything to make her regret staying when I asked her to leave, I will come for you.”
“Yeah, right. Heidi’s so innocent. That’s why she turned me down, and now she’s with you,” he sneered.
“No, she’s with me because I care about her. If you want to find out exactly how much, you go ahead and pull something. I will find out, and I will come after you.”
Without waiting for a response, I pivoted and strode away. I felt the sharp sting of gravel as he spun out pulling away, but I ignored it and kept walking back to Heidi. She hadn’t agreed to leave, and I didn’t know if I had it in me to stay. I wanted to spend real time with her before either of us declared our minds made up. Once I decided I had to go, and she decided she had to stay, all my happy fantasies about making love to her on a mountain top would disappear like smoke.
But, tonight, she’d be an honorary Hargrave. It was neutral ground for us. Even though they were my family, they’d take her side. It wasn’t everything I hoped to offer her, but if she fell even a little in love with Lago Colina, I knew I could make her fall in love with me.