Three Years Ago

Samantha

Sitting behind the wheel of her sporty crimson red mini-Coop, Samantha Dixon gripped the steering column with nerveless fingers. Her entire body was still in a state of dazed shock as the words she’d just heard her doctor speak played on repeat in her mind.

“I’m sorry, Miss Dixon, but the tests we ran are conclusive.  The odds that you will be able to conceive and carry a fetus to term are less than one percent.  Biological children just aren’t going to be a possibility for you.”

She’d tuned her physician out after hearing that.  He’d had still been talking – something about surrogates and adoption - but after absorbing that emotional blow to her heart, her mind had checked out.  Luckily for her, the pain hadn’t set in quite yet, but she knew it was just a matter of time before agony would envelop her.  Yeah, the hurt and anger would arrive soon enough.  In fact, she could already feel it seeping through the cracks of her shattered heart.

“Fuck!” she whimpered, thumping her clenched fist against the steering wheel as the first hot tear slipped past her closed eyes.  “This isn’t fair!” she screamed into the empty vehicle.  God, it felt like her world had just blown up in the space of a single doctor’s appointment. 

It was supposed to have been routine visit to her OBGYN, just a simple check of her girly parts before she and her wonderful fiancé, Ben, got truly busy on the baby-making front.   It had taken Ben months to convince her to take this leap.   Since she’d had an unhappy childhood with parents that had often either ignored or mistreated her, she’d had a ton of reservations about having kids.  Never having had a mom or a dad that really gave a crap about her, Sami had been worried that she would be a terrible mother herself.  Over time, however, Ben had finally convinced her that she could break the cycle with their babies and be the mom she always wished she’d had as a child.  He’d gotten her excited about it… this dream of a little boy or girl to love and protect.

Until an hour ago, Sami would have said she was finally been on the cusp of having it all.    Because after kissing a lot of frogs, it seemed as if she had found her proverbial prince - a great man that cherished her for who she was rather than what she looked like.  Yes, Benjamin Carlisle Atkins had crashed into her life with the force of a hurricane, sweeping her off her feet and stealing her heart before she’d realized what had happened.  A successful model, Sami had met him on a shoot where she’d been modeling swimsuits.  She’d spent the day watching as her fellow models fell all over themselves while they’d tried to flirt with the man behind the camera, but Sami had been pleased when Ben had remained coolly professional.  When they’d wrapped for the day, she’d been shocked when he asked her out to dinner.  Initially, she’d tried to decline.  Her prior experiences with men had put her off dating.   Getting a free steak wasn’t worth fending off a night of groping, but something in Ben’s eyes had told her he was different.  So, when he’d persisted, cajoling her into accepting with his kind eyes and gentle smile, she’d agreed to one date.

And one date turned into a dozen more.  Before she’d known it, her man had stormed her defenses, painstakingly proving to her that not all men were creeps.  Since her man was a talented photographer in his own right, she’d known he wasn’t after her money.  And despite models flirting with him day in and out, Sami had watched him remain detached, looking at the women he photographed with cold, dispassionate eyes. Quickly, it became crystal clear that big boobs and tight asses didn’t impress her Ben overly much.  Her man was much more interested in what made up a woman’s character.

Before too long, Samantha had been head over heels in love with a man that had been perfect for her.  Within three months, she’d moved into his apartment.  And a year after that, he’d proposed.  One year had bled into the next as they planned their lives together.  They were happy.  They were in love.   And as their wedding day approached, they’d both looked toward the future, dreaming of the babies they’d have.

Now, those dreams had been shot to hell.  The family that Ben wanted so much was going to be impossible to give him.  Her body… the same body that photographers and ad agencies alike clamored to use…had betrayed her. 

And because of that, she knew she’d lose Ben.

Oh, she had no doubt that he’d say it didn’t matter to him.  He was a good man, and he loved her.   He was a man that honored his commitments, and he had committed himself to her.  It was her choice, though. She could never deprive the man who’d taught her how to love and be loved of what he desired the most.

Which meant she would have to be the one to set him free.

But not tonight.

She needed more time.  Just a little more time to soak up all the good that came from being together with Ben.

Jabbing her key into the ignition, Sami started the car and drove home on automatic pilot.  Pulling into the parking lot of their apartment complex twenty minutes later, she couldn’t help her involuntary smile as she spotted Ben’s black Dodge Ram parked in one of the two spots assigned to them.  A quick look at the dash clock confirmed that her guy was probably home for the day, and she couldn’t wait to spend the rest of the night showing him just how thankful she was to have been loved by him – even if that love could only last a little while longer.  Quickly parking beside his vehicle, she took a deep breath as she killed the engine, pocketing the key as she grabbed her Fendi purse with one hand.

Stepping out of her ride, she slammed the door before she straightened the seams of her black pencil skirt before making sure her fitted white silk blouse remained unwrinkled.  Today, she dressed a little more demurely than she usually did – mostly because Ben got off on her sexy librarian look, and she’d wanted to look her best when she surprised him with the good news from her doctor’s appointment. 

At least he’d still get to enjoy the outfit, she thought glumly as she began walking toward the doorman waiting outside her building.  Nodding at the man as he held open the door, Samantha quickly headed toward the wall of elevators, hitting the up button with the palm of her hand.  It only took a few seconds for the steel doors to slide open and for her to step inside.

Relieved to find herself the only occupant of the car, she quickly pushed the button for her floor and leaned back against the wall as the elevator began moving.  Squeezing her eyes closed, she mentally willed herself to relax, knowing that if Ben saw her this tense, then he’d know something was very wrong.

And that couldn’t happen yet.

She wanted one more good night with him.  One more night to worship his body with hers.  One more night to say goodbye to their life together in the sweetest way possible.

She needed this.

And since fate had already been cruel enough today, she was stealing this night for herself.

~*~

If you loved this sneak peek, then watch for the full-length Paradise Found novel to be released in January 2018!