My eyes flutter open and I can see a blue glow from our icy hut’s roof. It’s so peaceful inside this shelter with Sawyer, and so much warmer than I expected. Of course, lying tangled up in him, our naked bodies interwoven certainly helps keep the cold at bay. Not to mention all the other ways he kept my blood pumping all night. I’ve never met someone who can fuck me over and over until we’re both exhausted and barely able to utter a single word. He’s a beast. My beast, I let my fingertips explore the hair on his chest, as I enjoy the silence.

I never wake up before Sawyer, I must have really tired him out. I lean over and look at his manly features. I love how his beard twitches when he’s all worked up. I love how he can be so grizzled on the outside, but have such a warm heart. I carefully unwrap his huge arms from around me and shiver as I slide out from under the coats. The cold motivates me to dress quicker than I probably ever have before. I peel my coat from on top of Sawyer and wrap myself in it. I want to take a look outside and see if we still need to stay hunkered down, or if we can head back to the cabin.

I crawl through the small entrance and bump into something hard. Turning around on my belly, I see that it’s the rifle Sawyer brought. A flurry of movement catches my eye from outside and I look up and realize that, probably ten feet from the entrance to our snow cave is a huge white rabbit.

So slowly it’s almost painful, I reach beside me and ease the gun up to my shoulders. My eyes never leave the rabbit. I’m going to make Sawyer so proud when I provide our next meal. The idea warms me from the frosty air.

I maneuver the rifle up silently, careful not to make a sound that would disturb the hare. My breathing is shallow and my body is still as I manage to get the gun in position and look over the barrel at the little triangle marker. Taking aim, I squeeze the trigger and a shot echoes through the forest like a clap of thunder. I didn’t realize I had also squeezed my eyes shut until I have to open them again and search the ground outside for the fallen rabbit.

All I see is white. Pristine, unbloodied, fluffy white snow as far as I can see.

I twist and crawl until I’m free from the snow cave and stand up, spinning around in circles as I look for the hare. Where is it? There’s no way I missed it? Is there?

The tracks on the ground confirm that the rabbit got away, there’s no sign that I did anything except give him a scare.

I slump over with disappointment. How can I be such a failure?

“What was that? Are you ok?” Sawyer emerges from the drift with his clothes strewn on and his eyes wide. “I heard a gun shot.” He looks at me.

I don’t want to cry about this. It would be stupid to. Yet, I can’t stop my chin from quivering as I look down at the scuffed tracks of the rabbit that easily got away.

“I tried to shoot a rabbit, but I missed,” I confess to my snow-dusted boots.

“Why didn’t you just get me?” Sawyer frowns and I feel the exact opposite of how I imagined I would when I grabbed his gun. I wanted to make him proud of me, not scowl at me.

“I don’t know, I fucked up I guess.” My chin quakes and emotions flood me as I’m reminded of the familiar feeling that’s been haunting me my whole life. Not good enough.

Not smart enough.

Not pretty enough.

Not popular enough.

Not fucking enough.

Tears blur my vision and spill onto my cheeks. “I thought I could do it, but I messed up. I’m sorry.” I turn away from him, not able to face his frown for even one more second.

“Ashley,” he grabs my arms and pulls me back, “hey, it’s not the end of the world. Every hunter has the one that gets away. More of them than we’d like to admit. I was just worried you got hurt or saw a wolf. I don’t care that you didn’t hit the rabbit.” He pulls me into him tight and the weight of his muscular arms feels comforting against my back. Like he’s built a wall around me that can protect me from everything, even the horrible voice in my head that tells me I’m nothing. My mother’s voice.

“You’re not angry?”

“Why would I be. I don’t care,” he shakes his head and gives me another squeeze. “I’m fine eating whatever. I just hope you don’t mind when we’ve got to crack open the baked beans I left in the cabin.” He smiles at me and my anxiety melts away like this mountain of snow will under the warmth of the spring sun. In my heart, the blooms of love grow.

I hug him tight, not wanting to feel the cold space where his warmth once was. Not wanting to put even inches between us, let alone the miles I know are coming soon.

“The storm has passed,” he muses, looking up around us at the clear sky.

I follow his gaze and wish that the baby blue peeking in around the tree tops brought me joy. Instead, I feel dread. Our time is counting down. This is the end.

“We should probably get back to the cabin and get everything sorted out,” he kisses my nose quickly and I can’t help but smile. Something so innocent, so sweet, it’s so unexpected from someone that looks like him. “Ok,” I agree, but I don’t move. My muscles are still as I wish I could hold onto this moment forever as tightly as he is holding on to me.

“Wait here, I’ll grab the stuff,” he steps back, breaking our embrace. I watch wordlessly as he shimmies back inside the snow cave. Waiting, I look back to the sky and find myself silently praying for another storm. However, even though I’m no expert like Sawyer, I can feel in the air that the worst has passed. Doesn’t that mean that the best is yet to come?

Then why am I filled with so much dread?