Chapter Eighteen
Sasha stood at the doorway and waved him off. As she watched his figure walk further and further away, she noticed that she wasn’t as sad as she should be feeling.
This was the end, wasn’t it?
This was the last moment that she’d see him. The final goodbye. The moment she’d look back on. Except that she didn’t feel sad. It didn’t feel like the end. Something told her he’d be back. Like a boomerang that keeps coming back, she knew this wasn’t the end.
Perhaps that was why she glided softly into her day at work. She glowed; with Kirk’s arrival, his confession, the sex, feeling loved, feeling wanted. And, most importantly, feeling like the last piece of the jigsaw had finally clicked into place. All that time she had been wondering; his sudden disappearance, his sporadic emails, the songs that had hinted at warm memories. It was like a ghost that had been hanging in limbo; unable to move on to the next world, so haunting the present.
But now. Now was different. Everything had clicked into place. He had been missing her this whole time. He did still love her. All those songs and emails did mean something; that he was sitting around, thinking about her, missing her.
With her new-found knowledge, she had a spring in her step. She wasn’t mad or deluded. She was loved. And somehow, somewhere deep down, she knew he’d be back. Even if he wasn’t physically with her; his heart was with her. And he’d be back.
However, she didn’t realise she’d hear from him so soon.
Only a couple of hours later, at lunchtime that very same day, she noticed her phone had several missed calls. Swiping her screen to check the details, she saw they were from Kirk. Pleasantly surprised, yet intrigued as to why he was phoning so quickly, she wondered if he’d maybe left something behind. A jumper, his favourite gloves, something he’d need her to post to him?
As the boss was in the office with her, she made a mental note to phone Kirk back the first minute she got a chance.
However, with her phone on silent, she noticed that the screen continued to light up impatiently.
“Incoming call: Kirk”
She would have to drop him a text to explain why she couldn’t talk.
But before she even had a chance to text him, an email pinged through from him.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Hey Sasha, been trying to call you. Can you call me back when you get a chance?
Kirk X
Goodness me, she thought. A feast or a famine. No contact for nigh on a year and then a sudden barrage of phoning, texting, and emailing. Suddenly, she began to worry that something really bad had happened. Had someone died? Excusing herself from her boss, she told a white lie.
“Sorry, I just have to take this call. Bear with me – I won’t be long.”
Dialling Kirk’s number, she waited only a matter of seconds before he picked up the call.
“Sasha,” he announced, sounding relieved. “Thanks for getting back to me.”
“It’s fine,” she said softly. “Is everything okay? I thought maybe something…”
“Oh no, it’s fine,” Kirk interrupted. “I just wanted to talk to you…”
Sasha’s inner critic raised its ugly head at this point.
You see? This is where you went wrong with Kirk. Jumping to his every whim. You should play it cool. Let him wait a couple of hours before you get back to him. Like a dream-girl would do. None of this jumping through hoops for him.
But it was a bit late for that now. She had phoned him back and it turned out there was no major panic at all.
“Well, yes and no…” Kirk quavered. “You see, the thing is…” he went on. “The thing is, I was getting the bus back down to Dublin this morning and I thought, I can’t face this. I can’t face the problems with Denise. And I can’t face my sister being sick. And I’m still in love with Sasha, and yet I’m travelling one hundred miles away from her…”
Still in love with Sasha. The words were music to her ears. Loud, orchestral, beat-booming, triumphant music that clashed and banged with every fibre of her body.
He was still in love with her.
“And I’m still in love with Sasha but I’m going back down to face all the madness.”
Sasha was so stunned, she could hardly think of anything to say. But she managed to soothe gently, “I understand hon, it must be so difficult. I feel the same.”
She wanted to cry, “So turn back! Turn back and fuck them all and come and see me!”
“And then Denise phoned me,” Kirk went on. “And she just started moaning about this and that, and I just lost it with her. I said, ‘I don’t care about the break, in fact let’s break up completely,’ and then I hung the phone up on her.”
Sasha gulped. Wow. This was really happening. After months of hoping and praying and wondering, this was happening. He was coming back. Just as her sister predicted. ‘What would you do if Kirk landed on your doorstep…?’
“So I was wondering…” Kirk went on, oblivious to the thoughts spinning around Sasha’s head at fifty miles an hour. “I was wondering if I could come back up tonight?” he asked. “If I could stay for the weekend?”
Sasha’s heart soared. “Of course!” she replied. “Of course you can come up!”
There was no thought of Denise – of how that would affect her, should she ever find out. There was just the thought that this was her soulmate, and he was coming back. Once and for all – back where he belonged. This would be the start of their happy ending; confessing their undying love for each other, realising that they couldn’t live without each other and that they needed to be with each other for ever, till death did them part. Just like in the movies and the romantic novels.
It was finally happening.
“Great!” Kirk said, relieved. “So I’ll see you at about ten then, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Sasha smiled simply. The phone clicked dead and Sasha’s mind went into overdrive.
Okay, it was now 2pm. Kirk would be arriving at 10pm. He’d be staying for the weekend so she’d need to do a food shop.
Breakfasts: sausages, eggs, bacon, beans.
Lunches: wraps, salads, chips.
Dinner: perhaps they’d order in a takeaway.
She’d need to have a bath, shave her legs, wash her hair, style it. The apartment could also do with a bit of a clean. Goodness! So much to sort out and so little time to do it!
But she loved it; the adrenalin, the excitement, the buzz. After months and months of feeling empty, depressed, down, numb, now, now there was excitement. There was hope. For the first time in a long time, she felt alive.