Chapter Thirty-Nine
The alarm screeched at 5am. As Sasha’s eyes adjusted to the light, took in the blinds, the sight of Sam stirring gently beside her, she remembered that today was the day. Today was the day that she and Sam would be accompanying Tara on her day trip to Dublin; moral support for her audition.
Sasha wondered why she had volunteered to go on this Dublin trip with such an early start. Sam reached over and rested an arm around her.
“Remind me why the fuck we’re doing this trip?” he moaned.
“To support your friend.” Sasha reminded him gently. Inwardly, her negative critical voice jibed at her. He might be supporting his friend, but you are tagging along to keep an eye on him. You’re being the jealous, over-protective girlfriend.
Brushing away the negative inner voice, Sasha jumped out of bed and got ready in super-quick time. Despite their limited time frame, Sasha was determined to look presentable. She knew how drop-dead gorgeous Tara was, and she’d be damned if she was going to look a mess next to her.
Donning a mini skirt, tights, Ugg boots and her favourite top and waistcoat, she felt casual yet trendy. Applying a little make-up and styling her hair, she was good to go.
Arriving at the station, she expected a vision of beauty to arrive, in the form of Tara. Instead, cowering away from the rain and hastily inhaling on a cigarette, they spotted Tara waving frantically at them.
Without a scrap of make-up, Tara was looking bleary-eyed and exhausted. This confirmed to Sasha that in fact, yes, there was a God, and today he was clearly on her side.
Sasha had presumed that Tara would be stand-offish with her. After all, what friend doesn’t mind when suddenly their friend’s new girlfriend or boyfriend tags along?
However, on the contrary, Tara was warm and welcoming.
“Thanks for coming,” she smiled warmly at Sasha. “These trips can be so boring on my own.”
Immediately Sasha was struck by her friendliness. Brushing away her early morning start in her head, she replied gushingly, “My pleasure.”
“Let’s grab some coffee,” Tara declared. “I seriously need to wake up.”
“Good idea,” Sam agreed.
The three of them bundled to the coffee shop, stocking up on caffeine, then buying their bus tickets; not saying much as they waited for their energy levels to rise and for the caffeine to kick in.
Getting on the bus, Tara looked at the rows of double seats. Pointing to the one long row at the back of the bus, she asked, “Shall we all sit in the back together?”
Sasha realised, in a sudden sympathetic moment, that perhaps Tara felt like a bit of a gooseberry. Rather than Sasha and Sam sitting together in a two-sitter with Tara behind them, she was suggesting that they all sit together.
“Sure,” Sasha agreed.
For the first leg of the journey, there was little chat. In fact, Tara put on her headphones, listened to music and fell asleep. Sasha rested her head on Sam’s shoulder and slept also.
When they arrived, there was the usual commotion of trying to find where they were going. This is when Sasha realised that yes, Sam really was like a big brother to Tara. It was Sam who took charge of the map, held her audition letter, checked where they were going. Tara seemed lost and confused.
Occasionally Sam would poke jibes at Tara, taking the piss out of her for being ‘blonde’. But it wasn’t in a flirty way; more like a brotherly way.
Sasha felt her shoulders relax as she began to realise the dynamic between these two – purely platonic.
In fact, she even started to pity Tara. Sam ripped the piss out of her so much that Sasha found herself defending her at times.
“Aw, Sam… don’t be mean…” Sasha said gently when Sam was criticising Tara for having smoker’s breath.
“What?” Sam said defensively. “I’m just warning her. She doesn’t want the directors to see her as Fag Ash Lil, does she?”
Sasha looked sympathetically at Tara, who was perched on a step, smoking a fag. To be fair, she did look very nervous. Obviously the audition butterflies were starting to kick in.
“I’m sure the directors won’t care,” Sasha defended her. “They’re probably smoking much stronger drugs in their spare time.”
Tara smiled at her, grateful for her humour and support.
The wait was long, and boring, and tedious. Tara was nervous, although Sasha could tell that she was trying desperately to appear confident.
Finally, she was called, and they wished her luck as she went off behind the blue double doors.
She returned with a relieved smile on her face.
“Did you do okay?” Sasha asked.
“As well as I could,” Tara replied. “Just have to wait and see now.”
Sasha smiled. “I bet you were fab.”
“C’mon,” Tara said, linking her arm in Sasha’s in a gesture that was both intimate and friendly. “Let’s go and get pissed.”
Sasha giggled. “You’re on!”
The three of them headed to a restaurant in Temple Bar that served cold beer and hot chicken wings.
As they sat in the window seat, tucking into the delicious chicken and knocking back the cold beer, Sasha prayed that she didn’t bump into Kirk. Please God, no. Of all the people in Dublin. Please do not let him walk past me on this day.
As the beer settled and the food filled their tummies, Sasha could feel their earlier tension dissipate. The shoulders had sunk; the atmosphere had relaxed. Tara’s nerves had gone. It was time to party.
The chat flowed effortlessly; Tara regaling Sasha with stories from their childhood – embarrassing tales of Sam’s youth; wetting himself in the classroom, threatening to jump off the window sill, proclaiming with earnest that he had seen Santa on his sleigh.
Sam hung his head in mock embarrassment. Sasha laughed uproariously at Tara’s stories and Tara revelled in having a fresh pair of ears to hear them.
Suddenly, Sasha realised something – she was having a really great time. She was genuinely enjoying herself. She did not feel like the jealous tag-along girlfriend. She felt like she could be Tara’s new friend.
As the two of them talked about shoes, clothes, diets, men, Sasha suddenly realised that Sam was listening with a satisfied silence. He was letting them get on with it. He was letting them bond.
Sasha felt her heart open and swell with love, and self-love. This was totally different from Kirk. She was being included, accepted and most of all, Sam was giving her reason to trust him.
She loved him. She could feel it. The L-bomb had smashed her with an unavoidable certainty. This was love. A different type of love; secure, content, comfortable.
“He’s so into you,” Tara whispered, when Sam went to the toilet.
“Really?” Sasha asked, surprised, her eyes widening with shock and pleasure in equal measure.
“Yep!” Tara grinned. “I know Sam, and I know he’s into you,” she winked.
Sasha’s face suddenly became earnest and grateful. “Thank you, Tara,” she said softly. “Thank you for including me today. You don’t know how grateful I am for that.”
Tara’s face softened. “Aw, of course, honey,” she smiled. “I’m just happy to see Sam happy. He’s like my wee brother, you know?”
Sasha nodded. Yes, yes she did know. She could see that now. They really were like brother and sister.
“So…” Sasha said, trying to change the subject. “What about you? Anyone special on the scene?” she had a glint in her eye, teasing her, wondering if she’d confide.
“Aw, Sasha,” Tara sighed. “I am a fuckin’ nightmare with men.” She took another large sip of her beer as Sasha nodded in understanding.
“I always go for the bastards, you know? The bad boys.”
Sasha nodded again. “Yup. I hear ya. Been there. Done that.”
“I mean… I know why I do it…” Tara continued. “It’s the excitement. The chase. You know?”
Sasha nodded whole-heartedly again. “Yep. Defo.” The two of them had descended into a tipsy state. Mirroring each other. Agreeing with everything the other was saying.
“And when they’re too nice…” Tara went on. “God, I get so bored.”
“Hm-hm,” Sasha agreed.
“I mean, this is going to sound awful, but the last date I had…” Tara began, before swigging another gulp of her beer, “and bearing in mind this was a first date, an online date… we’d never, ever met before…”
Sasha nodded and smiled, loving this girlie chat.
“Well, he turned up, wait for this… carrying a huge Hotel Chocolat bag,” Tara laughed.
Sasha understood. “He was making too much effort?”
“Yes! Exactly.” Tara proclaimed. “God. I know I’m fucked up. But when a guy is too keen – too needy – right from the very start – I’m like… Ugh!”
Sasha nodded in complete understanding. “It’s like they’re investing too much in you before they’ve even had time to get to know you. They’re desperate to have anyone.”
“Yes!” Tara nodded in satisfaction, glad someone understood. “I mean, God forbid, I’d much rather have a guy just turn up, look a bit scruffy, chat a bit, then leave.”
Sasha nodded. “There’s no pressure that way.”
“When they’re texting you constantly and they’re too available… you’re just like… whatever!”
“Hm-hm,” Sasha nodded again, taking another sip of her beer.
“Hey, girls…” Sam suddenly interrupted.
The two of them looked up from their engrossed conversation and gave him an inquisitive look.
“I’m just nipping out to get cigs – be back in a mo, okay?”
Tara nodded and waved him off like an annoying fly. “Yeah, see you later,” she said, before continuing with her monologue to Sasha.
Sam gave Sasha little wink that said, Are you okay on your own with her?
Sasha beamed back, her smile saying, Yeah, I’m fine.
And she was, more than fine. In fact she was having an absolutely bloody brilliant day.