Chapter Thirty-One
The next time that Sasha saw Sam was on a weekend trip away. Not a weekend trip for just the two of them; but a weekend trip for a group of them; organised by Sasha’s friend Sonia.
Sasha had met Sonia through her dance classes. Sonia was one of those friends that every girl needed in their life; friendly, vivacious, bubbly, the one that organises parties, brings people together, secretly match-makes. It was a skill that Sasha lacked and even envied. Veering more on the introvert side, Sasha was used to following the crowd; certainly not leading it.
It was as if Sonia had suspected a lack in Sasha; noticed an invisible sign over her head that said ‘help me, look after me’. Sonia had taken her under her metaphorical wing; knowing that she needed direction, mentoring, guiding with her social life.
Sonia had gone to great effort to research and locate a spectacular cottage for the weekend. It sat on a lough; the water, calm and peaceful, lulling them into a state of tranquil bliss. A large conservatory stretched out towards the water; its comfy sofas and low lights creating a relaxed vibe. Fairy lights twinkled along the ceiling and candles flickered in a romantic glow.
As they all sat around that night drinking wine, eating a mixture of crisps and dips, pizza and garlic bread, Sasha felt like she had been transported back to university days. As though they were all a bunch of students in halls of residence; with the taste of freedom and independence, and yet the sense of camaraderie and fellowship they so needed. She remembered the number of times that, as students, they sat by that big bay window, watching the world go by, talking about boys and coursework and lectures; soaking up the latest gossip and offering their opinions.
As Sasha sat there in that conservatory, glass of wine in hand, this new circle of friends surrounding her, she suddenly became imbued with a warm glow; a feeling that she was going to be okay. Kirk had gone, but here was a new set of friends in his place. A transient and fluid group of friends. Some people would come, some people would go; but there would always be this group. She wasn’t dependent on just one person.
That had been the thing with Kirk, she mused. With Kirk, it had just been Kirk, Kirk, Kirk. She went out for dinner with Kirk. She had sex with Kirk. She texted Kirk morning, noon and night. Kirk was who she thought about when she first woke up in the morning, and the last thing she thought about when she went to sleep at night. Kirk was the one she went on holiday with, went to the cinema with, went for walks with. Everyone else had faded into oblivion and the obsession was Kirk, Kirk, Kirk. No wonder her world fell apart when he left. He had been her entire world.
The notion of this new independence settled in the recesses of her mind like a comforting realisation. That obsession with Kirk was being replaced by a new freedom and independence; a realisation that people could come and go and yet she would be okay. She need never be alone.
That being said, she did love it that Sam was there on the weekend, though. She did love it that every time they sat down for dinner, he’d make a beeline for her and sit next to her. She felt a little frisson of excitement every time he was near her. She’d notice his shirt sleeve rolled up, the soft hairs on his arm. She noticed the way his smile crooked up slightly to the left. When he walked into the room, she’d suddenly be aware of his presence. Chemistry. Isn’t that what they called it?
During lunch, he asked her all about her dancing, how long she had been attending the dance classes. That conversation then led to her work. What she did. What he did. Then they were discussing family, hobbies, all sorts. Before she knew it, everyone had gradually left the table and gone on to do other things, while she and Sam were still sitting there, talking. It was like opening a gift; unpeeling the layers, gradually finding out more and more about a person. There was so much to discover; so much to learn. They continued their chat; on and on, until eventually Sonia came looking for them and said they were all going for a walk.
On the walk, Sam was chatty with everyone but he seemed to pay extra attention to Sasha. Perhaps she was imagining it, but that was what it felt like.
She loved his personality; chatty, outgoing, charismatic, confident. She always went for guys like that. And maybe that’s the problem, a negative voice crept in and chided her. Maybe that’s why you always get hurt. Maybe you should go for the shy type; reserved, cautious.
When they returned from the walk, Sasha made herself a cup of coffee and retreated to the little TV room. No-one else was there. It was a little slice of peace and quiet. She needed to gather her thoughts. She knew that she was careering down the train track of really fancying Sam. She did not want to jump in this time. Had she not learned anything from her experience with Kirk?
She would not chase after Sam. She would not set the ball rolling. If he wanted her, he could come and get her. And even if he did come and get her, she would wait; wait to see how genuine he was, put him through a few tests first.
As if reading her thoughts, she heard a tiny knock on the door and she looked up to see Sam peering through the window panelling of the door, pulling a funny face.
She laughed.
He opened the door ajar and asked, “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” she replied, sitting upright and fixing him with a smile.
He sat on the other armchair, chatting amiably with her. There was no awkwardness between them. The chat flowed endlessly. Sasha felt that, if she could reach out and touch it, her finger would jolt back at the electricity running between them. The chemistry.
“So, how long are you single?” Sam asked, as though fishing. As though flinging out a large fishing pole and dangling it as far down deep into the waters as he could. Or perhaps that was just Sasha’s wishful thinking. Perhaps he was just making polite conversation.
“Oh… for ever!” Sasha joked.
Sam laughed in unison with her.
“No really… about two years,” she replied.
Sam nodded his head. “A little while then?” He smiled at her then. A knowing smile. A smile that said, ‘you must be over him by now then?’
Or perhaps she was just reading too much into things.
“Yeah,” she agreed. “How about you?”
“About a year,” he replied. “Few dates since, but you know…” he shrugged, as though to say ‘it didn’t work out’.
She nodded in understanding. She wanted to talk more. She wanted to find out about the ex, what happened and whether he was ready to date now. But Sonia came into the room at that point, followed by Sarah and Natalie and Gemma. And before she knew it, their little frisson was broken, the chemistry was gone, and it was just a room full of excitable women chatting about this and that.
Stop it, Sasha chided herself. Stop obsessing. If it is meant to be, it will happen. You don’t need to chase after it. But then there was another voice inside her. Perhaps a more logical one, saying yes, but surely I have to set the wheels in motion a little bit? At least show him I’m interested?
So perhaps that was why, later on that night, when they were all sitting around having a few drinks before heading out, Sasha felt brave enough to be a little flirty. Sam had followed her into the kitchen to top up their drinks. She was popping ice-cubes out of the tray and into her glass. Just for a bit of fun, she flung some ice-cubes in his direction.
“Oi! You! Missy!” he said, feigning annoyance but looking secretly pleased. “You watch it or I’ll…”
“What?” she smiled mischievously.
“I don’t know, I’ll…” he playfully and gently grabbed her arm, pulling it behind her back as though to restrain her.
At that point, Sonia came into the kitchen, took one look at them and joked, “You two flirting again?”
Flirting? Are we? Sasha gulped in recognition. It had been a long time since she had flirted with anyone. She hardly recognised herself.
And yes, it was fun. A lot of fun. Just for today, she felt like she was finally moving on.