Chapter Thirty-Seven
Sasha’s birthday gathering turned out much better than expected. All her initial worries (not enough people/too many people/smoke alarm going off/mud being trampled through the apartment) turned out to be unnecessary negative fantasies.
Sam helped Sasha with the cooking, effortlessly balancing a baking tray in one hand and a serving dish in the other. His keeping an eye on the oven for Sasha gave her the chance to open the door to new arrivals and get them settled with a drink.
Mercifully, it wasn’t raining when the newcomers arrived, so there was no need for awkward conversations about, ‘please remove your shoes’. Almost everyone she had invited had turned up, so there was a nice amount of people in her apartment; busy but not overflowing.
Once all the hot food had been cooked (sausage rolls, cocktail sausages, bacon rolls and so on), it was time for Sasha and Sam to sit down and relax. With everyone settled with a drink and plate of hot food, the conversation and banter began to flow.
Sasha looked around the room, an inner glow radiating through her. She felt full of gratitude that all these people had made the effort to come to celebrate her birthday; that cards and gifts were being bestowed on her; that Sam was looking at her with a mixture of warmth and pride. It really was a beautiful birthday, a hundred times better than that birthday she had had with Kirk; the one where she was sent to the spare room like a naughty child, punished for being jealous.
Sam looked so dapper that night. He had obviously gone to special effort to dress up for the occasion. He wore a smart waistcoat and shoes, but then teamed them with skinny jeans to make the look a little less formal. His hair was coiffed to perfection and he looked neat and clean-shaven. He was also charm personified, making an extra effort to be smiley and chatty to her friends. This was, after all, the first time he was meeting many of her friends.
When Sasha’s friend Michelle arrived, she bounced into the kitchen with her usual zest and energy. Sam was now busying himself with cutting up slices of dessert. Sasha kept the conversation going between Sam and Michelle. She introduced them and suggested a topic they’d both be interested in.
“Sam, this is Michelle. Michelle was living in London for a few years. Sam lived in London for a while too.”
Of course, the moment Sasha suggested the conversation opener, she was sorry she’d said anything. The London chat turned into a full-blown conversation and the next thing she knew, Michelle had asked him, “Do you smoke? Do you want to go outside for smoke?”
Sam shrugged his shoulders casually. “Sure!” he piped up.
Despite herself, Sasha felt her hackles rising. She longed to go out for a smoke with them also, to keep a protective eye on Michelle and make sure she wasn’t flirting with Sam. But she knew that wasn’t feasible. It would hardly be appropriate for both hosts to clear off outside, someone would have to stay indoors and be sociable.
Sasha noticed her old friend jealousy raise its ugly head again. Oh, how she wanted to wrap Sam in cotton wool, to keep him away from any interested predators. But she knew that was ridiculous. It was old behaviour. Jealous, insecure, paranoid behaviour. And if she kept thinking the same way, she’d only get the same results.
“Your new man is lovely,” Michelle gushed. They were standing in the kitchen later on that night; Sam was in the living-room out of ear-shot. “He’s so chatty and friendly,” she went on. “And good-looking too,” she winked. “Oooh, lucky you!”
Sasha knew that Michelle was only trying to be complimentary, really she did, but it just seemed so… wrong. Michelle might as well have been saying, “Cor, I like the look of him. Good-looking and chatty. What a catch. I fancy him myself. It’s a shame you got in there first, otherwise I’d have snapped him up straight away.”
Sasha battled with the territorial feelings rattling around inside of her. She felt like she was a lioness and wanted to guard her young cub. Hands off, he’s mine. Don’t touch!
It was that same jealousy that she had battled with her whole life; jealousy that had even seen her physically push other women aside (but only when she was drunk, or when she was much younger).
Sasha’s tummy was tumbling like a washing machine on full speed. The dreaded ‘what if’s’ returned full-force:
• What if Michelle flirts her socks off with him?
• What if she shoves her breasts towards him in a ‘come and get me?’ manner?
What if Sam regrets picking me and wishes instead that he was still free and single, to avail himself of this floozy who is flinging herself in his direction?
This would have normally been the point where Sasha would have made a mental note to remove Michelle from her friends list and never contact her again. That old familiar streak of jealousy had returned full force.
But Sasha wanted things to be different this time.
Okay, breathe, she told herself. What’s the worst that could happen?
Worst that could happen is that he dumps me and chooses to be with Michelle.
Then what?
Well, if that was the case, then it wasn’t meant to be with Sam. She couldn’t wrap him up in cotton wool. She couldn’t keep him locked in a cage and not let him out again. She had to let him be free and if he returned, it was because he wanted to be with her, not because he was forced to be with her.
Then a magical, beautiful thing happened.
The door opened. Sam came over to join her. He placed a protective arm around Sasha’s shoulder.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
Sasha nodded and smiled.
Michelle piped up from the corner. “I’ve just been telling Sasha what a lucky girl she is.” She smiled widely at Sam, possibly even in a flirtatious manner.
Sam smiled back and squeezed Sasha’s shoulder. “Well, I’m a very lucky guy,” he said, grinning at Sasha.
Sasha felt her heart hammer with joy. He was with her because he wanted to be with her.
Michelle rolled her eyes. “Okay, you two are sickening me now.”
They all laughed in unison, but Michelle walked off to try to find another smoking partner.
Sasha grinned at Sam and he pulled her close; planting a kiss on her head. They stood like that for a while, hugging, Sasha feeling like this was the best birthday ever.